


The Bird and the Stag

by Raiven_Raine



Series: Hard Luck [3]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Aftermath, Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Life Paths, Angst, Camaraderie, Character Development, Depression, Drug Use, Existentialism, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Love, M/M, Multi, Original Character Death(s), Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Additional Warnings to Be Added, Plot Twists, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, Pregnancy, References to Depression, Relationship(s), Romance, Sexual Content, Sexual Violence, Slash, Slight Canon-Divergence, Slow Build, Soldiers, Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Triggers, Violence, War, Wounded Soldiers, arthurian legend hinting, this is going to get dark, wounded soldier trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2018-07-21 14:21:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 114,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7390669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raiven_Raine/pseuds/Raiven_Raine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/7078312/chapters/16089169">Getting Lucky</a><br/>Elder Maxson and Lancer Lucci have a stormy relationship which grows into a hurricane as the Institute battle takes its toll on the two of them. </p><p>Danse and Gavin feel the effects of the storm as strange prophecies from Mama Murphy start coming to light and a million 'what ifs' start to hail down on them all. </p><p>Everything will culminate to something much larger than the Institute battle. More heartbreaking than Danse's identity. More devastating for the Brotherhood than anyone could ever imagine...</p><div class="center">
  <p>**existentialism, morality, alternate life paths, and the two sides to the coin of war.**</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p> - - - - - - - - - - </p>
</div>Crewe never fully trusted anyone to begin with, but this was a whole new level for him. His brothers and sisters whom he had grown up with and lived with for so many years suddenly couldn’t be trusted. People he laughed with, goofed off with, fought beside, cried with… Shared victories, heartaches, losses, pain…<div class="center">
  <p> - - - - - - - - - - </p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Date With Destiny

**Author's Note:**

> This story is riding the coattails of [Personal Responsibility](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5998332/chapters/13780293) and will focus on Maxson and Lucky's relationship through the Institute battle and events following. **_TRIGGER WARNING!_** There will be **Blind Betrayal spoilers.** There will be death. There will be topics of **suicide** and the aftermath of war. 
> 
> To reiterate: **There will be topics of suicide and other triggers!**
> 
> This is probably going to be a long wordy fic. Fasten your seatbelts and make sure your hands and arms remain inside the ride at all times.
> 
> I may diverge from Personal Responsibility a bit, so they may not match up perfectly, don't sue me for it. XD
> 
> furthermore, if you'd like to turn the angst up to over 9000... here's a Lucky backstory that will put BnS into even more perspective.  
> [\- Earthbound Misfit -](http://archiveofourown.org/chapters/17249443?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_70189435)
> 
> Okay, so you've been warned. Continue on if you like...
> 
>   
> 
> 
> \-- The Bird and the Stag --
> 
> \- - - - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

_“Fuck!”_ Lucky caught sight of Gavin and his group of soldiers below flanked by Synths. “Hold onto your ass, B…” She banked hard, tilting the vertibird to give her gunner a clear angle from above.

Bailey rained hell, downing several enemies, but the rest scattered for cover. Some ported back out immediately and were replaced by fresh Synths after the first pass.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me!” Lucky growled at the replacements. “Those fuckers are like goddamn molerats!”

The vertibird drew the majority of their fire, energy shots started to tear through its armor and she was forced to take cover around the backside of a building to disengage. An unlucky shot struck one of the rotors and the aircraft jolted briefly then whined. She rapidly lost control over the altitude as one of the blades was busted then sheared off. The wing was pitched in such a way that the blade ripped through the top of the aircraft with an ear-splitting screech of metal on metal and caught Bailey on the helmet of his armor. His safety line snapped and he was shoved back and caught himself just before falling out of the bird. He thumped against the back and dropped down, motionless.

“Jon?! Fuck! Say something!” Lucci fought the stick as she worked to swallow rising panic.

“...Ungh... Something…” He groaned quietly.

The aircraft jerked to one side again then wavered in the air back around the side of the building just enough to offer a view of the Synths lined up and advancing on Gavin’s group. There were now twice as many of them; they had the soldiers effectively pinned.

Lucci narrowed her eyes down at them. “Fuck this shit!” She allowed the bird to drop down low, as it was inevitably trying to do, and took it in an awkward line right up the road towards the attackers.

A few of the Synths turned on the new threat and fired on the Lancer, but it was too late for them. The aircraft plowed through their ranks, scattering a mess of crushed limbs and blood all across the road. The bird hit the ground and skidded for a moment, ripping a gash in the asphalt and crushing a few more Synths as they tried to dive out of the way or port out. At the end of the run, Lucky pulled up hard, her bird fighting with her the entire time. She had taken a few more well placed shots from the distance and let loose a string of expletives as she struggled to get clear of the fighting and let her bird down somewhere safer.

“C’mon, Caroline... Hold on, baby bird! Hold your shit together for a little longer!” The aircraft whined and groaned as black smoke started to billow from the damaged rotor, protesting her control with every heartbeat.

Lucky was sweating, her heart pounding. She lost her equilibrium as the damaged rotor seized up completely and she could no longer control the aircraft. The ground rushed toward her. Everything was a blur, then over in the blink of an eye as she hit hard.

Her ears rang and vision fuzzed as darkness took her...  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

 

**\- - - - Two Months Earlier - - - -**

“Lucci.” Cade stepped out of the medbay and held a clipboard out, tapping a finger against it pointedly.

She paused mid stride, slumped her shoulders and turned to face the Knight Captain. “Um… Can’t right now. Raincheck?”

“For the third time this week…” Cade dropped his arms and narrowed his eyes at the Lancer, “So what’s your excuse this time?”

“I’m… Uh… You know. Damn… Just make something up for me.” She grinned hopefully and took a step back.

“Lucci, you need to get your physical done. Stop procrastinating and get in here.” He pointed sternly to the medbay.

Lucky hesitated then tucked her tail between her legs and slunk through the door past him. “Pretty sure I’m good to go. Didn’t we _just_ do this?”

Cade rifled through files and pulled her’s out, flipping through it casually. “Yes, we did… Eight months ago.” He set the open file on his desk and slid his pen behind one ear. “And if you want to keep flying, you need to come in every _six_ months.”

“I can see just fine. And my hearing is great!” She grinned rather childishly.

“Sometimes I wonder…” Cade pushed a hand against her shoulder to get her to sit down on the gurney. 

Lucky plopped down and sighed. “Kay, fine.” She pulled her feet up and sat cross-legged on the edge of the gurney as he stepped up and lifted her chin a little to prod at her lymph nodes.

“Anything new? Pains, sleeping and eating habits, mental state...” The Knight Captain asked by rote.

“Nope. I’m still me.” She smirked. 

“Ah, so I don’t need to tell you again to lighten up on the alcohol.” He raised an eyebrow at her.

“I did. I drink more vodka, less whiskey. Vodka is a lighter alcohol.” She tried to keep a straight face but ended up snorting a little giggle anyway.

“Funny.” Cade lifted her arms and pressed his thumbs around.

They went through the mindless ministrations in silence, Cade stopping every so often to scribble numbers and notes down. He checked blood pressure, reflexes and other mundane things as Lucky rolled her eyes at every new instrument he grabbed. The Knight Captain used his foot to scoot a scale from the corner and motioned for her to step up on it. Lucky sighed and stood for him, rolling her eyes once more as he squinted at the number.

“Get your hand off the desk.” Cade put a hand on her arm and moved her over. 

She sighed as he jotted the number down then turned her to face an eye chart across the room. Lucky went through the eye test she knew all too well, reading the very bottom line quickly with both eyes, then one covered and then the other. Then she went the extra mile and read the fine print at the bottom from the manufacturer of the chart. She had superb vision and always liked to show that off to Cade whenever she got the chance. 

“Kay, can I go now?” She smiled up at him hopefully and took two steps toward the door.

“One last thing…” Cade opened a cabinet and pulled out a specimen jar. He handed it to the Lancer with one hand and pointed at her sternly with the other, “Fill it and come right back.”

“Awe… I just took a piss, sorry, Sir.” She smirked.

Cade shoved the jar into her hands and ushered her out of the room. 

Again, Lucky rolled her eyes as she sighed and left the medbay with the jar.

_She would conveniantly 'misplace' it later._  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucky approached Knight Commander Bonner and another suited Knight standing on the flight deck next to her bird. She smiled up at them as she passed between the two walls of armor they made and she casually climbed up into the aircraft, strapping on her helmet. Walking next to the suited up soldiers made her look incredibly tiny.

Knight Commander Bonner stepped up after her and growled, “You’re late, Lancer.”

Flipping a few switches and going over a pre flight check half assedly, Lucky quietly replied, “No I’m not…” She paused to listen to the sounds of the rotors starting up then added, “Ma’am.” 

As Knight Aston climbed in, Bonner sighed pointedly at Lucci. “When you’re told to be somewhere at a certain time, you arrive fifteen minutes prior to said time.”

Aston quietly asked, “How long has she been a Lancer now?” 

Lucky rolled her eyes as Bonner spoke to the Knight, “Long enough to know better.” Then she raised her voice pointedly, “She just thinks she’s special because she’s fucking Maxson.”

Lucci narrowed her eyes and stared straight ahead. It was going to be one of _those_ days. “Sorry, Ma’am. Won’t happen again.” As the vertibird was released from the dock, Lucky mumbled to her passengers, “Might wanna strap in.”

They both ignored her. Soldiers in suits felt an incredible sense of protection and, often times, thought they were invincible. They were not.

Not even five minutes out, Bonner hit the back of Lucky’s seat roughly to provoke her, “You’re not special, you know. You’re still nothing more than a delivery boy for _real_ soldiers.”

Lucci took a breath and worked to remain calm, “Please don’t.” _...Touch my bird, you fucking cunt._ Bonner knew Lucky had a temper problem and she was trying to start something in hopes that it would prove Lucky to be troublesome. 

She had been working diligently on avoiding fights as of late. Well, since she and Arthur had been openly seeing one another, at any rate. It had only been a little over a month, but the comments started almost immediately. The first person who said something to her face had left the mess hall with a broken jaw. And then Lucky immediately regretted it when Kells stood next to the Elder wearing an ‘I told you so’ glare the entire time she was getting lit up. That’s when she started working harder to prove the man wrong. The Lancer Captain thought that her relationship with Maxson would cause dissention, which it somewhat did at times, but Arthur insisted that it would die down after a while. More than anything, Lucky didn’t want to cause problems for Arthur. 

_But these fuck-sticks really tried hard sometimes._

The women in the back continued to make comments as they spoke to one another as if Lucci wasn’t there. Most of it, she was used to. Things she’d heard for years. There was no love lost between some Knights and Lancers and Bonner was most definitely one of the ones who looked down on jet jockeys. When the woman was a Knight, Lucky could talk back to her, but once she was promoted to Knight Commander, formality suddenly came into the picture along with the higher rank. Unfortunate… Lucky had a lot of choice words for the bitch.

As the aircraft made a line over a wide ocean inlet, Bonner hit Lucky’s seat again and continued saying something the Lancer had been ignoring up until that point, “...And then Maxson will realise she’s just a stupid little girl and dump her ass outta his bed.”

Their laughter came to an abrupt halt as the Lancer jerked the bird to the side, banked hard, and unceremoniously dumped them both into the water below. 

Lucky smiled to herself, “Told ya you shoulda strapped in.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Maxson closed the door behind Lucky then quietly stepped in front of her. “Jessica--”

“Not my fault… They weren’t wearing their safety lines.” She stared at his chest to avoid eye contact. 

“You dropped them into the ocean.” He put two fingers under her chin and lifted her face, “The _ocean,_ Jessica.”

“Shoulda gone deeper.” Lucky flashed a smile.

“Stop that.” Arthur dropped his hand and sighed. “What did they say?”

She glanced to the side and shrugged, “Nothin worth noting.” She had already been reprimanded quite thoroughly by Kells. Lucci didn’t tell the Lancer Captain what the women had said, either, but he more than likely knew how it went. “So… Are you gunna yell at me about it or is this a completely informal meeting?” She gave a little hopeful smile.

“I’m not going to yell at you.” He furrowed his brow at her. She’d already had enough talking to about the situation and, honestly, it hadn’t really been all that bad. _This time._

“Oh… well, good then.” Lucky pressed herself up against him and wrapped her arms around his neck, standing up on her toes to stretch for a kiss. 

He made a half-hearted attempt to keep his mouth just out of her reach, but couldn’t resist. He chuckled and bent down to meet her the rest of the way, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her impossibly closer. 

Lucky hopped up and wrapped her legs around him. She ran a hand through his hair and smiled brightly, “I was thinkin’ maybe we could go somewhere… You know, away from the airport.” 

“Oh yeah?” He kissed her again and walked her over to his bed, sitting down on the side with her straddling his lap.

“Yeah… Dunno where but just… Far away from here for a while.” She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him again, more roughly until she forced him to fall back on the bed, pulling her down on top of him. Lucky giggled as they fell and she buried her face against his neck.

Arthur ran his hands up her back, “Alright… It’s a date.” Then he slid his hands back down and let them rest on her ass. He lifted his chin a little as she kissed his neck and he grinned, “So, were you wanting to go right this minute or…”

She moved her hips against him slightly then nipped his neck and spoke quietly against his ear, “Maybe not just yet…”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Gavin popped his head around the doorframe and smiled impishly at Maxson until the man noticed him standing there. The Elder stared at the Knight for several seconds before sighing, “Yes?”

He stepped inside Arthur’s quarters and glanced around as if seeing the place for the first time. He nodded to himself then grinned down at Maxson, “So uh, you busy, Sir?”

The Elder very nearly rolled his eyes, “What do you want?”

“I was wondering…” He paused and started over, “ _Lucky_ and I were wondering if maybe… We could play cards in your room tonight.” Pointing to Arthur he quickly added, “With you.”

Maxson narrowed his eyes, “Are you serious?”

“So very serious, Sir.” He pulled a chair out and sat down casually. “It’ll be fun. You know _fun,_ right?”

Maxson crossed his arms and eyed Gavin sitting in front of him. “Play elsewhere.”

“See, the thing about that is…” He rubbed the back of his head, “You banned me from the breakroom, remember?” He dropped his hand and slumped in the chair a little, “I still have a week.”

The Elder’s glare suddenly hinted on a smirk, “Right.” 

_Playing cards._ There had been several times he had watched the Knights play and he really wanted to join them but felt like he couldn’t. So here was Gavin, ever the problem solver, making things convenient. The more he thought about it, the more Arthur really wanted to get excited and immediately say yes. But he let the Knight sweat for a while longer before giving a curt nod. “Very well.”

“Sweet!” Gavin rubbed his hands together and leaned back in the chair, calling out the doorway, “He said it’s cool.”

Maxson dropped his arms and stared in disbelief as Gavin’s friends piled into the room carrying a second table, more chairs and… Several bottles of alcohol. Lucky nearly skipped into the room holding a deck of cards with a big grin on her face and she plopped down in Arthur’s lap sideways. 

His look of shock quickly melted away at the sight of her.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

They had pushed the two tables together in the center of the room and sat around them almost comfortably. Knights Crewe, Bailey and Aleski were a little guarded for a while simply because Maxson was in the room, but they started to loosen up after a couple drinks.

Aleski took a swig of vodka then handed Lucky the bottle along with the loose pile of cards on the table. “How about you deal something better this time.” 

The Lancer smirked and passed the bottle to Maxson without drinking any then scooped the cards up and started to shuffle. “Better than the shit you just dealt? No problem.”

Arthur held the bottle for a moment and eyed Lucky. He’d never seen her refuse to drink something. Everyone else was drinking from the bottle. He eyed his shot glasses, which had been set on the bookshelf, and then he looked down at the bottle in his hand. One or two drinks couldn’t hurt. He was excited to be a part of the group for once, so he drank. A small sip. That wouldn’t hurt. He held onto it for a moment longer before Gavin plucked it out of his hand and took a drink before passing it over to Bailey.

He was starting to get the hang of the game, and apparently he had, what Lucky called, a perfect poker face. The Knights laughed about that, but it appeared to be a compliment. 

Aleski set the half empty bottle in front of Lucky once more and, again, she gave to to Maxson without drinking any. Nobody else seemed to notice her doing that. He eyed her as he took another drink, himself. Gavin reached over, pressed a finger under the bottom of the bottle and tilted it up further. Maxson forced down a long swig then coughed as he thumped the bottle down hard on the table and glared at the Knight. 

Gavin’s little smirk suddenly turned into a fit of laughter. The other Knights were quiet for a moment until Arthur shoved the bottle against Gav’s chest and grinned, “We’re taking double shots now.”

The others eyed one another for a second in surprise then laughed loudly. 

Lucky leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “You’re learning pretty fuckin quick.” Her smile made her big brown eyes sparkle.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Maxson glanced up at Lucky through heavily lidded eyes and grinned stupidly at her from where his head was resting on her lap. She chuckled as she ran a hand idly through his hair. “I can’t believe you took my caps.”

He laughed quietly, “Thought you said you was good at it… Were. Good at it. Cards.” His words were heavily slurred and half the time bordering on incoherent. 

“And I thought you said you weren’t any good.” She smirked.

He snorted, “Said I wasn’t th’ best… ‘M jus’ better'n _you_ …” He put a hand over his eyes and laughed at the memory of their first date.

Lucky laughed with him, “You fuckin’ shark!” 

They fell silent for a while until Maxson mumbled, “Too soon for I love you? Cuz I think I love you.” 

She shook her head slightly, “You are so fucking wasted right now…”

“No… ‘M not so fuckin’ wasted… ri’now.” He lolled his head to the side, clumsily lifted her shirt, and kissed her belly.

Her smile faded as she watched him and she slid her hand over the spot his lips had been. “Arthur… I need to tell you…” She trailed off and ran her hand along the side of his face and over the shaved stubble on his head. Lucky shook her head and her little smile reappeared as she watched him laying there asleep. She whispered quietly, “Nevermind.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	2. Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Aleski. Excuse us a moment.”
> 
> With a little shrug, the Knight glanced at Lucky, “Of course, Sir.” She lightly punched Lucci on the shoulder and grinned before turning to leave.
> 
> Maxson watched her go then turned to Lucky with a rather serious expression on his dark face.
> 
> “S’up?” Her smile wavered slightly at the look he gave her. 
> 
> “You’d tell me if something was wrong with you, right?” Always straight to the point.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**\- - - - 6 Weeks - - - -**

Several soldiers crowded the tarmac, milling about restlessly as they waited for their turn to complete their physical fitness tests. Lucky was sitting on a bench next to Aleski as Gavin approached with Danse at his side.

“I love PT so much…” Gav spoke dryly.

Danse smiled, “Me, too.”

Lucky and Aleski both giggled. 

“He was being facetious, Danse.” Al smirked.

The Paladin frowned. He didn’t understand how everyone didn’t share his excited feelings toward physical exertion and rigorous exercise.

With a look of concern, Gavin turned to Lucky, “You okay? You’re looking a little pale…” He handed her the remainder of his water.

She gave a shrug, “Yeah, I’m good.” She took a sip and set it down on the bench beside her. “Just had a big breakfast and it’s not sittin’ well.”

Al shook her head, “No you didn’t. You had half a bowl of noodles and a snack cake.”

“Lucci didn’t finish her food?” Danse narrowed his eyes at the Lancer, “ _Lucci_ … Didn’t finish her food… You need to see Cade, soldier.” Crossing his arms, he gave her a very stern look.

Lucky snorted, “I’m allowed to not be hungry sometimes, Danny!”

“Um, he’s kinda right, Jess. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you _not_ eat.” Gavin scooted her over, handed her the water again and sat. 

Her protest was cut off as Bailey and Crewe approached.

“Who’s looking forward to the three mile?” Crewe grinned and rubbed his hands together.

Aleski snorted, “Nobody but you.”

Shrugging, Bailey sat on the arm of the bench beside Gav. “I don’t mind running.” 

A Star Paladin and a Knight Captain paused as they were walking past the group.

SP Harren touched Danse on the shoulder, “Our group is up next.” After Danse gave a nod, Harren continued on his way.

Knight Captain Yates eyed the group, “Well, well. If it isn’t the reject squad... “ He snorted and shook his head at them, “You lot are some of the sorriest bunch of soldiers I have ever seen. How do any of you ever pass PT?” 

Gavin’s friends happened to be the black sheep of the East Coast Division. They were rowdy, headstrong, defiant and constantly in trouble. But they were the best soldiers Gavin had ever known. Loyal, fierce, and dedicated. 

Bailey spoke up, “I dunno… but I’m pretty sure my scores last time wrecked yours.” He flashed a grin, “So… what does that say about _you?_ ”

Aleski and Crewe laughed and spoke in unison, “Oooh, ouch!”

Yates crossed his arms, “A fluke.” He cocked his chin, “But I haven’t seen any of you training lately. You sit around drinking and playing games.” With a snort and a shake of his head, he added, “Lazy bunch of miscreants.”

The group all collectively narrowed their eyes at the man. Crewe pointed at the Knight Captain, “I’ll have you know we all get plenty of vigorous exercise…” 

“With your sister.” Lucky finished for him.

The group laughed. 

Dropping his arms, Yates glared angrily, “Fucking childish.” He turned to Danse and motioned to the others, “Why do you hang around these idiots? They’re going to bring you down to their subterranean level.”

The Paladin’s face remained impassive as he turned to the Knight Captain. “Watch your language, soldier.” 

“Seriously?” Yates huffed. “What about little Mrs. Maxson over there? Why don’t you tell _her_ to watch her mouth?”

Danse spoke quietly, “It was _you_ who came over here and made an attempt to start a fight, Knight Captain.” He made a small motion to the group with a sweep of his hand, “These soldiers were minding their own business.” He folded his arms and the smallest hint of a smile crossed his lips, “You could learn a few things from them.”

Yates glared. After a moment, he turned on his heel and left, unable to argue with the Paladin and close to getting in real trouble.

Gavin stood up and stepped close to Danse, “I suddenly want you so fuckin’ bad right now…”

The Paladin smirked, “Watch your language.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Maxson flipped through pages of PT scores as the Lancers set out for their three mile run after a group of Knights. Kells eyed his stopwatch and jotted the time down on a paper, then lowered the clipboard in his hand to watch the soldiers run. “They’re all looking good, Sir.”

The Elder nodded then narrowed his eyes a little at Lucci’s scores. Kells turned to him and noticed his look of concern. Glancing at the soldier’s name under Maxson’s finger, the Lancer Captain gave a curt nod, “Though her scores have dipped, I assure you, Lucci is doing well and should pass just fine. She’s sitting in the second percentile.” He paused for a moment then added, “I don’t think she’s feeling well this afternoon.”

Arthur lowered the clipboard. “I noticed.” He furrowed his brow a little. She had stopped drinking alcohol. She hadn’t been eating as much as usual in the past week. The last three days she had been feeling sick and he had to forcibly make her go see Cade to get a Med-X shot. Which, he discovered later on, she never did do. Other than that, Lucci seemed just fine. He wondered if she had caught a sickness or if, perhaps, the stress of the impending Institute battle was starting to get to her. A few other soldiers had been feeling ill from the anxiety; Or they could be sick, as well. Just what he needed, a flu outbreak on the Prydwen right before a war. _Fantastic._  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Aleski crouched next to Lucci and rubbed her back as the Lancer threw up in the toilet. “You probably shouldn’t have pushed yourself so hard if you’re sick, dumbass.”

Lucky wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and nodded, “Thanks, Captain Obvious.”

Handing her some water, Al frowned, “Seriously, though… You okay?”

She swished the water around her mouth then spit it into the toilet and stood up. “Yeah, I’m good. Ran way too hard.”

“If you give me whatever sickness you have, I’ll kick your ass.” Al made a show of washing her hands then tossed a wadded up paper towel at her friend.

Lucky caught it and threw it back, “Fine. if you catch my sickness you can most definitely kick my ass.” She smirked and opened the door to the bathroom, nearly bumping into Maxson as she stepped out. She smiled up at him, “Sir.”

Al stepped up next to the Lancer and echoed, “Sir.”

He gave a curt nod, “Aleski. Excuse us a moment.”

With a little shrug, the Knight glanced at Lucky, “Of course, Sir.” She lightly punched Lucci on the shoulder and grinned before turning to leave.

Maxson watched her go then turned to Lucky with a rather serious expression on his dark face.

“S’up?” Her smile wavered slightly at the look he gave her. 

“You’d tell me if something was wrong with you, right?” Always straight to the point.

She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it as she changed her mind and nodded slowly. “I’m okay.” Her smile was unconvincing.

“I’m concerned about your health, Jessica. I need you at 100 percent for this battle.” He crossed his arms and lifted his chin, looking down at her.

“Ah… I see.” She narrowed her eyes a little, “No worries, your soldier is fighting fit.”

Maxson sighed, “That’s not how I meant it.”

“Whatever.” Waving a hand flippantly she lowered her voice, “I’m good to go… You don’t have to worry about me.”

He put a hand firmly on her shoulder, “Go see Cade.”

“Is that an order?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Do I need to make it an order?” He mirrored her challenging look.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Gavin nudged Danse over. “Your bed is too small.”

Danse scoot over about three inches then slid his arm under Gavin’s neck and pulled him closer. “It’s not meant for two grown men to sleep on.”

“Well, good thing we don’t actually _sleep_ together on your bed, then.” He smirked against the Paladin’s shoulder then bit him playfully.

Danse blushed lightly then made a small sound as Gav turned on his side, leaned over and trailed kisses over his collarbone. The Knight put a knee between Danse’s legs and rolled over more on top of him, kissing his chest, then scraping his teeth along the man’s ribs as he moved down lower. 

The Paladin ran a hand through Gavin’s hair and spoke quietly, “How would you spend your last days?”

Gavin paused between the Paladin’s legs and glanced up at him, “Doing this…” He moved his head down on him.

Danse squirmed and sucked air between his teeth. His fingers tightened in Gavin’s hair and his breath hitched, “No… I’m.. Seri..ous…”

Gav mumbled against him, “Me too…” After a moment he lifted his head and sighed, “How can you lay there and be introspective with your cock in my mouth?”

“Sorry…” Danse dropped his hand from Gav’s head. 

Laying himself down atop the man’s body, Gavin gave a little reassuring smile. He loved Danse, even when he was brooding. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just…” He paused to gather the words he wanted. “As soon as Liberty Prime is armed…”

“It’ll be okay.” Gavin trailed his fingers along the side of Danse’s face. “I’m going to be right at your side. I won’t let anything happen…”

The Paladin slid his hands over Gavin’s back softly. “We are both well aware of the uncertainties of war. Nothing is written in stone… And people don’t come back.”

His eyes washed over Danse’s face. He had been working on distracting himself from thoughts like this. _People don’t come back._ Hell, even victory was uncertain. He could lose someone in the blink of an eye. His friends. Jessica. Danse… Gavin was no stranger to war. He’d lost close friends in the past. His best friend died in his arms long ago. His sister had died in his arms… Bled to death from an assault in their very own home before the war. People die. Every day. 

“Danse…” Gavin spoke quietly, “I want to cherish every minute I can with you. I want vivid memories I can hold forever. I want to remember your eyes and your smile.” He leaned forward and kissed him softly. “No regrets.” 

“No regrets…” Danse echoed. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Gavin kissed him again then pushed himself up over the Paladin, straddling his hips. He curled his fingers and bit his nails pointedly into Danse’s chest and grinned down at him, “Now… I’m going to fuck you and if you start pontificating I’m going to get the duct tape out…”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucky walked up to her bird and thumped Gavin on his metal chest plate with her helmet. “Hey boys. Where we headed?”

Though it was unnecessary, Danse gave her a hand up into the aircraft. “Waypoint Echo on the edge of the Glowing Sea.” 

Strapping on her helmet, she plopped down in her seat and began absently flipping switches. “What for?”

“Liberty Prime’s mini-nuke payload.” Danse climbed in after Gavin. “Quinlan discovered some intel on a pre-war bomb storage facility which may contain the Mark 28 nukes LP requires.”

“Ah…” Lucky fell silent as she dropped her hand from a switch and listened to the rotors kick on. 

“You alright, Jess?” Gavin touched her shoulder lightly with metal fingertips. 

The vertibird was dropped from the dock and a tiny smile tugged the corner of her mouth. “Yep.”

Her anxiety was so heady, even Danse could feel it. “It’s perfectly normal to feel afraid, Lucci.”

“Not afraid.” She snorted.

The Paladin placed a hand on the seat next to hers and looked forward out the windshield. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared.” He paused for several seconds and added, “You’d be lying, as well.”

“I’m excited.” She mumbled, “Okay and maybe a little scared.” Flashing a grin up at him she perked up, “But mostly excited. I can’t wait for this chance at glory.” Again, her mask was completely transparent. 

“Lucci…” Danse took his helmet off and looked her over, “Stop trying to fill your brother’s boots.”

Her face paled. “I’m… Not…” 

“He was a great soldier and I’m proud to have fought by his side…” Danse offered a caring smile to the Lancer, “And you’re one hell of a soldier… I’m proud to fight at your side, as well.” 

Lucky wiped her eye with her palm and smiled up at the Paladin. “Thank you, Danse.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Talon cuffed Lucky on the shoulder as she stepped up beside him. He had brought Scribe Haylen and two Knight guards to the waypoint earlier.

Haylen wasted no time in handing Lucky a Hazmat suit. “After the payload is found and a beacon is placed, you two will take these Knights to collect the nukes and bring them back to the airport.”

Holding the suit up, Lucky frowned. “You want me to go in there?” 

“Yes, is there a problem?” The Scribe frowned.

“I uh… Just... “ The Lancer glanced around for a moment then thumbed over her shoulder at her bird, “The storms are hell on the electronics…”

“I know. That’s why you and Talon were chosen for this run.” Haylen smiled, “You two are the best Lancers we have.” She squeezed the Lancer's arm reassuringly, “You’ll be fine.”

Talon smirked over at Lucci, “Not like you to be afraid of some rads… Pretty sure I’ve seen you fly through several storms with a lunatic smile plastered on your lips.”

A wry grin crept across Lucky’s face, “I ain’t scared of anything. I’ll fly circles around you through that shit.”

“There’s my girl!” Talon hit her arm with the back of his hand. “Race ya…”

“You’re on!” She hit him back and laughed.

Danse shook his head at the Lancers and took a map from Haylen. 

As if suddenly remembering something, the Scribe placed her hand on Danse’s chest plate, “You’re probably going to have to stay behind after you guys find the nukes and assure they’re all delivered. Won’t be much room in the vertibirds and it may take more than one trip.”

“Understood.” The Paladin gave a curt nod. 

Watching the green sky roiling in the distance, Gavin approached the group. “I hate that place.” 

“Nice of you to join us.” Haylen chided.

“Hey, I had to piss.” He put his helmet on and motioned to Danse. “How come you never seem to have to? You can’t possibly be human.”

The Paladin glowered at him. “I urinate.”

Lucky laughed, “Say _‘piss’,_ Danny. Do it one time for me.”

He turned to her and stared for a moment before smirking, “Piss.” Then he put his helmet on and stepped past her as she laughed even harder.

Lucky waved at the two of them as they left. “See ya on the other side…”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	3. I Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aleski pulled a chair out across from her and leaned her elbows on the table, placing her chin atop her interlaced fingers. She stared at the Lancer for quite a long time in silence.
> 
> Swallowing the large mouthful she was chewing, Lucci lowered the box and stared back at her friend. “What?”
> 
> A few more silent heartbeats… “I know.” Al’s face remained stoic.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucky was leaning up against her bird while Gavin and other Knights unloaded the nukes she had brought back from the Glowing Sea. She smirked at Talon as he landed on the tarmac a ways down from her. As he approached, she pushed herself from the aircraft and spread her hands, “Why the hell didn’t we put some caps on the line?”

Tal laughed lightly and shook his head, “You’re slipping, kid…” He paused to watch a couple Knights approach his cargo and begin unloading it. “Besides, I knew you’d win. You always do. I’m not losing any more caps on races with your crazy ass.”

Gavin stepped up and peered over Talon’s shoulder at his vertibird. “Where’s Danse?”

The Lancer shrugged, “There’s a few left… He’ll be back on the next run.”

“How many?” Lucky asked casually.

“Dunno. One more load. Only one of us needs to go.” He replied.

“Not it!” Lucky touched a finger to her nose and laughed.

Talon snorted, “Dammit.” He glanced up at the Prydwen. “Well, shit… I’m gunna go eat then… Before I fly back into hell.”

Gav impatiently shifted his weight, “Can’t you pick Danse up first?”

“I’m fucking starving! Besides, it'll take you guys a bit to unload that crap… I have a while, lemme eat!” He waved a hand at the Knight and walked off without waiting for a reply. 

Gavin turned to Lucky, “Go get Danse.”

“Nuh-uh…” She smirked up at him, “You heard me... Not it.” She cocked her head at the Prydwen, “Sides, I have someone I need to do.” 

Gav couldn’t help grinning at that. “Fine… I suppose I can wait another hour or so…” He poked a finger against her shoulder pointedly, “But if Tal doesn’t get his ass back out there ASAP, I will personally pull you off Maxson and drag you back to the Sea.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Once again, Cade had caught Lucky passing the medbay. She really needed to find another way around...

“Aren’t you sick of my face by now?” Lucky sighed at Cade.

“Yes.” He spoke wryly. “Open.” He stuck the thermometer under the Lancer’s tongue and took her wrist to check her pulse.

“So lemme go and I won’t come back for anuver six monfs.” She spoke around the thermometer.

“Stop talking.” He counted quietly to himself, wrote the numbers down, then took the thermometer from her and eyed it.

Cade pulled a syringe from the drawer and tapped the side.

“Unnecessary.” Lucci waved a hand at him.

He raised an eyebrow at her over the needle, “Perhaps, but Maxson ordered it.”

“Dammit.” She clenched her teeth as Cade stuck her in the arm.

He opened a cabinet and handed her a specimen jar. “This is the last time I’m going to give you one of these, Lucci.”

“Ah, good. I’m kinda sick of ‘em.” She grinned and took the jar from him.

“I’m giving you thirty minutes to fill it and bring it back.” He crossed his arms, “If this one doesn’t make it back to me, I’m going to personally escort you to the bathroom and hold the cup.”

“I didn’t know you were into that sort of thing.” She hopped down and smiled up at him.

“I’m serious, Lucci.” He watched her leave, “Thirty minutes!” He called after her.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

“Hey, Al.” Lucky sidled up to the Knight and smiled.

Aleski looked her up and down for a moment then raised an eyebrow. “What do you want?”

The Lancer held out the specimen jar. “Pee in this for me.”

Her friend silently stared down at her for several long moments. “Seriously?”

Lucky nodded and started to fidget with the jar. “Sure, why not? I’ll give ya twenty caps.” Al opened her mouth and Lucci cut her off, “And I’ll give ya another thirty to not ask me why.”

Al snapped her mouth closed and eyed Lucky suspiciously. She lowered her voice and bent down closer, “Are you on drugs, Jessy?!”

“What?! NO!” Lucky shook her head adamantly. “I’m not… Shit. No.” She held the jar up. “Just fucking pee in this and stop asking me questions!”

“Well if you don’t tell me something then I’m going to start assuming things.” The Knight narrowed her eyes.

Lucky’s shoulders slumped, “I’ll tell you later, I promise. But right now… I really need you to pee in this for me and stop making an issue of it.”

She whispered loudly, “You’re asking me to do do something completely against regulation… I could be suspended!”

Lucci chewed her lip and lowered her eyes. After a long pause, she rubbed her hand over the shaved hair on the back of her head. “Look, Jordyn… I hate to ask you to do this for me… But my wings are on the line here. I have no other way… And nobody else I can ask.” She held the jar up once more with a little hopeful smile. “Please?”

Aleski glared for a moment then snatched the jar from her hands. “Fine. But you owe me your very fucking soul for this.”

“Hmm… My soul for a jar of piss… Seems fair.” Lucky practically beamed as she hugged her friend.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucky poked her head into Maxson’s quarters then frowned as she discovered he wasn’t there. He hadn’t been on the Command Deck, either. Nor was he in the mess hall, break room, Supply room or Power Armor station. She sighed and decided to wait for him to show up. Lucky sat in a chair and put her elbows on the table, resting her chin in her hands. She sat for a good five minutes before getting bored and wandering his quarters.

She stood in front of his bookshelf and smiled at the contents for a moment before growing bolder and moving over to his lockers and opening them. Nothing interesting. Lucky eyed his footlocker for a moment. Glancing around the room, she stepped up to it slowly then knelt down and lifted the lid. 

“Dammit, Arthur… You’re boring as fuck.” She moved some clothes around carefully and scowled. She wanted to find something juicy in his room like a skin magazine or something worth poking fun at him later for. Lucky reached her hand to the bottom of the locker and slid her fingers under the clothing. Her fingertips brushed against something. “Ah! What’s this?” She spoke quietly as she tugged out a notebook. 

Sitting back on her heels, Lucky turned the thing over in her hands for a moment. It wasn’t a notebook, it was a sketch pad. “Huh…” She flipped it open. There were several unfinished drawings of various people and things around the Prydwen and airport. A few were finished and they were amazingly detailed. Lucky stared at a drawing of the view from the forecastle. “Shit… That’s… _Fucking good!_ ” It may as well have been a photograph. She turned the page and smiled at a sketch of LC Kells, then another of Danse and Gavin training in the airport. She giggled lightly at that. He had drawings of Teagan, Cade, Quinlan and a couple of Quinlan’s cat, which she giggled even harder at.

Lucky’s heart stopped when she flipped another page. _He had drawn her._ Incredibly detailed. It was a picture of her sitting in the open door of her bird, docked on the flight deck, as she gazed out over the ocean. She touched her fingertips lightly against the portrait. He had captured an entire world of emotion in the drawing and she felt it flood through her. Lucky could quite often be found sitting in her bird, just like that, staring out over the horizon. The open sky was her life. Her bird was complete freedom. Her lip quivered slightly and she bit it hard to keep from tearing up at the thought of her freedom being taken from her. 

The sound of Maxson’s door closing jerked her attention from the drawing. She tossed the book in the foot locker and stood. “Ah… Hey, Arthur…” She put her hands behind her back and smiled up at him as he stepped close. 

“Find something interesting, did you?” The look on his face was completely unreadable.

“I… Uh… Was waiting for you and… I got bored so…” She paused and furrowed her brow, “Hey, when you mentioned that you used to sketch stuff, you never said you were a fucking savant!” 

“I’m not.” He crossed his arms.

“Like fuck you aren’t!” She pointed down to the book laying on top of his clothes. He said nothing and Lucky grew uncomfortable in the silence. Clearing her throat, she quieted her voice, “They’re really good, Arthur. Like… _Really good._ ”

After a long pause he nearly whispered, “Thank you.” He dropped his arms and raised an eyebrow, “You needed something?”

“Yes.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly, closing her eyes as she laid her head against his warm chest.

Maxson held her tight and ran a hand over her hair, then leaned down and kissed the top of her head. 

She loved the feel of his arms around her. Strong, comforting, protective. She loved his scent. Heavily masculine with a light smell of gun oil and grease. _Delicious._ Biting her lip, Lucky pulled away and took his hands, stepping back to the side of his bed. She plopped down in front of him and placed her hands on his thighs, smiling up expectantly. He grinned. That fucking grin… It wrecked her every time. 

He shrugged his coat off and let it drop to the floor then slowly started to work at the straps on his jumpsuit. _Tease._ “Dammit, Arthur… Do you have any fucking idea what you do to me?”

“Yes.” His voice was deep and quiet. 

Goosebumps ran down her spine from that one word. That one word and his intense blue eyes fixed on hers. _How did a girl like you get a man like that?_ Just lucky, I guess. She watched intently as he pulled the suit off his arms and pushed it down to his waist. People would pay good caps to watch that man undress like he did. She dreamt about it. Lucky wondered if anyone else dreamt about him. A small petty bit of her hoped so. Maxson was hers… She was oddly satisfied by that thought. 

She curled her fingers around the bunched up material at his hips and tugged a little. Arthur took hold of her wrists, pulled her hands away, then moved her down on the bed. He urged her back and crawled over her in a slow languid motion. _Like a predator stalking prey._

Maxson put his cheek next to hers and spoke in her ear quietly, “I want to be close to you…” 

He dropped half of his weight down against her and she wrapped her legs around him, trying to pull him impossibly closer. Holding himself up slightly on one forearm, he slid his other hand over her hip and lifted her shirt. His large strong hand ran firmly up her ribs and gripped her there as he leaned down and kissed her deeply. Lucky arched her back against him and rolled her hips. His arousal was apparent as he ground against her in kind. _Fuck…_ Arthur could undoubtedly bring her to orgasm completely clothed if he continued doing that. 

His lips. His mouth. Teeth. Warm strong hands… Fuck! 

Arthur enjoyed taking his time. He could make out with her like a lusty teenager for quite a while and drive her insane with desire. It was mind numbing. She had never experienced that before. _Passionate sex._ He would send waves of ecstasy through her very soul with something so simple as a tender loving gaze and hot heavy kissing. 

He pulled his head back a little and smiled. “Jessica…” He spoke in a near whisper, “I love you.”

Her heart stopped. She knew he loved her; She saw it in his eyes every time he looked at her. She had played it off when he uttered those words while drunk… But here he was, completely sober… And… “Arthur… I…” No. She couldn’t say it. As soon as she said it, something terrible would happen. Lucky lifted her head and kissed him. He kissed her back and ground his hips against her, sliding his hand up higher under her shirt. He didn’t expect her to say the words… But she felt a pang of regret about it. _For a moment._ It quickly subsided when he moved his head down to her neck and bit her. 

He growled quietly against her skin… And she came completely undone. 

A loud frantic knock at his door startled the both of them. 

_FUCK!_

Lucky groaned and curled her nails roughly into his back. “Shh… We aren’t here…” She whispered. 

He chuckled and pushed himself up reluctantly. Lucky dropped her arms out to the sides of the bed and let out a pointed sigh as she watched him adjust the suit around his waist. Lucky bit her lip as she stared appreciatively at his bare back as he moved. Shit… She was a sucker for strong muscular shoulders and backs. Maxson was art. Incredibly sexy, heart-stopping art. 

The Elder opened the door a little. Lucky imagined the scowl that must be on his face at that moment. She tilted her head a little and heard Quinlan speaking; He tried to keep his voice low, but she heard him quite clearly. 

“Sir, there’s an issue with the data Kidd recovered from the Institute. I’ve discovered something quite disturbing.” He paused for a moment and peered over Maxson’s shoulder at Lucky on his bed. Unmoving from her spot, she gave him a little finger wave. Quinlan stepped back, “I need to speak with you in my quarters…” 

The Elder glanced over his shoulder at Lucky for a moment then turned back to the Proctor. “Very well.” He worked his jumpsuit back up over his arms and gave a curt nod before stepping out of the room.

Lucky groaned and rolled off the bed.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucci sat down in the breakroom with a box of Chocolate Sugar Bombs, stuffing them by handfuls into her mouth. Aleski pulled a chair out across from her and leaned her elbows on the table, placing her chin atop her interlaced fingers. She stared at the Lancer for quite a long time in silence.

Swallowing the large mouthful she was chewing, Lucci lowered the box and stared back at her friend. “What?”

A few more silent heartbeats… “I know.” Al’s face remained stoic.

“Uh…” Lucky set the box on the table slowly. “I… um…” Her eyes went a little wider and she leaned over the table. She whispered pleadingly, “Please don’t tell anyone!”

Al sighed pointedly and dropped her arms on the table, whispering loudly back at her, “Jessica! For fuck’s sake!”

“Jordyn, please!” Lucky grabbed the Knight’s hand and squeezed.

“You can’t just… Fuck, Jessy!” Aleski worked to lower her whispers, “This isn’t something you can keep hiding forever… And it’s dangerous. You can’t fly if you’re--”

“Just until the battle… Just… Please don’t tell.” She squeezed Al’s hand harder, “I want to be in this fight… I need this. It’s my fucking life, Jordyn! You know it. You know how much this means to me…”

Her friend stared at her for several heart wrenching seconds. Al sighed and dropped her shoulders. “I know. But… Fuck Jessy… This could compromise your ability. There’s a very good reason it’s not allowed. Stop being stupid!”

“I’ll be fine… It’ll be okay… Please…” Lucky started to panic a little and she narrowed her eyes. “If you tell anyone I’ll tell them you pissed for me…” She desperately reverted to threats. 

“Fuck you!” Aleski barked out loud. She closed her eyes and scrubbed her fingers angrily through her short blonde hair. “Look…” She whispered again, “I wasn’t going to tell anyone. It’s your fucking problem and I understand the struggle you’re going through… But don’t fucking try to blackmail me, dammit!” 

“I’m sorry… I just… I…” Lucky trailed off and dropped her head down in her arms, burying her face. 

Aleski sighed again and placed a hand on her friend’s shoulder. “I know…”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucky trudged slowly down the catwalk, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt as she went. She _was_ being stupid. Didn’t matter though. Nothing mattered to her other than having her chance to fight in a war. _Glory._ Since the moment she decided to join the Brotherhood it was all she had in mind. After the battle at Adams Air Force Base… After her brother had died…

A small ten year old girl with a determined look of resolve on her face, she had been next to her parents in front of her brother’s armor standing heroically among the ranks of the Steel Army in the underground necropolis when she told them she was going to be a Lancer… Just like Joey. Her mother cried and plead with her to change her mind… But her mind was made up right then and there. Her father yelled. He tried to talk sense into her... but in the end, Jessica’s parents had disowned her; They couldn't stomach the thought of having another child killed in a war and going through all of this again. Jessica had given everything up for her dreams. She was going to be just like Joey. She was going to be a hero in a war some day. She was going to be the best Lancer ever… Or die trying. 

_Just like Joey._  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	4. Blindsided

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Climbing up into her aircraft, Lucci pulled her beacon out and dropped it out the opposite side to the beach below. She angrily hopped in her seat and closed her eyes as she listened to the rotors kick on. 
> 
> Jessica would die for those she loved. She would die for Gavin… And Danse.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

****

As Bailey sat down, Lucky snatched a paper out of his hands. “What’s this B? Love letters?”

“Yes.” He replied with a smile, “It’s from Jen and Katie.”

The Lancer skimmed over the letter for a moment. “Uh huh… How you doing, blah blah blah… Love, love, kisses, I miss you… Blah blah…” She rolled her eyes, “Your wife needs to step up her game and send something juicy.”

Aleski took the letter. “I dunno, I think it’s sweet... “ She smiled as she read. 

Crewe rested his arm around Al’s shoulders and leaned over to read. “Want me to write you letters?”

“Hm… Probably not. Your letters would just be a bunch of dick drawings.” She smirked at him as she handed the letter over.

“Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a cock!” Crewe grinned.

“So, you’re the one who drew the dick on the hull…” Gavin sat down and laughed. “I knew it.”

Crewe shrugged, “Hey, I love the Prydwen, what can I say.”

Pointing to the paper that remained in Bailey’s hand, Gav asked, “What’s that?”

Lucky leaned over. “Oh! A picture! Now we’re talkin’!” She took it from him and her stupid grin faded a little. “Oh… Wow. Is this from your daughter?”

Bailey ran a hand over the back of his neck and his smile grew. “Yeah…”

Gav tugged the picture from the Lancer’s hands and set it on the table for everyone to see. His daughter had drawn a picture for him. It was a group of Knights in power armor with explosions in the background and the Prydwen overhead.

“That’s pretty good…” Crewe turned the paper around to look closer. “How old is she now? Six? Seven?”

“Just turned seven about two months ago.” A look of pure pride washed over Bailey’s face as he took the picture and looked it over again.

Aleski dumped a deck of cards out and washed them over the table. “Sucks ass you missed her birthday…”

“Eh, it’s alright.” Bailey tucked the papers away in his large pants pocket. “When I get back to the Capital we’re going to have a big ass celebration for all the birthdays we’ve missed. Katie’s, mine, Jen’s… It’ll be cool.”

Lucky started stacking caps out in front of her. “Am I invited?”

Bailey chuckled, “Of course. I know how much you love cake.”

As the cards were dealt, Gavin stared blankly for a moment. “Hey… Anyone seen Danse since Tal went to pick him up?”

The Knights shrugged and Lucky spoke quietly as she peeked at her cards, “Tal came back like… Twelve hours ago.”

“I know… But Danse wasn’t with him. I didn’t get the chance to ask.” Gav sighed. “You shoulda got him, Lucky.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - -

****

The group watched Gavin leave the table to speak with Maxson, as ordered. They eyed one another for a silent moment then all simultaneously stood and followed far behind to eavesdrop on the conversation.

A few more Knights followed them, their curiosity piqued. The group quietly made their way down to the command deck and hid in the corners of the hull around the doorway, trying their best not to be seen.

The Elder’s angry voice chilled Lucci as she caught what he was saying. “... I’m afraid not. The evidence is quite damning. The data you brought back included a record of each subject’s DNA. We keep the same information on file for each of our soldiers. Paladin Danse’s DNA is a perfect match for a Synth they called M7-97… To make matters worse, he’s gone AWOL. Disappeared without a trace. His sudden absence simply reinforces our conclusion that M7-97 and Paladin Danse are one in the same…" His voice took on a dangerous edge as he accused Gav, "I’m finding it difficult to believe that he never confided in you and then swore you to secrecy.”

“He never told me he was a Synth… After all I’ve done for the Brotherhood, you have some nerve accusing me of lying.”

Lucky covered her mouth and sank down to her knees. She felt sick. It couldn’t be true, could it? There’s no way. Danse isn’t a Synth… He’s… _Danse!_ Reeling from what she had just heard, Lucci missed some of what was said after that, but Maxson’s next words hit her hard. 

“... However, that doesn’t absolve you of your duty. Danse is a Synth. He represents everything we hate… A monstrosity of technology. Our mission in the Commonwealth is clear; The Institute and its creations need to be destroyed in order to preserve our future.” There was a long pause and he lowered his voice. “Which leaves me facing the most difficult order I’ve ever given… I’m ordering you to hunt down Danse and execute him.” 

Several of the soldiers standing around Lucky gasped quietly and started whispering. She squeezed her eyes closed for a moment. This couldn’t be real. This wasn't happening. The Lancer pressed her palms hard against her eyes and bent over, fighting down the lump in her throat. She was either about to cry or puke. Or both. How could he do that?! How could he stand there and… Just… Order Danse’s execution?!

Gavin balked, “I won’t do it.”

Maxson growled, “You _will_ do it. This is not up for judgment or debate. I’m giving you a direct order, Knight, and I expect you to follow it without question.” 

Lucky held her trembling body up with one hand and peered around the doorframe, along with a couple other soldiers. _This wasn’t happening._ She had to see his face. How could he be so fucking cold? So cruel? 

“No!” Lucky whispered loudly in utter disbelief. 

Maxson glared over Gavin’s shoulder at the soldiers peeking around the doorframe and Lucci cursed. He was looking right at her. Aleski pulled Lucky to her feet and ushered her out of the room behind the other retreating Knights.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - -

****

Maxson slowed his stride as he caught sight of Lucci standing in his doorway. He ran a hand through his hair and looked down at her. There was a distant look of sorrow hiding behind the anger on his face.

Eyes red and still wet with tears, she stood in front of him watching his jaw clench tightly. “Arthur… How could you?” 

He glanced around briefly then took her by the arm and ushered her into his room, nearly slamming the door behind and leaning against it heavily with one hand.

Maxson didn’t speak for some time. 

Lucky could feel the lump rising in her throat again as she stood next to his table with her fists clenched tightly. _How could he?!_ There were no words. What the fuck was she supposed to do? She wanted to yell and hit him. 

Suddenly, Arthur punched the door so hard she could feel it reverberate through the entire room. She jumped back in surprise then dropped her ass down on the table. As he turned to face her, she saw a look of anger and rage in his eyes that she’d never seen before. 

He spread his hands and growled, “How could _\--I--??_ How could _THEY!”_ He pointed to the door angrily. “How could the Institute take him from me… From us?!”

Lucci blinked stupidly at him for a moment then shook it off and narrowed her eyes. “But you’re going to have him _murdered!”_

“Danse is already dead!” Maxson took a step closer. “He’s gone and that _thing_ that replaced him isn’t human.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to try and calm himself. “He’s gone…”

Lucky lowered her voice, “But… Gavin… Why?” 

“He should be the one…” Maxson trailed off. 

After a handful of heartbeats, Lucci spoke quietly, “What if it was me?”

“It’s _not_ you.” The anger flashed in his eyes once more, then was suddenly replaced by something else for a scant second. Fear?

“But what if it _was_ me?” She raised her voice and made a gun with her fingers, putting it to her temple. “Would you put a fucking bullet in my brain?” 

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand away from her head. “NO! It’s _NOT_ you! Dammit, Jessica!”

She jerked her hand away from him. “This right here… That’s what you did to Gav.” Lucky stabbed a finger against his chest. “You shoulda been the one to do it, asshole… But it shouldn’t even be done in the first fucking place!” She attacked him out of desperation. She knew she shouldn’t have… That look in his eyes. She saw it trying to break through his anger… He was just as upset as she was. She buried the hurt with anger to keep from crying. “It’s _Danse!!”_

“It’s _NOT_ Danse!” Arthur yelled, red-faced with rage.

Lucci pushed herself away from the table and stepped up to him. “I don’t care what you say… That’s Danse… And you killed him by his own lover’s hand.”

She shoved past him and didn’t even look back as she slammed his door shut behind her. 

_And she regretted saying those words…_  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - -

****

Lucky lifted her head from her arms as she heard voices. She had been hiding behind crates in the break room, sitting with her arms around her knees and fighting tears. She wiped her nose with the back of her hand and cocked her ear toward the hushed conversation.

Scribe Haylen spoke quietly, “Do you actually plan on killing Paladin Danse?” 

“I haven’t decided yet.” Gavin replied solemnly.

“Well, before you do, I need you to listen to what I have to say.” Haylen paused. “I’ve known Danse ever since I was an Initiate… He trained me, showed me the ropes… And when I screwed up, he taught me to dust myself off and move on. He’s earned my respect, my admiration and my friendship.” Her tone turned more pleadingly desperate, “I don’t care what Quinlan’s report says, I don’t care if he’s a machine or not… He’s still Danse.”

“That’s a bold statement…” Gavin's voice sounded hollow and distant.

“It’s not just a statement, it’s a plea… Danse is the most selfless person I have ever met. I’ve watched him risk his own life on nothing more than principle alone. That’s why I’m asking you… Not just as a member of the Brotherhood, but as a human being… Give him a chance. Let him tell his side of the story.” She spoke in complete earnest, “If you’re not convinced by what he says, or somehow he’s become truly lost to us, then you do what you have to do.”

He was quiet for a moment before answering in a near whisper, “Alright, I’ll hear him out.” 

“That’s all that I ask. I just have to trust that when the time comes...you’ll do the right thing.” Haylen sighed, “Before the Prydwen showed up, Danse had me identify a fallback point if we ever lost the police station. It was Listening Post Bravo, an old pre-war military outpost in the northern frontier of the Commonwealth. It’s isolated and we’re the only ones who knew about it so there’s a good chance that’s where he headed.” She hesitated, “Just be careful. There’s no telling what state of mind he’s in right now or if he even trusts any of us at all.”

Lucky listened to Haylen leave the break room then peered around the crate to see him still standing there, staring blankly at nothing. She slowly stood up and stepped out from her spot. “Gavin?”

He startled and suddenly glanced around the break room. “Jess… What are you doing here?” 

“I… Um… I was sitting…” She half-heartedly motioned to the crates with a hand then dropped her arm and stepped up to him, Hugging him tightly. “I’m so sorry…” She mumbled against his chest.

He held her and lay his cheek against her head quietly, squeezing his eyes closed. 

After a long moment, she lifted her head and looked up at him. “I’ll take you to him.”

“Thank you.” Gavin whispered as he ran a hand over her face and wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - -

****

Gavin had told her to leave. Reluctantly, Lucky returned to the Prydwen after dropping him off at the Listening Post. He hadn’t said much, but she was pretty sure he wasn’t going to kill Danse… There was no way. He loved that man with all his heart, Synth or not. How would he ever be able to look him in the eye and pull the trigger? She had told him her opinion on the matter. Danse was a good man. It didn’t matter what the data said about him… _He was a good man._ One of the best she had ever met.

She was still on the flight deck when she saw Maxson and another Lancer step out. “Where are you going?” She touched Arthur’s arm and eyed Lancer Daniels. 

Maxson paused and motioned for the Lancer to continue on. “Kidd’s not going to do it.” He seemed to have calmed down a little. Or, perhaps, he had set himself into the order he had given with a stern conviction.

Of course he wasn’t going to do it! “You’re going to… Go after him?” That meant… One or both of them was most definitely going to end up dead. Gavin would be a traitor if he didn’t kill Danse… “Let me take you.” She hastily put her helmet back on.

“No.” Maxson turned to face her. “You’re too close to the both of them.”

It was conviction. The Elder’s features were stone cold. 

“Please! Let me take you!” She clutched his arm and walked beside him for several steps. 

“Jessica… No. I can’t have you there for this. Stay here.” He took a deep breath and set his hands firmly on her shoulders. “Please… Just… Stay here.” 

He dropped his hands, his gaze washing over her for several seconds before he turned and climbed into the vertibird after Daniels.

Lucky stood quietly and watched the bird drop. Maxson’s eyes didn’t leave her until he was out of sight. She glanced over her shoulder at her own bird docked behind her. “Fuck this.” 

Climbing up into her aircraft, Lucci pulled her beacon out and dropped it out the opposite side to the beach below. She angrily hopped in her seat and closed her eyes as she listened to the rotors kick on. 

Jessica would die for those she loved. She would die for Gavin… And Danse.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, this was a short one, but it contained a lotta shit...


	5. Avis Pulchra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She glanced around the room and caught some looks of disgust, a few smiles… Some light laughter. _Nervous almost._ Lucky felt a chill run up her spine as she became aware of the tension in the room. It was nearly tangible. It was like… What a crowded bar felt like just before a brawl broke out. A cage full of feral cats… She knew this feeling well. 
> 
> Aleski picked up on the unease and looked over her shoulder then whispered to the Lancer, “Wanna get outta here?”
> 
> \- - - - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

A thick fog of tension filled the Prydwen since word about Danse spread like wildfire. _Lucky smiled to herself._ She had followed Maxson to Listening Post Bravo and she hadn’t gotten caught. The Elder had a change of heart, it seemed, and he had walked away without bloodshed. Gavin couldn’t do it. Maxson couldn’t do it. Danse was still alive.

She had taken him to one of Gavin’s settlements, Sanctuary, where he should be safe from any patrols. Nobody ever went up that far north. The Elder had banned him from the Brotherhood, which seemed like a fate worse than death to Lucky… Maybe it did to Danse, as well. But he was alive and he was with Gavin. The two of them had sat in the back of her bird and held one another quietly the entire flight. 

“You feeling better?” Aleski spoke quietly as they walked along the empty catwalk.

“Yeah… I’m okay.” She couldn’t tell anyone. Not even Al. 

The Knight gave a little nod. “You guys talk shit out?”

“Huh?” Lucky paused for a second then shook her head, “Oh… Um… No. Not really.” 

“That was quite a fight you guys had. Like… Loud. Maxson tore up his room.” She cocked her head back toward his quarters.

“Yeah… I know. It’s okay though. He was mad about… You know… Danse.” The Lancer shrugged.

Al glanced sideways at her friend for a moment. “Ah. He loved Danse, you know.”

“I know.” Lucky tugged on the hem of her shirt for a moment and lowered her voice, “He said he loves me... “

“Shit…” Aleski shook her head and smiled. “Did you say it back?”

“Ah… No... “ She sighed.

“Why not? Do you love him?” Al glanced down at her.

“Um…” Lucky hesitated. Did she love Arthur? She wrapped her arms loosely around her belly and stared down at the catwalk. “I dunno… I think so.” 

“So… Tell him.” Her friend urged.

She sighed, “I can’t yet. I will after the battle.” 

_After the war is done and everyone comes back safe… She’d tell him… She’d tell him everything._

Those words. Once she said them out loud, she would be giving her everything to him… She was still fighting inner demons that loomed in shadows and told her that he would die or leave her because she wasn’t up to Brotherhood standards… Or maybe this was just a fleeting romance and he’d come to his senses and dump her out of his bed, as Bonner had said...  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Arthur stood next to the doorway in the back of the airport and watched Lucci working on her aircraft. She was sitting out on the rotor, at the very tip of the wing, high above the cement. He chewed his bottom lip as he watched her; Anxiety filling the pit of his stomach every time she moved. She wasn’t wearing a safety line. Every time he saw her sitting on the guardrail of the Prydwen decks or climbing up onto the wings of vertibirds, he had to clench his teeth and make her get off of her precarious perches. The woman had an insane obsession with heights that made him crazy at times.

However, she was so damn attractive when she did those things. 

She was his opposite. He liked to plan with caution whereas she just dove headlong into the heat of things, driven by pure passion and emotion. She spoke her mind openly to anyone, regardless of rank or authority. He liked that about her. His soldiers held their tongues when he was around. He couldn’t count on anyone to call him out on bullshit… _Especially now that Danse was gone._ He was surrounded by yes men and he greatly appreciated Jessica and her bold nature. She was someone he’d like to have at his side throughout the remainder of his life. 

Maxson wasn’t quite sure if she felt the same way… Every time he brought it up, she changed the subject or distracted him.

As he watched her close the panel, pocket her tools and wipe her hands off, Arthur stepped underneath her and smiled up, waiting for her to notice him.

“Hey, Sir!” She smiled and carefully stood up. “Be down in two shakes…” 

Maxson reflexively reached a hand out as he stepped forward and followed her from below. The aircraft’s wing was pitched vertically and she walked along the edge with her arms out for balance as she made her way across much too quickly for his liking. That woman made his heart race in all sorts of ways. 

She set her boot on the ridge of the doorframe then slid down the side into the open door. As she turned, Arthur reached up and took her around the waist, pulling her from the vertibird to himself. She giggled lightly and put her arms around his shoulders as he held her up, tightly in his arms. 

The Lancer moved her head close for a kiss and he spoke just before her lips touched his, “Why aren’t you wearing a safety harness?”

“Mm… I like to live dangerously.” She grinned.

“Wear your--” She interrupted him with a quick kiss, “safety gear.” 

“Yes, Sir…” She mumbled against his lips as he finally gave into the show of affection.

_By God, he loved her._

Maxson had been upset about the fight they had. The two of them seemed to have been avoiding one another for the past two days since the argument in his room; She hadn’t slept in his quarters and he’d busied himself with paperwork and other duties. _The paperwork!_ He had to damn near write a novel regarding the Danse incident. The work had been just as emotionally taxing as it was physically. Maxson had to take several breaks and more than three shots of vodka to get through it. He'd been drinking a lot more the past few days...

Jessica seemed to be over her anger. Whatever had brought the change in mood between the two of them, he was glad for it. He figured she would be more upset… She didn’t know Danse was still alive. _He needed her._ Arthur needed to feel close to her and simply be in her joyful presence. He needed to get out of his own head...

He set her down to let her sit in the doorway of the vertibird and spoke quietly, “So, about that date I owe you…”

“Yeah?” Her face brightened. “You wanna get outta here for a while?”

“Absolutely.” Arthur couldn’t help returning the contagious smile.

She glanced down at her hands. “Kay… Lemme go wash my hands and change and--”

“You’re perfect and beautiful just the way you are.” He ran two fingers down her cheek and kissed her forehead. 

Her eyes met his for a moment then she glanced down, smiling.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Arthur held a hand out and helped Jessica down from the aircraft. As she removed her helmet and vest, Maxson glanced around the overpass she had landed on. It was a section of highway, broken off on both sides, jutting out high above the Commonwealth. It was strangely beautiful, broken as it was. The late afternoon sun glistened off the pitted, weathered asphalt and lit everything up over the land. Sounds of birds far below them in the sparse dead forest echoed all around in an eerie way. They were so high... Possibly higher up than the Prydwen.

Lucci pulled her arms free of the top half of her jumpsuit and tied the sleeves around her waist. She straightened her tanktop then pulled her pony tail down and put it back up, attempting to catch the stray hairs that had been mussed by her helmet. Arthur watched her with a little smile. 

“What?” She scrubbed her hands against the legs of her suit, “I’m a fuckin’ mess… I told you.”

“And I told _you_ you’re beautiful.” He took her hand and walked with her to the side edge of the roadway. 

When she tried to take another step closer to the ledge, where he knew she’d try and sit, Maxson pulled her back to his side. Three feet from the edge was close enough.

“The view is quite stunning.” His eyes washed over the landscape as a warm breeze gently enveloped them both.

“Yeah…” Lifting her face toward the sun, Jessica smiled as her eyes closed and she breathed the air in. “This is my spot.”

Arthur smiled as he watched her enjoying the height... Enjoying the freedom of being disconnected with land so far below. “Quod caelum sit in te... Avis pulchra.” He spoke softly.

Lucci opened her eyes and cocked her head, “What’s that?”

He swept a hand over the horizon. “That heaven is within you…” He turned to her and kissed the top of her head, “Beautiful bird.”

She smiled and tried to repeat the words, but couldn’t quite, “Ah vees… Pul..Kr.. What was it?”

Maxson chuckled quietly and shook his head. “Avis pulchra.” Quietly he added, “Et ego vivo propter vos…”

She furrowed her brow, still smiling, “That sounded pretty… What does it--”

Aurthur leaned down and pulled her into a deep kiss.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

The two of them sat on a blanket they had pulled from the vertibird emergency supply box as they watched the sun set. It was just barely settled down into the horizon and washed the entire world in a brilliant orange golden glow.

She was leaning back on one hand behind her as she sat with Arthur’s head in her lap. She idly ran her fingers through his hair as she watched the sky. 

He had a tumult of thoughts raging a war in his mind when he was at the airport, but the moment they landed on the overpass and he stood with her by his side, all the thoughts melted away. He relaxed and felt the pressure lifting off of his soul. Maxson could breathe again. 

“What are your plans for after this war?” He glanced up at her.

“Plans?” She gave a small shrug. “Victory party.” Lucci flashed a little grin.

“I’m serious, Jessica.” He slowly sat up and moved next to her, watching her face for some sort of hint of earnesty. Arthur knew she hated to talk about the future, but he needed to know.

She was quiet for some time before shrugging again, “Dunno. Haven’t thought about it…”

The tone of her voice and the expression on her face told him she was lying. The Elder could spot a lie from a mile away… And Lucci, be damned if he didn’t adore her, she lied often. 

“We’ll be returning to the Capital...” He prodded for a response. 

“Yeah.” She replied quietly and offered no more.

He took a breath, “When we return, would you still be… Interested in continuing this relationship?” He tried to ask carefully, find the right words, but he was no good with that sort of thing.

“Of course!” She smiled and put a hand on his thigh. “Of course I am. Shit, Arthur… I want to be with you and I don’t care what they say. They can take their opinions of us and shove ‘em up their--”

“You know what I’m asking, Jessica. It has nothing to do with the Brotherhood’s opinion of our relationship.” Suppressing a sigh he delved into the difficult topic, “You know what I’m looking for.”

A handful of silent heartbeats passed before she nodded, “I know. You want a family.”

“I would like a family… Someday. You’ve never told me if that’s also something you foresee in your future… With me.” Maxson rested his hand on top of hers and gave it a little squeeze.

“I think…” Jessica furrowed her brow and stared down at his hand for a moment. “I think I would like that. Someday.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

“Shit, Jessy…” Aleski tugged on the Lancer’s sleeve and brought her to a stop on the catwalk. “What’d you tell him?”

“Well…” A little smile crept up on Lucky’s face and she looked down to hide it, “I said I’d like a family, too.” 

“Wow…” Her friend crossed her arms loosely over her chest and grinned, “You know what that means, right?” Al quietly giggled, “He’s probably going to ask you to marry him.”

“Ah… I guess so.” Lucci ran her hand over the back of her head. For some reason, that realization had only just struck her. 

“You’re going to be a Maxson and have little Maxson babies…” Aleski laughed.

Lucky punched her in the arm. “Eat a dick.”

The Knight lightly nudged her friend with her elbow. “What? You don’t like the sound of ‘Jessica Maxson’?”

Well, that was a little mind blowing. _Jessica Maxson._ She pressed a hand against her belly and turned to continue toward the mess hall. “Actually… Yeah. I do.” She grinned, “Imagine how fun that’d be when I’m getting yelled at… _‘Maxson! Watch your language! Maxson! You’re late! Dammit, Maxson! Pay attention!’_ ” 

They both broke out in a fit of giggles. 

Aleski put an arm around the Lancer and pulled her into a sideways hug as they walked. “I’m happy for you. For you both… Although I pity your kid… You’re going to be be a crazy ass mom.”

“Whatever. I’m going to be the best… Kid’ll grow up fucking awesome.” Lucky’s smile faltered a little as she was suddenly hit with the image of a baby. A goddamn _baby!_ She probably _would_ be a crazy ass mother. Probably a _terrible_ mother… More than likely fuck that Maxson kid right up. No pressure or anything though, not like it would be the heir to the entire Brotherhood empire… Yep, no pressure at all. _She wasn’t ready…_

Welp, too late for that shit, though.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucky and Aleski sat down at the table across from Bailey and Crewe.

“Did you hear Gavin got a promotion?” Crewe leaned forward and spoke quietly, as if it were some strange secret.

“Uh… Why?” Lucky furrowed her brow and poked at a plate of cram on her tray. “I mean… Yay and all… But why?”

Crewe spoke even more quietly, “Cuz of… You know… The shit with D.” He glanced over his shoulder at the small crowded mess hall. “He got all his stuff… His rank, his quarters... Even the armor.”

“Wow… Shit…” Aleski’s eyes widened and she leaned forward as well. “How’d he take it?”

“How do you think he took it? Not very fucking well.” Bailey didn’t whisper. He was clearly upset by the situation. Understandable, they had all been friends with Danse.

Lucky wished she could tell them he was alive. She was consoled by that fact; She couldn’t imagine what state of mind she’d be in now if she didn’t know. 

Suddenly aware of conversations around her, Lucci noticed a few people were talking about it… Gavin and the Danse situation. The entire East Coast Brotherhood had been divided by it. She glanced around the room and caught some looks of disgust, a few smiles… Some light laughter. _Nervous almost._ Lucky felt a chill run up her spine as she became aware of the tension in the room. It was nearly tangible. It was like… What a crowded bar felt like just before a brawl broke out. A cage full of feral cats… She knew this feeling well. 

Aleski picked up on the unease and looked over her shoulder then whispered to the Lancer, “Wanna get outta here?”

Bailey sat up straight as he felt it, too. 

“Probably, yeah…” Lucky grabbed the wrapped snack cake off her tray and stuffed it in her pocket, took a huge bite of the cram, then stood with the other three. 

There were eyes on her. She could feel it. She heard Danse’s name on someone’s lips. Something derogatory from someone else. Something disrespectful followed immediately by a soldier raising his voice, _“Fuck you!”_ Lucky clenched her teeth as she saw KC Bonner stand up from her seat next to the doorway. 

The Knight Commander pointed angrily at someone a table away and raised her voice considerably, “Danse was a fucking _traitor_ and he deserved to eat that bullet!” She took a step forward, closer to Lucky’s group who had been standing in the aisle to leave. “He doesn’t belong in the Steel Army, or the codex!”

 _And there it was._

The room erupted in angry shouting. A few soldiers stood from their seats. Bailey immediately stepped in front of Lucky when he saw the look on her face. 

He turned to Bonner and glared dangerously. “Danse was a better soldier than you could ever hope to be.”

“Danse was a fucking piece of shit _Synth!_ ” Bonner actually spat on the floor and two of her Knights stood from their seats, stepping up beside her. 

Lucky dropped her tray on the end of a table and pushed past Bailey. “Are you fucking serious?! You trained under him, you stupid cunt! Danse was the very fucking _epitome_ of what every one of you should ever hope to aspire to be just _half_ as good as! He was brave, selfless, loyal and honorable to a fucking fault!” Lucci staved off tears with rage. “He’s saved almost every one of you assholes at some point. You fought beside him… You _know_ he was a good man! One of the very fucking best!” 

“And he betrayed us all…” The Knight Commander balled her fists at her sides and tensed up. “He can rot in the fucking dirt like the traitor dog he was.”

Lucci grabbed her tray off the table and growled as she hit the woman hard across the face with it, knocking her to the side violently enough to drop her against the table. 

Aleski lunged at Bonner as the woman quickly stood and took a swing at the Lancer. One of her Knights hit Al in the ribs and Bailey pulled the bitch back. Her other Knight quickly took that one’s place and started hitting Aleski as she struggled with Bonner near the corner. Lucky jumped on the Knight’s back and tried to work an arm up under her chin. 

The whole mess hall had become a chaotic riot as the tension had been wound too tight and finally snapped.

Lucky was thrown into the corner behind Bonner at some point and Aleski had been pulled back. The Lancer stood up and made an attempt to dash to the side to get away from the walls, but the bitch caught her. She grabbed Lucci around the throat and the Lancer immediately responded by bringing her arm up and around to break the hold, then drove her elbow into the woman’s face. Lucky tried again to get away from the corner, but the Knight Commander shouldered into her, smashing her up against the wall. 

Bonner ducked her head to avoid retaliation as she struck Lucci hard in the abdomen with quick hard blows, stepped back slightly, then punched her in the face. Lucky dropped down and wrapped an arm tight around her belly. Someone jerked Bonner away before she started kicking the downed Lancer… But everything from that moment on had become insubstantial. 

Lucci felt a sharp pain tear through her lower abdomen, just above her pelvis. She squeezed her eyes closed and worked to stand up. Straightening her body hurt. She leaned heavily against the wall, bent over with her hand pressed firmly against her belly, as she tried to find enough rage to bury her fear.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>   
>  Artwork by [Mistress_of_Squirrels](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistress_of_Squirrels/pseuds/Mistress_of_Squirrels)  
> 
> 
>   
> [Demons - Imagine Dragons](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWRsgZuwf_8&list=PLEDAC198C2745F270&index=43)  
>  __  
> 
> 
> The significance of Lucky's 'spot'... excerpt from[ _Earthbound Misfit._](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7581232/chapters/17249443)  
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - - - 
> 
> He showed her all the best spots in the Wasteland. Places no feet could walk upon… Earthbound creatures could only dream of seeing such wonder. If he could land on it, they’d be there. And Joey could land in some really cool places!
> 
> Jessy practically pulled her brother toward the edge of one of her most favorite places. He walked slowly, holding her hand tightly in his to keep her safe as she tugged excitedly.
> 
> He stopped her three feet from the edge of the broken overpass and held her firmly there. Always three feet from the edge. She’d stand with her toes right off the very edge of the broken pavement if she could. She liked to sit or stand up high and view the ground far beneath her feet… Even if it did give everyone big panic attacks.
> 
> The overpass was so high up… birds flew below them. When the breeze blew, Jessy would face it with her arms spread and eyes closed. Sometimes her imagination turned her into a bird to leap off the edge and open her wings… Gliding over the earth with the sun washing over her and the wind rushing past her body.


	6. Digging Deeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her secret and her lies were starting to hurt people she cared about and that didn’t sit well with Lucky.
> 
> _What was she supposed to do?_ It should have never been this fucking difficult. It was supposed to be a simple thing held until after the battle. Sure, she would have been in some shit afterward, but it wouldn’t matter then. _But it mattered now._

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

When trained soldiers fight, nobody is left unscathed. Infighting was always a very serious matter. The group of them stood in a line outside of the medbay, waiting their turn to be looked over by Cade. Armored soldiers who hadn’t been involved in the fight stood on the catwalk next to the group and had been ordered to break up any further altercations without hesitation.

LC Kells strode up and down the walkway. “If any of these ate up insubordinate children even _glances_ sideways at another… Drop them.” He was livid. “If they even fucking _breathe_ in the wrong direction… Drop them.” He glared dangerously at each and every one. 

Maxson had been with him for a while, his eyes falling on Lucci several times as he glared at the lineup and reprimanded them all. He hadn’t said too much, but he didn’t need to; The look of anger and disappointment on his face spoke volumes.

Aleski sat against the wall next to Lucky and waited until the Lancer Captain walked past. She leaned close and whispered, “You have to tell Cade.”

“Can’t…” She shook her head and pulled her knees tighter to her chest to ease the pain.

“You _can_ and you _will._ ” Al leaned forward a little to look her friend in the face. “You will or I will.”

_“Don’t you dare!”_ Lucci hissed.

“Threaten me if you want, but I don’t give a shit. This is dangerous and I’ll gladly fall if it saves your life.” She narrowed her eyes, “So _you_ tell him or I will.”

They glared at one another in silence for several long seconds until Kells turned around to walk back to the end of the lineup. They both quickly turned their heads and stared forward once more as he passed. 

Once the man turned away again, Lucky whispered, “Fine. I’ll tell.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

“Lucci.” Cade was still writing something in a folder about the previous soldier when the Lancer entered the med bay and immediately sat. Closing the folder and setting it aside, he looked her up and down. “State your injuries.”

She worked to relax in the seat and gave a little shrug. “Got a good one to the face…” Lucky tilted her head toward him to show the bruise she knew was probably still blossoming under her eye. 

He immediately started poking at it rather roughly. He wasn’t happy about the ordeal and was apparently making it a point to not be gentle. As his thumb ran over the bone, Lucky flinched and sucked air between her teeth. 

“Nothing’s broken.” He spoke curtly as he turned to write something in the file. 

“Yeah well… Could use a spak though.” She smiled hopefully as his attention fell on her once more. If she could just get him to give her a stimpak...

“I’m not wasting a pack on your bruise.” He looked her over once more. “Anything else?”

“Uh…” Lucky glanced down at the floor, then over to the wall. “Yeah.” She poked a finger against her stomach, just under her sternum. 

Reaching out and taking her by the upper arm, Cade stood her up and ushered her over to the gurney to lay.

The spot she pointed to was a lie, but the pain as she straightened out was quite real. She lifted her shirt and his fingers were prodding her body before she was even completely lying down.

He pressed against her ribs and belly, then moved around just below her belly button. Lucci clenched her jaw tight as he worked around. Her ribs did hurt. _How about that…_ She had a lot of very legitimate pains that were just starting to make themselves known as his fingers stabbed against her.

“Bruising. You’ll be fine.” He wrote some more down in the file. “If there’s nothing else, I have a lot of soldiers to go through.”

“There could be internal bleeding.” She slowly pushed herself up and put a completely worried look on her face. _She didn’t really have to try hard at that one…_

“Which one of us is a doctor?” Cade tossed the file back onto the desk and crossed his arms.

Lucky sighed, “You, Sir.” After a long moment of hesitation, she took a deep breath and lowered her voice, “Cade… Sir … I think--”

“Sir…” One of the armored Knights appeared in the doorway, “one of the soldiers ate deck. He’s not responding.” 

Cade sighed and opened a drawer containing stimpak field shots, which were smaller versions of the regular medical stimpak. He hastily pulled one out and moved to the door. Before he left, he turned to Lucci. “Report to the Command Deck with the others and wait for the Lancer Captain.” 

“Yes, Sir.” She slid off the gurney and walked slowly across the small room. After Cade vanished around the corner, Lucky counted to seven, then reached into the open drawer and pulled out two field stims. One, she didn’t hesitate to use, the other she slid into a large pocket on the leg of her pants before walking out. 

Next in line, Aleski touched the Lancer’s shoulder as she passed. Lucky nodded and whispered quietly, “Got a shot, I’m gunna be fine.”

A look of utter skepticism crossed her friend’s face. She knew there’d be much more to it than that. _She also knew Lucky was a liar._

“Tell you later… But it’s all good now. No worries.” Lucci smiled as she stepped backward from the Knight and turned away.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

_It was cold that night._

It didn’t matter… LC Kells had the soldiers working so hard that they were all dripping with sweat despite the chill in the air. Al was working next to Lucky, digging a long pointless trench in the hard earth with the other soldiers. She constantly glanced at the Lancer as she heaved earth into a pile, and most of those glances were straightforward glares of utter skepticism. Aleski couldn’t talk to her… Kells was watching them all like a hawk. _A very pissed the fuck off hawk._

“Break time, kids!” Kells pointed to his bare wrist and the soldiers immediately dropped their shovels. “Jump.” He stood, glaring, as they immediately started a series of jumping jacks… Round six. 

Lucci clenched her jaw tightly as she worked to keep up with the others. She pushed herself hard, but was starting to hurt once again and she faltered. 

Kells stepped up to her and narrowed his eyes. “What the fuck is your malfunction, Lancer?”

“I have to pee, Sir.” She spoke quietly between sloppy jumps. She needed to go hide somewhere and take the other FS. 

“No potty breaks for naughty soldiers, kiddo.” He flashed a toothy mocking grin and turned from her.

_Fuck._

Knight guards strode up and down the line with water, giving each insubordinate soldier a break as they poured liquid in their mouths like milk from a baby bottle. 

_And then more shoveling._

Aleski watched as Lucci’s spade was subsequently filled with less and less dirt as she worked. Al glared at her once again and picked up the Lancer’s slack, digging out the excess earth for Lucky when she started to waver. Lucci swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to push herself harder. It hurt that Al was doing her share of the labor. She didn’t want to be a burden on her friend. 

Her secret and her lies were starting to hurt people she cared about and that didn’t sit well with Lucky.

_What was she supposed to do?_ It should have never been this fucking difficult. It was supposed to be a simple thing held until after the battle. Sure, she would have been in some shit afterward, but it wouldn’t matter then. _But it mattered now._ Lucky wanted to lay down in the trench and close her eyes. 

She stomped her boot down on the spade and hid a wince of pain from Aleski. 

_Suck it the fuck up, soldier!_

She made her bed and she would lay in it.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

As it would turn out, piss breaks were escorted. Small groups were brought into the airport and watched while they sat on the toilet with the stall doors left open. That seemed a little fucking excessive, but whatever.

_Lucky had caught a brief glance at red tinged water as she hastily flushed and was pulled out of the stall._

And fuck the idea of waiting until lights out because everyone had to sleep with the lights on and those damn guards watching over them in case an extra violent pillow fight were to break out. Since soldiers slept in shifts and shared cots, there weren’t enough to go around and Lucky was _fortunate_ enough to be one of the ones sleeping on the goddamned metal floor.

_Didn’t matter._ She was exhausted enough to sleep just about anywhere at that point. 

The guards watched as the unruly bunch changed into their skivvies. Lucci had managed to slip the FS into her unlaced boot without notice… But then it was sitting there in her fucking boot next to the footlocker at the end of the bed. She tossed her dirty clothes into the hamper a squire wheeled down the center of the room and then she returned obediently to her dog bed. 

Lucky fluffed her pillow for about the hundredth time and rolled over. Al was laying on the opposite side of the cot, staring at her from under the bed. Her face held no anger. No bitterness. Only a little sorrow… Lucci wished Al were still glaring angrily at her, she could handle that better than the pained look of sadness and concern on her friend’s face. 

Aleski stretched an arm under the bed and Lucky reached out, taking her hand and squeezing it tightly. 

_She had no more energy or anger left inside to fight back the tears._   
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Managing to work her boot on with the FS inside was a neat trick. Lucky thought about removing the cap and just letting the fucking thing jab her in the foot, but, again, they were being watched pretty closely the entire time. She was starting to get a little desperate, though she wasn’t in as much pain as the night before.

 _Perhaps her problem had worked itself out and was no longer an issue…_ There was a time, only a few weeks ago, when she could have been relieved by that thought. _But now?_ That idea gripped at her heart and stung her eyes. 

Lucci stood at the foot of the bed and contemplated just giving up and taking the damned shot, fuck the consequences. _Stealing meds…_ That was one of the worst things a soldier could do in the Brotherhood. One of the worst. The worst one… She had already done. 

_Go big or go home..._

She lined up with the others and was marched down the catwalks to go have some more back-breaking fun in the sun. LC Kells was determined to work all the excess energy and desire to fight right out of the soldiers… _Through every pore._ Maxson implemented a strict liberty ban. Guards babysat the insubordinates at all times. They weren’t allowed to talk to one another. It was a strange circle of Hell in which they had landed themselves into. 

Lucky was at the end of the lineup, walking silently beside one of the large metal-clad babysitters, when her guardian angel decided to give her a break.

One of the soldiers down the line staggered into someone in front of him and it immediately started a little tiff. Not an all out fight, but just enough for the armored Knight beside her to take leave and break it up. Lucci perked up and glanced around. Nobody was looking… And she was standing right in front of Danse’s door… _Gavin’s door…_

_Fuck it._

She opened it a crack and slipped inside without any further hesitation. Immediately dropping to one knee, she worked the laces on her boot loose and pulled the shot out before they noticed she was missing. 

_Turned out, they didn’t notice she was missing._

The guarding Knights, though switched out, were also tired and somewhat oblivious. Or maybe they just didn’t give two shits. Whichever it was, Lucci was eternally grateful for it. 

She stood and reached out to the door, then paused. She was already in an ass load of shit for leaving the lineup… She may as well make it a metric ass ton of shit. Lucky turned and flopped down on the bed face first and groaned quietly into the pillow.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucky’s head snapped up as the door clicked closed. “Shit...”

“What are you doing in here, Jess?” Gavin frowned at her.

“Getting in _all_ the trouble.” She buried her face in the pillow on her knees once more, hugging it loosely.

He took his jacket off and tossed it on a table, then sat down carefully beside her, placing an arm gently around her shoulders. “You okay? What happened?” 

Lucky was quiet for some time before she leaned against him, allowing him to encircle her in a tight embrace. “I fucked up.” 

Gavin rested his chin on the top of her head and stroked her hair softly as she started crying. He held her in silence for a long time until she finally lifted her head and wiped her nose. Lucky ran a thumb absently over the wet spot on his pillow and mumbled, “Sorry bout that…”

Loosening his arms from around her, he readjusted himself into a more comfortable position. “That’s okay… Yours aren’t the only tears on that pillow.”

She glanced up at him and gave a little half smile in thanks. _Thanks for not asking. Thanks for being there. Thanks for everything._

Setting the pillow aside, Lucky sat herself up more and wiped her face. “So… You missed all the fun and excitement…” She changed the subject for a distraction. 

“Yeah?” His arm remained casually around her shoulders.

“Oh yeah… There was an all out green on green brawl in the mess.” She snorted with slight amusement at the memory.

His eyebrows shot up, “No shit? What started that?”

“Uh…” Lucci lowered her voice a little, “There are a lotta soldiers who are pretty pissed about what happened with… D… And some who aren’t.”

Gavin fell silent.

“I miss him…” Lucky laid her head on Gav’s shoulder in a little comforting gesture. “Hasn’t even been a week and I miss him so much.”

“Well… You can come with me to see him, you know.” Gavin gave her a squeeze and smiled a little.

Lucky laughed mirthlessly, “If I’m allowed to leave ever again without an armed guard up my ass.” Her eyes flit to the door and she sighed, “Soon as I leave here, I’m going to be so much trouble…”

“Am I harboring a fugitive?” Gav pulled away slightly and feigned a look of seriousness.

She gave him a half-hearted punch to the thigh then buried her face against his chest and mumbled, “Don’t make me go just yet… Lemme enjoy my last taste of freedom.”

“You can stay as long as you want, Jess… I never saw you.” He pulled his arm from around her and grabbed the pillow. “But I need a nap.”

She wrinkled her nose at him as he flopped back on the bed to sleep, boots still on and everything. Lucky glanced around and decided a nap sounded good. She pushed his feet over and lay her head down on the opposite end of the bed, propping her own boots up on his chest with her ankles crossed. She giggled as Gavin shoved them off and rolled onto his side away from her, pointedly tapping his foot against the side of her head as he curled. 

“Asshat…” Lucky planted a boot against his backside and tried to shove him off the bed.

He retaliated and she was the one falling on the floor as he laughed from above her.

In the end, they had both settled into comfortable positions and fell asleep.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucky had been grateful for a nap in an actual bed. She had cursed those hard mattresses in the past, but after sleeping on a dog bed, that cot felt like a luxurious angel feather cloud fit for a king. Gavin had made her laugh and she was comforted back into her usual self once again.

_Ready to face the consequences of her actions._

She peered out into the walkway then slunk out of the room, carefully closing the door behind her. A smile was plastered on her face as she turned and quietly stepped away. 

_Lucci never saw the man standing off in the distance watching her slink out of Paladin Gavin’s room..._   
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	7. Fallout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucky leaned back against the wall of the airport proper and picked at the dirt under her nails idly as her babysitting Knight was replaced by a babysitting Lancer Sergeant. It had been a little over a week and those days stretched on for so long that it had felt like forever ago that she’d been assigned personal guards. They stood behind her while she ate. They were right next to her as she dressed. The guards stood next to the stalls as she took a piss or a shower. Her sitters walked three steps from her everywhere she went. She had deserved it… But it still bit shit to have those guys constantly on her heels. She wasn’t really allowed to talk to anyone very often or hang out. She missed Aleski. She missed Gavin, Bailey and Crewe. She missed Arthur.
> 
> \- - - - - - - -

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Shot glass long forgotten, Maxson had been drinking straight from the bottle. A scant handful of days had passed since he stood out on the storm deck watching his soldiers far below digging trenches by the light of the moon. All the infighting was because of an order _he_ had given. Danse had taught him to stand by all his orders. _No regrets._

Danse had taught him many things throughout the years. Arthur had looked up to the man. He had always seemed to know the right things to say at just the right moments. _And now he was gone._ Maxson stared down at the bottle in his hand, searching for the answers to questions he didn’t even know how to ask. 

‘Should haves’ and ‘would haves’ nibbled at the back of his mind like a rat. _Incessant._ If he never had Danse go to the Commonwealth, it wouldn’t have happened. And he shouldn’t have ordered Gavin to execute him. Looking that man in the eyes was gut-wrenching. Every time. ‘If only’ thoughts tried to run rampant through his skull and he had to fight to keep them at bay. It was physically exhausting. 

Arthur wanted to disappear from the airport, lay his head on Jessica’s lap and just forget about the world for a while. But he couldn’t… And the world would be right where he left it, awaiting his return. 

Looking at her was upsetting. She’d been injured in the fighting… The fighting which the nibbling rat tried to tell him was all his fault. Jessica was being punished just as the other soldiers, and that had also upset him. _No special treatment._ Reports stated that the Lancer started the whole mess when she struck a Knight Commander. When he had read it over, Maxson clenched his teeth hard enough to hurt. _Of course it had been her._

The following day he received another report; Jessica had gone missing from the group for several hours. She had admitted to sneaking off to hide in storage, but that had only made things worse for her. Now she had a personal guard with her at all times. 

The Elder observed the group as they ran drills and did pointless labor until some of them collapsed. He watched as they ate quickly in silence. Maxson walked through the sleeping quarters as they slept with the lights on, half of them laying on the floor. 

_Jessica was laying on the floor._

Arthur wanted so desperately to have her sleeping next to him at night instead of on that cold metal. Would there be a time when they could just have something deemed ‘normal’? A real bed, in a real house. _A home._ No more struggling with being her superior and watching as she was hurt or reprimanded. No more steeling himself with everything he had to give those orders himself. 

_And no more lies._

Would there ever be a time when she didn’t feel the need to lie to him? 

Maxson slowly lifted the bottle and took a long swallow to drown the rat.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

 

**\-- Four Weeks --**

Lucky leaned back against the wall of the airport proper and picked at the dirt under her nails idly as her babysitting Knight was replaced by a babysitting Lancer Sergeant. It had been a little over a week and those days stretched on for so long that it had felt like forever ago that she’d been assigned personal guards. They stood behind her while she ate. They were right next to her as she dressed. The guards stood next to the stalls as she took a piss or a shower. Her sitters walked three steps from her everywhere she went. She had deserved it… But it still bit shit to have those guys constantly on her heels. She wasn’t really allowed to talk to anyone very often or hang out. She missed Aleski. She missed Gavin, Bailey and Crewe. She missed Arthur.

Lucci had a lot of time to think about shit as of late. Not being allowed to talk to others so much, she was forced into thoughts and inner monologues with herself. She hated being left alone with her own thoughts. 

When she was a teenager, not so long ago, she had fallen hard for a Knight. There had been this ‘tummy filled with feathers’ feeling and she was sure from the first kiss that she’d loved the man. When he was killed, she closed herself off completely… So when she went out on a date with Arthur for the first time, Lucky didn’t have that feathery feeling. She didn’t feel it on the second date. _Was there even a time she did feel it with him?_ Perhaps, but she couldn’t recall. _Did she love Arthur?_ Could she even feel love anymore? Maybe this was what love was to her now. It bothered Lucky that, the last time the two of them had been in bed together, Arthur made love to her while she fucked him. 

Sure, she was most definitely infatuated with the man and cared for him deeply, but were his feelings unrequited? She liked the way he made her smile. He was sweet, a little dorky at times, and she always felt excited with any chance she got to spend time with him. She _did_ want to be with him… She had spent a lot of time thinking about a future with Arthur. He loved her for her. Didn’t try and change who she was. Never thought any less of her for her actions. How would he feel if he only knew what she was doing now? 

_Lies._

Lucky had worked very hard throughout her life since ten years old to be where she was right now. Struggling with opposition from every direction telling her she just couldn’t do it, couldn’t make it… Jessy had fought long and hard for her dreams. Her dreams of being a Lancer. Her love of flight… Of freedom. Her lies were bent wings on which all of her love loftily drifted. _All of her love._ Jessica loved flight more than anything. More than Arthur. More than herself. 

And that wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair to him. 

How could she ever give her heart to Arthur if it was taken completely by the sky? It wouldn’t be an issue if she didn’t know Maxson’s own dreams. He wanted a family. She could understand that. Hell, Lucky even had dreams about that life. And she had smiled at the thought. Truth be told, it was a frightening thing to find herself torn between the pull of the sky and her feelings toward the Elder. She could see it sometimes, clear as day. Arthur coming home to her as his wife and his children. Her children. _Theirs._ She could also see herself staring up at the sky longingly while she held a beautiful baby in her arms. And how fucked up was that thought? 

How could she look him in the eye now and tell him how she’d risked so much because of her selfish desire to be a part of this war? _And for what?_ To prove herself worthy in the eyes of everyone who had ever told her she couldn’t do it? To follow in her brother’s footsteps? To yell out a big _‘fuck you’_ to her parents for turning their backs on her? _It shouldn’t matter._ Shouldn’t matter if she hurt him because of her selfishness. It shouldn’t, but it did. Why? 

_Because, no matter how much she tried to lie to herself, she did love Arthur._  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

“Sir, may I request some time to PM my bird?” Lucky followed the Lancer Sergeant, one step behind and to the side.

“Unnecessary. Let the mechanics handle it.” Carlsen didn’t even hesitate to reply.

She rubbed her palms against her pants and spoke in a quiet near-mumble, “It’s something I like to do myself, Sir…” Talon had instilled that in her, years ago. He had been her mentor and Lucky took everything he said to heart. He had taught her to respect her aircraft and to take pride in doing the work herself. There was something satisfying in working on her own bird. She could call it a hobby. A very mind soothing thing she desperately needed in order to ease stress. Something that had been denied to her since the fight in the mess had occurred. 

As a reply, Carlsen ignored her request. As they all did.

There was another thing that eased her stress. 

After a long silence, Lucky asked quietly, “May I… Um… “ She shouldn’t even be asking... “Can I see Arthur?”

“It’s _Elder Maxson,_ Lancer…” He glanced over his shoulder at her, “And no, you may not.”

 _Of course not._

Lucky was forced to watch Arthur walking around the Prydwen and airport as he silently regarded soldiers and she couldn’t talk to him. Wasn’t allowed to touch him. And that constant look on his face… There was bitter lonely sorrow hiding behind his angry mask of disappointment. She knew him well and she could see it. Lucky wanted so badly to run to him and hold him tightly in her arms and never let go. She wanted to ease his heartache. Ease her own heartache. 

And worse yet, most of her baby-sitters were those who despised her relationship with the Elder. LS Carlsen was one of those. 

He paused at a shelf in the airport store room and spoke as he idly searched for whatever it was he had been there to pick up, “You’d do well to drop your infatuation with the Elder.” He didn’t even look at her as he set a box in her arms. “You can’t possibly expect anything to come of it.” 

Lucky tried to keep from glaring at the man or yelling obscenities. “Scuse me?” There were about a thousand other things she really wanted to say just then.

Carlsen turned and set another box on top of the first. “Look at yourself, Lucci. You started a fight that caused your brothers and sisters to get hurt and you--”

“I didn’t start that fight!” She couldn’t hide the angry glare any longer. That fight had been inevitable. She may have thrown the first blow, but she wasn’t the spark.

“You’re an unruly mess.” He leaned closer and grinned in a stomach turning manner. “And you’re a boldfaced liar.” 

She blinked stupidly at him for a moment and readjusted the boxes under her chin as he turned to walk down the aisle to another shelf. Okay, admittedly she really _was_ a liar… but her lies were always small. Well, until lately… 

He moved things around on the shelf, peering around them casually. “You two are completely different species from separate worlds.” The Lancer Sergeant pulled a box and turned to her once more. “You’re a bird and he’s a stag. His realm is the earth and yours will always be in the sky… He’s grounded while you’re the free spirit he’d never be able to tame. I know you, Lucci…” He set the box back on the shelf, stepped close and put a hand on her shoulder, “You’d never give up your wings to live on the ground.” He squeezed her shoulder and smiled faintly, “Stick with your own kind.” 

Her eyes fell to the hand on her shoulder then slid up his arm to rest on his face. “...My own kind… Like _you?”_ His words had melted her glare away… But she wasn’t any less angry. 

“Mm… Didn’t say that.” His smile turned into something else. Something less chaste and a little unsettling. Carlsen picked his box up once again and motioned for her to move. As she turned, he casually spoke behind her, “But maybe you should stay out of the beds of Elders and Paladins in the future.”

He pushed Lucci forward when she suddenly froze in place and she stumbled out from around the shelves, nearly dropping the boxes she was carrying.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Elder Maxson’s slide into depression hadn’t gone unnoticed by Gavin. He didn’t hold any resentment toward the man for the orders he’d given. In fact, he almost pitied Maxson. How difficult it must be to hold all that weight on his shoulders… Carrying the burden of so many lives relying on him for leadership at such a young age. Even though Gavin had been a Sergeant over a group of boys in the war when he was still a teenager, he only had a small inkling of what it was like to be responsible for lives, and it damn sure couldn’t be easy to be responsible for a multitude of them all on his own. The Elder did what he felt was best for the Brotherhood as a whole… And it had hurt him deeply to do so.

And the Paladin sure as hell didn’t miss the look of longing on the man’s face every time he was in the same room as Jess. It was painful for Gav to see the way those two looked at one another without being able to so much as talk. The Elder needed her right now. Anyone with half a brain could tell those two were stupid for one another. 

Gavin found Lucky trailing behind Lancer Sergeant Carlsen down in the airport. She looked like a whipped puppy with all the life kicked out of her. _And that --really-- hurt._ Gavin would go to the ends of the earth just to see her happy. 

“Sir.” Carlsen perked up and straightened his posture as the Paladin approached them and Lucci followed suit quietly behind.

“Lancer Sergeant.” He nodded to the man then motioned to Lucky, “I’m here to relieve you.”

Lucci didn’t do well hiding her smile of excitement. _Not from him, anyway._ She quickly donned her indifferent mask when Carlsen glanced over his shoulder at her.

He furrowed his brow, “Sir… You’re not slated to--”

“It’s not your place to question orders, _Lancer Sergeant.”_ Gavin narrowed his eyes a little. Being a Paladin certainly came with great benefits.

“Yes, Sir.” Carlsen took a step back and pushed Lucky forward by her shoulder. 

Gavin turned without another word and Lucky heeled behind as she had done with her previous guards. He led her to the back and stopped at a locker. Turning to Jess with a smile, Gavin tossed the Lancer’s helmet at her. “Let’s go for a ride.”

Her joyous laughter was like music to his ears.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

She had kissed the tips of two fingers and pressed them against the side of her bird before entering. Damn, how she had missed her baby girl. Gavin was wonderful. There were no words for how grateful she was to him for freeing her from the cage she’d been trapped in.

Lucky took a completely scenic route to Sanctuary and smiled like a damned crazy fool the entire trip. 

When she hopped out of the bird, Lucky pressed a two fingered kiss against the metal once more then trotted off after Gavin. 

She paused in the doorway when she saw Danse and her smile faded a little. He was sitting at the kitchen table… in the dark. Gavin turned a light on and Danse stood from his chair to hug him without a word. He’d cut his hair and let his beard grow out a little longer. That wasn’t too surprising. What struck her as strange was that he looked like Maxson. 

He smiled a little and she could smell the whiskey on his breath even before he spoke, “Lucci. It’s good to see you.” He looked tired.

“Uh…” She blinked up at him and furrowed her brow a little, “You too…” Lucky wasn’t very good at diplomacy and tact, “Your hair…” 

He ran a hand over the shaved side and the corner of his mouth pulled up a bit. “I’m starting a new life.”

She motioned to his head with a hand, “Yeah… but you look like--”

Behind him, Gavin pointedly shook his head for her to shut up.

“Ah… It looks good, D.” Her genuine smile returned and she suddenly threw her arms around him in a tight embrace. “I missed you so fuckin’ much!”

She could actually feel him tense at her language as he returned the hug. She giggled to herself. He couldn’t tell her to watch her mouth anymore. That was a thought which was funny and sad at the same time.

She slowly sat down at the table, glancing around at the house he now called home. There was an old couch, the crappy dining set, a few empty bottles of whiskey piled in an overflowing trashcan, and nothing else, really. Danse reached for the bottle on the table and Gavin plucked it out of his hand and dumped it in the sink without a word. This seemed like something they had gone through several times. 

Danse ignored Gav’s actions. “How have you been?”

She shrugged, “I’m good…” She started nervously fidgeting with the sleeves of her jumpsuit tied around her waist. Gavin had told her on the way to Sanctuary not to mention the Brotherhood. Or Synths. Or Maxson. But she had so many questions and things she wanted to tell him. 

He looked her in the eye and gave a nod. “How are things between you and Arthur?”

 _Dammit._

“… Pretty good.” She smiled. 

His silence told her that he wanted to know more. 

_Lucky hated silence._

She opened her mouth to spill out about fifty things pertaining to the topic of the Elder and her relationship and Gav thankfully cut her off, “Let’s go for a walk.” 

They’d made their way to the bar where the woman serving handed them all water. Danse didn’t mention it. This was probably another thing that happened on the reg. Her heart suddenly hurt for the ex-Paladin. _At least he was alive._ She had to remind herself of that several times. She’d do the same thing in his situation, if not something more… _drastic and desperate._

She shook that dark thought off and motioned to a pool table in the back. “Hey, D… Wanna play?”

He stared for a moment then shrugged and followed quietly behind.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Gavin told her that Danse was doing better. If _that_ was _better,_ Lucky would have hated to see him weeks ago. On top of being told he was a Synth, of all things, the man was not doing well adjusting to civilian life. He had given everything up for the Brotherhood and now he had nothing of his own. Who was he without the Brotherhood? Apparently, Danse had started training the Minutemen in Sanctuary, which seemed to give him a little more purpose. Gav even gave Danse a couple suits of hodgepodge power armor he’d found. He was _supposed_ to turn that shit over to the Brotherhood, but Gavin did what Gavin wanted… His list of transgressions was pretty damn long. And so was her’s, so Lucky never questioned it.

As she followed Gavin through the Pryd silently, Lucky did her best to keep a look of whipped resentment toward her guard on her face, but a smile kept trying to surface. Whenever nobody was looking, she grinned up at the Paladin. 

Lucky covered her mouth with both hands and worked extra hard to not bounce up and down excitedly when Gavin stopped and knocked on Maxson’s door. It was closed more often than not lately. 

The door opened a crack as the Elder looked Gavin up and down, then he swung it open wider and turned back inside without a word. The Paladin smiled when he entered with Lucky behind. Gavin shut the door quietly and Maxson’s eyes widened a little at the sight of her. 

Lucky immediately wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest as he returned the tight embrace. Arthur kissed the top of her head and continued to hold her as he regarded Gavin questioningly. 

Gav shrugged, “Wouldn’t ya know it, I pulled guard duty.”

There was a little smile on Maxson’s lips even as his voice was gruff, “You pulled something, alright.” 

Lucky reluctantly pulled away from Arthur’s warm arms. “Please don’t be mad at him…” 

“Mad?” Maxson shook his head and his smile grew, “I’m not even going to acknowledge all the regulations the Paladin broke to get you in here.” 

“Ah! Excellent!” Gavin rubbed his hands together and grinned. “May I put in a request to be Lucci’s permanent guard, Sir?” 

Lucky beamed up at Arthur.

After a long moment, the Elder shook his head, “I’m afraid not. Unfortunately, that would be a waste of resources. Your focus needs to be elsewhere...”

Lucky's shoulders slumped and she dropped her forehead against his chest.

Maxson continued, “However, I can assign you a personal Lancer.”

Lucky bounced excitedly and giggled like a little girl.

“My own personal Lancer?” Gav looked thoughtful, “I dunno, Sir… You’re undoubtedly going to stick me with some mouthy, unruly lunatic…”

Arthur raised an eyebrow, “I could belay that--”

“No! No… That’s cool. I’ve always wanted my own personal chauffeur.” Gavin chuckled. “So, I have some Paladin stuff to do…” He thumbed toward the door, “I imagine I can leave my charge under your supervision.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Maps and hand drawn layouts. A mountain of haphazard paperwork. A nearly empty bottle of vodka… A _completely_ empty bottle of vodka. Maxson’s desk and table were a mess. One of his chairs was broken, as were some of the contents of his shelf. A desk clock lay smashed and busted in his overflowing wastebin.

Lucky stared at the desk as she laid with her head on his chest, idly running her fingertips through his chest hair. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered as her eyes fell from the clutter. 

“It’s not your fault.” He gave her a small reassuring squeeze. “If anyone should be sorry, it’s me.”

“Doesn’t mean I need to make shit more difficult for you…” Lucky sighed, _“Things…_ Make things more difficult.” He silently stared up at the ceiling and she grew a little uncomfortable in the silence. “I shouldn’t have broke off and ran…”

“Why did you?” He glanced down at her.

“Dunno…” Lucky sighed again. “I wasn’t thinking… I was being stupid.”

Maxson kissed the top of her head. “I’m sure you had a reason.” He pulled her closer and she draped a leg over his thigh. 

He wasn’t going to press the issue. Not going to make her talk about it. He knew she was hiding something and lying, but he didn’t hate her for it. _That hurt a little._ He always knew when she was lying… So why did she keep doing it? Why lie to him?

“Arthur... “ Lucky hesitated, “I was hurt… In the fight. And…” She took a deep breath, “And it would have been means for grounding… So I didn’t tell Cade.” 

He shifted underneath her so he could see her face. Look her in the eyes. _No anger._ Those beautiful blue eyes of his only held deep concern. 

“Are you alright, Jessica?” His voice matched the look on his face. 

“Oh… Yeah. I mean, I am now.” _\--I think--…_ “But… What if…” Lucky chewed her lip for a moment as she struggled with the words she wanted. “What if I had an injury… Or something… Hypothetically… That Cade would probably pull me for and I didn’t tell him cuz I was actually fine but he’d think--”

“Jessica. What’s wrong?” He cut through her nervous rambling.

“Nothing. But that’s why I didn’t tell him. And… I stole some field stims. That’s why I ran.” Lucky closed her eyes tightly and buried her face against his chest to hide.

_Silence._

She could feel his muscles tense under her and she knew he was probably clenching his jaw. 

“I’m sorry… So sorry.” She mumbled against him.

Finally, Maxson spoke softly, “Are you one hundred percent now?”

Lucky slowly lifted her head and nodded, “Yes.”

“If you have any doubt, you _will_ tell Cade in the future.” There was a little heat behind his words, quiet as they were. “I know how you feel about being a part of the battle… But, please don’t risk your life foolishly. I worry about you enough as it is.” He took a breath as he shifted from concerned lover to Elder Maxson, “I’ll deal with the theft… And it won’t go unpunished, but I’ll keep it minimal because you told me.”

“Of course…” Her eyes fell from his. 

“Thank you for telling me.” Arthur lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the palm of her hand, “Te amo, avis.” He spoke softly against her palm.

_And that was why she lied._

Maxson would cage her. 

He would clip her wings because he loves her.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for not containing a whole lot, this sure was long. but the consequences of actions are starting to beat the life outta some people.


	8. Prophecy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucky entered the room and immediately grabbed the half empty bottle of vodka off the table and took a large gulping swallow before falling into his arms. 
> 
> _Fuck it._
> 
> Maxson pulled the bottle from her mouth as she finished her fourth swig. “Tell me what’s wrong.” 
> 
> He was no longer asking.
> 
> \- - - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**\- - - - Two Weeks - - - -**

“Execution seems a little drastic, though.” Knight Briggs spoke quietly to the Star Paladin next to him as he pulled a canister of antifreeze from the shelf.

Lucci attempted to appear disinterested as she took the canister and set it on the workstation. 

“Maxson doesn’t mess around,” SP Harren leaned back against the shelves beside the station, “Treason can’t be tolerated… _From anyone._ No special treatment. He had to be made an example of.”

“Weren’t you friends with him?” Briggs asked casually as he set a small lead container on the station.

Harren fell silent for a moment and nodded.

“And it doesn’t bother you that he was killed and dishonored?” The Knight crossed his arms and gave a small head tilt.

“Didn’t say that…” Harren looked the man right in the eye, “Danse shouldn’t be forgotten.”

Lucci stiffened slightly at the sound of the ex-Paladin’s name. They weren’t supposed to say it. That order had been beaten into the the rank and file over the past few weeks. Those who balked at Maxson’s orders to have Danse executed had quietly submitted. Most of them, anyway. Harren was one of the few who remained brazenly supportive of Danse and continued to rehash the argument against his name being left out of the Codex.

Briggs gave a shoulder shrug, “I agree as far as all that. I don’t think he should have been killed. The man was a hero, he deserved better. Why couldn’t Maxson just exile him, in the very least… let him live out the rest of his days.”

Dr. Li moved something from the opposite side of the shelf and narrowed her eyes at the soldiers through the space. “Gentlemen, since you insist on rehashing the subject, let me settle something for you: execution was much more… Humane.” 

Lucci spilled a good portion of liquid onto the workbench and cussed under her breath as she reached for a rag to mop it up.

Harren glared at the Doctor, “ _Humane?!_ He wasn’t a rabid pet… He was--”

“A _Synth,_ ” Li interjected with her usual level of irritation, “with very specific programming.” She glared back at him, lips pursed, realizing she’d let her irritation get the better of her and broached a subject that she would prefer avoiding normally. Institute work.

Li lifted her chin with the haughty expression of a school marm disciplining her wards, “Despite the compulsion of the ignorant to anthropomorphize Synths, there is an inescapable distinction between sapience and free will.”

“What the hell does that mean? He had free will...” Harren cut off, glaring daggers at the doctor.

Li cocked her head to the side, suppressing a sigh, “Did he? Really?” She paused for a moment before arching an eyebrow, “Let us examine.”

They all stared at her while she framed her next sentence.

“He was the model soldier, yes?” She held up a finger.

“Absolutely.” Briggs smiled. 

“He would recite the Codex verbatim; followed regulations down to a T?” A second finger.

“He was exemplary...” Harren slowly nodded with a little hesitance.

Li held up a third, fourth and fifth finger, “He pursued mission objectives doggedly, improvising only when absolutely necessary, and never in a way that would fly in the face of authority. If given an order he never questioned or deviated from mission parameters?”

Briggs gave a reluctant nod of his head, as if pained to admit what he was thinking. “Sure he came up with plans on the fly when things turned bad, but they really _were_ strict by-the-book fallbacks. He was even pricklier about it since he came to the CW...”

Harren was staring a hole in the counter now, “He used to have more ambition. Openly questioned orders...”

Li narrowed her eyes with a little irritation, “And… knowing the rumors about Institute abductions, that never seemed odd to you? Really?”

“But he has emotions…” Lucci couldn’t remain silent any longer, “ _Had_ emotions. He felt fear, sorrow, pride and… love.”

The doctor very nearly rolled her eyes, “Essential to any infiltration programming is the ability to pass indistinguishably from the target. The Synth was Danse in every way. It knew itself to be Danse. Beyond that, it was given a purpose... One it was not able to identify consciously lest it compromise its mission. At the core of its genetic program was a simple protocol which informed its every decision. In this case, I would theorize, gaining a position of influence with Elder Maxson.” 

Li let that sink in for a moment before continuing, “Now, regarding the ‘humanity’ of the Elder’s decision, and taking all of the aforementioned into consideration... What do you suppose would happen to such a unit once it’s core objective, its _raison d’etre_ if you will, was taken away? M7-97 wasn’t given any other core programming. There was no purpose in its existence beyond infiltration. It’s a soldier, through and through. Couple that with Danse’s own tendencies, that unit would have more problems adjusting to your proposed exile life outside the Brotherhood than a common _human_ ex-soldier.” She crossed her arms and shifted her weight, “And that could have posed problems. M7-97 could have been a very real threat to the Brotherhood, given its advanced military training. If the unit’s mind were to break in such a way… M7-97 could very well have staged a coup.” As she turned back to her work, completely finished with the irritation of talking, the doctor added, “So, yes, execution was the intelligent decision.”

They stared after the doctor in silence until Briggs suddenly grabbed Lucky’s arm and yelled, “Dammit, Lucci! Three units of antifreeze! _Three!_ Are you even measuring that or just spilling it all over the fucking table?!”

She blinked herself out of the stupor Li had put her in and glanced down at the table. She had, most definitely, spilled more than she mixed.

Lucky pulled away from the Knight’s grip and glared up at him, “I told you I suck at this shit!”

“Watch your fucking mouth.” Briggs growled.

“Both of you need to watch your language.” Harren spoke quietly as he tossed Lucky another rag then turned to leave. 

Li’s words must have hurt him. They sure as hell gave Lucky a lot to think on.

Gavin popped his head around the other end of the shelf suddenly and grinned, “Need my Lancer.” 

Briggs glared at him for a moment, but gave a curt nod, “Yes, Sir.”

Lucky smiled at Gav, though the corner of her mouth gave a slight twitch. He apparently missed the entire conversation. What was she supposed to tell him? Should she even mention it at all? _Of course she should._ Was Gavin in any danger from Danse? Lucci had so many questions. So many what-ifs.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - 

****

_How do you tell your best friend that his lover’s feelings toward him are all base reactions to stimuli programmed into his head in order to blend in and infiltrate?_

Lucky stared after Gavin as she followed him into Sanctuary. She had no idea how to broach the topic, let alone come up with what to say about it. 

He was sitting in the kitchen again, though the lights were on this time. Danse was lacing up his boots when they entered and he stood to greet them. Better than last time, she supposed. It was still unsettling how much he looked like Maxson. 

Cade spoke to soldiers often about reentry to civilian life after military. Adjustment can be difficult, especially if the soldier had fought in a lot of battles. It was doubly difficult if the soldier had nobody to help them adjust to life outside. Danse had Gavin, at least. The man would have undoubtedly lost his mind without Gav. 

Lucky watched as the two of them hugged tightly for several long moments. It was Gavin who finally broke the embrace. The way the two of them looked at one another… there was no way the love in Danse’s eyes was artificial. 

“Jessica.” His greeting broke Lucci out of her thoughts.

“Hey, D.” She paused, “Wait… What did you just call me?”

“Your name?” He furrowed his brow a little, “Sorry… If you’d rather I didn’t…”

“Ah… Lucky is fine. Was strange is all.” She shrugged the odd feeling away. The only person who ever called her Jessica outside of yelling at her was Arthur behind closed doors.

“Sorry. _Lucky._ ” Danse gave a little smile and motioned to the door, “I’ve been trying to… Fit in.”

“Uh-huh. How’s that going?” She looked him up and down blatantly. He was wearing PT fatigues. A little voice in the back of her mind whispered, _‘the only place he could ever fit in is military…’_ Was he a threat? Dammit, Li… Lucky was much happier in ignorant bliss. 

“It’s difficult.” Danse smiled at Gavin beside him, “But I have a lot of help and understanding.”

And there was that love shining in his eyes again.

“It’ll take time.” Gav kissed him on the cheek. “And you have soldiers to work with here.”

He gave a curt nod and suddenly his ‘Danse-mask’ appeared. Serious business. He stepped to the door and put a hand on the knob. “Speaking of which, I have some training to get to.” He raised an eyebrow to Lucky, “You can join us, if you like.”

“Um… How about no fucking thank you.” She shook her head adamantly. PT with Danse was hell and she would rather avoid it if she didn’t have to. Being a Lancer, her PT was different than what the ground troops went through, but years ago, when she first met Danse, she had found herself in PT led by him and it was a special kind of torture. Although, it was not Kells level torture… 

“Suit yourself.” He opened the door and stepped out into the hot afternoon sun.

Gavin trailed casually behind, pausing just before he left, “Feel free to hang out, do whatever. The shower here works, you know where the bar is…” He flashed a grin and she rolled her eyes.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - 

****

The first thing Lucky did was take a shower. It felt amazing to be able to wash without a babysitter looming right outside the stall.

And then she found herself in the bar. There were a few people milling about taking lunch breaks or just lazing around on the Sunday afternoon. It was actually a pleasant place. Ceiling fans hummed overhead and she figured out how to work the jukebox in the corner. 

Lucky sat at a table and idly turned a glass of water around in her hands. She wanted a drink. Not water. Among the stress of everything else, the upcoming battle was drawing near and she was starting to get anxious. Nervous. A little scared at times. Lucci often tried to distract her thoughts from it rather than dwell. It would go however it went… No sense making herself crazy about it… _Right?_

She _really_ wanted a drink. 

“You’re on duty…” She whispered to herself as she stared at the water.

She caught sight of a man across the room smiling at her. He would ask to buy her a drink. She wouldn’t say no. 

Lucky stood up quickly and left the bar. 

The sun was relentless. She hesitated at the bottom of the stairs and thought about going back inside. _No._ Pushing herself forward, the Lancer walked aimlessly to put some distance between herself at the bar before she changed her mind. Then she found herself standing in the middle of the road staring blankly at nothing in particular.

“You look lost, kid.” A gravelly old woman’s voice startled her. 

“Me?” She glanced around then turned to the lady standing in the doorway of a house. “No, I’m not… Lost.” Lucci furrowed her brow. 

“Why don’t you come inside out of the heat.” The woman gave a tired, half-hearted motion with her hand then turned and shuffled into the house without even seeing if the Lancer would follow. 

“Uh… Ma’am? I don’t need…” Lucci trailed off as she was ignored. She looked up and down the street once more, then overhead to the cloudless blue sky. Not like she had anything better to do. “Okay… Fine then.” She hesitantly followed the woman inside. 

The lady was already sitting in a chair when Lucky entered. The living room was dimly lit by a floor lamp, the shades drawn tight. A nearly invisible haze filled the corner of the room and it sure as shit didn’t smell like cigarettes. 

Lucky nervously tugged on the sleeves of her jumpsuit around her waist. “Ah… I think maybe--”

“You need to stay strong. Like you been. There’s more to your destiny. I’ve seen it and I know your pain.” The woman stared _through_ Lucci.

“Scuse me?” Lucci clenched her fists tight around her sleeves. 

“It’s the chems, kid.” She sounded a little tired, “They give ole Mama Murphy ‘the Sight’. Been that way for as long as I can remember.”

“Uh...Huh…” Lucky had never used chems, but she was pretty sure they couldn’t be good for a fully functioning mind. Exhibit A was currently sitting in front of her. She cocked her head to the open door behind her, “I should go--”

“Two stags… One white with a heart of steel and the other red with twin souls... I saw them locking antlers in a field. But… The white stag had won and drove the red stag into the sea.” Mama Murphy’s voice was distant and the words rolled from her mouth as if spoken by someone else.

Lucky stared and slowly lowered herself onto a sofa as her legs suddenly felt weak. 

The woman continued, “But the red stag, grieving to have been driven away, will fall fiercely on the white one… A shower of blood will rain from the sky… A phoenix will be reborn from twisted metal flames… ” She paused for a moment then her raspy voice grew a little darker, “The seed of the white stag will be rooted up… What is left of his line will be destroyed… After the phoenix is returned home, great misfortune will fall on the white stag and the walls of his garden will be pulled down.” Falling silent, she sank back into her chair and sighed, closing her eyes for a moment.

Lucky blinked stupidly and tugged her sleeves as she sat perched on the edge of the sofa. “What… What does all that mean? Can you tell me more?”

“Sorry, kid…” Mama Murphy slowly opened her eyes, “I’m tired now. Maybe if you bring me some more chems later the Sight will paint a clearer picture.”

“Bring you chems?” Lucci furrowed her brow, “I can’t… Do that.” She rubbed her sweating palms over her thighs as she gave a serious thought to it. 

“I see a lot of pain circling around you… A war waged with you at its heart.” She gave an exhausted smile as her eyes closed, “Stay strong, Ginevra.”

Lucci gasped quietly, “How did you…” She shook her head, “My name is--”

“Lucky.” Danse appeared in the open doorway, brow furrowed curiously at finding her inside.

She jumped from the sofa and moved to his side quickly, still staring at the old woman in utter disbelief.

Gavin stepped up behind Danse, “Ah, you found her…” His smile faded when he saw the look on Lucci’s face. “You okay?”

“Um…” She was too dumbstruck to even lie.

Danse put an arm around her shoulders and ushered her away from the house, glaring back at the old woman briefly before he went. 

Once they had walked a ways down the street, Danse slid his arm from around her and grabbed her loosely by the shoulders to force her attention. “Stay away from her, Lucky.” 

“Yeah…” She gave a slow nod. 

“What’d she say to you?” Gavin’s face held a look of completely serious concern.

“It doesn’t matter, the woman is insane.” Danse shot another look over his shoulder to the house.

“She’s not.” Gav flashed a dangerous glare. “She’s creepy as fuck, but not insane. The shit she says always comes to pass.” 

“It doesn’t make much sense, though…” Lucky mumbled.

“What did she say, Jess?” Gavin persisted.

She glanced up at Danse for a second then shrugged, “Um… Something about two stags fighting. A phoenix... She called me by my middle name…” Lucci chewed her lip and stared down at her feet. “Talk about it later…” She mumbled again.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - 

****

On the flight back to the Prydwen, Lucky told Gavin what she had remembered Mama Murphy saying… She also told him everything Li had said about Danse, which rendered him silent for most of the trip. After she told him that, Gavin had stared out the window until they docked. And then he silently led her to Maxson’s quarters and left her there without a word.

Lucky entered the room and immediately grabbed the half empty bottle of vodka off the table and took a large gulping swallow before falling into his arms. 

_Fuck it._

Maxson pulled the bottle from her mouth as she finished her fourth swig. “Tell me what’s wrong.” 

He was no longer asking.

“LS Carlsen once told me…” Lucky let her head fall on his shoulder as she sat sideways across his lap, “That I’m a bird and you’re a… stag.” She closed her eyes and gave a little snort as the world slowly spun in her head. 

“Okay…” He urged her to continue.

“Cuz we’re two different species… And we shouldn’t be together cuz we can’t.” She tried to gather her thoughts.

“Birds and stags have a symbiotic relationship.” He raised an eyebrow as she peered up at him. “Birds get rid of parasites that feed off the stag and act as lookouts for danger…” Arthur shook his head, “But that’s not the entire reason you’re upset, is it?”

Lucky sighed and buried her face against his shoulder. “Nooo…” She groaned. 

He let her remain silent for a while until she finally lifted her head, her eyes wet and full of fearful concern. 

She took a deep breath, “A prophet talked to me today...“  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BnS is starting to borrow from Arthurian legend and will continue to do so as it continues on... 
> 
> There are so many insane 'coincidences' between Fo4's Arthur Maxson and the legendary King Arthur... More than the blatantly obvious. As I delved deeper into research, I stumbled across a loose connection between Mama Murphy and Merlin that I just cannot ignore. In legend, Merlin was a prophet. In some tales, Merlin was most simply an advisor to Arthur as well as a prophet. In Fo4, Mama Murphy is most likely a Psyker, some of which had strange 'magical' abilities in earlier games. 
> 
> I took a couple of Merlin's prophecies and mixed them into Fo4 universe, which is why Mama's words might sound a little strange. I feel the need to explain this for anyone who might wanna nitpick it. She's going to show up again... And she's going to spout Merlin prophecies as verbatim as I can manage.


	9. Catalysts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucky was handed off to LS Carlsen once again. This shit was getting real old, real fast. 
> 
> “I want to see Arthur.” She crossed her arms and propped a foot out stubbornly. 
> 
> The Lancer Sergeant clenched his jaw and stared at her quietly as a reply. 
> 
> He sighed and relaxed, a smile crossed his lips that didn’t touch his eyes. “Let’s go for a walk, Jessica.”
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

_Somehow,_ paperwork had been fucked up somewhere along the lines and Knight Aleski was slated to be Lucky’s babysitter. It was wrong in so many ways, since Aleski was still in trouble for the infighting and Kells had separated the two of them for talking.

_If Lucky had a guardian angel, his name was most definitely Gavin._

Aleski tossed a rag to her and grinned. “Better now?”

“You have no fucking idea.” Lucky wiped her greasy hands and smiled up at her bird. “Baby girl was so neglected.”

“Shit, Jessy… Does Arthur know he has ten-ton metal step-child?” Aleski crossed her arms and shook her head.

She threw the cloth at her friend, “Quiet! Caroline doesn’t know she’s adopted.”

Aleski snorted a laugh as she caught the rag and climbed inside the vertibird after Lucky. “Your obsession borders on insane, you know that, right?”

“Uh-huh… And what did you name your armor again?” Lucci raised an eyebrow.

The Knight sat down and cocked her chin, “Nimue… But that’s different.”

Lucky snorted, “At least Caroline is a _normal_ name.” 

“Who the hell names a vehicle Caroline?!” She leaned back in the corner and crossed her arms over her drawn up knees.

“Me.” The Lancer wrinkled her nose. “Caroline is an awesome name. I hope that if you have kids one day their father names them and not you.”

Aleski rolled her eyes, “Right. Dare I ask what you would name your kid?”

“Joseph.” Lucky didn’t even hesitate.

“Of course… But what if it’s a girl?” She cocked an eyebrow.

“Well I was thinking Jordyn, but that’s a really shit name.” Lucky smirked. 

Their giggles died down as Lucci’s hands idly touched her belly. 

“Doesn’t matter…” She sighed. 

Aleski rested her chin on her arms, “Just because a crazy old chem-addict said some shit doesn’t mean--”

“I don’t think she’s crazy.” Lucky dropped her hands into her lap and leaned back against the cool metal. 

“Okay…” Aleski spoke carefully, “Suppose she’s not. You don’t even know what she meant.”

“Lot of it didn’t make sense, but… Some of it did.” Her eyes fell to the floor out in front of her. “I’m not going to have Arthur’s baby… Ever.”

After several seconds of thick silence, Aleski reached over and poked Lucci’s belly, “Doesn’t seem that way to me.” She grinned, “Unless you’re just getting fat.”

“Eat a dick.” Lucky smacked her hand away. 

“You know,” Aleski lifted her head, “For someone who lies all the time, you sure are a shit liar.”

The Lancer wrinkled her nose, “I’ll have you know--”

“Knight Aleski!” A pissed off Paladin appeared in the doorway and both girls jumped up.

“Sir...” They spoke rather sheepishly in unison.

“There is no way in Hell the two of you are supposed to be together.” He glared.

Aleski hopped out of the bird and motioned up to the Prydwen, “My name was on the guard schedule, Sir.” She gave a little smile, “I don’t get paid enough to question orders.”

“I’m aware and I had the oversight corrected.” He pointed at Lucci as she moved to leave the bird. “You… Stay.”

Lucky froze in place and sighed quietly. Fun time with Al was over and she would be taken away from her friend once again. 

The Paladin climbed up and smirked at Aleski over his shoulder, “You’ve been reassigned to the store room. Report to KS Gavil.”  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Gavin sat on a crate in the breakroom, back against the wall, and stared at the bottle of whiskey in his hand. It had been right here in this very spot where he once sat with Danse and realized he had feelings for him. Gav had been in charge of a Knight at the time and she had been K.I.A. because of orders he had given her. _Knight Alexis..._ She was his friend. Gavin didn’t take it very well at the time. He had sat right here on this very crate drinking the same shit whiskey as Danse sat beside him and held him through that storm.

Danse was his anchor. 

_I can’t do this without you._

Danse had also been there for Maxson throughout most of the man’s life… Yet it was the Elder who had given the order to execute him. Was Gavin weak for not following through? Was he just holding on because he couldn’t let go? 

No. 

There was no way Danse was a threat… To him or anyone. He was having a rough time, but Gav was right there by his side… As much as he could be. After the battle, Gavin would go to Sanctuary and be with him, fuck what anyone has to say about it. 

_He needs support, understanding, and love._

Fuck, what would have happened to Danse if Gav hadn’t been there for him? He had already started acting strange… Cutting his hair like Maxson’s… His mind had been a little damaged. And why the fuck wouldn’t it have been? His best friend, the man he trusted even more than himself and whom he had given up everything in his life for, threw him to the wolves without a second thought and all Danse knew in the world was the Brotherhood. 

Gavin took a swallow of the whiskey and made a face at the bottle. Shit tasted like dirty gasoline. He took another drink. 

A thought ran through his spinning mind about Danse out on his own. Or, perhaps, another Synth Danse out there somewhere. _What would he have done? What would he have become?_ Gav snorted at a thought of Danse leading the Gunners and looking exactly like Maxson… Staging a coup against the Brotherhood for what the Elder had condemned him to.

_Taking over._ Taking everything from Maxson just as the Elder had done to Danse. 

_And who’s side would Gavin fall on?_

“Hey, Sir Gavin.” Bailey was standing in front of him with his head tilted in question.

Gav hadn’t even noticed him approach. “Hey.” 

“May I?” He motioned to the bottle Gavin was loosely holding.

“Knock yourself out.” Gav handed it over and Bailey hopped up on the crate next to him. “Aren’t you supposed to be… Under house arrest or some shit?”

Bailey chuckled, “Would you believe I got time off for good behavior?”

Gavin shook his head, “Not for a minute.”

“I’m... “ He glanced around the empty room, “Running an errand right now. Playing gopher.”

That drew a genuine smile from Gav. “More ‘hiding underground’ and less ‘going for’, I see.” 

Bailey nodded, “You know it.” He took a drink and set the bottle down on the opposite side of himself from Gavin. “So, what are _you_ playing at, my friend?” 

“Playing conductor… Thought I’d take the Pity Train for a joyride.” He leaned back against the cold metal wall and closed his eyes.

The Knight scooted himself back and leaned against the wall next to him in silence for quite some time.

“Jon… What do you suppose love is?” Gav spoke quietly without opening his eyes. 

“Love?” Bailey thought about it for a moment, “A shit ton of different neurochemical processes and external stimuli forming the right complexes and sequences.”

Gavin opened one eye and glanced at the Knight, who was grinning back at him. 

“Smartass.” He lifted his head, “I’m serious.”

“So am I.” Bailey shrugged.

Gav stared at him for a moment then shook his head and looked away. “That’s incredibly romantic.”

“I know… My wife loves my bedroom talk. I should get paid to write love letters home for soldiers.” He took another drink from the bottle and set it back down away from Gavin. 

“Dr. Li said…” Gavin started then took a breath, “The Institute believes that Synths aren’t human. That everything they are is just programmed reactions to stimuli so we should disregard their feelings as a byproduct.” 

Bailey sat cross-legged and leaned his elbows on his thighs as he regarded the Paladin quietly. “That’s all any animal is. That’s all any of us humans are.” Gav remained silent so the Knight lowered his voice and spoke carefully, “You’re questioning the feelings D had for you?”

“His love seems so real and so--” Gavin tried to shake off the haze in his mind, “He’s been questioning his feelings… And now, because of some shit Li said… I don’t… Know…” Gav paused and tried to think about what he had just said. 

The look on Bailey’s face answered for him. “ _Been_ questioning…?” He blinked stupidly then suddenly went wide-eyed.

“Fuck.” Gavin scrubbed his hands through his hair.

Bailey leaned close and whispered, “Seriously? How the hell? I mean… What?!”

The Paladin grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and hissed, “You can’t fucking tell anyone!”

“Relax!” He grabbed Gav’s fist in both hands, “Your secrets will always be safe with me. Let go.”

Gavin slowly released him and sighed, “So much for no secrets in the Brotherhood…”

“Shit.” Bailey smoothed his shirt, “This place is riddled with secrets.” He lowered his voice, “Would it make you feel better if I told you mine?” 

Gavin stared at him skeptically. “Maybe. Why?”

Bailey’s eyes dropped to his hands down in his lap, “I’m feeling the need to repent.”

That wasn’t uncommon of soldiers just before a major battle. Gav shrugged, “If you want… I’m listening.”

Bailey thought for a moment then nodded to himself. “A few years ago… I killed an officer. Senior Paladin Alger.”

Gavin raised his eyebrows.

“That’s not the secret… That was documented. It’s actually why I can’t move up in rank beyond Knight. Everything I do now is always under scrutiny.” Bailey continued to stare at his hands. “It was out on a mission. Documented as friendly fire. An accident.” 

When Bailey fell silent, Gavin spoke quietly, “It wasn’t…?”

He shook his head slowly, “Not by a long shot.” He worked to gather his thoughts then glanced up at the Paladin, “Alger was a piece of shit. He was taking advantage of his subordinates. He was…” Bailey clenched his jaw a couple times and worked to keep his voice down, “he was coercing them into sexual favors. Young girls in particular…” His eyes met Gavin’s, “Jessy was one of those girls.” 

Gavin’s eyes widened for a moment then a look of dangerous rage crossed his features.

Bailey touched the Paladin’s arm and shook his head, “He _tried_ … But Jessy is, you know… Jessy. She wasn’t having any of that shit… She went to ranks immediately… But…” Bailey dropped his hand, “Nobody believed her because… Jessy is Jessy.” He took a breath and stared down at his hands in his lap again. “I believed her.” Done talking about it, he picked up the bottle and took a long swig. 

If it was one thing Gavin had learned in the military, and about life in general… There are always people taking advantage of others. Bailey was a protector, just as Gavin was at heart. 

After several long minutes of silence, Bailey handed the nearly empty bottle back to Gav. “So… What is love, you ask? It’s the deep bonds we share with one another built on trust, undying devotion, friendship and the knowledge that, deep down inside, we’d do anything just so those people we care about don’t suffer.” He smiled and put a hand on the Paladin’s shoulder, “I love Jessy. And… I’d take a bullet for you, too… Just as Danse would.”  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucky was handed off to LS Carlsen once again. This shit was getting real old, real fast.

“I want to see Arthur.” She crossed her arms and propped a foot out stubbornly. 

The Lancer Sergeant clenched his jaw and stared at her quietly as a reply. 

He sighed and relaxed, a smile crossed his lips that didn’t touch his eyes. “Let’s go for a walk, Jessica.”

“Don’t call me that.” She dropped her arms and allowed him to touch her shoulder to urge her forward beside him. Lucky was just about done playing this stupid game. 

The last couple times she had been with Arthur, she had made attempts to get him to stop the infighter punishments. They all had enough. Everyone had learned their damn lessons, her in particular. She tried to tell Maxson nicely, but his mind was set and Kells continued to advise him on the matter. She wished Danse were still around to advise. Danse always knew what to say… To the Elder in particular. He would have put an end to this bullshit weeks ago. The man needed someone to take the ex-Paladin’s place. Someone who wouldn’t be shoved around. Someone other than her. He needed an opposite to Kells’ strict Codex line of old school thinking. 

Lucky knew it should be her. _Behind every strong man is a strong woman._ But she was no leader. As long as she could fly and have that freedom, she didn’t care about much else. She’d been known to slack off in more recent years and skirt around rules. 

Her idea of ‘skirting’ was more like blatantly trampling over or around by a thousand klicks.

“Where are we going?” Lucci stared over her shoulder as they left the airport proper. 

“How are you feeling?” He ignored her question. 

Lucky turned her head away from the airport gateway and blinked at him. “Huh?”

“About the war.” He clarified as he smiled over at her.

“Um… The war… I dunno.” She furrowed her brow then pointed to the gun in his leg holster, “Shouldn’t I have one of those out here?”

Carlsen put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close as they walked down the road. “Relax, I got you.”

Lucci brushed his hand off her shoulder and glared, “I got myself, thanks.” 

He stopped and turned to her, “Look, Jessy… All this personal guard detail is kind of a shit deal and I know it must be hard on you to not have any personal interactions or to be able to hang out and drink and play cards or what have you.”

“Uh… Huh…” She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes skeptically.

“So, relax… I’m not going to drag you out here and put one in your damn head.” He smiled again then turned to continue walking.

Lucci had known Carlsen for a few years… And she wasn’t stupid. She’d hung out in enough bars to pinpoint the man’s intentions the moment his speech changed. 

She crossed her arms stubbornly and didn’t move.

And she wasn’t surprised one bit when he switched up his tactics. 

Carlsen turned to her and squared his shoulders. “Lucci. I may feel bad for you, but you’re still my ward.” His eyes flit to the Pryd for a second. “And, as Sergeant, you are also _my_ Lancer.”

“Don’t threaten me.” She glared dangerously.

“I’m not…” He sighed pointedly, “Dammit, Jessy, I just want to get to know you better, is that so fucking terrible?”

New tactic. 

At least he was being slightly more honest with his intent. Also, he had a point about being her Sergeant... And her appointed guard. He actually had the power to ground her, if he so chose. 

Fuck that. Fuck him. One thing Lucci couldn't stand was people abusing rank. 

“Dunno if you’ve heard or anything but, uh… I sorta have a boyfriend.” She smirked and nodded up toward the Prydwen.

Carlsen narrowed his eyes and stepped closer. “But that doesn’t seem to stop you from finding your way into other racks, does it?”

Lucky glared, “What you think happened in Gavin’s quarters didn’t happen.”

He chuckled, “Doesn’t matter what you say and we both know it.”

She held her breath and clenched her teeth hard enough to start hurting. “Arthur would believe me.” Her mind flashed back to a time, not too long ago, when nobody believed her. She brought it on herself once she started the lies. She had told Maxson she hid in storage… How would it look if Carlsen-- 

Lucky started to panic a little inside. 

_Nobody would believe her._

“Sure, let’s go talk to the Elder. He’s a completely reasonable man, I’m sure he’d understand.” Carlsen flashed a quick smirk.

_Nobody would believe her and Gavin would pay for it._

Even if Arthur took her word as well as Gavin’s, he’d undoubtedly separate the two of them… Permanently. Why wouldn’t he? 

Lucky dropped her eyes to the cement and silently allowed the Lancer Sergeant to escort her into a building.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Carlsen handed her a bottle of wine he had stashed away in a top floor room of a five-story building. Lucky took it and set it down on a little table near a window, then turned and hopped up in the sill to sit.

The Lancer Sergeant stood in front of her a few feet away. “Tell me about yourself, Jessy.” He fell back to the _‘I just want to get to know you better’_ tactic as if everything he had said outside didn’t happen.

“You know about me.” She shrugged while still eyeing him skeptically. 

“I know your name, where you came from, your age, and shit like that. Tell me something personal.” Another smile. 

She stared at him for a long moment. “Why? We both know this is bullshit. This game is a waste of time and I wanna go see Arthur. Drop the stupid fucking pretense, tell me what it is you want from me and let me get on with shit.”

Carlsen took a breath, “What I want…” He spoke somewhat carefully, “Is for you to drop that thought you have of shit going anywhere with the Elder.” He softened his words, “He’s going to hurt you. Being with him will mean giving up what you want.”

“You have no fucking idea what I want and why the fuck do you care?” She glared.

“I’ve watched you for years, Jessy… I have a pretty good idea of what you want.” He moved closer and put his hands on the outsides of her thighs. 

“Good, then you know what I want is Arthur.” Lucky tensed up, but didn’t move.

“You have got to be one of the most stubborn girls I’ve ever met.” He shook his head and took a breath, “And that’s one of the reasons… What I want is you.”

“You can’t have me.” She leaned back out the window slightly and put her hands on his chest to hold him in place.

The Lancer Sergeant took hold of both of her wrists and made her drop them, pushing her back even farther. 

He glanced down at the ground over her shoulder. “Long way down…”

“I told you not to threaten me, asshole. I’m not afraid of falling… Are you?” She didn’t even look at the ground below as she jerked her hands away from him and he caught her around the waist.

His sigh was very nearly a growl. “Dammit, Lucci!” He pulled her out of the window and threw her into the room, turning on her as soon as she hit the floor.

Carlsen drew his gun and held it down by his side. “I tried telling you. Tried asking… Lose the fucking Elder and stick to your own kind.” He raised the weapon as Lucky started to get to her feet. “Stay the fuck down. I’m done being nice...”  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	10. Bullet Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You sure know how to make a fucking exit.” Bailey glared sideways at Gavin as they entered the airport proper from the flight deck. 
> 
> “Don’t care.” He stalked into the store room. “And you didn’t have to come with me.”
> 
> “Yeah, well… That bullet I mentioned earlier… Here it is. Right to the fucking head.” He sighed and changed his tone, “You tried to stand up for me. For all of us… I’d follow you into Hell, you know.”
> 
> Gav slowed his stride. “And I’d fight to make sure you never have to.”  
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 
> 
>   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  ***** TRIGGER WARNING!!!** Lucky's scene in this chapter contains a high 'sexual attack' trigger warning that could be a little much for some readers. You can safely skip her scene and follow along the rest of the chapter just fine if you are sensitive to the topic of rape and/or sexual attacks. The scene is a little intense... It does not contain graphic depictions of rape, however, just the struggle.  
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 
> 
>   
> 

  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

****

Gavin was riding a good whiskey buzz and his give-a-damn meter was busted.

_Probably not the best time for talking to the Lancer Captain._

“Page Lucci for me, I can’t find her.” Gavin thumbed over his shoulder then paused and added a quick, “Sir.” And then, at the look on the man’s face, he also tacked on, “please,” and flashed a grin. 

Kells eyed Bailey at the Paladin’s side then crossed his arms. “Where are you headed?”

Gav shrugged, “Thought I’d run some errands. Head out to get some dry cleaning done, maybe pick up some groceries, get the kids from soccer practice and perhaps--”

“That’s enough.” His dark eyes narrowed dangerously.

“Yes, Sir.” Gavin was smiling like an idiot and trying not to laugh at what he’d just said. Normally, he’d simply leave without telling anyone anything, as per usual, but he couldn’t find Jess… And he couldn’t go see Danse without her. 

Kells stared for a moment then cocked an eyebrow, “Have you been drinking, Paladin?”

“Me?” Gav pressed a hand to his chest.

“Do you see any other intoxicated Paladins around?” Kells dropped his hands and took a deep breath to, more than likely, berate him.

Bailey quickly stepped forward and interjected, “Sir, the Paladin received news of a Synth sighting he needs to check out ASAP.”

Kells looked the Knight up and down for a moment and narrowed his eyes skeptically. “The two of you?”

“Yes, Sir.” Bailey gave a curt nod, “Could be speculation, but you can never be too careful, right?”

More skeptical silence. 

Finally, Kells grabbed a clipboard and eyed Gavin, “Lucci is down in the airport with Lancer Sergeant Carlsen.” He held the clipboard out to Gav with some irritation. “Fill this out.”

Gav sighed and took the logs. “Already checked the airport. Obviously… Or I wouldn’t have come in here to hassle with this--”

“Watch your tone, Paladin.” Kells cocked his chin and crossed his arms again. “Lucci is not currently on my ship. Carlsen is slated as her guard for the remaining two hours, followed by Knight--”

“You know what?” Gavin pointed the clipboard at him, “I’ve had just about enough of Jessy’s personal guard bullshit. And my Knights… They’re done.”

Bailey put a hand on Gav’s arm to calm him down, but he shrugged it off. 

Kells stepped up close, “You do not have the authority to--”

“Yeah, but _you_ do.” Gavin didn’t back down. “In fact, you have all the authority around here, don’t you?” He tilted his head and lowered his voice, “Puppetmaster Kells.”

Bailey grabbed Gavin by the collar of his shirt and pulled him back, stepping between the two men immediately and raising his hands to the Lancer Captain. 

He spoke calmly, “Sir, I apologize for--”

“Get the hell off my ship.” Kells pointed over Bailey’s shoulder.

“Gladly!” Gav flung the clipboard at the top of a control panel and the papers scattered loudly across the floor.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Jessy scooted herself away from Carlsen and glared up at him brazenly. “Gunna shoot me? Arthur won’t--”

 _“Elder Maxson!”_ He stomped a foot down next to her and she flinched. 

“What the fuck is your deal?” She crawled backward toward the window a little more.

“My deal?” He followed closely after her. “You’re chasing rank and we both know it… But you’re well out of place trying to jump into a bed that high.”

She glared up at him, “Are you fucking serious?! I am not--”

“Nobody wants you at his side, you’re kidding yourself, Jessica. What? You going to play housewife to an Elder? We all know you could never cut it as an officer. You’d make him look a fool.” He reached down with one hand and grabbed her shirt in a tight fist to haul her to her feet then pushed her roughly against the wall next to the window. “You wanna chase rank? I’ve been after you for a long time… Or am I too low on that list for you?”

Her hands gripped his fist and her eyes started to sting. _Bury it in rage._ She swallowed rising fear and hurt. “Fuck you, Milo.” 

_Stay angry. Don’t let the fear in._

She reached over with one hand and grabbed the bottle of wine on the table, swinging it as hard as she could in the tight space. He blocked the glass with his gun hand just barely and it thumped his weapon against his head. The surprise of the blow and the bottle shattering on the floor was just enough for her to pull free of him as he dropped his weapon and reeled.

He was quick. 

_Quicker than she was…_

Jessy didn’t get but a few steps before he tackled her to the ground and straddled her thighs, hands immediately falling to her throat. 

His grip didn’t hurt; It was a threat.

She brought an arm down across his, but he’d been anticipating it and he locked his elbows and gave a squeeze as a louder unspoken threat.

“Leggo!” Jess tried to squirm her feet closer to herself and hike him up onto her hips, but he anticipated that, too. He’d gone through all the same training as she had… And he was twice her size and weight. “Fucking… Psychotic… Ass--”

“You have a lot of moxy, I’ll give ya that.” He glared down at her. “Don’t make this hard, Jessica.”

She reached up with both hands and raked a couple nails across his face before he grabbed both wrists and pinned them down above her head.

As he leaned forward, she got her feet up and bucked her hips to roll him off. 

He balanced himself and took both wrists in one hand and touched the other to the bleeding scratches over his cheek. “Stop fucking fighting or you’re gunna regret it.”

She squirmed under him and growled, “Do your worst, asshole… Cuz as soon as I get outta here… _You’re_ gunna regret it.” Jess clenched her teeth and hissed, “Arthur’s gunna kill you.”

He paused and glanced down at his blood-wet fingertips for a moment. “Well then…” He narrowed his eyes, “I better be sure to take some people out with me…”

Jessy held her breath and blinked stupidly for a moment... The rage faltered and her fear started to take over. “You--”

“Starting with Aleski.” A wicked grin crept over his face, made more sardonic by the bloody scratches. 

_“No!”_ Panic suddenly gripped her and she froze. 

“Oh… That got your attention.” He let her go and sat back heavily on her thighs. “Nobody has to kill anyone…” He started to unbutton her shirt and she grabbed his wrists. “We can be civil… If you just stop fighting.” He paused to let his threat sink in.

Jessy dug her nails into his wrists and glared. _Tried_ to glare. _Get angry!_ Fuck. She never thought she would ever be put in a position to want to kill one of her brothers or sisters… _He wasn’t her brother._

He didn’t deserve to be… 

_He threatened her friend._

She wasn’t a killer. 

There was no other way. 

_She wasn’t a killer!_

_Get angry!_

There was no more rage… Only fear. Fear for Jordyn. 

Her grip loosened and her hands fell away.

This would be one more secret she’d keep…  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

“You sure know how to make a fucking exit.” Bailey glared sideways at Gavin as they entered the airport proper from the flight deck.

“Don’t care.” He stalked into the store room. “And you didn’t have to come with me.”

“Yeah, well… That bullet I mentioned earlier… Here it is. Right to the fucking head.” He sighed and changed his tone, “You tried to stand up for me. For all of us… I’d follow you into Hell, you know.”

Gav slowed his stride. “And I’d fight to make sure you never have to.” He gave Bailey a little smile before turning a corner to find Gavil. 

“Where’s Jessy?” Gav’s voice held heat. He wanted to get out of this place and the sooner the better.

He sighed pointedly, “I told you earlier, Paladin, I don’t know where Lucci is. I have a lot of work to do here and--”

“How in the hell can you people lose track of someone who’s supposed to be kept tabs on at all times?” He threw his hands up and rolled his eyes.

Gavil narrowed his eyes and pointed at Gav’s chest, “Paladin, you need to watch your--”

“Tone. I know. Fuck.” Gavin was getting really irritated… And something was starting to bother him. Unsettling feelings he couldn’t put a finger on. He grumbled and walked out of the airport more quickly than he’d entered.

Bailey watched him for a moment then smiled at Gavil, “Sorry, Sir… Kidd is… Having a bad day.”

“I don’t give two shits what kind of day he’s having, he’d better check his damn temper.” He nearly yelled.

“Yes Sir. I’ll… Reign him in.” He flashed another smile then trotted off after Gavin, who had made his way to a patrolling Knight on the tarmac.

“Where the fuck is Jess?” His voice cracked. _That nagging feeling…_

The Knight shrugged and pointed her rifle toward the gateway, “I don’t know, Sir. Last I saw, she and LS Carlsen left the airport.”

“Why?” Bailey furrowed his brow and scratched the back of his neck as his eyes fell on the road out.

“Not sure. Nobody tells me anything around here.” She shrugged again.

A second Knight on the wall pointed Gav down the road about two blocks away to a tall building on the right. _At least one soldier around the airport did their job._

“Gav… Wait up.” Bailey trotted down the road after the paladin, “We need arms out in the sandbox.”

He didn’t reply. Instead, he started to speed up into a slow trot, which switched Bailey’s concern into soldier mode. There was a look of focus on the paladin’s face that gave off a disturbingly tense air.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Jonathan Bailey had always been the one to step in the line of fire for those he deemed as friends. He knew that one day, he’d probably die protecting someone he loved. He was okay with that. When Gavin was kicked from the Pryd, he followed without hesitation. The Paladin had stood up to LC Kells. Nobody had ever done that. Not for anyone and most certainly not for him…

He had, over the years, eaten his fill of lead when it came to protecting those he cared about. He had taken literal bullets in the field as he always led point. Always. 

_And gladly._

Every bullet he took for a brother or sister was pain they didn’t have to endure. He’d do it again in a heartbeat. All of it. Everything. 

Bailey carried many scars over his body… And in his heart.

He found a kindred spirit in Gavin. That man would undoubtedly take on the world to keep his friends safe and Jon had never come across anyone like that. 

But one man couldn’t bear the burden of protective sentinel all on his own… One day that bullet taken would be the last. Too many open wounds to withstand.

_If only Jon could see how hypocritical that thought was._

Bailey stood with his back to the Paladin as he picked the lock on the door. “You gotta show me how to do that someday.” He spoke quietly over his shoulder.

“Keys to the city…” Gav murmured as the door clicked open and he quietly slipped inside. 

There was no reason for the door to be locked. There was no reason for Jessy and Carlsen to be in the building in the first place. 

In all the years he’d known Jessy, she had never been a damsel. She had been pushed around constantly, but always pushed back just as hard. And Bailey had been the silent Knight at her shoulder through most of her personal shitstorm, ready to lend a hand if she wanted to take it. 

As Bailey and Gavin made their way quietly up the stairs to the top floor, Bailey felt his heart drop when he heard her voice.

_“Don’t do this…”_

He looked over at Gavin and could see the very instant the raging instinct kicked on in his eyes. It was like pulling the pin on a grenade... 

_Click..._

They both ran up the stairs the rest of the way, the Paladin heedlessly rushing into the room just before Bailey.

Carlsen had his back to them and had no time to react before Gavin tackled him to the side and hit him hard enough to rock his head against the floor. 

Jessy scrambled to her feet and picked up a gun from the floor. With one hand she shakily raised it toward Carlsen… She wiped her eyes with the palm of her other hand.

_And Jon slipped into a cold calmness that was completely frightening._

Bailey lifted her chin with two fingers to look her in the eyes. Jessy answered his silent questions in the instant she glanced away and set her red-rimmed wet eyes on the man under Gavin. Jon took the weapon from her trembling hand and stood in front of her, turning to Carlsen. 

_When Jonathan raised the weapon, his hand was steady._

The man struggled for a moment when he saw Bailey standing over him, but couldn’t get away so instead he stilled and narrowed his eyes at the Knight. “Killing your brothers is treason…” He squirmed a little when Gav’s attention turned to Bailey and Jessy. “But… You’d know all about that… wouldn’t you… You’ve--”

Gavin cut him off abruptly, putting his hands on the man’s throat and bearing down on him.

“You aren’t my brother.” Bailey’s voice was calm and quiet.

“Jon…” Jessy put a still trembling hand on his wrist, “Don’t…”

He didn’t make any motion to lower the weapon. “Gavin. Move.”

The Paladin growled and grabbed Carlsen by the hair, jerking him onto his knees. There was a vacant look in Gavin’s eyes, angry as he was. _He wasn’t all there._

“Listen to her, Jon.” Carlsen looked him right in the eyes. “You won’t walk out of this one so easily. Not like last time.” A bold smile ghosted across his lips.

Bailey clenched his jaw as he tried to work himself back to rationality. After Alger… Eyes had been on him constantly. It didn’t matter the reason behind his actions, he killed that soldier. It hadn’t been his place to do it... No matter what the reasons. 

_The punishment for treason is death._

This would be the one bullet. This would be his undoing. 

He took a breath and set his feet. This bullet had two names on it…

“You can’t kill me, Bailey!” Carlsen suddenly looked very afraid.

“Jon! Don’t!” Jessy tightened her grip on his wrist.

“He’s not going to walk out of here. He laid hands on my sister and he’ll pay for it.” Bailey narrowed his eyes.

“Let Maxson deal with him…” She urged.

How many soldiers had the Elder sentenced to death in the past years of his leadership? Too many. _One_ was too many. It had torn the man up every time. 

“Let Maxson deal with _me_ …” Gavin grabbed the man by the hair again and jerked his head back… 

The dim yellow light glinted off broken glass for an instant, then a flood of dark red spilled from Carlsen’s neck. 

Jessy quietly gasped as Gavin let the man fall to the floor. She reached a hand out and shook her head, “Gav… No.”  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Gavin threw open Maxson’s door and stalked inside, right up to the Elder.

Bailey stood right behind with Jessy under one arm protectively and held her in place when she tried to run to Maxson.

“What the hell, Paladin?!” Maxson stood from his chair so quickly it fell back, clattering loudly against the metal floor. 

“Jess is not to be put under guard anymore.” He pointed a blood covered finger at the Elder. “I’m taking back my Knights.” Gav stepped closer, even as Maxson glared dangerously. “And you’re going to make some changes around here regarding your circle of influence. You can’t run the Brotherhood alone or with Kells pulling all your strings.” He swept the bloody hand out toward the decks beyond the room. “There’s dissension within your ranks that you can’t possibly handle on your own…” He glared right back at the Elder and balled his fists. “I won’t stand for it.”

Maxson’s eyes fell on Jessica briefly then back to the Paladin. The Knight standing guard outside the Elder’s quarters stepped in the doorway to watch the scene unfold.

“Knight, detain this man,” Maxson growled. 

The armored guard grabbed the Paladin by the upper arm roughly and Jess shook off Bailey’s hands, stepping up to Maxson. “No! Wait! Arth--”

The Elder ignored her and pointed sternly, “Take him to the brig.”

Gavin struggled, trying to free himself of the metal fingers gripped tightly around his arm. “Goddammit, Arthur! Listen to me!” 

The Knight drug him backward a few steps. “Come with me in a dignified manner--”

Laying a couple quick desperate punches against the guard’s chest plate, Gavin snapped, “I killed him! I fucking killed him and he won’t hurt Ana-- Jess… Don’t let Jon tell you I didn’t... It was me!”

Bailey closed his eyes and lowered his head as the guard hiked Gavin up over one shoulder and left with him yelling down the catwalks.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are some excerpts from Sir Gawain's story in Arthurian Legend which I loosely based some things off... Gawain's rescue of a maiden and killing the Pirate King who took her... _Milocrates._
> 
>   
>  __  
> 
> 
> The Rise of Sir Gawain 
> 
>   
>    
>  _Gawain and a delegate departed from Rome to Jerusalem... However, a fierce storm disrupted their journey, where they had to land on an island ruled by Milocrates, the Pirate King._
> 
>  
> 
> _Milocrates had captured the emperor's niece as hostage and forced her to become his consort._
> 
> _Gawain managed to secretly enter the city and then into the palace..._
> 
> _Seeing that he had lost his kingdom, Milocrates attacked Gawain. [...] the hero swept the King's head with a sword..._  
> 


	11. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Not only killing a fellow soldier, but speaking out against me as you did... Is defined as treason.” 
> 
> Gavin slowly got to his feet. “I know.”
> 
> “The punishment is execution.” Maxson narrowed his eyes a little. 
> 
> A small nod. “I know.”
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

She was passion. Freedom. Tempered rage and loving desire. So small. So delicate. Yet, not so delicate. Strong and fierce. That small frame belied her iron-willed nature. Jessica was his everything.

And when she needed him to be there for her, he hadn’t been. 

Gavin was there. Jonathan was there. 

Arthur watched her sleeping. Curled into a little ball with her head on his arm, draped in one of his shirts that was much too large and made her look all the more tiny. Smiling faintly, he pressed his lips gently against the top of her head. She stirred for a moment and curled herself into a tighter little ball beside him. 

His little bird had been wounded and Gavin was right all along. Arthur couldn’t handle everything on his own. He couldn’t even be there for Jessica. He had allowed Kells to punish his soldiers in his stead because he didn’t know what else to do. Nobody to ask for advice. No one else he trusted. 

Maxson trusted Gavin. He put faith and trust in him as he once had in Danse. But he held back this time. Could he stand another betrayal by someone so close? 

Jessica had posed a question at one time… ‘If you met a crazy old fortune teller who could tell you the truth about yourself, your life or your future, what would you want to know?’ 

At the time, Arthur stated that he’d like to know the outcome of the Institute battle… But she had urged him on to confess that really, he wanted to know if he would be happy one day. Have a family. Wife and kids. 

Now, as he pondered the question once again, he wanted to know if he would be with Jessica in the future… As his wife. Would they, could they, weather these storms? Would they both come out of the war together? Would she be okay in the end? He couldn’t protect her. Not like he wanted. What he wanted was to lock her away, safe and sound. Send her back to the Capital to await his return. She would despise him for it. She was a bird he could never cage. 

When she and Bailey told him everything that had happened with Carlsen, he felt a rage within him that he’d never felt before. It was built on a foundation of fear. Jessica had been hurt and he felt completely powerless… and more than a little at fault. 

And if something were to happen to her in the battle? He knew he’d blame himself and he’d never be able to live with it. Not that. 

Anything… 

Anything but that.

Arthur squeezed his eyes closed and pulled her closer, holding her tightly.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

The Pryd didn’t have a brig. Not a proper one, at any rate. What it had, was a built in cage down in a fan room. Cages. Two of them. There was mattress and a bucket.

The mattress was a luxury. 

Gavin had been, at one time, a P.O.W. and being locked in the small cage had sent him up the fucking walls with panic. 

M.P.’s… Knight guards, rather, wore unmarked suits. They didn’t use their names. They were to remain unknown to prisoners at all times. 

_Prisoners._

Gavin pounded his palm against the metal and glared at the back of his guard’s armor. “Go get Maxson.” The Knight didn’t move. “Let me talk to Maxson, dammit!” 

And he was ignored. Again. Still. More. 

He had drunkenly tried threats, bribery, pleading and damn near begging. After he sobered up, he tried again. Hours after he was stone cold sober, he fought off a panic attack and started beating his fists against the cage just to ease his frustration. 

_Hours._

How many hours? Quite possibly a day.

He had been given food three times now. Three times he threw it back out the slot and cussed at the squire. He hadn’t meant that. All he wanted was to talk to the fucking Elder. And get the hell out of the tiny suffocating cage he was trapped in. 

_Trapped._

Deep breaths. 

If Maxson was going to kill him, he wished the man would get the fuck on with it. At least he wouldn’t be locked in a cage. 

_Was_ Maxson going to kill him? What did Jon say? Where was Bailey now? Where was Jess? 

_She was okay._

She’s okay now. 

That’s all that mattered. Jess was safe and Jon couldn’t possibly take the blame for what happened. 

And maybe, just maybe, Arthur would rethink his position. 

Jess was okay. He had gotten there in time…

Fingertips trailed the long scar on his face from his hairline to his eyebrow where he paused. 

_Ana._ He hadn’t been there in time for his sister. _He failed._ Let her down. He was supposed to be her protector. Responsible for her. She had died under his care. He wasn’t there in time. _Not for Ana._

Seeing Jess pinned on the ground under that man… Gavin had been thrown right back into his old shoes. In his old house. But this time… He could save her. He had made it right when he killed that man -- that Ghost. For Ana. For Jessica. 

_For himself._

He could die at peace now. He was ready.

Gav fell back onto the mattress and closed his eyes, working to imagine it as being his old cot in the barracks. Wide open barracks. Not Danse’s bed. Not a prison bed. 

Back to a time when he was still a Knight and everything was simple. 

Danse was in his room. Jess was in her own cot… three down and one across from his own. She was sleeping soundly. Bailey was in his own next to his. Crewe on the other side of Jon… Aleski next to Jess. 

_Deep breaths._

This had all been a dream. He would wake up and everything would be the way it was so many months ago. 

Or he would wake up to the sound of Maxson’s voice telling him he was going to be executed... 

“Leave us.” 

Gavin didn’t want to open his eyes at the sound of the Elder’s voice. He squeezed them closed even tighter. Here it was. Maxson was going to kill him.

He didn’t move as he listened to the heavy metal footsteps retreating from the room. He didn’t move as the place was flooded with a deafening silence filled only by the soft _whoosh whoosh_ of the large fan. 

Arthur was staring at him quietly. 

All he wanted was to talk to the man, but now that he was standing there Gavin was at a loss for words. There wasn’t much left to say that he hadn’t said already. 

When the Elder executed a traitor, how did it go? Did he take them out to the forecastle and shoot them in the head? Maybe there was a firing squad. Maybe he’d cut his head off with a sword. 

Gavin let out a quiet sigh and finally opened his eyes. 

“How’s Jess doing?” His voice was ragged from yelling at the guards and refusing water.

Maxson stood with his hands clasped behind his back and remained quiet for a few more moments before giving a very slight nod. “She’s fine.”

Gav sat up and rested his arms on his knees. He supposed he should stand up. Stand at attention, perhaps. Take it with some dignity. 

No. 

He was a man speaking face to face with another man. No ranks. Just humanity.

“Jon?” Gav asked quietly.

“A wise man once taught me to stand by all my orders and actions with no regrets.” The Elder ignored his question. “Do you regret your actions, Gavin?”

Danse had also taught him that very same thing. 

“No.” His eyes hardened with conviction.

Maxson nodded slightly then lifted his chin, “Give way your suspicions to the wisdom of thine Elder. Where he shows trust, so shall you.” A small pause. “When that was taught to me, it had been interpreted at the time to mean that the Elder is right in all things and should never be questioned.” The corner of his mouth twitched and he dropped his gaze for a moment in thought. “You know, they say my soul was forged from eternal steel…” He shook his head, “but I don’t believe that. I’m just a man. A fallible human like any other.” 

“Your intentions are good.” 

“I try.” The Elder took a breath, “I try to do what’s best for the men and women who follow me. Those who trust me with their lives.” Another pause. “Not only killing a fellow soldier, but speaking out against me as you did... Is defined as treason.” 

Gavin slowly got to his feet. “I know.”

“The punishment is execution.” Maxson narrowed his eyes a little. 

A small nod. “I know.”

“And knowing this…” Maxson squared his shoulders a little more, “You do not regret your actions?”

“No.” He stepped forward and placed his hand on the metal between them. “I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

There was a long pause as the two of them locked eyes in silent regard. 

“Tell me, Gavin,” Maxson cocked his chin, “What would you do in my situation?”

“I’d say thank you and apologize, for starters.” He narrowed his eyes a little. 

Maxson raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

Gavin sighed and shook off the bitterness. “I would make an example of the supposed traitor.” He curled his fingers around the metal and moved closer, “An example of the behavior I’d like to encourage in my people… Set a precedent for the way I’m viewed.”

“You would encourage the behavior? The actions of killing fellow brothers and sisters? Defying authority?” Maxson’s voice held no heat. 

“Not the actions, themselves... but the honorable reasons and intentions behind them.” 

Silence.

A nod. 

The Elder’s face hardened once again as he reached out and unlocked the cage. 

Gavin eyed him skeptically for a moment before stepping into the opening. “Are you going to execute me?”

“I’m going to make an example of you.” Maxson took a step back and swept an arm out to the stairwell.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to apologize that this chapter is so short... and it took a while to get out. i had been struggling with the length of it for some time. 
> 
> and i have decided to leave it just as it is. 
> 
> no worries, though, i'll get the next one out pretty quick to make up for it!
> 
> \- - - - - - - - - - - 
> 
> [ White Hawk ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8872537/chapters/20342059)\- Gavin's story of his scars and time spent in the Great War. his story of being a P.O.W. and the love and friendships he found... 


	12. Unprecedented

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harren suddenly pointed at the large windows up front, “What the shit is that?”
> 
> Everyone turned their eyes to the windows. Maxson slowly stood from his seat and the others followed suit, making their way to the railing to peer out at the sky.
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**\- - - - 9 Days - - - -**

“Paladin Bailey.” Lucky smirked, “Sounds so weird.”

“That ain’t official.” Crewe shook his head then paused, “But yeah… Fucking strange. He’s been a Knight since forever.”

Aleski sat at their lunch table and poked at her food. “Anyone else concerned by the fact that Bailey was given the promo?”

“No.” Crewe shrugged, “he deserves it. It’s about fucking time.”

Lucky paused with her fork nearly to her mouth. _She was concerned._ She hadn’t mentioned it… Hadn’t had time to talk to Arthur about it, really. The rumors had only been let loose that morning.

“There aren’t any Paladin positions available, Tristan.” Al leveled her gaze at Crewe pointedly to let that sink in. To emphasize the point she added quietly, “You know… We’d need to lose a Paladin before we can gain one.”

“You think B is taking Gav’s spot?” Crewe furrowed his brow then looked to Lucci, “Maxson isn’t doing that… Is he?”

“How the hell should I know?” Lucky wrinkled her nose then glanced down at her tray. “I don’t think so.”

“Thought you said he wasn’t going to execute Gav?” He leaned forward and narrowed his eyes accusatorily.

Lucky stabbed her food and flashed a warning glare up through her lashes. “He’s not.”

“Well, what are we supposed to think when we aren’t told otherwise?” Aleski folded her arms on the table. “That’s how G got the position. How do we know--”

“He’s not!” Lucky growled.

Crewe sat back and shuffled his food into a large pile with his fork. “Better not. I’m not about to let that happen.” He shoveled a large bite into his mouth and spoke around it, “Maxson thought the infighting was bad before…” He swallowed and pointed his fork at nothing in particular, “I’d bring Hell to the Pryd.”

Aleski wrinkled her nose at him, “We just got out of trouble, you maybe want to shut your mouth about infighting?”

They stared at one another for a moment and held a silent argument that ended in Crewe turning his attention back to his food without another word.

“Where is Gav, anyway?” Al popped open the wrapper on a snack cake casually.

“Dunno. I got back late last night from patrols.” Lucky shrugged.

“Maxson didn’t tell you anything?” Al glanced up as she tore a bite from the cake.

“Ah… No.” She smiled a little sheepishly.

“Of course… Your meeting didn’t have much talk.” Aleski winked and popped the bite in her mouth with a grin.

“You ever give any thought to the fact that being with the Elder puts you in a position of responsibility, Jessy?” Crewe spoke more seriously. 

“Yeah, I know,” she nearly mumbled.

“You going to grow up and take it?” He cocked an eyebrow.

“That’s rich coming from you.” Al glared sideways at him.

Crewe shook his head, “I know who I am. I’m a perma-Knight. I’ll never grow up, thank you very much.” He pointed to Lucci, “But she’s willingly walked into the position the moment she took to his side… And she knows it.”

Lucky nodded slowly in agreement. 

Tristan had no desire to be anything other than a Knight. He had amazing leadership abilities under his nonchalant slacker facade… And every time he was offered a promotion… He politely declined. Much to everyone’s astonishment. But he was right. He knew what he was about and where he wanted to be. Lucky knew she took on more than just Arthur when she started the relationship. However, much like Crewe, all Lucky wanted to be was a Lancer and nothing more. Since she got her bird at 18 years old, Jessy was right where she always wanted to be in life.

Carlsen said she could never make it as an officer. That wasn’t the first time she’d heard that. Probably wouldn’t be the last. Unless she changed what she was doing… 

Carlsen had also pointed out that she’d make Arthur look foolish. That was the very last thing she wanted to do. 

It was time, she supposed, to learn a little more about diplomacy and tactics. 

Time to grow up and take responsibility.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - 

****

**\- - - - 8 Days - - - -**

“Lancer.” Maxson caught Lucky as she was walking past his quarters.

She smiled brightly, “Yes, Sir?” 

“A moment.” He beckoned her into his room and closed the door behind them.

She grinned at the door then wrapped her arms around him. “I like moments.”

He smiled and gave her a hug before gently pushing her back a few steps. “Brotherhood business.”

“Ah… Course.” She cleared her throat and stood at parade rest. “Sorry, Sir.”

“I realize you had voiced your concern to me more than once regarding the infighting punishments. Yours in particular.” He closed his eyes for a moment at the thought. “I was wrong not to heed your advice.” 

“Ah, it wasn’t really advice so much as complaining.” She gave a little one shoulder shrug.

“No, Jessica,” he let out a small sigh, “it was advice, no matter how it was worded.” He regarded her silently for a moment before continuing, “I’ve gone so many years without being questioned by anyone. Besides… Danse… Nobody has ever really pointed out where I was wrong. I was simply taught how to lead then left to it due to extenuating circumstances.”

She gave a careful nod in agreement and understanding.

“There is… An opening in the ranks.” He raised a questioning eyebrow.

Lucky blinked up at him. “Sir?”

“Because of recent events…” He paused again at the thought, “there is a Lancer Sergeant spot that needs to be filled.”

She chewed her lip.

“I would like to promote you… If you want the position.”

“Ah… me?” She dropped her arms from behind her back, “with all due respect, Sir… I think maybe Talon deserves the spot more than I do. He’d do a much better job.”

Maxson shook his head, “you are, without a doubt, our best Lancer. You are also loyal, brave, and honest in your thoughts and actions.” He smiled at her when she grinned and glanced down at her feet. “And you are more intelligent than you give yourself credit for.” 

“But…” she furrowed her brow, “I suck at leading. And staying out of trouble. And generally being a good soldier. I’m a bad example.”

He let out a little snort and nodded, “you are most definitely… _Spirited.”_

“Yeah… Okay, if you wanna say it nice.” She shrugged.

“Jessica, I believe putting you in the position will force some responsibility on you.” He put a hand on her shoulder, “I don’t ever want you to lose your passionate nature, but it may be time for you to step up and learn a little leadership.”

She stared up at him for a moment. “Um… Can I think about it?”

“You may.” Maxson gave a curt nod. “But don’t take too long. I need your decision before the battle.”

“Yes, Sir.” She glanced down.

Maxson lifted her chin with two fingers and smiled, “Now, business aside… About that moment.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - 

****

**\- - - - 7 Days - - - -**

Maxson stood in front of the majority of his soldiers out on the tarmac with Gavin at one side standing quietly at parade rest and Bailey at his other. He quieted the murmurs of the gathered men and women with a gesture then clasped both hands behind his back.

“Elders have always been the first and last word on every matter in the past. We have rarely had an advisor or confidant to keep our orders in check, yet you all, as faithful soldiers, have followed us blindly with absolute trust.” He paused, “but the truth is, we are still human and make mistakes. Our mistakes cost lives.”

He held a hand up once more to quiet the group before continuing, “I feel it is time for me to set a precedent from here on out and appoint representatives to carry a voice for their brothers and sisters in all matters of importance.” Maxson swept a hand to Bailey, “I am promoting Knight Jonathan Bailey to Paladin. He will be replacing Paladin Gavin Kidd and taking over his team from this point forward.” He paused again for a long moment to allow the crowd of soldiers to give congratulations to Bailey. He held up a hand to hush them, “and… I am granting a rank that has been held by only one other person in Brotherhood history...”

The Elder swept a hand out to Gavin, “Sentinel.” 

Gav was just as surprised as everyone else. 

Maxson couldn’t quiet them down from their outburst this time. Some of the soldiers balked, most cheered with loud whoops, some turned to one another and started rambling questions and comments; All of them were completely shocked.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - 

****

**\- - - - 6 Days - - - -**

Maxson stood in the doorway to the command deck and scowled. “What is this?”

Gavin stepped up next to Bailey at the Elder’s side. “Looks like a table, Sir.”

He turned his head and narrowed his eyes, “I can see it’s a table. What is it doing on my command deck?”

Bailey cut off Gavin’s next remark, which would have been, no doubt, just as asinine, “with the Lancer Captain’s permission, I commissioned a table be made for the purpose of meetings.” When the Elder turned to him and crossed his arms, Bailey added a careful, “Sir.” 

“Meetings?” Maxson eyed him.

“Yeah, you know…” Gavin walked onto the command deck and sat on the edge of the table, “like those things you have where you stand up here and tell everyone what to do.”

“Watch it. Your promotion hasn’t been set in stone yet.” Maxson flashed Gav a look as he strode past him into the room.

“Mm… Understood, Sir.” Gavin nodded.

Bailey ran his fingers along the backs of the chairs seated around the large circular table. “The idea, Sir, is that…” He paused at the seat that was where Maxson usually stood up front, “while seated at the table with your most trusted soldiers, you are all equals. Allowed to discuss matters freely. Question. State concerns and opinions.” He tapped his palm against the top of the high-backed chair, “with you making the final call, of course.”

The Elder was quiet as he contemplated the table. 

Gavin pulled a chair out and sat. “So… Who’s gunna sit at your table?” He grinned, “you know, other than me, Bailey, Kells and Jess…”

Maxson sat in a chair and drummed his fingers on the round wood table for a moment before nodding, “I believe... I am open to suggestions.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - 

****

Maxson sat at his table with the soldiers they had agreed on. Lucci sat next to him and Gavin sat on his other side. The rest of the group consisted of Kells, Quinlan, Brandis, Teagan, Harren, Bailey, Aleski, Haylen, and Lancer Tiernan.

Tiernan, _Talon,_ had been Lucky’s idea. She still wasn’t sold on the Lancer Sergeant position and firmly believed that Talon would make a much better candidate for the spot. Tal, however, congratulated her and told her otherwise. 

“Kidd will lead a team at my side,” Maxson continued with battle plans, “Tiernan and Daniels will fly point and lead the air units just in front.” He paused and made a motion to Jessy, “Lucci will guard rear with--”

“Sir, that’s… Not right.” Lucky worked to curb her frustration at being made to stay back.

“What is your concern?” He folded his hands and raised an eyebrow at her.

“I’m…” She glanced around the table, “better than that.”

Kells rested his arms on the table casually and gave a nod, “Lancer Lucci’s skills would best be put to use on point.” He gave her a steady look, _“leading_ point.”

Lucky smiled at him. Maxson’s East Coast division was not chosen at random. Each and every soldier had been hand picked by a group of higher ranking members of the Brotherhood. It was Kells who had put in the recommendation for her to join them. He had always backed her ability and been proud of her accomplishments. Hard to believe there was a time, when she was a new recruit, that she was frightened of him and hated him for being extra hard on her.

Talon nodded in agreement, “Daniels is good and all, but I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have at my side than Lucci. We make a great team.”

Maxson was silent as he regarded them, then rested his eyes on Lucky beside him. She could see it in his eyes. _Worry._ He wanted her to stay back where it was safest, but he couldn’t argue with reason. They were right, she was best up front. 

He slowly nodded, “Very well.” His eyes lingered on her for a moment before he looked to Jon next to her. “Bailey will be your gunner.”

“Sweet!” Lucky grinned and gave Bailey a low-key fist bump. She and Jon worked really well together and she always liked having him as her gunner. He could read her mind when it came to skirmishes. 

Across the table, Harren suddenly pointed at the large windows up front, “What the shit is that?”

Everyone turned their eyes to the windows. Maxson slowly stood from his seat and the others followed suit, making their way to the railing to peer out at the sky.

There was a sudden storm, but it was far from anything they’d ever seen. Instead of being normal rain or even a green rad storm, bright red drops fell from scarlet clouds. 

Quinlan adjusted his glasses and spoke quietly, “must be from all the rust… Or other tainted waters…”

Jessy’s eyes widened as she whispered, “blood will rain from the sky…”

Gavin looked at her, then to Maxson.

“It’s not blood, Lucci.” Harren scowled behind her.

She turned her head to him and snapped, “I know it’s not actual fucking blood!” She started to panic as fear gripped her chest.

Gavin put a hand on her shoulder to calm her. He continued to look at Maxson. “Sir…”

“I know.” The Elder stared out the window. 

After watching the strange red storm for quite a while, Maxson spoke quietly, “I would like to speak with your prophet.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and his Knights of the round table. ^_^


	13. White Hawk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Maxson is here.” Gavin put his hands on Danse’s chest to stop him mid hug.
> 
> “What?!” Danse stared wide-eyed. “Where?” He moved to a window and Gavin stepped in front of him to close the curtains. 
> 
> “He’s… Outside. He wants to meet Mama Murphy.” 
> 
> “How could you bring him here without telling me?” Danse peeked through the slit in the curtains.
> 
> “Well, I’m fucking telling you now, aren’t I?” Gav pulled him back. “It was sorta short fucking notice!”
> 
> “If he finds me here he’ll kill me.”
> 
> “I know… Fuck. He’ll kill us both.” Gavin scrubbed his hands through his hair in frustration.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**\- - - - 5 days - - - -**

Maxson stepped out of the aircraft with Gavin in tow and paused to glance over the settlement before him. Quaint. Little houses, picket fences… Arthur sighed to himself.

“So… Uh…” Gavin took a few long steps in front of the Elder, turned, and ran a hand through his hair, “I’m going to go… Announce you?” He made a face in thought, shook it off, then trotted away without being dismissed. 

That was strange. _Even for Gavin._ Maxson narrowed his eyes after the man and was about to call him back when Jessica hopped out of the bird and set a hand on his forearm.

“Ah, a vacation.” She grinned up at him. “This’ll be fun… You know… Aside from the business of the creepy fortune teller lady.” She thought to herself once they started walking then raised an eyebrow at Arthur, “so, can we hold off for a minute? Maybe drink a little first… Or like, _a lot.”_ Her cage had been thoroughly rattled by her first meeting with the prophet.

“You need to show decorum and remain professional, Lancer Sergeant.” Maxson gave her a sideways glance.

“I uh… Haven’t agreed to that position… Sir.” She wrinkled her nose at him.

“How about you try it on for the duration of this… Outing.” He wasn’t asking. Jessica needed to learn leadership and he was growing short with his patience… And time. He wanted her at his side, but he needed to know she would be up for the challenges it would pose in the long run. He mentally scoffed at the thought that she needed to grow up; They were the same age.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

“Maxson is here.” Gavin put his hands on Danse’s chest to stop him mid hug.

“What?!” Danse stared wide-eyed. “Where?” He moved to a window and Gavin stepped in front of him to close the curtains. 

“He’s… Outside. He wants to meet Mama Murphy.” 

“How could you bring him here without telling me?” Danse peeked through the slit in the curtains.

“Well, I’m fucking telling you now, aren’t I?” Gav pulled him back. “It was sorta short fucking notice!”

“If he finds me here he’ll kill me.”

“I know… Fuck. He’ll kill us both.” Gavin scrubbed his hands through his hair in frustration.

Danse sighed and worked to calm himself for Gavin’s sake. “Everyone here knows me…”

“Yeah, so I guess I’m just going to have to escort him directly to Murphy, not let him talk to anyone, get her stoned out of her gourd and leave ASAP.” Gav slammed his palm against the door twice then grabbed the knob. “Just… stay out of sight. Maybe… slip out the back and go to Red Rocket for a while.” He stared at Danse for a moment then shook his head, “doesn’t help matters that you look just fucking like him.”

Danse blinked stupidly. Nobody had really mentioned it to him before. 

“Are you fucking serious?!” Gavin was frustrated and lashing out needlessly. “You look _\--just--_ like him! Put a fucking scar on your face and you’re goddamn twins!” 

“Any resemblance is purely coincidental.”

“For fuck’s sake!” Gavin rolled his eyes. “I don’t have time to pontificate your mental fucking breakdown right now.” He yanked the door open, stepped outside, and slammed it behind him. 

And then regretted it immediately. He hadn’t meant to yell at Danse and he had certainly never meant to point out the Maxson resemblance topic. 

He’d have to deal with that particular fallout later… Right now, he had much bigger concerns. Maxson had told him that the caveat to Danse remaining alive was for him to leave the Commonwealth. _Far, far away._ And here was Gavin, hiding him out in a settlement and visiting him on the reg. The Elder had overlooked many of Gav’s past transgressions, but he wouldn’t let this one slide. He really would kill the both of them. 

There were no more promotions for Gavin… _Sentinel?_ Shit. The next promotion Gav would receive from the Elder would be a bullet to the head.

Gavin started laughing like a lunatic as he trotted back down the street to catch Maxson before anyone ran across him and mentioned that, _‘hey there’s a guy named Danse here who looks just like you! Weird!’_

_Yeah... Weird._   
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

“This place you’ve built,” Maxson swept a hand out to the settlement as they walked down the road, “this is what I envision for the Commonwealth.” He gave a sharp nod of approval. “I’d like to meet your civilians. The Minutemen.”

Gavin stared at him. “Uh… How about later?” 

Maxson stopped and turned to him, regarding the man suspiciously. 

“What?” He shrugged.

He was hiding something. The Elder narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth to speak and Lucci cut him off.

“Sir, it’s already later than we anticipated. Business first, meet and greet bottom priority.” 

There was an uncharacteristic look of seriousness on her face. Maxson gave her a little smile and a nod. He knew she could take responsibility when she needed to. Jessica would, indeed, make a good Lancer Sergeant. 

They made their way to one of the houses and Gavin walked right inside the open door, knocking only briefly. Jessica remained just outside, hesitant to step in until Maxson placed a hand on her back and urged her forward. The message relayed to him by Jessy was eerie, he could see why she was upset… But he didn’t understand her utter fear until he started speaking with the old woman.

“Mama Murphy…” Gavin swept a hand out to Arthur, “this is Elder--”

“I know who he is.” She glanced up from her seat in the corner. Her voice was quiet and calm, giving no hint of her feelings toward the situation. “I saw you... Coming for me. I know why you’re here.”

Jessy edged closer to Maxson, a half step back. 

“Well then,” The Elder straightened up with his usual air of authority, immediately commanding the room, “I suggest we skip the preamble and get down to business.”

The old woman gave a slight lip-twitch of a smile as she looked through and around Maxson straight at Lucky. The woman appeared to be completely harmless, yet Lucci took another step behind Maxson to make herself invisible. 

Elder Maxson didn’t believe in fairy tale prophets, yet the words she spoke to Jessica had frightened the Lancer. It was more unsettling when part of the words spoken had come to pass. The old woman had pressed Jessy for chems. _There it was._ This was simply a crazy woman high off chems speaking in cryptic phrases which could easily be manifested into situations. Her ‘prophecy’ was vague. How could someone possibly know the future? 

He had been a complete skeptic… Until blood had rained from the sky.

A word from childhood swirled around the back of his mind for an instant like a leaf on the wind… _\--Psyker--._

Gavin nervously broke the tension in the room as he stepped up next to Mama Murphy and spoke quietly, “So… Arthur would like…” He paused and thought about his words, shook them off and handed the old woman a canister of jet. As she took it, Gavin glanced over his shoulder at Maxson. “He’s interested in what you have to say.”

The Elder hadn’t condoned the use of chems. However, Gavin had insisted it was necessary for the visions, so he gave the man a nod. Maxson took a seat on the couch closest to the old woman and ushered Jessica to sit beside him. She was reluctant, but eventually lowered herself down onto the edge of the couch and immediately began to fidget with a strap on her vest.

Gavin remained standing. He moved back toward the door and leaned against the wall to listen, folding his arms loosely over his chest. 

Mama Murphy leaned back in her chair as she exhaled a blue-white puff of chem smoke. She smiled, again, at Jessica. “It’s nice to see you again, kid.” 

Lucky blinked for a moment, looked to Arthur, then nodded at the woman. “Uh… Yeah. Was a real blast last time.” She joked to ease her mind.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Gavin fully believed in Mama Murphy’s abilities of divination; His own mother had been a fortune teller. There were many people out there who could fake the ability easy enough, but Murphy? She was not fake… _Not by a long shot._ Gav had learned, as a boy, a great deal about how to decipher cryptic messages of the future and about self.

He wanted to pay closer attention to the things she was saying now… But Gavin’s attention was more set on keeping Danse alive and well. 

_If Maxson found out…_

He glanced out the door next to him. It was a nice, cloudless, blue-sky day. People were outside. He wondered how it would look if he excused himself from this meeting so he could go do some damage control. Probably not so good. His legs grew restless. Gav was starting to feel the need to run. Just… Walk out the door, find Danse, then vanish right off the radar. 

Gavin’s go-to method of dealing with shit. 

_Run._

Run far and run fast.

Mama Murphy started out with something which made Gavin mentally shrug and continue to stare out the door. 

“The seed of the White Stag shall be swept out of our gardens, and the remainder of its generation shall be decimated…” Her long drawn out words filled the silence of the room. 

Not surprising; The generation she was talking about were Maxson’s soldiers… Of course there’d be a decimation. Though, Maxson would more than likely bring up the numerical significance of the ‘one in ten’ factor later on. Gavin didn’t want to dwell on that too much so he chose to ignore it… For now. The other part, she had said once before so he ignored that, too. 

Gav leaned out the door slightly as he watched a couple of Minutemen walk down the road. He needed to go. _Needed._ Urgently. His foot was restlessly shaking against the floor as he fought the reckless desire to bolt out the door and never return.

She continued to stare blankly at nothing in particular as she continued her absent, even-toned drawl, “after the decimation of steel, the White Hawk will become lost to his roots and fly at the shoulder of the Red Stag for a time.”

And Gavin froze, foot iced in place mid-shake. 

She wasn’t reading Maxson.

Mama Murphy… Was reading _him._

He was about to say ‘fuck it’ and leave, but the Elder glanced over at him, curious as to his behavior. That man was observant… Gav had just told him exactly what was happening without even saying a word. 

_Calm yourself._

Lucky turned to him and Gav smiled, trying to be reassuring. Murphy scared the shit out of her. He willed himself to move, pushing away from the wall as casually as he could, and he took a seat on the couch next to Jess. 

Mama Murphy’s head turned and Gavin tried hard to remain calm. _Don’t look at her._ As if that would help anything. He could feel her staring at him. _Through him._

“At last he shall flourish for a little time, but the decimation of steel will hurt him deeply,” she eventually continued. “The White Hawk will hardly get to his nest, because the revenge against his treason will overtake him…” She grew quiet. Murphy was starting to get tired. “I see... People in iron coats... They will come and take vengeance for wickedness...”

She slowly relaxed back in her chair and Gavin realized that his heart was pounding so hard in his chest that it hurt. 

Maxson broke the long silence, “is there any more you can tell me?”

The old woman shook her head slightly as her eyes closed, “sorry, kid, I’m tired now.” She took a few breaths, “maybe I can tell you more later on… After I rest a while.”

Lucky blinked herself out of her stupor, “well, that was fun… Thanks for the info and we’ll be going now.”

That sounded like a great idea. Gavin quickly stood up and reigned in his instinct to flee. “Thank you, Mama Murphy.” He hardly managed to get the words out. _And why was he thanking her?!_ She had just made his treason known loud and fucking clear to anyone with half a brain... And Maxson was operating on a full tank. 

Her eyes slowly opened and a weary half-smile crept up over her face, “perhaps you should wait for the storm to pass.”

Gavin nearly threw up. 

“What storm?” Jessy wrinkled her nose and walked to the door. “It’s a beautiful--”

The three of them stared wide-eyed at the heavy green clouds that had suddenly filled the sky.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plot twist!  
> is the Bird and the Stag Lucky and Maxson... or Gavin and Danse?


	14. Self-Fulfilling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He took one of Danse’s hands in his and interlaced their fingers, giving a small squeeze. “I’d do anything for you.”
> 
> “I know.” 
> 
> “Just say the word.” Gav moved his head slightly to smile faintly up at him.
> 
> “I won’t ask you…” He clenched his jaw.
> 
> “What?” Gavin sat up slowly.
> 
> \- - - - - - - - - - - - 
> 
>   
> 

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

****

Maxson sat on the porch next to Jessica in the cool early night after the freak radstorm had passed. The air still smelled slightly acidic, but it wasn’t completely unpleasant. During the storm, Gavin and the two of them had retreated across the street into an unoccupied house. He hadn’t been too happy about it, it was apparently his pre-war home. Maxson didn’t press the issue and he didn’t mention it when Gavin immediately left as soon as the last drops fell from the storm.

“G is the White Hawk, isn’t he?” Lucky propped her feet up on Arthur’s thighs and leaned against the arm of the bench.

Maxson continued to stare straight ahead as he nodded slowly. Gavin refused to talk about it, but Maxson was planning on forcing the issue later once the man calmed down. He also planned to speak with the old woman some more after she had time to rest. So they had decided to stay the night in the settlement to speak with her in the morning. He could ask her to come back with them. In fact, that was where his mind wandered currently. She would be valuable. 

And if she didn’t wish to come along willingly? The Elder sighed to himself. 

His eyes fell on the bar down the road. Lights were on and it was full of people. He could hear music and laughter inside. 

“Want me to get a bottle?” Her smile was hopeful.

“We could go inside.” He motioned to the large building with his chin.

Lucky bit her lip for a moment and eyed the bar with some apprehension. “Um… I kinda like just hanging out here with you…” She smiled again.

That was uncharacteristic of her to turn down the bar scene. 

“How are you feeling?” Arthur raised an eyebrow at her.

“Uh… What? I’m good… Why?” 

“The impending battle.” There were several questions hidden in his statement.

And she ignored them all. “Yeah, it’s cool. I’m good to go.” 

He could read her like a book, however. The moment her hands went to the hem of her shirt to fidget he knew she was nervous. Afraid. She would never admit it openly. 

And how did _he_ feel? He was nervous. And afraid. And he, too, would never admit it to anyone. He had to remain strong for his soldiers. There was a crushing weight bearing down on him, getting heavier by the day. Some of his soldiers wouldn’t be coming back from the battle. _The decimation of steel._ Their lives were in his hands and the responsibility of that was nearly overwhelming to think about at times. He was grateful to Gavin for stepping up to fill Danse’s shoes. 

But then the old woman had said those words. His Sentinel was going to run. He knew Gavin was flighty, it was the reason he had hesitated to put trust in him. He warred with the idea that, perhaps, the responsibility would plant the man more firmly into the Brotherhood… Or Gavin would do what he does best and run, taking with him Maxson’s last bit of trust and friendship. 

It wasn’t so much the words she spoke regarding his treason, but the rest. It was clear to them all that Danse was the Red Stag. And people in iron coats taking vengeance on the White Hawk… That was pretty damn clear, as well. 

_Gavin was going to turn on him._  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - -

****

Gavin found Danse sitting on the rooftop of Red Rocket with a bottle of whiskey. After a brief argument about it, Gav settled on sharing it with him, rather than taking it this time. He didn’t tell Danse what Mama Murphy had said, it’d only worry him and Danse didn’t need anything else to worry about.

“Sorry…” Gavin spoke quietly.

“There’s no need...” Danse stared down at the bottle in his hands. “It’s me who should apologize.”

“What for?”

A long pause.

“You’ve been nothing but patient and caring and I’ve been selfish.” He handed Gavin the whiskey then stared down at his hands in his lap. 

He set the bottle to the side and lay his head on Danse’s shoulder. “You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know.” He took one of Danse’s hands in his and interlaced their fingers, giving a small squeeze. “I’d do anything for you.”

“I know.” 

“Just say the word.” Gav moved his head slightly to smile faintly up at him.

“I won’t ask you…” He clenched his jaw.

“What?” Gavin sat up slowly.

He shook his head.

“Danse… What do you want?” 

“I wanted you to stay here with me. I know you would never leave everyone behind… I wanted... “ He let out a long sigh and looked away, “I wanted you all here. It’s selfish of me and for that, I apologize.”

Gavin regarded him silently for a moment. “That’s completely understandable, Danse.” The thought of telling people that Danse was alive and bringing them to visit crossed his mind daily. 

“I was angry for a while.” Danse spoke quietly, “I wanted to hurt Arthur like he hurt me. Take everything from him, like he did to me. I thought that, perhaps, it was because of… My identity. But, when I was younger… If I was now who I was then, I would have done it. It’s only because of you that I didn’t.” Danse sighed. “However I was created, and whenever, I’m still…” 

“You’re still Danse.” Gav lifted his hand and kissed the back of his knuckles. 

“I am.” He gave a small nod. “Though, without the Brotherhood, I’m still unsure of who Danse is.” 

It would take time for the man to find himself. _To reinvent himself._ Gavin, as much as he refused to admit it, was also hardwired into the military. That’s who he was. Right after coming out of the vault he ended up with groups of paramilitary people then fell right into the Brotherhood, eagerly lacing it up like an old boot. 

And he just couldn’t stay away. 

He ran a few times, but always came back. What would he do if he was kicked out like Danse? To Gavin, being kicked out of a family would be a fate worse than death.

At least Danse had Gavin.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - -

****

Lucky, in all her infinite wisdom, had excused herself to go to the bathroom and snuck away to snag a bottle of vodka. She figured it would be best to get Arthur inside and drunk ASAP. Why the hell not?

There was no furniture in the house other than a dilapidated couch and some nearly ruined chairs… And a baby crib left untouched in a closed off room. 

Getting Arthur drunk was a good plan, getting drunk, herself, had been a terrible idea. 

She stood in the doorway staring blankly at the crib, absently touching her belly lightly with one hand. Arthur had mentioned something called a ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ at one point when she had been freaking out about the crazy old lady and the shit she said. He told her that sometimes people do things to make prophecies come true. 

Lucky narrowed her eyes at the crib and tried to gather her thoughts about that topic, but she was distracted by Arthur stepping up behind her.

“After the battle…” He pressed his lips against the top of her head.

Her thoughts were a little scattered. Did he mean _babies_ after the battle or did he just fail to finish his sentence? She was afraid to ask so she reached out and closed the door then leaned back against it and forced a smile.

“After the battle we’re going AWOL… For fucking ever.” She didn’t mean that. Not really. Maybe a little. 

He chuckled quietly, “wouldn’t that be great?” He lifted her up and she giggled, wrapping her legs around him. “We could live right here.” He kissed her. “We’ll need furniture.”

“A bed?”

“A bed.” He grinned. 

Lucky laughed as he carried her out to the couch to lay her down. Damn, she loved drunk Arthur. She also loved sober Arthur. She loved Arthur. _Tell him later._

“We can get married in the street…” He pushed her shirt up a little, “and get a dog.” He moved down and kissed her ribs, “and have kids…” Arthur pressed his lips just under her belly button.

Lucky ran her hands through his hair and watched him. That was his dream. It had a lot of appeal, she had to admit… 

“And they’ll grow up without the fear of Synths taking over people they love or kidnapping them…” His words were only just starting to slur and were tinged with a little anger.

One of the best things about drunk Arthur was that he spoke his mind readily. He let things slip that he’d never tell anyone. Ever. 

“You loved him, didn’t you?” Lucky asked quietly.

He moved back up over her and nodded. “I’m going to turn the Institute into a crater.” He flashed a small grin that was more than a little troubling. “They’ll never hurt anyone ever again.”

Lucky stared at him for a moment. “People live there. Up there.” She shook her head trying to find her words, “above the Institute… It’s in the middle of the CW...”

“I know the numbers.” Arthur narrowed his eyes for a second. 

“You can’t just--”

“This is war, Jessica.” His look was a little forlorn and distant, “and war has casualties.”

She put her hands on his shoulders and nudged him up off of her a little. “No fucking shit.” Lucky worked to wipe the glare off her face. “What are you going to do?”

Maxson stared at her for a long moment, regarding her silently. He was reading her. Thinking. Trying to, anyway. 

“I’m going to win this war.” He cupped a hand on her jaw and smiled, “ _\--we--_ are going to win this war.” 

The glare melted off her face completely when he kissed her and slid a hand down just so... 

That was irritating. She wanted to be angry at him and here he was using her own distraction technique against her. When the fuck did he learn that move?!  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - -

****

Mama Murphy smiled at Lucky as the Lancer buckled her into the seat. “Never been in one of these before.”

Lucci clenched her teeth and smiled back at the old woman. She was awfully chipper for someone who was basically being kidnapped. There was some word for that… Arthur was adamant about it. Lucky called it kidnapping. He got irritated with her and reminded her several times that the old woman was coming along willingly. 

She never outright agreed to go. Mama Murphy just said weird ass shit about ‘knowing Arthur’s intentions for her’ and scuffled along to the vertibird after them. 

Gavin wouldn’t stand for this shit. Where the fuck was he?!

Lucky went to the door of the bird and stared down at Arthur standing on the ground with his arms crossed staring back at the settlement. Waiting. 

She tried to find Gav. He wasn’t in town. He was nowhere. That man was amazing at disappearing. He’d show up… Eventually. Lucky wished he’d show sooner rather than later. She really didn’t want the crazy old woman on the Pryd. 

Maxson dropped his arms and let out a loud sigh. He turned to climb into the bird and Lucky put a hand on his arm.

“We can’t go yet.” 

“We’ve waited for over three hours.” Arthur turned away from her to sit in the back. “He’s not coming.”

“He’ll be here…” Lucky turned back to look out the door.

Arthur’s patience was wearing thin and his words started to grow hot, “he knew when we were leaving. He’s not coming. Let’s go.”

She glared at the settlement and didn’t move.

“Either you fly us back to the Prydwen or I will.” 

Lucky stood for a few more seconds then dropped her arms in defeat and sighed, slowly getting into her seat. She had waited as long as Arthur would allow…  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have returned from my hiatus! apologies for taking so long to get this out. i will make an attempt to overcompensate with the next few chapters!


	15. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maxson folded his hands on the table once more and lowered his voice, “where is Danse?”  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

****

**\- - - - 3 Days - - - -**

Danse trailed his fingertips over the cold steel of the power armor standing in the station before him. He slowly traced the Knight rank that he had painted onto the arm then pressed his palm against the BoS insignia.

They were going to war soon. Three days. It pained him greatly that Maxson took this from him. Because of Gavin, he wasn’t angry at the Elder any longer; Now he was just filled with sorrow that he couldn’t be there to fight alongside his brothers and sisters. To lead them into battle. Protect them. Stand beside them in victory.

He had given his life to the Brotherhood. Oathbound. Honorbound. He’d fought for them… Bled for them. He had lost friends and people he respected. People he had called brother and sister. Family. 

They had called him brother. They had trusted him. How did they feel about him now? 

Gavin had told him that his closest friends still thought of him as their brother. Mourned his death. Missed him. And, although Gavin had never mentioned it, Danse was sure some of those people he had once called family were all too eager to have him gone once his identity had been revealed. He wondered who among them now called him traitor.

How long had he been a Synth? How long had he been a terrible lie? Why did he have so many memories? Nightmares? His memories before coming to the Commonwealth were hazy bits and pieces… But it must simply be because his life as a soldier was repetitive. 

Recon. Skirmishes. Patrol. Eat, sleep, repeat… For years. 

He couldn’t remember coming to the Commonwealth or the first few weeks of his mission, but he remembered the police station. He tried to remember the loss of over half his team. Why couldn’t he remember everything? Did he block out the trauma? 

The corner of his mouth twitched into a faint little smile. He remembered meeting Gavin. He could recall that just like it was yesterday. That moment and every moment since then were all crystal clear and perfectly vivid in his mind. 

Danse took a step back from the armor. He had fixed it up and painted it to be a perfect working Knight ranked unit. It looked just like any other unnamed Knight armor. Gavin had collected the pieces for him, but Danse was sure the man never thought he’d be doing this with them. He couldn’t tell Gavin. This would only make him worry and Danse didn’t want to give him anything else to worry about. 

Gavin had been there for him when he needed him the most. He helped Danse fight a desperate battle within himself and he never gave up on him. 

Now it was time for Danse to stand beside Gavin and help him win a battle.  
  


****

### **\- - - - - - - - - - -**

Lucci sat in the open door of her bird docked on the Pryd and stared out over the ocean blankly as she continuously wrapped the hem of her shirt around two fingers and pulled it tight. Maxson was in a room with the old woman. She sat in there, in a ridiculous red chair she had insisted they bring, doing her weird ass crazy lady shit. What was she saying? Was she telling Arthur all about the secret she was keeping? Could she do that?

He wanted everyone from his round table to be there for the woman’s… _Interrogation._ Lucky called it that. Arthur glared. Then raised his voice about it after Lucky argued. In the past, she never had any qualms about taking prisoners and questioning them. She shrugged and looked the other way even as some of those prisoners had been beaten or killed. Information was important and sometimes the only way to get that information was through extreme violence. 

Maxson chalked up her disobedience and outrage toward the handling of the old woman to fear. He was a smart man. Lucky didn’t like that woman, but only she knew the entirety of it; Mama Murphy somehow knew her deepest secrets and could spill them all just like she did with Gav.

So, of course Maxson wanted everyone closest to him to be there in that room. He wanted it, but he sure as shit didn’t get it. Gavin, in all his infinite fucking glory, had managed to show up just before they left Sanctuary. The bruise she left on his arm for that one would stick around for a good week or so. Good. He deserved that and six more for making her worry.

Arthur and Gav hadn’t spoken a word to one another until Maxson declared he wanted to talk with the woman and everyone and their damn dog needed to be there for it… And Gav had told him that Mama Murphy was not a side-show freak or an inanimate tool to use at his whim. Maxson tried to line him out, but Gav reminded him that he gave him the position of Sentinel and asked for his advice so he had better fucking take it when offered. Arthur replied by reminding Gav that the Sentinel title wasn’t yet recorded. Lucky sided with Gavin and Maxson gave in… Reluctantly.

So now… He sat in that room with the creepy old woman with only Kells and Gav and Lucky sat in her vertibird with Bailey.

“What are you thinking?” He poked at her back with the toe of his boot as he lay behind her.

She shrugged, “nothin’.”

He let out a quiet snort. “I’ve known you for a long damn time, Jessy. People misjudge you quite often… But I know there’s a lot going on in that pretty little head of yours.” He nudged her with his boot again, “so I call bullshit on that one. Try again.”

She sighed and scooted back into the bird to lean against the wall inside. “Do you think G is gunna leave the Brotherhood to be with Danse?”

Bailey fell silent for a moment as he stared at her. Gavin had told her he accidently let Jon know about Danse. She was actually happy about that; Now she had someone to talk to about him.

“We’re going back to the Capital…” Lucky pulled her knees up and set her chin on them as she idly fingered a lag bolt beside her foot. “Danse can’t come with.”

“I suppose…” He furrowed his brow at a distasteful thought. “He’ll probably stay here with a detachment.”

Lucky chewed her lip and picked at the bolt.

He sat up and scoot himself closer to put an arm around her. “This isn’t so much about him choosing as it is you choosing, is it?”

She shook her head slowly then pressed her forehead against her knees. Gavin was her angel. Her brother. Not just her brother in arms… Something more. Closer to her than anyone had ever been and probably ever will be. And Jordyn. Jon and Tristan. Where were they all going to end up after this? Would they be part of the detachment? Would they all even come back from the war? She didn’t want to think about that. Lucci worked to push that thought right the fuck out of her head… But it persisted. As always.

So it was; Go back to the Capital with her future husband and the father of her child, or stay in the CW with her brother and possibly her best, and only, friends… And Caroline. 

This was one reason the Lancer Sergeant rank upset her. She would get to put in a request. She had to choose for herself. Maxson would expect her to go to the Capital, of course. Gavin would also expect her to go back… As would everyone.

“I think it’s best…” She didn’t look up as she mumbled into her lap, “If I don’t come back from this war.”

Bailey squeezed her tight to himself and set his chin on the top of her head gently. “Don’t say that, Jessy. Never say that.”

“It’s easier if I’m dead.” Lucky sighed and pulled back from him. “Easier cuz then nobody has to miss me and know I’m just out there somewhere not with them.” A stab of pain shot through her heart as she remembered thinking that very same thing about her brother after he’d been kicked out of their home for joining the Brotherhood. “And nobody will hate me for the choices I made.” Joey had chosen the Brotherhood over family… And, she thought at the time, her parents hated him for it.

He lifted her chin to look her in the eyes, “harder because then nobody will be knowing that you’re somewhere with someone you love being happy and that they can see your smiling face again.” He leveled his gaze at her sternly, “and nobody will ever hate you for the decisions you make.” Bailey knew how much she regretted wishing her brother were dead. Lucci still regretted that angry thought she once had as a child even to this very day.

“Arthur loves me and I keep lying and choosing my bird over him. A huge fucking inanimate chunk of metal… How could he not hate me?” Lucky wrinkled her nose at him and pulled her face away from his hand.

“Fear makes people do things they wouldn’t normally do.”

“I’m not afraid!” She raised her voice and glared.

“Yes you are.”

“No I’m not. I’m not afraid of anything…” Her glare grew hotter.

“You’re afraid of losing people you care about. Scared to lose your freedom and flight. Scared to fucking death to not live up to your brother’s name and honor his memory by--”

“Shut up!” She yelled and angrily pressed her palms against her eyes to keep tears from falling.

Bailey kept a calm voice as he persisted, “scared of the future because without this war and your bird then you’re nothing. Without this war your entire life to this point means nothing. Leaving your parents is all for naught and completely meaningless without this--””

She lunged at him and he caught her. Bailey struggled with her for a moment to turn her around and subdue her gently in his lap, holding tight to her arm across her chest with one hand and holding the back of her head with the other so she wouldn’t headbutt him. 

Bailey spoke quietly as she struggled, “you’re afraid, Jessy.”

“Not… Afraid!” She growled.

“You’re afraid, Jessy, and it’s okay.” He repeated.

“No…” She shook her head and stopped struggling.

“Admit it out loud to yourself.” 

“No…” The word barely squeaked out through a quiet sob.

Bailey loosened his grip on her and she slumped her shoulders in defeat. His restraining arms turned into a caring embrace as she cried quietly then finally whispered…

“I’m afraid…”

He pressed his cheek to the back of her head and whispered in return, “and it’s okay.”  
  


****

### **\- - - - - - - - - - -**

Kells folded his arms on the small table in Maxson’s quarters and raised an eyebrow at Gavin sitting across from him, “can’t you make her answer questions without being so vague?”

Gav shook his head, “doesn’t work like that.” How many times had he gone over it with him in the hours preceding the reading? He lost count. At least she didn’t read him this go round. _Why did he even come back?_

Because Danse had told him to.

He had to take personal responsibility… Face Maxson. Gavin had to man the fuck up and stop being so impulsive. People were relying on him. Choosing Danse over the majority was wrong and he knew it. 

He knew it and he hated it. 

Long ago, when he was in the Great War, Gavin had once tried to choose love over family. Over everything and everyone else. His lover, at the time, had told him to go home to his family and do what he was supposed to do. Gavin tried to fight it. 

Tried. Failed. 

Gavin always had a hard time choosing between love and responsibility… Without someone there to force him, he’d do the selfish impulsive things. He was childishly angry at being driven away from love, but deep inside… He knew it was right. 

And fuck, that hurt. 

“Kidd.” Maxson repeated.

“What?” Gav snapped rudely as he shook himself out of his thoughts.

“Watch your tone.” Kells pointed at him.

Maxson held a hand toward the Lancer Captain then pushed a paper in front of Gavin. “Interpret.” 

Gavin staved off a sigh as he dryly read over the recorded words of Mama Murphy, _“the White Stag shall rise again, and recover the Phoenix from the sea. His garden shall be replenished with foreign seed and the Red Stag shall pine away at the end of the pool. After this, the Red Stag shall turn his rage upon himself.”_

He set the paper down and spread his hands over the table, “I don’t have any idea what this means.”

“Start making some educated guesses.” Kells pulled the paper toward himself to look it over. “Who’s the Phoenix supposed to be?”

Gavin opened his mouth and Maxson cut him off, “Lucci is the Phoenix.”

Gav raised an eyebrow at him then nodded slowly. The Elder was pretty damn intuitive. He was pretty sure not even Jess knew she was the Phoenix… Yet. 

“Before you ask,” Gavin pointed at Kells, “I have no idea why she’d need to be recovered but I’m pretty sure the sea is the Glowing Sea.” He leaned back in his seat and muttered, “which should be all kinds of fun.”

Maxson stared at Gavin silently for some time before asking, “where is…” He looked to Kells briefly then back to Gavin, “the Red Stag?”

Gavin stared back at him then shrugged blatantly. “Dunno… The White Stag drove him off.” He very nearly glared. 

Kells eyed the both of them cautiously. “Who is the Red Stag?” He already knew who the White was. 

Maxson stared down at his hands folded on the table as he thought about what he should and should not tell the Lancer Captain.

Gavin waved a hand flippantly, “Danse.”

“Kidd!” The Elder barked at him.

“What?” Gav crossed his arms tightly across his chest, “think it’s pertinent information, don’t you?” This time, he did glare… For a second. Maxson’s icy eyes stabbed right through him and forced him to back off. 

Kells was staring incredulously at the Elder. “Sir… I had advised you have him executed. What happened?”

Gavin stood up quickly and, by some grace of God, managed to keep from jumping across the table. “I happened!”

It was him all along. Kells ordered Danse’s execution… He probably had to spend a good amount of time talking Arthur into it. No wonder the man couldn’t do it himself; Just like Gavin, he was made to choose between love and the majority and, in letting Danse live, he had tried to choose both. 

“Sit down!” Maxson pointed to the chair sternly.

He didn’t sit. 

Kells eyed Gavin. “He’s alive? Danse is alive and, because of this, some serious shit is about to happen.” He stabbed a finger against the table to emphasize his words. 

“Danse isn’t a fucking threat!” Gav pointed angrily at the man across the table.

“Sure as shit sounds like he is.” Kells sat back in the chair and folded his arms. “Better safe than sorry. Danse needs to be dealt with before--”

Maxson jumped out of his seat and caught Gavin by the back of his shirt before he did manage to make it over the table.

“Sit. Down.” He shoved him back into his seat and narrowed his eyes dangerously before slowly sitting back down in his own chair. “I don’t care how angry you are about the decision, Kidd, the Lancer Captain is correct.” 

At least Kells had the good sense not to act smug. “If there is even a slim chance he is a threat to the Brotherhood in any way…” He raised an eyebrow at Gavin.

Maxson folded his hands on the table once more and lowered his voice, “where is Danse?”

Gavin shook his head and shrugged defiantly.

Kells let out a pointed sigh and looked over the paper once more. Everything Mama Murphy had said so far had been written down to examine. He tapped a finger against something she had said previously, “if the sea is the Glowing Sea…” He moved the page toward Maxson, “wouldn’t all this mean that’s where he is?”

Gavin couldn’t quite suppress a snort. He knew where Danse was and that wasn’t it. And then his expression faded and he furrowed his brow at that thought. Danse was in Sanctuary… But Mama Murphy’s words did put him in the Glowing Sea. She had also mentioned the Red Stag as having twin souls. Gavin wasn’t sure what that meant, exactly, but now he was really starting to wonder.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gavin's Great War story - [**_White Hawk_**](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8872537/chapters/20342059)
> 
> Falling in love and losing that love in light of personal responsibility is never easy. 
> 
> Also, I'm pretty sure Gavin's mother was a Psyker... What say you?


	16. Reflections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No more conveniently misplacing piss samples… Or getting someone else to do it for her. No more avoiding the medbay or Cade as though he were a feral ghoul hellbent on her destruction. She had to face it. Jessy was cornered with no way out. 
> 
> ...Cade would find out. Arthur would find out. She would be grounded. It was over.

  
  
  
  
  


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### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**\- - - -2 Days- - - -**

They’d stopped doing patrols out in the CW. Their duties had slowly been changing from recon, patrolling, and gathering tech over the past week to more making sure everything was in working order for the battle. They had gone over plans repeatedly until Lucky couldn’t even sleep without seeing names, formations, numbers and goddamn maps. She couldn’t sleep well to begin with, but being barraged with crazy ass dreams about everyone fighting one another on Arthur’s fucking round table made her stop trying completely.

That had been an unpleasant nightmare. Why couldn’t she have normal nightmares? Visions of fighting her brothers and sisters was the most gut wrenching thing ever. 

She snuck out of Arthur’s quarters and made her way to the mess to pilfer a late night snack. She had the dumbest cravings lately. Chocolate snack cakes smashed up with overripe mutfruit… _Who the fuck eats that?!_

She does. Often.

There were a few people in the mess so Lucky took her chocolate mutfruit pudding disaster for a walk. 

Soldiers were down on the armor deck and Lucky turned around to avoid them… Then she heard Gavin talking among their voices. She smiled for a moment and hesitated on the stairs. His company was something she never minded; Gavin always cheered her up. 

“Hey, G…” She stood back and waved her spoon at him in greeting.

“Oh, shit…” He turned from the table he was standing next to and put a hand up as a quick awkward wave hello. “Jess.”

She raised an eyebrow, “I get that reaction a lot… But never from you.”

“You scared me is all.”

“Bullshit.” She took a bite of her choco-shit-mash.

Beside him, Crewe set a small jar of paint down on the table and shrugged nonchalantly, “well, you _are_ pretty fucking terrifying…” 

“Your face is pretty fucking terrifying.” Lucky stepped towards them. “What are you doing?”

They looked at one another for a moment then Gav shrugged, “well…” He rubbed at the back of his head.

She narrowed her eyes and pushed Gavin out of the way. “Is that my fucking helmet?!” 

“Don’t touch it…” Gav caught her hand as she reached for it. 

Lucky set her bowl down on the table slowly as she pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes up at him. 

He carefully picked the helmet up. “It’s not dry yet.” 

“What?” She looked over at Crewe, who was grinning like an idiot. Her eyes fell to the paint can and she took a breath to yell at him for probably painting a fucking dick on her helmet.

Then Gavin turned it around to face her and her shoulders dropped. 

“What is that?” She quietly asked.

He shrugged, “it’s a clover.”

“Clover?” She reached out to touch the bright green thing painted on the side of her helmet and he pulled it away. 

“Yeah.” He set it down on the table once more and placed his hand on top as he motioned, “it’s a sign of luck.” Gav let out a little sigh, “pretty sure they don’t exist anymore, but they used to be lucky. When I was in the war, some soldiers would stick them in their helmets or paint them on…” He smiled, “for good luck and protection.”

“How would a leaf keep people safe?” She snorted, but her eyes were transfixed on the thing. She kind of liked it.

Crewe chuckled, “that’s what I said!”

Gavin flashed a scowl at him and lowered his voice a little, “well, sometimes soldiers… People in general… They need something to believe in. Faith.” He paused for a moment and shrugged again as he fingered the top of the helmet. “Sometimes, when you’re in the middle of Hell, it helps to give over to some sort of higher power like Lady Luck or faith in something just to keep you sane and pull you through it… Just having something…” He trailed off and let out a deep sigh before putting on his usual grin, “it’s lucky, just like you. That’s all.” He patted the helmet then reached out with his other hand to poke her nose. 

She grinned at that. “Thank you, G… That’s really awesome.” 

When it came to luck, she’d take all she could get. 

“What the fuck are you eating?” Crewe peered in her bowl.

Lucky snatched it away from him and cradled it to her chest, “food, dumbass, what’s it look like?”

“Bullshit. On both counts.” He tried to look in her bowl again and she pulled away. 

She poked her spoon around the bowl and looked at it. It did look, and smell, a little fucking strange. “I wanted chocolate. And mutfruit. At the same time…”

He folded his arms and nodded to it, “well, it’s efficient then, gotta give ya that much.”

Gavin made a face, “I like chocolate… And fruit… But not like that.” He snorted, “women and their weird ass cravings… When my wife was pregnant she ate the strangest shit.”

Lucci froze and stared into the bowl for a moment. “Yeah, well… It’s good so shut up.”  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

**\- - - -32 Hours- - - -**

“Ma’am.” Talon saluted as Lucky approached.

She rolled her eyes, “don’t call me that… It’s weird.”

He laughed and fell in step beside her as she continued on along the tarmac to the other Lancers and their gunners milling about. There were seven Lancers in total… Counting herself. They’d come to the CW with thirteen. Three had been K.I.A. and the other three had to go back to the Capital when they were wounded and couldn’t fly any longer. 

That had always upset Lucky. _Scared her._ Whenever she heard of a Lancer getting wounded, she would immediately think of herself and freak out for a few days. The ones who were hurt and forced to go back home never to fly again scared her even more than the ones who had been shot down and killed. Dying didn’t scare her. 

Their birds were all lined up along the road just outside the tarmac, Caroline sitting at the head of the line. As Lancer Daniels hopped out of her bird, Lucky narrowed her eyes at him. She was ridiculously possessive of Caroline and hated it whenever anyone else had to borrow her for anything. 

“What the hell, Buzz?” Lucky motioned to her bird as she gave Daniels a death glare. He wasn’t supposed to be in there.

He thumbed over his shoulder at the aircraft, “Proctor Ingram told me to fix your beacon cuz it ain’t trackin’…” He glanced at the bird for a second then cocked his head at Lucky, “but you don’t even have one.”

She stood there for a moment and worked to wipe the glare off her face. Course she didn’t have a beacon; it was still missing from when she pulled it to follow Maxson to Listening Post Bravo. In fact, Lucky often pulled beacons or disabled them when she was flying places she shouldn’t be or when she was trying to hide. It just so happened that the one time she didn’t pull it, Arthur had discovered where she initially took Gavin on that fateful day. She told herself from that moment on that she would always pull the fuckers. 

“Stay outta my bird.” A cool thing about the Lancer Sergeant rank, she realized, was that she didn’t have to explain herself to her subordinates. She gave mental snort at that… _\--Her--_ Subordinates. 

Her _soldiers._

Lucky wasn’t stupid, by any means; Just lazy and insubordinate. She had a vast knowledge about vertibirds, their capabilities outside any manual, and what Lancers should and should not do. She was also very good at thinking outside the box and problem-solving. Skirting around rules and pushing limits had given her a lot of experience in thinking in ways other soldiers just didn’t. 

And these guys trusted her judgment. Talon, in particular, had a lot of faith in her. That fact made her smile with pride. She looked up to that man. 

Lucci found a new excitement at the thought that she was going to be leading her Lancers in this battle. Proving to Talon that his faith in her was fully justified. He had been like a father to her… Unlike the father who had turned his back on her when she was young. She wished her parents could see her now. All that she’d accomplished. All that she will accomplish. She was going to be a hero.

_Or die trying._

She sighed quietly at the notebook in her hands and flipped through some pages. Kells had given her an itinerary to follow regarding their training. Things to go over. Checklists. She’d been on the other end of the Lancer Captain’s orders in the past and had never given much thought to the responsibility of actually being the one to hold that annoying notebook. Lucky had rolled her eyes when Kells handed it to her; she knew the rules by rote. Or, she thought she did. 

Lucky had wormed her way into aviation sooner than she was supposed to and, in doing so, she had to go through the same training as the ground troops while also making time to learn how pilots operated. She knew all the training and checklists by heart, even if she did flagrantly ignore or disobey most rules. Then Kells pointed out that this was a major battle and things were different. 

He was not wrong. 

There were a few veteran soldiers who had actually been to the battle of Adams Air Force Base who were very unhappy with the fact that this was Lucci’s first war and she held an Officer rank while learning things right alongside other war-newbies.

Knight Commander Bonner was one of those Veterans. She was pissed. And, because Bonner was pissed, so were her Knights. Knight Aston was one of them and that particular Knight just so happened to be one of her gunners.

Aston was also still pissy about being dumped in the ocean.

Lucky failed at suppressing a smirk when she looked at the Knight standing before her. It would be easy enough to abuse her new Sergeant rank… But that was something Lucky despised above all else. 

Aston crossed her arms, completely disobeying the order to stand at attention. She made it clear that she was not happy following any orders that came from Lucci. 

“You understand why we all line up and do things as a group, right?” Lucky worked very diligently on sounding Sergeant-like and not Lucci-like. 

The Knight shifted her weight and glared. “You understand why insubordinate rank chasers don’t get promoted during a time of war, right?” She fired back.

Lucky tightened her grip on the notebook and tried not to yell or hit the woman. _What would Kells do?_ When she was an Initiate, Kells scared the shit out of her, but she had a metric ass-ton of respect for him and she felt a burning desire to make him proud. Most everything she was today was a direct result of training under that man.

“We need to work together…” Lucky said through clenched teeth. 

“I’ll work with my brothers and sisters and won’t compromise this mission, but it’s bullshit you’re a Lancer Sergeant and that I’m here in your unit.” She waved a hand flippantly and scoffed, “I’ll be damned before I follow your orders outside wartime.”

Lucky turned her attention to the others in the line-up to avoid the look of hatred building up behind her newly minted Officer mask. They seemed alright with her being a leader. Her eyes fell on Aston once more and the Knight crossed her arms again and propped a foot out defiantly. 

“Alright, then…” Lucky raised an eyebrow and dropped the notebook on the ground. “Have it your way.”

She couldn’t get Aston to follow her orders, but she sure as shit was going to get this team working together.

“We’re going to play a game.” She grinned to the line-up as she crossed her own arms and propped a foot out just like the unruly Knight was doing. “Mirror, mirror on my fucking road… Who’s the leader of this show?” Lucky had channeled a good amount of Kells for that one.

The line-up took her cue and mimicked Aston. 

The Knight balked and spread her hands out, “Are you fucking serious?”

“Are you fucking serious?” Lucky mirrored her words and actions, then the entire line-up followed suit immediately. 

Who would have ever thought that such a childish game made to annoy siblings would be so much fun. Lucky had always suspected Kells was highly amused by the things he made soldiers do while drilling… Now she knew for certain he had fun with it.

Aston tried to protest further, the entire unit mocking her every word and action until she started up different tactics like biting her tongue and holding still, which actually worked to Lucky’s advantage because that was all she wanted her to do in the first fucking place. 

After the Knight had been thoroughly discouraged from acting out, Lucky lined them all out to run mock flight patterns on the road. As they marched a pattern around the empty broken seats through the open side of the terminal, Lucci realized that the thirty some odd minutes of punishing Aston was actually a great team building game to get all the soldiers thinking in sync. She gave herself a mental pat on the back for that one.

Then she noticed someone standing in the shadows, arms crossed loosely as he leaned against the wall. He was smiling proudly at her and Lucky couldn’t hold back her own bright smile as Kells gave her a quick little salute and pushed off from the wall to leave. 

He’d been watching her the whole time.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

**\- - - -24 Hours- - - -**

Crewe put the cap back on the marker in his hand and snorted a smirk at his most recent work of art scrawled on a locker.

“Ah… There you are.” Aleski appeared in the doorway and folded her arms. 

He gave her his best boyish smile, dimples and all, and spread his hands, “here I am.”

Her eyes fell on the marker and Jordyn let out a pointed sigh as she shook her head and stepped closer. “What is this? Dick number thirteen?”

“Seventeen, actually.” He cocked his chin rather proudly.

She arched an eyebrow, “wow, you’ve been busy.” 

“Gotta leave something for people to remember me by.” He opened the locker and tossed the marker inside, then closed it and stared blankly at it. 

“Ah, yes…” She stepped up next to him and nodded at the mark, “everyone will remember you for your dick being on everything.”

Crewe shrugged, “worked for you.” He glanced sideways at her and grinned.

Aleski laughed lightly and nudged him with her shoulder. 

He never did understand what she saw in him. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever known. And smart. Funny. One hell of a soldier. And here he was; a perpetual slacker with a shady background who drew dicks on things. The first time she’d caught him a couple years ago, somewhere around dick number four, she asked why he did that. 

Tristan was a Knight, through and through. A perma-Knight. Some soldiers were. Most of those soldiers weren’t perma-Knights on their own accord, however; They were just dumbasses who shouldn’t hold an Officer position even if they were the last people left in the Brotherhood. 

Crewe, on the other hand, was a fucking genius when it came to leadership. And other things. Mostly leadership. He could line out a pack of rabid yao guai and get them to work together to do anything. Build a house, make sandwiches, put on dresses and do a strip-tease… Raid a town. 

He’d been a leader before. Long ago. He was very young, but still had enough charisma and know how to be given charge of a group of young men and boys. Rabid yao guai. Raiders. 

That was something he wasn’t proud of. Not anymore. He was, back then, but since joining the Brotherhood… Not so much. Therefore, only a very select handful of people knew of his past; Maxson, of course, who was only a boy when Crewe joined, Kells, who had been his Drill Instructor since literally day one, Lucky, who he ended up confiding in, and Jordyn, whom he loved with all his heart. 

As a Brotherhood Knight, Tristan was able to kill raiders. He could kill them, kill people he once knew in a life he once called his own, then put all the weight of it on the fact that he had been ordered to do so by a superior. If someone told him to do it, then it wasn’t him making that decision to pull the trigger. That’s what he liked to tell himself anyway. Easier like that. He never confessed that particular line of thought to anyone. He tried really hard to not even confess it to himself. 

The Brotherhood worked diligently to force Officer ranks on him. Several times. Often, he found the damn rank put on him in an unspoken manner. In the field, whatever squad he was placed in would look to him for what to do… Even his own superiors. That pissed him off because it was counterproductive to his coping mechanism. Being insubordinate and childish seemed to balance out his leadership abilities just fine and keep him grounded in the Knight rank.

He’d been excited beyond belief to be put under Kidd. That was just gravy. Gavin was a natural leader and wasn’t afraid to make it known. Crewe could simply fall back under the man’s shadow and let him point a finger at Raiders while he happily pulled the trigger and told himself it was only because he’d been ordered to.

A couple years ago, Tristan had decided to draw a dick on something for every time he was forced to be a leader against his will.

So, as of this moment, Crewe was hiding out in the locker room drawing dicks because he’d been looked to, yet again, to give some sort of dumbass logistics direction regarding the Institute raid… Because, when all was said and done, it was a raid and Tristan knew raiding. That had been Kells’ doing; Putting him in charge of intel regarding that shit. 

He’d lined out soldiers and told them all how to go about the raid just fine because he’d never do anything to compromise the success of the battle, but doing so shoved his mind back to a dark place he didn’t want to be in. That frightened him. 

Jordyn leaned close and kissed his cheek to pull his thoughts out of that dark place. He smiled and put an arm around her waist, holding onto her tightly in the silence.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucci stood behind Aleski in line. _Hid behind her._ There was absolutely no way of getting around it this time. They were getting their blood drawn. No more conveniently misplacing piss samples… Or getting someone else to do it for her. No more avoiding the medbay or Cade as though he were a feral ghoul hellbent on her destruction. She had to face it. Jessy was cornered with no way out.

The blood test would show what she’d been working to hide. Cade would find out. Arthur would find out. She would be grounded. It was over.

And what would Arthur think? Her mind played out several conversations between the two of them… None of which ended well. 

She wasn’t the only one at risk. Lucky still felt pains every so often from the mess hall infighting. She didn’t know anything about her… _Condition…_ But she knew that probably wasn’t good. 

As she stood there in line watching soldier after soldier head into the medbay, Lucky traced her lies regarding this particular ordeal back to the start. 

_She hated shots._

When she was an Initiate, way back in the first 48 hours on receiving day, they’d given her a billion fucking shots. _Girls got an extra one._ That stupid girl shot had to be given every six months… and it hurt. It hurt so much that Lucci had worked out a way to avoid it altogether… When she could get away with it. She’d become pretty good at forging documents in her time. 

One thing she was good at forging was Cade’s notes. She had to be careful about it and never do too much; The man had a decent memory for things. She’d gotten that stupid shot more often than not, but the last time she was supposed to get it? That had been _her_ writing in his records. She really thought he had caught her when he pulled her in for a physical and he had stared at the records a bit too long. 

Right about now, she actually wished he would have caught it months ago when she did it. 

But she wasn’t fucking anyone at the time she did it, so Lucky didn’t really see a problem at the time. 

_There was now a problem._

She tried to blame it on Gavin for setting her up with Arthur to start with. Tried to blame Kells for not doing a better job of talking him out of dating her in the beginning. Tried to blame random people for completely made up reasons that had very little to do with anything. Tried to blame everyone but herself. But this was all her. 

As she sat in Cade’s chair watching him draw blood, she nodded to herself and finally came to grips with the fact that this was all her doing and nobody else was at fault for her actions.

She was so close. 24 fucking hours to go. Right at the finish line of her life’s goal. 

Lucky didn’t care about anything else. Well, she didn’t to begin with, but then, over the course of the past couple months, she had done a little more growing up. Just a little.

She discovered she loved Arthur and wanted a life with him. She wanted a child with the man and to marry him one day. She also discovered she sort of liked the Officer rank and found a new little goal in that. She started thinking of the future a little more and thought of ways she could have a family and include Caroline in that family. There were ways. 

But she also still had her eyes fixed on the war. 

_Her brother died for her._

He died and she became a Lancer to carry on his legacy. She never got the closure surrounding his death that she needed so desperately. Her plan, all the way back since age ten, was to fight in a war and save people. People who had little sisters or family back home who would be an empty shell without them. _Joey saved people._ She’d heard stories about him and how awesome he was. She had constantly been compared to him as she went through training. Soldiers who had fought with him compared her to Joey. She compared herself to him. Constantly. Every day. Some people said she would never be as good as he was. Some people said she was just as good or even better than him. Lucky never really heard the praise, she only heard the criticism. 

Bailey was right when he called her out. She had firmly believed that her entire life was utterly meaningless without this war. 

_And she was so close._  
  


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	17. Hard Luck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Knight Captain leaned forward and placed a hand on her shoulder tenderly as he spoke the words Lucky was more afraid of than anything, “I cannot, in good conscience, clear you for flight.”
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


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**\- - - - 12 Hours - - - -**

Knight Captain Robert Cade took his job very seriously. In the Wasteland, there was a great shortage of doctors and it was even more rare to find one who actually cared about patients. When caps mean everything, some people would do just about anything to get them. Said things included, but were not limited to, picking up a rusty sawbones and claiming to be a doctor.

People trust those who call themselves doctor, but very few of those trusted folks should ever be allowed to call themselves ‘chem-vendors’ let alone doctor. A rabid yao-guai with a med-kit would be better suited to treat people than ninety percent of the pricks running around in a lab coat with a stethoscope. 

Robert’s father had been a caring doctor and the man instilled that sense of pride within Cade’s own heart and mind when it came to people. He had spent nearly all of his life seeking out any and all medical books and holos, including psychology and alternative healing, so that he could help folks. _People first._

It had been those morals which led his father to work for free, the family to go hungry most nights, his mother to leave them, and homelessness to be a bi-monthly event. 

But his father had always slept soundly at night knowing he was doing the right thing and helping, _truly helping,_ those who needed him. Or, he thought his father slept soundly. 

Lucci’s blood test disturbed him to the core. 

How did he not see the signs? He’d worked with other women. He’d seen this more than thirty times in his life as a doctor. Of course, those women had all willingly come to him and told him; Some more quickly than others. 

He had, in his time spent with the Brotherhood, come across many soldiers who had been afraid that the news would end their time with the Brotherhood. Nine out of ten times, they were correct. But it wasn’t because they couldn’t come back to it, it was because they found new purpose and life in having a family and raising children in an environment where they could come home to their kids every night; Their children didn’t have to fear losing their parent every single day. 

Because those women left the military lifestyle, it formed a stigma and then women throughout the Brotherhood learned to fear the life-changing, military-ending, terrifying thing. 

Cade knew why Jessica tried to hide it. He completely understood everything now more than ever. He wished he could change it. If he’d only known, he could have given her counseling on the matter… Told her everything would be okay in the end. He could have prevented so much. He could have ensured safety. She’d hate him for it, but it was the right thing… Wasn’t it?

She should be the one to decide for herself what she wants to do about it. Lies. Risky behavior. Speaking to others… To Maxson. But the young woman was uninformed. Uneducated. Frightened. As a doctor, he could not just stand by while lives were in danger. He’d read the Hippocratic Oath and took it right to heart. Though laws regarding practice didn’t exactly exist any longer, Robert Cade took his job very seriously.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Cade leveled his gaze at Lucky as she walked past the medbay. He didn’t have to say a word. She immediately lowered her eyes and approached him. “Sir. I suppose you want to see me?”

“Yes.” He swept an arm back and invited her into the room.

He closed the door quietly as she stepped inside. Cade leaned back against his desk and the two of them stood in silence for several agonizing moments before he finally spoke, “you know why you’re here.”

A slow solemn nod was her only reply.

The Knight Captain leaned forward and placed a hand on her shoulder tenderly as he spoke the words Lucky was more afraid of than anything, “I cannot, in good conscience, clear you for flight.”

“Please Cade…” She started to tremble as her small whimpering voice cracked, “please don’t take this from me.”

He shook his head, “I’m sorry, Jessica. I truly am.”

Her lip quivered, “please…” Tear filled brown eyes plead with him, “you don’t understand… I need this. This is what I’ve lived for, all I live for. This is my fucking moment and I won’t get another!” She started to panic. 

Cade pulled her into an embrace and stroked his hand over her head to soothe her. “I do understand, Jessica.” He held her for a moment until she slowly pushed herself back and wiped her eyes roughly with her palms. “You’re young, this may not be your one and only opportunity to fly in a war.” Cade gave a little smile, “and you have something else to live for right now. Focus on Arthur.” He paused for a moment. “You could be a Maxson one day. You could very well raise the next Maxson child. It may not be the same type of glory, but it’s just as important, if not moreso.”

“I don’t want to…” She mumbled. “I just wanna fly.”

“Jessica… I’m sorry.” He said once more. Cade touched her shoulder again and a serious expression crossed his face. “You need to talk to Maxson.” With a little tilt of his head he quietly asked, “Unless you’d like me to do it for you?”

“No…” She shook her head and slumped her shoulders in defeat, “I’ll do it.”

He nodded then spoke carefully, “your behavior lately…” He thought about it then started over, “there have been certain risks.”

He tilted his head to the side to try and look her in the face, but she continued to stare blankly at the floor with her head hung low. 

“Jessica?” 

Her nod of acknowledgment was nearly imperceivable

“You need a checkup.” He touched her arm to get her attention. “The infighting, drinking, stress, and physical labor…” Cade closed his eyes and took a breath, clearly upset by everything she’d gone through recently without saying a word. “How long?”

Lucky gave a small one shoulder shrug, “dunno. Couple months. Doesn’t matter.” 

“It matters.” He tried to keep his tone soft, but the urgency of the situation bled through.

Cade took a breath and made a small motion to the gurney, “I’ve blocked off an hour for you. I didn’t write anything down in your records yet and I will remain discreet. For now, nobody needs to know about this outside those involved.”

She sighed and stared at the gurney for a moment before nodding and moving slowly to sit. 

“You’ll tell Kells?” She glanced up at him as he moved a large machine closer to the bedside.

“He needs to know.” Cade started gathering a tray of items and offered a little smile, “but let’s make sure of a few things before that happens.”

“He’s going to be pissed.” Lucky sighed as she lay back and put her hands over her face.

“To say the very least.” He agreed as he started typing on the terminal of the machine.

She dropped her hands and stared at the ceiling for a while. “Can I tell him?”

When Cade didn’t answer, she added, “he’s my mentor, you know…”

“I know.”

Lucky chewed her lip for a moment then continued quietly, “I fucked up… I think he’d appreciate it if I tried to make it right by admitting everything myself.”

Cade nodded then tilted his head as he silently regarded her. “That’s very honorable of you.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucky stood at the top of the stairs staring down at flight command for several minutes. She turned around to leave, then spun back around and planted her ass on the top stair to keep from running away. Maybe she should talk to Arthur first… He’d be much more amiable. Sure, he’d be well beyond pissed the fuck off… but that was a metric ass-ton better than telling Kells.

She should have let Cade do it. 

No. This was her responsibility. Besides, the Lancer Captain would be much more angry if she didn’t do it herself. Be an adult. Do the adult thing. Own your mistakes. 

What would it hurt if she waited one more day to tell him? To tell anyone? Not like they could get any more pissed off at her. 

_But now Cade knew._

Lucky glanced down at the folder in her hands. She opened it and read through it again. The surreal disbelief vanished after she read it the seventh time. She knew, but seeing it all written out on that medical document in her hands made it real. _So very real._

A small voice in the back of her head told her to burn the records and run. Then a louder voice told that one to shut the fuck up because that’s what got her into this whole fucking mess in the first place. 

She willed herself to stand and trudge down the stairs, holding a mental argument with herself the entire way. 

“Sir?” Lucky spoke timidly from the doorway.

Kells turned then smiled brightly at her, “Lancer Sergeant.”

She eyed the other people on the deck. “I need a private word with you… If you aren’t busy.”

“For you, I’m only slightly busy.” He set down a clipboard and stepped out.

Dammit. That lying asshole voice in her head was really hoping he was completely indisposed and couldn’t talk to her at all.

“Outstanding work with your soldiers.” He grinned and pat her shoulder. “Couldn’t have done it better myself.”

“Thanks. I learned from the best.” She grinned a little, then chewed her lip when he looked forward. His pride was only building her fall up and once she hit, she’d hit all the harder. 

Once they were in a private room with the door closed, Lucky started fidgeting with the folder in her hands. How was she supposed to tell him? What were the words she should use to keep him from hating her forever? There were no words. 

She took a breath and held the folder out to him. As he took it, Lucky struggled to remain standing straight with her head up… _And please don’t fucking puke on the Lancer Captain…_

There were only three pages in the folder, but Kells looked at them all for a long time, over and over again. Then he glanced up at her for, what seemed like, an even longer time. 

Was he trying to come up with a way to throw her off the flight deck without getting murdered by Arthur? 

“I’m…” _\--Chin up.--_ “I apologize, Sir. I was wrong in my actions to try and hide this and…” What were the words she needed? “I apologize.” 

She couldn’t tell what he was thinking as he stood there, silently staring at her face. He didn’t look angry. Or disappointed. Or even confused. Of course, Kells was never confused. 

She nervously licked her lips. “Sir?” Her voice was nearly a whisper, “please say something…” 

He slowly closed the folder. “You are, without a doubt, the most passionate, clever, and determined person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.” The corner of his mouth twitched into a near half-smile as he quietly snorted, “when you found your way into my ground troop training, I knew you lied and forged documents to get in so young. What did I do about it then?”

Lucky was thoroughly confused by his words. Why wasn’t he yelling? She wrinkled her nose and shook her head, “you let me in anyway.”

“And worked extra hard to make your life hell.” He flashed a smirk. “Know why I did that?”

“Um…” She shrugged, “cuz I wasn’t supposed to be there? I just thought you hated me.”

Kells chuckled and shook his head, “on the contrary. It was because I knew you could handle it and that you’d come out of that fire forged into something truly amazing just like a phoenix out of the ashes… And look at you now.”

The words stung a little. She’d let him down. Lucky fidgeted with her shirt and looked down at the floor.

“Look at you now.” 

She glanced up to find him smiling. 

“What did I tell you back in the newbie barracks on receiving day?” He cocked an eyebrow.

“Um…” Lucky tried to stand a little straighter and stop fidgeting, “never let anything stand in the way of my dreams.” She would never, ever, forget those words. 

“Did you?”

“No. Never.” She lifted her chin.

“How many times did you get hurt or in trouble along the way?” Kells tilted his head slightly.

Lucky gave a little snort, “I lost count around a billion.”

“I believe the last count was a billion six.” He held the folder up, “a billion seven.”

She stared at the folder and swallowed. “Sounds about right… Um…” She lowered her voice again, “how much trouble--”

“ _All_ the trouble.” His eyes turned hard and his smile vanished. “An entire fucking _universe_ of trouble. Trouble like you have never fucking known or could even begin to imagine.” 

Lucky gave a small nod in acceptance, “I understand, Sir.” She clasped her hands behind her back and stood at parade rest. She would accept her punishment with some dignity.

Kells dropped the folder on a small table and crossed his arms, looking down at her with that same unreadable expression he wore from the start. 

“I don’t have time to line you out right this moment since you took your damn sweet time with it…” He narrowed his eyes a little to emphasize his displeasure at her waiting until they were down to the line to speak up. “Just know you aren’t going to be too happy with me in the foreseeable future.”

“Yes, Sir, I expect not.”

He gave a curt nod then eyed her for a moment. “Jessica…”

She took a deep breath and held it.

“I am, and always have been, proud of you.” He smiled and put a hand on the doorknob to leave. “Congratulations.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucky wiped her eye and clenched her teeth to bite off tears. _Why the fuck was she crying so much lately?_ Kells didn’t even yell. What he did do, however, was make her reform the Lancers to exclude herself from the battle. That was harsh. Of course, she was supposed to be the one to do it, being a Sergeant and all, but it was a nice swift kick to the ribs once she was down.

“Why?” Buzz asked, again.

“Because shut the fuck up and do what you’re told, that’s why.” Lucky snapped. 

Bailey spoke quietly next to her, “I’m not going to be your gunner?” 

Talon looked at Jon for a moment then to Lucky in complete confusion, “who’s gunna be your gunner?”

She pressed her palms against her eyes in frustration. Their questions were becoming overwhelming. 

Lucky took a few deep breaths and pointed at the paper Daniels held, “that’s the new plan. Stop questioning it.”

They all looked at their papers once more.

“So…” Bailey traced a finger along the page, “I’m with backup?” He eyed Lucky suspiciously, “in _your_ bird?”

She clenched her teeth so tightly it hurt. Every aircraft had to be put to use for the battle. Every single one. She didn’t want to change too much about the formations or itinerary, so she did the only thing she could think of at the time, which was what Maxson had mentioned at his round table to have her fly in the back. That would be safest for Caroline if some other Lancer had to handle her. She didn’t think to switch gunners around. Gunners were particular about their miniguns and were held accountable for their functionality and operation, after all. She couldn’t separate soldiers from their mounted guns… Any more than a Lancer should ever be separated from their own bird. 

Talon finally asked the question on everyone’s mind that Lucky was dreading most, “what are _you_ going to be doing?”

“Not answering any more dumbass questions, that’s what.” She threw her hands up, turned on her heel, and stalked off. She couldn’t handle it any longer.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**\- - - - 8 Hours - - - -**

Lucky sat cross-legged in the back of her bird, staring down at her helmet in her lap. The bright green clover painted on the side seemed to mock her. _Good luck._ She scoffed at the thing. Gavin should have painted it on there months ago. Shoulda tattooed it on her body. Lucky rolled her eyes and set the helmet down beside her and rested an arm on it to keep herself from throwing it out the door and into the ocean.

 _What was she going to do now?_

She tried to talk to Arthur. Half the time he was in the room speaking with the bat-shit old lady, the other half he was who the fuck knew where talking with officers about what the fuck ever. She was an officer and she had some things to say… Of course, nothing she had to say was war-related so she got pushed aside. 

Probably better that way, anyhow. With only eight hours to go before the party started, anything she said to Arthur would just be a complete distraction to him during the battle. She didn’t want that. 

But what if he doesn’t come back? Shouldn’t he die knowing?

No. What would it matter then? 

Also, Crazy Lady had said this wasn’t even going to come to fruition. Best to stick with Plan A and not say a damn thing to him until later. If it didn’t work out, nobody needed to be the wiser. Except maybe Jordyn, Cade, and Kells...

Lucky didn’t like where her thoughts had stuck themselves. Joey was kicked out of their house and she had spent a lot of time being sad, angry, hopeful and… _scared._ When she heard he was going to fight at Adams Air Force Base, she had felt an overwhelming sense of helplessness and dread…

And now she was feeling that same helplessness and dread all over again. 

She was destined to be a hero. Save people. Be the best. Make a difference. She wrote her own destiny and nothing stood in the way of that. 

Above all else, she was in control of her destiny. 

_So she had always believed._  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	18. Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What would Jessica do?
> 
> She would write her own fate.
> 
> \- - - - - - - - -

  
  
  
**__** __

_**Invictus: The Unconquerable** _

_Out of the night that covers me,_  
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,  
I thank whatever gods may be  
For my unconquerable soul. 

_In the fell clutch of circumstance_  
I have not winced nor cried aloud,  
Under the bludgeonings of chance  
My head is bloody, but unbowed. 

_Beyond this place of wrath and tears_  
Looms but the horror of the shade,  
And yet the menace of the years  
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid. 

_It matters not how strait the gate,_  
How charged with punishments the scroll,  
I am the master of my fate:  
I am the captain of my soul. 

 

###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

_Kells had called her a phoenix._

Lucci didn’t think about it at the time, other things were on her mind, but about an hour later it hit her right in the gut. 

“Has she said anything else about me?” Lucky asked quietly as she eyed the closed door to the old woman’s room.

Gavin shook his head, “no.” He let out a quiet sigh, “she hasn’t said anything of much use. Or, anything that Maxson wants, anyway. That is, to say, when she speaks at all.” He shot a little glare in the direction of the Elder’s quarters.

“Is she refusing to talk?” Lucky hoped so… Maybe they’d get her the fuck off the Pryd for not being useful.

“Her ability requires chems.” Gavin pushed himself away from the railing he was leaning against and Lucky followed closely. “Maxson doesn’t seem to realize or care that she could overdose. But I care.” 

“You believe everything she says?”

He shrugged and stared straight ahead.

“Was your mom like her?” Lucky asked rather carefully. Sometimes, depending on the day and who was asking, Gavin was very particular about the subject of his mother.

“Sorta, yeah.” He was quiet for a moment then shrugged again, “she told me I wasn’t going to die in the Great War… and here I am.”

“What about other wars?” 

Gavin shook his head, “she didn’t say and I never thought to ask.” He gave Lucky a little half smile as they walked, “but some of the things Mama Murphy said suggest I’ll be fine.”

She returned the smile, though she didn't quite feel secure in it. The only reason he would be ‘fine’ was because he was going to run away with Danse somehow… Or something. 

Lucky worked to recall what the woman had said about the phoenix _\--about her--_... Somehow, the words stuck and echoed through her memory as though they were just spoken. 

_"A phoenix will be reborn from twisted metal flames…"_

“Do you think…” Lucky tried to find the words for what was spinning in her mind, “so _you_ aren’t going to die, _I’m_ not going to die… Arthur… He won’t die…”

Gavin stopped in the middle of the catwalk and stared blankly at nothing for several seconds before speaking quietly, “there are worse things than dying…” 

Lucky nodded slowly, “yeah… I know.”

He turned to face her with a strange expression on his face which she’d never really seen before. Very distant. Sad? 

“You _don’t_ know.” 

She stared up at him for a moment then dropped her gaze to the floor. She thought she knew… 

But she really had no idea.

 

_“The seed of the white stag will be rooted up… What is left of his line will be destroyed… After the phoenix is returned home, great misfortune will fall on the white stag and the walls of his garden will be pulled down.”_   
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - -**

**\- - - - 2 Hours - - - -**

Lucky sat on her bunk with a small teddy bear in her lap. It was the last gift her brother had given her before he fought at AAFB. The bear now wore the last thing she ever received from her brother… _After he was gone._

A burned and broken holotag they’d recovered from what was left of his body.

She used to wear it every day since it was given to her... Until Maxson asked her to remove it. They’d fought about it, but she understood his reasons. It scared him. 

It didn’t scare her. It gave her strength. She carefully unwound the chain from the small bear’s neck and held it in her hand for a moment before putting it back on, letting it fall beside her own tags. She held them up to look at the names stamped in steel. 

_J. M. Lucci - Senior Knight  
J. G. Lucci - Lancer Sergeant_

She gave a quiet snort at his tag for a moment and then looked at her own, which she had just been reissued with the new rank. If the Lancer rank had been a thing in his time, he’d probably be a Lancer Sergeant like her. Or, was she a Lancer Sergeant like he was in all but name? She smiled as she imagined the tags with the same rank. When she was an initiate, and even a Knight, all her patches lacked the middle initial. She had always found comfort and strength imagining her patches as being the exact same as her brother’s... _\--J. Lucci--._

_What would Joey do?_

Something she constantly asked herself in difficult times. But, looking at the two tags… She’d already made it to the place her brother sat. They were the same rank, for the most part. In ways, because of Arthur reformatting the ranking system, Lucky had actually surpassed her brother; A Lancer Sergeant was basically the Paladin of the aircraft units. She couldn’t ask herself ‘what would Joey do’ any longer. Not really. 

So… What would Jessica do? 

What _\--would--_ Jessica do? She rolled her eyes and sighed as she dropped the tags onto her chest. Jessica would lie and steal and hurt those she loved. 

“Loving people is bullshit.” She quietly grumbled to herself. 

Life is simple when you don’t care about anyone else. She tried that. Truth was, however, she did care about others. She stood up for her friends and had been in many physical fights on their behalf. She wanted to be a part of the war so she could fight alongside them and watch out for them all. Protect them and fight for them if they are unable. She tried to tell herself that the only reasons she had for wanting to be in the war were all selfish, but not all of them were. 

She was supposed to fly point and protect the ground troops. Jordyn. Gavin. Tristan. Arthur...

She was supposed to lead the other Lancers. Talon. She and Talon worked so well together that they seemed to read eachother’s minds when it came to skirmishes. Daniels would be his wingman. How well would that work? It should be her. She should be the one next to him. She was the best and most competent pilot around.

And Jon was going to gun for backup Lancer Donegal. He’d be okay with her. _Right?_ Doggo was a backup for a reason, however. She wasn’t bad… But she wasn’t awesome, either. She was so by-the-book that she didn’t even know how to use her bird as a weapon. Lucky knew because she played games with Talon that she wasn’t supposed to play. Did things completely against regulation… And it was a good thing she didn’t follow those rules. 

_Rules were made to be broken._

Lucky looked down at the teddy bear in her hands. She’d already made it to a point where her brother was when he died. Her decisions were about more than herself and her desire to be like Joey now. There were other people. People who relied on her and the decisions she would make. She wanted to be a hero, but wouldn’t a hero step up if they were able and do what needed to be done for the better of the majority involved? 

If anything happened to her, Maxson could always find another woman. Hopefully he would. They’d probably issue him one once he got back to the Citadel, anyway. They needed her. The majority. Two lives weren’t worth all of theirs. 

Lucky slid off the bunk and set her teddy bear on the pillow. 

What would Jessica do?

She would write her own fate.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - -**

**\- - - - 47 Minutes - - - -**

“Doggo…” Lucky approached her bird out on the end of the tarmac with a purposeful stride.

The other Lancer turned from Bailey sitting in the doorway and frowned, “ma’am... What’s up?”

“Change of plans.” She gave a quick smile to Bailey. “Back to plan A.”

“But…” Doggo scratched the back of her head, “You said--”

“Fuck what I _said,_ listen to what i’m telling you _now.”_ Lucky raised an eyebrow to the woman. Yeah, being a higher rank was most definitely convenient. 

“Yes, ma’am.” Doggo nodded and stepped away from the bird. 

Bailey cocked his head in question, but didn’t say a word about the change of plans as Lucky climbed in and set her helmet on the seat. She was glad for that. 

“You ready for this, Jessy?” 

She shrugged, “ready as I’ll ever be I guess… You?”

He took a deep breath and let it out. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” He gave her a reassuring smile, but it was wavering. 

Bailey was nervous, too. He’d seen a lot of shit doing ground troop work, but nothing compared to what they were about to do. She had caught him several times in the past forty-eight cleaning and recleaning his armor, pacing around the Pryd, writing letters to his family, and reorganizing his lockers over and over again. Other soldiers did different things to cope with the nervousness and anxiety they felt. Cleaning their weapons over and over, lots of pacing, exercise, sneaking a bit of alcohol, sex, writing a million letters back home… Crewe and Aleski spent the last twenty-four together nearly joined at the hip. In more ways than the metaphorical. 

Lucky… She didn’t know what to do with her anxiety. She’d been trying her damndest to keep her mind off of what was going on. Avoiding it. Trying to play it all off like just another day or just another skirmish. Nothing special. That didn’t completely work. She’d thrown up about seven times in the past day.

She stood in the doorway of her bird next to Bailey and watched groups of soldiers being organized and lined out down the tarmac from where the birds sat. Liberty Prime stood opposite the soldiers on the other side of the birds, somewhat off the airport grounds, ready to lead the charge. And fuck all if that wasn’t an impressive sight to see! Lucky was excited to fly at his shoulder. How fucking cool was that going to be?! There were no words. 

She watched Maxson pace the line and stop in the middle, right up front. He was going to give them a speech. Kells was standing next to him. Lucky chewed her lip and moved further inside the bird, leaning against the frame to watch and hoped she wouldn’t be spotted. 

“Did you get to spend any time with him?” Bailey asked quietly. 

“Uh…” She sighed, “not really. Not lately. He’s been… You know… Really busy.”

“Yeah, he has. Sorry, Jessy.” He set a hand on her shoulder. 

She nodded. Bailey understood all too well; He couldn’t spend any time with his loved ones either. 

“S’ok though.” She forced a smile, “after this, we’ll have all the time in the world, right?”

“Right.” He gave a little smile that faded quickly.

Kells and a few others hung back as the soldiers started to march and Lucky grinned like an idiot at the sight of it. The sounds of all those metal boots gave her goosebumps as they drew near. 

Maxson wasn’t in a suit. 

Everyone kept trying to get him to change his mind about that, but in the end he said he’d rather have as many of his soldiers outfitted as he could. Lucky wished he would wear a suit. She chewed her lip again as she watched him. 

_Quod caelum sit in te, Avis pulchra._

Her chest felt tight. 

_Et ego vivo propter vos…_

Arthur didn’t tell her what those other words meant at the time, but she later asked Kells what they meant. Thinking about it now as he drew closer, smiling at her lovingly… She wanted to cry. _Tell him after the battle._

No. It can’t wait. 

Lucky jumped out of her bird and ran out to him, stopping the entire march behind. She didn’t care. She threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly for several heartbeats before looking up at him.

“I love you, Arthur.”

His look of shock melted immediately and suddenly it was just the two of them, nobody else mattered. 

He kissed her forehead. “Te Amo, Avis.” Then he bent down a little lower and kissed her lips.

She kissed him two more times before pulling away slowly to trot back to her bird and climb inside as the soldiers behind gave little whoops and cheers at the two of them. She very nearly blushed. 

Bailey chuckled as she strapped her helmet on and he put his own on as he turned to his gun.

Lucky was still grinning like a fool as she flipped the switch and listened to the rotors kick on. Her most favorite sound in the world. The birds waited for the soldiers to march past before lifting off. 

Just before she left the ground, she felt a fluttering in her stomach. Something new. Not nerves. Like somebody blowing bubbles in water. Like… A little animal moving about. A million tiny feathers fluttering around just below her belly button. She pressed a hand to the spot and held her breath.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” She muttered quietly at her belly. 

“Everything good?” Bailey asked from behind her.

Lucky pressed her hand against her belly a little harder. “Yeah. Everything’s… Great.”

She could feel the fluttering against her fingertips just barely. Lucky watched the others take off and she remained on the ground longer than she was supposed to. She had to go. 

Had to go. 

Had to... 

Talon’s voice chimed into her headset, “what’s the malfunction, Bravo Delta? Over.”

Lucky took a deep breath and lifted off, taking her bird parallel with Talon’s up front so he and Buzz could both could see her from between. “This is Lima Foxtrot, and there’s no malfunction… I’m good to go. Out.”

 

_Quod caelum sit in te, Avis pulchra. Et ego vivo propter vos…_

_That heaven is within you, beautiful bird. And I live for you._   
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	19. Bird Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “C’mon, Caroline... Hold on, baby bird! Hold your shit together for a little longer!” The aircraft whined and groaned as black smoke started to billow from the damaged rotor, protesting her control with every heartbeat.
> 
> Lucky was sweating, her heart pounding. She lost her equilibrium as the damaged rotor seized up completely and she could no longer control the aircraft. The ground rushed toward her. Everything was a blur, then over in the blink of an eye as she hit hard.
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Maxson didn’t take the loss of his best friend very well. On top of losing Danse to the Institute, he never got to properly grieve. He worked hard to keep his mind occupied with the battle, but every bit of doing so simply served to fuel his hatred of those monsters who took Danse away from him.

There was an empty spot at his side now as they marched. 

Danse should be there. Right at his side as he always had been. But he wasn’t. He was dead. 

There were a few dark moments in the past weeks where Maxson had entertained the idea of staying inside the Institute when it blew up. 

Then he would think about Jessica. 

He thought about his soldiers and their families back in the Capital and those they loved here on the East Coast. 

_‘What if it was me?’_

Taking someone and replacing them with a Synth was unspeakable. Maxson would ensure this travesty never happened to anyone else ever again. 

Gavin had been adamant about Danse. He had said he was the same person as he’d always been. He was wrong. Danse was not the same. As the Elder thought more and more about his behavior after coming to the Commonwealth, he knew it to be true; A Synth could never fully replace a human being. Little things. Nobody would notice the little things… But when one loves someone deeply, those little things come to light. The Synth Gavin was in love with was not Danse. Kidd never even knew the man. 

As Maxson thought about it, he grew angrier. His pace quickened until he caught sight of the first few Synths. Most of them looked like machines, but a few looked like people. Probably some loved ones taken from their homes and replaced… _Just like Danse._ The Elder hesitated at first, aiming only for the ones that looked like robots, until he was shot at by one of the others. 

Then he took right to it with even more rage. _How dare they mess with emotions like that?!_ He angrily targeted the ones that looked like humans until that became a priority. He started to see Danse’s face on a few of them. 

The fighting grew chaotic as the things started teleporting away and fresh replacements popped up in random locations around the soldiers, making them break formation. Maxson started to act carelessly as he pressed through gaps, leaving his team escorts behind. 

_He was going to kill them all. Every last one._  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - -

****

Lucky tried her best to guard her group of friends below, but that plan went right the fuck out the window right from the word go. Gav started out right behind Maxson with all of her friends, but then the battle turned into a shitshow when the asshole Synths started to teleport all over the place. They hadn’t been prepared for that shit.

She took quick note of what they were doing and adjusted some Lancers to start falling back to guard the rear better. The things would disappear if they were damaged but not killed and fresh ones would pop up behind the troops or on rooftops. She started to set traps for them, guessing where they might appear because of large empty gaps behind the soldiers. It was a great feeling to be right more often than not. Bailey would warm up the minigun right as a group would appear in places she guessed they’d be, then Talon took the cue and helped out in other spots. 

Then they started to prioritize the vertibirds. 

Fuck. That. 

They’d appear on both sides of a bird, figuring out that the minigun could only fire from one side. So Lucky made Lancers run in pairs to cover one another. She could get really close to Talon without hitting his bird. They’d hover together facing opposite directions, moving in a slow circle of death until the Synths gave up on that plan altogether. Good. Fuck them. 

Lucky started searching for Gavin once again as the Synths worked to come up with some other tactic for dealing with the troublesome birds. 

The soldiers pushed steadily forward, but had been split up all over the place. Teams were taking cover behind buildings and cars, some had to run around in a wide ass circle because they’d been effectively separated from the main road, and Arthur was who the fuck knew where. _She couldn’t protect him, she had to help the majority._

She fought the urge to find Arthur, specifically. He’d be okay, he had escorts. He would be okay…

“Where the fuck is Gav?” Her voice was a little frantic through the chaotic fighting. 

“Last I saw they broke North.” Bailey took a short break to let the minigun cool. 

“Find him.” She managed to keep from ordering other Lancers to look for his team; That would be wrong. She did, however, tell a couple to cover Maxson more closely… Wherever he was. _He’d be fine._

“This is a huge ass clusterfuck, I can’t I.D. anyone down there!” He nearly yelled as he started up his gun once more.

Against her better judgement, Lucky took her bird lower, below rooftops, so she could search. She pitched to the side and ran the rotor blades through a group of Synths who weren’t paying attention, effectively turning the majority of them into kibble while Bailey finished off the ones who thought they’d gotten away. 

She laughed. 

Until they started taking pot shots at her from the buildings and rooftops and she had to gain more height. 

“Stop hitting my bird you fucking shitstains!” She flew at a rooftop group to force them to scatter for cover and a couple actually fell off the roof. That made her happy. 

The holes in her windshield and bird from their guns did not make her happy. 

Two birds had to fall back after a Lancer was shot through the windshield and another lost their gunner. The panic Lucky heard over the radio was heart wrenching and she fought to remain as calm as she could while instructing the injured pilot’s gunner to go pick up a replacement. 

_She eyed the holes in her own windshield._

“How’s your armor holding?” She called back to Bailey.

“Dents. I’m good.” He hit his fist loudly against the chest plate, “it’ll take a lot more than their pea shooters to get through this shit.” 

Lucky forced herself to laugh at that as she circled around for another pass down the road around the buildings… But her eyes fell on those holes in the glass again and she thought about the injured Lancer. 

_No time for that. Stop thinking about dumb shit. Whatever happens will happen._

“Jon…” Lucky tore her eyes from the windshield as she came around the edge of a wall, “if I get hit, you tuck and roll.”

It was standard procedure. Rather, it was supposed to be. If a pilot is killed, an armored soldier is supposed to jump out and clear themselves from the crash. Sometimes they didn’t. An aircraft explosion would most definitely be more than Institute pea shooters and a vertibird crash was always massively explosive. 

“Won’t bail without you.”

She wanted to argue with him, but there was no use in it. They both knew that, if a crash was inevitable and the Lancer was still conscious, it was that pilot’s duty to put that bird down in a place where there’d be less casualties on the ground. 

A Lancer always went down with their bird. 

_Just like Joey._  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - -

****

Gavin hated power armor. In the Great War, it was a cool new thing which the Chinese had never dealt with before… So it was an advantage. For a while. Now? Everyone knew all about PA and its weaknesses. It was painfully slow and cumbersome. The cores were a huge ass target for any enemy who could get behind the lines… And those damn Synths porting up behind them were a huge fucking problem.

The Great War was centuries ago for these people, but for Gavin, it was only a few years gone. A few years since he had fought a battle like this. Just a handful of scant years, which suddenly felt like mere months, when he lay on a hillside in the snow and watched a mass of suited up soldiers fight for the Bering Strait... Since he watched through his scope as his friend in a suit took a shot to the core and was forced to step out in the middle of a raging battle. 

Gavin didn’t have a sniper protecting him, however. The nature of this attack didn’t allow him to play sniper and protect others as they took shots to the backs of their suits. 

He had adamantly briefed everyone prior to the battle to stay in their damn suits if they become disabled, but some of the soldiers panicked and got out anyway. Gavin found himself yelling at them. He yelled, but they died anyway. He tried to remain as calm as he could for their sakes, but old ghosts started to haunt him and he found himself screaming out names of long dead friends as he tried to help everyone. Save everyone. Protect them all. 

_But, no matter how hard he tried, Gavin couldn’t save everyone._

He could hear screams of pain. He heard panic. Shouting for medkits and spaks. _Man down._

He lost track of Maxson when the chaos turned into an all out shit storm of confusion and the soldiers broke formations to get into better cover. He gathered up some stragglers from other teams as he came across them and moved everyone into a circle with their backs to one another. This made them move even slower, but they pushed on to the destination. 

He fought to keep moving as he caught sight of other teams taking fire and he’d cover them as much as he could. Sometimes he was too late. 

_Man down._

Gav thanked the angels above for their protection. Those amazing angels encased in ten tons of Brotherhood steel raining .50 cal death down on the enemies surrounding them. Gavin knew exactly which bird was Jess’... She was insane. At one point she used her bird as a shield for his entire squad, and that was cool. Then she left and they were on their own again. She’d make an appearance, then vanish somewhere for a time… But around thirty minutes in, he hadn’t seen her return for a while and he started to worry. 

He caught radio chatter of a Lancer getting shot through the windshield and his heart nearly stopped. 

_Later. Save it for later. Can’t do anything about it now. Push._

_Man down._

When two vertibirds had to fall back, the Synths took the advantage from more rooftops. Gavin’s team, lagging behind quite a bit as they moved with their backs to one another, suddenly became effectively cut off from the group ahead. Then more Synths started to pop up in the streets around them and they were forced to move between two buildings as their armor started to take more damage than was acceptable. 

The idea was to move around the buildings back to the main road again, but Synths started porting in on the opposite side. 

Gavin looked his group over. The stragglers he had picked up and was now trying desperately to protect were standing in fucked up suits, if any at all. A couple of them had no armor. 

An unnamed Knight in a mostly undamaged suit beside him spoke up as he popped a new cartridge into his rifle, “we’ll break through their line and push on.”

Gav put his back to the soldier and fired at the Synths behind. “They’ll get us in the back.” Not to mention the unarmored soldiers…

“Three Knights cover, the rest rush until the unsuited--”

“They’ll get us in the back!” Gavin couldn’t find the words to argue with the man as his mind remained trapped in the past war. Bum rushing anyone else would be a great plan, but these fuckers teleported all over the place and it just wouldn’t work. 

The Knight persisted, “we cannot remain here wasting time and ammo. We need to--”

“I know!” Gavin growled at him and hit a fist against the side of his own helmet as he heard another _‘man down’_ in his ear.

Crewe crouched down behind a car and spoke rather calmly, “we can wait them out… As soon as LP starts drilling, they’ll go into super defensive mode inside.”

Aleski examined the busted up plating on her arm, “that’ll work so long as he starts drilling like… Yesterfuckingday.”

Rhys crouched behind another car and agreed, “don’t know how much more of this shit we can take.”

Another Knight paused in firing to reload his rifle as another took his spot and Gavin watched as a few more Synths ported in along the main road. They couldn’t create an opening big enough on one side or the other to have a second to rush the opposite side. They were trapped. If they rushed, not everyone would make it out alive. If they stayed, they’d get overrun and they’d all die… Or maybe they could wait it out. Maybe. 

Gavin didn’t want to make this decision. He couldn’t handle it. _Not again._ The unnamed Knight was talking. Gavin didn’t hear what he said, he was trying to block out all the noise so he could think. 

Explosions, screams, calls for help, weapons firing relentlessly, Synths porting in and out… _Man down._

He desperately plead to any benevolent being that may be watching from above, “one gap. C’mon...just give us one fucking break. Something... Anything…”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - -

****

“Fuck!” Lucky caught sight of Gavin and his group of soldiers below flanked by Synths. “Hold onto your ass, B…” She banked hard, tilting the vertibird to give her gunner a clear angle from above.

Bailey rained hell, downing several enemies, but the rest scattered for cover. Some ported back out immediately and were replaced by fresh Synths after the first pass.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me!” Lucky growled at the replacements. “Those fuckers are like goddamn molerats!”

The vertibird drew the majority of their fire, energy shots started to tear through its armor and she was forced to take cover around the backside of a building to disengage. An unlucky shot struck one of the rotors and the aircraft jolted briefly then whined. She rapidly lost control over the altitude as one of the blades was busted then sheared off. The wing was pitched in such a way that the blade ripped through the top of the aircraft with an ear-splitting screech of metal on metal and caught Bailey on the helmet of his armor. His safety line snapped and he was shoved back and caught himself just before falling out of the bird. He thumped against the back and dropped down, motionless.

“Jon?! Fuck! Say something!” Lucci fought the stick as she worked to swallow rising panic.

“...Ungh... Something…” He groaned quietly.

The aircraft jerked to one side again then wavered in the air back around the side of the building just enough to offer a view of the Synths lined up and advancing on Gavin’s group. There were now twice as many of them; they had the soldiers effectively pinned.

Lucci narrowed her eyes down at them. “Fuck this shit!” She allowed the bird to drop down low, as it was inevitably trying to do, and took it in an awkward line right up the road towards the attackers.

A few of the Synths turned on the new threat and fired on the Lancer, but it was too late for them. The aircraft plowed through their ranks, scattering a mess of crushed limbs and blood all across the road. The bird hit the ground and skidded for a moment, ripping a gash in the asphalt and crushing a few more Synths as they tried to dive out of the way or port out. At the end of the run, Lucky pulled up hard, her bird fighting with her the entire time. She had taken a few more well placed shots from the distance and let loose a string of expletives as she struggled to get clear of the fighting and let her bird down somewhere safer.

“C’mon, Caroline... Hold on, baby bird! Hold your shit together for a little longer!” The aircraft whined and groaned as black smoke started to billow from the damaged rotor, protesting her control with every heartbeat.

Lucky was sweating, her heart pounding. She lost her equilibrium as the damaged rotor seized up completely and she could no longer control the aircraft. The ground rushed toward her. Everything was a blur, then over in the blink of an eye as she hit hard.

Her ears rang and vision fuzzed as darkness took her...  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - -

****

“Jessica!! No!” Gavin stared in disbelief as he watched the Lancer plow through the road and crush the Synths underneath her smoking bird.

He was shoved into motion from behind by someone and the group charged through the opposite line of flanking Synths. 

They came up around the building and Gavin’s eyes followed the trail of black smoke to the aircraft far in the distance and watched as it hit the ground. He stared in utter disbelief and took a small step forward...

_Then it exploded in a ball of fire, metal, and thick black smoke._

The cacophony around him vanished and the explosion was the only sound Gavin could hear... and it was the loudest sound in the entire world.

 

_Bird down._  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
>   
> 
> 
>   
>   
>   
> ****the fic[Personal Responsibility](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5998332/chapters/13780293) is this story more through Gavin's eyes. it's slightly different... but the last two chapters (8 and 9) deal with the Institute battle and what went on inside with Gavin and Maxson. and now, because BnS is caught up to PR, i will start updating PR more. **


	20. Ad Victoriam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a clause in the Codex which allowed the acting Elder to be challenged for the position...  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

There was a pretty big part of Kells that knew Lucci would end up in the battle. He hadn’t told anyone about their talk and he left everything out of the records. She had followed the open invitation to defy orders, just as he predicted she would. He had always left proverbial doors open for the young woman, and she was always on the lookout for open doors. He wanted her in the battle; She was invaluable. He left that door open and allowed her to make the decision for herself. Apparently, Lucci also knew her worth to the Brotherhood.

Kidd had called him a puppetmaster, and maybe he was, but that didn’t mean he didn’t care about anyone. Quite the contrary. Kells cared deeply for his brothers and sisters. He especially had a soft spot in his iron heart for those he had trained and whom he saw great potential in. Rebels, misfits, young frightened or shy children whom he had shaped into soldiers possessing confidence and the undying desire to go after their dreams. He could almost say he felt as though they were his children.

He sat in the control tower of the Prydwen with a team and helped direct combat as best he could. Kells heard everything. He heard every ‘man down’, every request for an evac, all the reported injuries, the groups being cut off and harassed down to a man, and he heard ‘bird down’ loud and clear and he wasn’t completely surprised when Tiernan reported immediately that it had been Lucci.

“Lima Foxtrot, what is your status?” Deep down, he knew she wouldn’t reply, but he tried anyway. 

He repeated the question. Bailey was on the same Lancer channel as she was… But he didn’t reply either. 

The things he _didn’t_ hear over the radio were, by far, worse than the things he did hear. 

Uncertainty only served to make his mind stick to all the possibilities. He had trained the majority of these soldiers himself and then let them go out to fight and use all they had learned. He told himself there was no more that he could have taught them, but there was always a nagging feeling in the back of his mind telling him that, maybe, he could have done better. 

“Lima Foxtrot, what is your status?” He tried one more time. 

No reply. 

Kells closed his eyes and took a deep breath, let it out slowly, then switched channels.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - -**

Jordyn was in the back of the rush when the vertibird went down. That didn’t make it any easier for her when she rounded the corner behind the rest of the group and saw the black smoke trail filling the sky along the road.

_Don’t look at it._

Her heart felt so tight in her chest as she trotted after the others that she knew she would have dropped to her knees if it weren’t for her armor holding her up. 

One foot in front of the other. 

_Don’t look back._

She heard the explosion in the distance behind and she closed her eyes tightly to clear away the tears. _Don’t look._ She felt sick and lightheaded. 

_Bird down._

Did Jon clear himself? He’d be okay. He had armor. He had to have cleared himself. Jessy didn’t have armor. She’d go down with her bird and everyone knew it. Jordyn wanted so badly to believe Jon pulled her out and bailed, but she knew her friend. Her damn stubborn friend… Who is one hell of a soldier. 

_Was…_

Push on. Move forward. Jessy had saved her life and she’d be damned if she allowed her friend’s sacrifice to be in vain. 

They caught up to LP just as he began drilling and her group surrounded it while he worked. Tristan had been correct; As soon as the drilling started, a mass of Synths pulled back to defend the place heavily. 

Aleski squeezed her eyes closed once more to clear her vision as she fired on the things relentlessly. Tears fell silently down her cheeks and Jordyn let out a loud growl of rage to keep from breaking down and crying uncontrollably. When a few Synths came close, she took solace in killing them with melee attacks. Beating their faces with her fist or the butt of her rifle focussed the anguish she was feeling in her heart. 

Gavin must have had the same idea. He had completely lost his shit and haphazardly ran after Synths just to be able to lay hands on them. Someone should have talked him down, but Jordyn felt the same damn way at the moment. Focus the hurt. Tear these assholes apart. 

Complete this mission. Win this war. 

For the Brotherhood and the fallen. 

For Jessica and Jonathan.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - -**

When the vertibird went down, his eyes were on Gavin; The man was going to completely snap.

The unnamed Knight trotted beside him, waiting for the moment when realization would hit Gavin. It took roughly five steps before the man yelled and charged heedlessly down the road spraying grazing fire in front of him as he thundered along.

 _And Danse ran right behind him._

He let him run. He didn’t try to calm him or stop him; There was no use. Danse had seen this before. He ran right behind him and provided cover fire and protection as the man tore through his blind rage. That was all he could do until Gavin exhausted himself. 

Danse followed closely at the drill site as Gavin rushed Synths in cover and completely destroyed them. He ran into the building and the team followed, taking out Synths trying to set up in windows. 

They had passed by Maxson a few times out on the ground and Danse eyed him out of every window they came to. A ridiculous urge to protect that man down there nearly pushed him to jump out the windows a few times. 

_Why? Maxson betrayed --you--._

He paused for a moment in each and every window to cover for the Elder below, then he’d run off after Gavin once again. 

By the time Liberty Prime had completed the breach, Gavin had slowed down considerably. 

The Synths began to vanish from the outside and take up defensive measures on the inside as soldiers started to regroup and pour into the opening. 

_It was over for them._

As soon as the Brotherhood successfully breached the Institute, they were done for. 

Danse didn’t have to go inside. He wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place. He hesitated for a moment as Gavin and his team jumped from windows and disappeared down the hole. 

_He should leave now so nobody discovers he was there at all..._

He didn’t have to go inside.

But he did.  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - -**

Once inside the Institute, the battle became a slaughter.

Soldiers flowed through the hallways and lay everyone down who stood in their way. 

Gavin had exhausted himself topside and his mind was more clear. But only a scant. He felt some remorse as the Brotherhood started to destroy the once beautiful place like a mass of metal demons straight out of Hell. It had been Gavin who provided all the intel on the people and the Institute. 

He had betrayed them. His own flesh and blood… And DNA.

_They were the enemy._

He had made up his mind about that after he’d spent weeks trying to show them how they were wrong to fuck with people the way they did. 

_They were wrong._

Maxson had, apparently, given the order to destroy the entire place… And everyone in it. And he had kept that from Gavin because he knew he’d try to stop him. Blowing up their experiments and equipment was one thing, but killing every last person inside was a whole other deal that did not sit well with Gav. The scientists and Synths in the Institute were disillusioned through literally hundreds of years worth of teachings from scientists before them; They didn’t know any better.

“Stop fucking firing on unarmed people!” Gavin grabbed a Knight’s rifle and jerked it to the side angrily.

“We don't take prisoners!” The soldier growled in response.

Gav stepped up in front of the group, placing himself between his brothers and sisters and the cowering scientists. “They aren’t fucking prisoners! Stand the fuck down.”

Another Knight moved forward and pointed his weapon at the people behind Gav. “Maxson said--”

“Maxson isn’t here and I’m running short on patience. I’m done discussing this shit. Raise your weapon on an unarmed man again and I’ll shoot you in your fucking face myself.” He didn’t mean that. Gavin had lost his composure and one more innocent death would break him down completely. 

He ordered his team to round the scientists up and keep them safe while he figured out a way to evac them. There was no way Maxson would condone the mass slaughter of unarmed civilians and children. _Would he?_ There was absolutely no plan for refugees, but Gavin would damn sure make one.  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - -**

Danse lost track of Gavin, but the man was through the majority of his personal storm and he’d be alright for now. He searched for him through hallways and rooms and caught sight of Maxson taking off down a side hall. Alone. The man had broken off from his escorts. He was being careless.

_Danse had seen this before…_

He was acting just like Gavin. _Did he know what happened to Lucci?_ Danse had cut into the Brotherhood channels and never heard mention of which vertibird had gone down, exactly, and Maxson didn’t even have a radio on him. 

_Let him die._

He couldn’t let the man die, as much as he felt like he wanted to. Danse sighed to himself and trotted down the hallway he had watched the Elder run down. 

A Courser and a Synth were in the doorway firing into the room. Danse instinctively attacked them, hitting the Courser hard in the back of the head with the butt of his rifle to, hopefully, knock him out or disorient him before he tried to turn invisible. He fired on the Synth then on the Courser as it tried to stand. Danse put several rounds into it even as it stopped moving then stomped on their heads for good measure. 

Maxson stood up from behind the desk he was taking cover behind and Danse glared at him for a moment before shaking off the resentment. 

“My thanks…” He gave a curt nod, took a step, then winced and sat back against the desk heavily. 

He’d been hurt. _Good._ Danse clenched his teeth. _Not_ good. He didn’t really want to see the man hurt. He still cared about him deeply, even though Arthur drove him away and took everything from him then tried to have him executed. 

That didn’t seem rational at all. Wasn’t he supposed to be a Synth? A programmed brain with mechanical components shouldn’t feel these conflicting irrational emotions.

He wanted to see this war won. He wanted to see the Institute destroyed completely.

 _The war will be won now… With or without --this-- Elder._

Gavin had been promoted to Sentinel. Danse very briefly imagined the East Coast division under Elder Kidd… Or returning and taking over for himself. He had allies in the Brotherhood, Gavin had told him so. There was a clause in the Codex which allowed the acting Elder to be challenged for the position...

There was nobody around. Danse could very easily kill Maxson just as the Elder would do to him if he found out that he was the unnamed Knight standing before him now. He had already been branded a traitor. An outcast. 

_He could..._

Something in his brain urged him forward. While he fought with the warring thoughts in his mind, his body went about addressing Maxson’s wound and helping him. Soldiering. Trained thoughts. _Programmed thoughts, perhaps?_ Foolish. He had free will, dammit! 

_Didn’t he?_

Danse seethed. He would prove that he had free will. He could kill Maxson right now and prove it...  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **The Black Knight (the unnamed Knight)**
> 
> The Black Knight is an ambiguous motif that exists in many Arthurian legends. In some cases, Black Knight is used to refer to a random knight who appears as a competitor to one of the Arthurian knights.
> 
> * In other episodes, Black Knight is a disguise often taken up by Sir Lancelot to escape attention.


	21. Stand Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Get out of my way.” He repeated.
> 
> Gavin shoved Maxson back. “You can’t--”
> 
> The Elder stumbled backwards into the wall. He shoved himself forward and barked, “Knight! Restrain him!”  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Danse had memories of Arthur from long ago. Hazy spotty memories which he could never quite grasp onto. He remembered the important things. He remembered befriending a lonely little ten year old boy after he had an outburst because his friend had died. And Danse remembered Sarah Lyons. Vaguely.

Had his memory always been this terrible? Was it because his brain was manufactured? Those memories had to be real. He remembered Arthur had drawn a picture of him and gave it to him as a gift years before they had come to the Commonwealth and he had kept that picture on his person almost every day since. The picture was real, so his memories must be real. How did they create his body and brain and give him those memories? Maybe he wasn’t a Synth and everything was a mistake. 

Or, perhaps, the original Danse had his brain transplanted? Could they do that? He had a thought of his body discarded somewhere like a pile of trash. Or incinerated. Maybe he was the original Danse and had somehow escaped the Institute. Perhaps that was why he was missing and their notes had been off. Or he was the Synth Danse and escaped. 

His head started to hurt from overthinking everything. 

Danse knelt down in a hallway to reload his weapon and Maxson fired from over his shoulder. 

He couldn’t kill that man. He wanted to. _He thought he wanted to._ He couldn’t. He loved Arthur. He had thought the feeling was something the Institute had programmed into his mind, but he had always loved Arthur. Always. That much he knew. 

And Lucci. For a while, Danse wanted to see Arthur lose everything he loved just as he had taken everything from him. But now he started to feel bad for those angry thoughts. He had known Lucci for years. Watching her aircraft go down pained him in more than one way. He thought about Arthur and how he was going to handle losing her. 

Danse remembered Cutler. He remembered his best friend and what had happened to him because of things scientists created. The FEV. The Institute took Danse from Maxson just as Cutler had been taken from him and he sympathized with the Elder, suddenly. 

Maxson was going to see this place completely destroyed… And Danse would gladly aid him to the best of his ability. 

They will never do this to anyone else ever again.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - 

****

Maxson and a Knight were headed for the reactor when Gavin caught up. “Sir.” He strode quickly beside the Elder, “I had my team gather the civilians. They’re being evacuated.”

“What the hell are we going to do with refugees?” Maxson glared as he continued down the corridor, “execute them.”

“No!” He nearly yelled. “I’m not killing innocent fucking people! There’s goddamn children down here!”

Maxson abruptly stopped and rounded on him, “we don’t have time for this, so I don’t intend to debate it any further. You do as you’re told, soldier, and stop questioning my goddamn orders!”

“I’m not going to murder innocent unarmed people!” Gavin boldly stepped closer to the Elder.

“Your judgement has been clouded by your time spent with these… _monsters_ down here. These people are far from innocent.” He growled vehemently.

 _“Your_ judgement is being clouded by your blinding hatred.” Gavin lowered his voice and attempted to rein in his anger before he actually hit the man. “I know you’re pissed off about Danse, but you can’t take it out on all these people.”

“You know nothing!” Maxson cracked and slammed a palm roughly against Gavin’s chest plate.

The Knight placed a large armored hand on Arthur’s shoulder and moved him back, stepping between the two of them. “Stop squabbling.” He pointed his rifle down the hall and urged Maxson onward.

The Elder narrowed his eyes at the Knight for a moment before taking a step, then turning to his destination.

Gavin stared at the Knight for a long moment before slowly following behind the two of them.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - 

****

“Are you fucking serious?!” Gavin motioned to the reactor. “That’ll put a fucking crater in the Commonwealth the size of a city block!”

“You knew my intentions before you came down here. Get out of my way.” The look in Maxson’s blue eyes was cold, dark hatred.

Gavin balked, “I didn’t know you were going to put that thing on the reactor core!” 

“Get out of my way.” He repeated.

Gavin shoved Maxson back. “You can’t--”

The Elder stumbled backward into the wall. He shoved himself forward and barked, “Knight! Restrain him!”

Danse hesitated for a moment. He wanted to see this place turned into a crater just as much as Maxson, but he couldn’t help wondering how Gavin would handle it if he were to fight with the Elder and come out on top. 

No time for debate. He reached a hand out to stop Gavin before he could think any further on the matter.

Gavin used his forearm to knock the man’s hand away. “Don’t!”

Danse dropped his rifle and suddenly rushed him, shoving him back a few feet. Caught off guard, Gavin had to take a large step back to stop the slide. He grabbed the Knight’s chest plate at the top and placed a foot against the wall behind him to push the man back. The Knight grabbed the bars on the front of Gavin’s armor and slammed him into the wall, nearly busting completely through it into the hallway. 

His voice was a quiet, nearly inaudible warning, “don’t fight me, Gavin.” _Please don’t fight._ Danse wasn’t sure how he’d handle things if Gavin struggled any further. 

Breathing heavily, Gavin placed his hands on the man’s arms and lowered his voice in defeat, “you can’t let him do this… He’s lost his fucking mind.”

Danse remained silent and held Gavin in place, turning his head slightly to look away. He had spoken too much, but it was apparent the two men were both out of their right minds too far to notice his voice. If Gavin found out he was the unnamed Knight, he’d tell him to stop. He would tell him to stop and he knew he’d do whatever the man wanted. Danse was trying to work things out for himself… Think for himself. 

Be Danse.

_Who is Danse?_  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - 

****

“We should kill ‘em… They’re probably all Synths.” Knight Cook motioned with his rifle to the group of Institute refugees huddled together on the grassy hill.

A few of them heard the Knight’s words and pulled together in a tighter group. 

“Kidd said no.” Knight Jensen stood beside the other, eyeing the people with some apprehension.

“Fuck Kidd, Maxson said to kill ‘em all.” Cook raised his rifle a little just to threaten the already scared group of people. “Kidd don’t know shit. He’s not even from this time and place. He has no idea what these assholes are like.”

Crewe took his helmet off and eyed the two Knights, then shook his head and turned back to silently watching the C.I.T. building in the far distance. 

Aleski frowned at Crewe and left his side. “Stand down, Cook.”

He spread his hands in irritation as he argued with her, “they’re going to die out here anyway! We sure as shit can’t feed ‘em. We don’t even have enough food for ourselves. What are we going to do? Better to kill ‘em now instead of turning ‘em loose to let ‘em starve to death or get killed by any number of things out here.” 

Jensen turned to her and agreed, “they’re all like little babies and we can’t be bothered to hold their hands right now. We’ve taken heavy losses and--”

“I said stand the fuck down!” Jordyn growled at him. She wasn’t very good at talking to people or arguing her point. Jordyn was more of a _‘punch you in the face’_ sort of person rather than a debating type. 

Crewe rolled his eyes and took a step forward to get away from their bickering and Jordyn stopped him.

“Dammit, Tristan!” She crossed her arms angrily and stared after him.

He paused and turned to face them. She expected him to do something about it. 

“What?” He spread his hands and shrugged with an exaggerated motion. “What the hell do you want from me?” He threw his helmet down and stomped up to the Knights and waved a hand at the civilians, “if it were up to me I’d kill them all.”

They cowered and Jordyn took her helmet off to glare at Crewe.

“I can’t argue in favor of these people. These _scientists_. Have you never read any comic book _ever?_ This is how superheroes are made.” He pointed a finger at her, “where I come from, you kill everyone. You know what happens if you don’t? You end up with people like Gavin.” He stabbed a finger in the air toward the C.I.T. “These people will regroup and these scientists are a fucking danger. And let me tell you, they fucking _despise_ us!”

A couple of the children and women started to quietly cry and a man spoke up from the group, “we aren’t going to hurt anyone. Please… Please don’t kill us…”

“Shut the fuck up, nobody asked you!” Crewe glared at the man and he shrunk back immediately. 

He had lost all of his composure a while back ago. Somewhere between the time he watched his good friend crash her bird and being made to evac worthless waste of resource refugees then stand around and babysit them. Or maybe it was when they started marching and he was forced to lead in a raid. 

_Raider mindset._

Crewe frightened himself. 

When he was young, somewhere around just twelve years old, he had killed a family. He’d killed people before, but he didn’t kill children. Not back then. He had argued with other raiders at the time and flat out refused to kill the children. Until one of those kids he had left alive sought them out later on… _Vengeance is an explosive fuel._

Cook and Jensen both turned to the group and raised their rifles and Aleski dropped her arms. She stared at Crewe in disbelief for a moment then shook her head.

Tristan stomped angrily between the two Knights and the group. “So, if it were up to me I’d kill them. But it’s _not_ up to me.” He paused to cross his arms and narrow his eyes at the Knights in warning. “So stand the fuck down.”

They lowered their weapons reluctantly and Jensen motioned to the people behind Crewe, “but it’s a bad idea to leave them alive, you even agree…”

Crewe remained standing where he was, unmoving. “Guess we’ll blow that bridge when we get there.”

In the distance, a ball of flame mushroomed into the air and was followed a few seconds later by an earth shaking sound. A hot cloud of dust and smoke swept out across a good portion of the city, destroying buildings and creating a ripple effect of more debris and thunderous rumbles that went on and on as buildings crumbled and chunks of dirt and cement rained down from the sky.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - 

****

Gavin ran.

As soon as he could, he ran. 

Aimlessly through the trees to nowhere. Away. 

_You can't escape your own head._

His power core had run out hours ago and he ditched the PA somewhere in the middle of a field. Just left it standing there. Fuck it. 

How many of his friends had been killed? Didn’t matter, one was too many. 

One. 

Jess. 

Did he even want to know who else? Jon? 

Names ran through his head. So many names. Some of those names were ghosts from long ago. Another war. A different time. His fault. He couldn’t save them. 

_Louis Fernandez. James Gentry. Stephen Ferris. Thomas Peterson. Torin O’Malley._

He repeated those old names and several more. Over and over. 

_Over and over._

They were all dead anyway. People he once knew. Whether they had been killed in the war or somehow survived it and died of old age later on… They were all dead now. 

And they weren’t really his fault. 

_Yes they were._

It was war. People die. 

This time, though? This time he had been responsible for so much more. 

When he was ported out of the Institute, he found himself on the top of a building with Maxson. In his anger, his first thought was to push the man off the edge. 

But then he saw Arthur’s face…  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

“In my anger and sorrow…” Maxson’s voice was almost too quiet to hear, “I lost sight of my own humanity.”

Gavin removed his helmet and his eyes washed over Arthur’s face. He looked broken and lost. So young, despite the scars and hard lines. “You don’t have to do this. It’s not too late.”

Maxson shook his head slowly, “it is.” He took an unsteady breath, “they took Danse from me… From _us._ What they’ve done… I will assure it doesn’t happen again. Not to anyone else. This technology they possess needs to be destroyed so that other people will never know this pain.”

“Arthur... “ Gavin placed his hand gently on the man’s shoulder. He didn’t know what to say. Gav had no idea the Elder felt that way and what the hell was he supposed to do? 

“You were right to evacuate those people. Thank you.” He steadied his voice, “I lost sight of what’s important. It’s difficult for me, as I was raised by two different sets of beliefs. I’m not trying to excuse any of my actions, I’ve done some things in my life that keep me awake at night, but I regret nothing.”

“I think you do.” The words fell from his mouth before Gav could stop them.

“I regret nothing.” Maxson set his jaw and narrowed his eyes a little. 

_He was lying to himself._

Suppressing a sigh, Gavin tightened his fingers around the man’s shoulder a little, “I love Danse, too… But doing this won’t--”

 _“--Loved--._ He’s gone, dammit!” He jerked away from the grip. “And don’t you think I know this won’t change things?! It doesn’t matter anymore.” He flicked the cover off the button and hesitated. 

“Arthur. Don’t.” Gavin touched his wrist lightly. “Don’t do this… It will be one more regret. One more regret that you can’t carry.”

“I regret… _Nothing…”_ His voice cracked and came out as a whisper.

“Please… Don’t.” Gav pleaded again. 

He knew Maxson couldn’t shoulder the burden of what he was about to do. It would quite possibly be the thing that breaks him. The man was so young… And so very alone. One man should never have to hold so much responsibility all on his own. 

Deep breath… “Let me do it.” There were no words that could ever be said to sway the man’s decision.

Arthur stared at him for a long moment, then allowed Gavin to nudge him over. 

“Let me carry some of your burden.” Gavin stared out over the Commonwealth. “I know I could never replace Danse in your heart, but you can’t do this alone…”  
  


**\- - - - - - - - -**

Gavin closed his eyes as he lay on a hill underneath a dead tree. That explosion was larger than anyone had thought it would be. People had been evacuated, but the fallout from the disaster would kill hundreds of people to come. And… Had all the wounded soldiers been evacuated from the blast zone?

There was a stand-off order for a three block radius. 

_Three blocks._

Jessica’s bird had gone down roughly five blocks away. 

Didn’t matter, he supposed. He watched it hit the ground and explode. He saw nobody bail. 

Shaun was in there. In the Institute when Gavin pressed that button. He tried to talk him into leaving. Got him to evac his people… But the stubborn man wouldn’t leave. 

Gavin let out a mirthless chuckle. Definitely his kid. 

_His kid._

The Synth child Shaun was somewhere. He didn’t really think of him as his own… But he was still a child. A child made from his own DNA. He was evacuated. Somewhere.

He opened his eyes and stared at the clouds through the twisted white tree branches. 

A black bird stared down at him, cocking its head this way and that for a moment before leaping off the dead branch and flying away. 

_‘A Phoenix will be reborn from twisted metal flames…’_

Gavin furrowed his brow at the tree. 

“Jess?” 

He blinked a couple times then scrambled to his feet and ran.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	22. One More...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He heard Harren call for immediate evac for one and then all the rest of the words faded away.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Maxson stared at the holotags in his hand. He had been given two more. Two more names he had to add to the list. Two more letters he would have to write to two more families. He had written these letters before. He had held ramp ceremonies for soldiers who had fallen in their time spent in the east and were sent back home to rest. He had even attended a mass service for all the soldiers who had fallen in the battle at Adams Air Force Base.

He was young at the time and he had never given any thought to the fact that the duties of an Elder for a mass service would fall on him and weigh so heavily. He knew what the protocol for an Elder was for a mass service, but he never thought it would be this difficult. The acting Elder from the Air Force service sat and spoke with the families of every fallen soldier at the Citadel. He wouldn’t be able to do that for the families of these soldiers for this service. Not from the East Coast. But Maxson knew that once he returned to the Capital, one of his first duties would be to go to each of them in turn. Go to each mother and father, brother and sister, son and daughter, look them in the eyes, and thank them for their loved ones’ sacrifices. 

Arthur never witnessed the aftermath of the AAFB battle, itself, but now he had a deep and profound sense of what being a leader was all about. He loved his soldiers. Each and every one of them. 

He pocketed the holotags, adding them to the others, and stood up from his chair. He looked down at the soldier lying in the gurney beside him. Knight Kenneth Pascal. He had been sitting in the chair next to the man, holding his hand, as he took his last breaths. 

Maxson slowly covered the man’s face with the sheet, gave one last look, then turned to walk down the line to the next gurney.

_One more holotag._

Each one he was given tore at his heart. 

But he hadn’t been handed Jessica’s tags. Not yet. Every time someone gave him one, he’d hold his breath as he took it to read the name. _Not Jessica._

When he arrived back at the Airport, he immediately started questioning her location. He hadn’t seen her aircraft bringing in wounded or heard of her on any sort of clean up. She wasn’t among the wounded. Nobody would tell him. Until he caught Lancer Captain Kells and demanded the information. 

Kells was always straight forward. At that moment, however, Maxson could have used a softer blow to the gut. His legs were so weak that he had fallen into a chair and stared at absolutely nothing for a solid five minutes as the Lancer Captain spoke words that didn’t register in his mind until later. 

And then Maxson took five soldiers aside and ordered them to go find Jessica. Because she was presumed dead, she was a very low priority. It wasn’t right for him to make her a top priority; There were still wounded soldiers and other duties to attend to. Clean up. Hunt down and kill any straggling Synths. Deal with Kidd’s damn refugees. He was forced by his conscience and duty to belay the order to those soldiers, but he did send them to an area near where her aircraft had been last located.

Arthur’s anger flared when Kidd went AWOL immediately instead of dealing with those refugees. They were his responsibility and Maxson didn’t have the time or resources to handle them at the moment. He needed that man’s help, as much as he hated to admit it. After talking with him on the rooftop, Maxson could see it more clearly. And, after all those words the man spoke, he still ran away from duty, responsibilities, and the Elder when he needed him to be there. 

He knew the man would run. He knew it and he tried to prepare for it, but he had been taken off guard because he had allowed himself to trust him and his words spoken while Arthur was emotionally vulnerable. Maxson had told himself in the past that it was because Kidd had no sense of loyalty. But that wasn’t true at all. A large portion of his problem was the fact that he was loyal to a fault… To more than one person. The man was extremely passionate and caring. He was loyal to those he cared for and Kidd cared for Danse above all else. 

So where did the man run to? He was undoubtedly with Danse. Mama Murphy had said that he would return to his roots and end up with the Red Stag for a while. His roots, Maxson knew, lie with his wandering Gypsy heritage. The Elder didn’t know anything about Gypsies until he spoke with Kidd about his heritage and he couldn’t quite understand the unshakable moral foundation the man held about it. But it did put his flighty nature and undying devotion to family into a little more perspective. 

Maxson moved down the rows of beds like an empty shell, forced onward by duty, and thought about Kidd. He thought about that man and tried to hold onto his anger and irritation toward him to distract his thoughts from Jessica.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - 

****

He couldn’t remember where he left his fucking PA suit and Gavin really wished he had the radio. That fucking radio that wouldn’t shut up would have actually come in handy now as he tried to find people to help him. He knew Jess would be bottom priority, but he also knew in his heart that she was still alive somewhere.

As he trotted around the corner of a building, he came across a Knight kneeling down by the body of a soldier. The Knight was alone and out of place and clad in a burned blackened suit of armor. 

Gavin’s heart nearly jumped into his throat at the sight. 

“Jon?” His mind, for some reason, went immediately to Bailey.

The Knight stood quickly, startled by Gavin’s sudden appearance, and turned to face him. 

There was a moment of pause before the Knight spoke, “...Sir.”

They weren’t supposed to use clear officer marking ranks while in battle, but Gavin, being out of his PA, stood there in a black jumpsuit and the Knight seemed unsure of what to call him. Bailey would never have done that. None of his friends would have done that. Gavin’s heart sank as he came to a stop in front of the unknown Knight.

“Has Jess been recovered?” Gavin glanced down at the dead soldier on the ground. _Knight Heskin._

“Jess?” 

Gavin stared at the Knight for a moment. What the fuck was he confused about?!

“Yes! Jessica. Lucky. _Lancer fucking Lucci!”_

The Knight made a motion behind him with a hand, “I came across her aircraft, but found nobody inside.”

“Jon? Her Gunner?”

“There was no sign of her Gunner in the wreckage.” He spoke in a deep matter-of-fact tone. Curt. Somewhat Detached.

“No radio mention of anything?” He was starting to get frustrated. “Get on the fucking radio and--”

“My radio has been… Damaged.” The Knight spoke quietly. 

Gavin rolled his eyes and turned to leave. There were no bodies in the wreck… There was hope. 

The blackened Knight remained in place and Gavin paused for a second. “Come with me.” _And why the hell did he have to even say that?_

He slowed down considerably when the twisted chunks of metal came into view. The fire was out, but some smoke was still rising out of the bird in places. He knew she was alive somewhere… But in what condition would he find her? And Jon? In the past, he had learned a very hard lesson… _There are worse things than dying._

Because his mother had told him he wasn’t going to die in the previous war, Gavin had been bold and cocky in all of his actions. In the beginning… 

He was suddenly hit right in the gut by a long forgotten memory of one of his brothers who had been crushed under a bridge explosion. _Johnson._ He had lost both legs. 

Gavin stopped altogether as he stared at the wreck and remembered Johnson in great, vivid, detail.

The Knight stopped beside him and pointed, bringing Gavin out of his dark memories, “I checked thoroughly inside and in the immediate area. The straps on her belt were mostly burned, but I did notice a clean knife cut.” He paused to wait for Gavin to come back to his senses. “My assumption was that she had been taken from the aircraft, so I ended my search.”

He blinked at the Knight for a moment. He wanted to yell at him for so many things that he couldn’t grab onto any one topic of why this Knight was so… Wrong somehow. Not wrong in his actions, just… Wrong. Out of place. Strange. His voice… The way he spoke… He sounded just like Danse. But Danse would never have acted this way. Or, he would have, but it would be different. Gavin was suddenly very confused. 

No time for that. He was undoubtedly hearing Danse’s voice only in his mind because… Because… Why? The unnamed Knight in the alleyway and the Institute sounded like Danse, also, now that he thought about it. Was this blackened Knight the same man? He had no identifying name markers on his PA. Then again, it had been badly burned, probably from building fires. 

Funny how thoughts sneak up and hit you at the strangest times. 

Gavin swept his hand along the road and broken buildings, “start a larger search.” He pointed in a random direction, “I’ll go that way, you head opposite.”

First, Gavin stepped close to the bird and peered inside the wreckage. The Knight told him everything he needed to know already, but he just had to look. The metal was burned black all throughout, what remained of, the interior. He was upset and also glad for that… If it hadn’t been burned out, he might have found blood. _Was that what he was looking for?_ He ducked out of the smouldering carcass quickly and headed in a straight line from the door. 

There was a building some feet away that had been damaged by the shock wave and it was half crumbled into the road. It was still crumbling lightly, bits of cement cascading down the side every so often. It was a mess. _A mess that he had caused with the press of a button._

And what if he had buried Jess in that rubble?

Another soldier caught sight of Gavin as he searched the ground for blood along the way toward the building and the man immediately trotted to his side.

“Kidd…” It was SP Harren. 

He didn’t stop his search or slow his stride.

“Gavin… I’m sorry… Lucci--”

“She’s here. Somewhere. Here.” He stopped and knelt down on the ground. He found it. A splattering of blood against the cement. He pressed his finger against it then stood and trotted to the building. 

Harren trotted right beside him. 

Gavin stepped up over a large chunk of cement, then went around a larger portion of fallen wall. And then he tried to run over more rubble, nearly stumbling and falling as he scrambled haphazardly to the armor of a half buried soldier. 

“Jon!” He started pulling chunks of cement off the armor as best he could, but some were too large to move. “Jon!” He called his name again, voice cracking with slight panic. 

The man didn’t move or reply.

Harren dropped his weapon and immediately started work pulling a larger chunk of rubble off Bailey. Then another. The blackened Knight caught what Gavin had found and came over to help, as well. 

The two armored men worked carefully to pull the cement away. It had been mostly propped up on itself, somewhat tenting around Bailey rather than crushing him beneath. He was face down on his elbows and knees. Harren lifted a portion of broken wall and Gavin dropped down to his knees to start pulling away bricks and debris.

He saw orange underneath Jon.

“Jess?!” He pulled more rubble away. “Jess!!”

As he worked, his hand fell on her arm. Cold. Unmoving. Limp. 

“Jon… Jon, get up…” He pressed a hand against the armor, urgently trying to get him off her. He didn’t move or respond. _Gavin knew he wouldn’t._ Somewhere in his head he knew it, but he just couldn’t believe it.

Harren and the Knight took ahold of Bailey on both sides to carefully lift him away.

“Fuck… Spak! Give me a fucking spak!” Gavin shot a hand out to the men behind him as his eyes washed over her body. 

Broken. Bloody. Covered in dust and debris where John’s armor hadn’t been covering her. Her helmet was still on, though the straps on the face guard were broken. A large crack ran across the scratched paint of the clover. 

Harren knelt down beside him and handed over a Stimpak then the black Knight handed him another. 

Gavin hit her with the first before he even checked to see if she was alive. She was. He knew she was. She sure as shit didn’t look like it, though. 

He heard Harren call for immediate evac for one and then all the rest of the words faded away. Jon was dead. _He didn’t want to look._ The Knight had removed Bailey’s helmet to check. Gavin didn’t want to look. But he did. Jon’s head was cut open and there was blood covering his face. So much blood. He had to have bled out. He suppressed the thought that, maybe, he could have been saved if only Gavin had been faster. But, by the look of it, Jon couldn’t have lasted very long after he had been hurt. _Was he hurt in the battle, the crash… Or the explosion that Gavin had set off?_

He tore his eyes from Jon’s body and stared down at Jess. He had to resist the urge to scoop her small broken body up and cradle her. She was so fucked up… Her neck could be broken… Her spine. 

All he could do was check her vitals repeatedly and count down the minutes before he heard a vertibird land. 

She was hardly breathing. But she _was_ breathing. When he leaned close, he could hear her faint raspy breaths between her bloody lips. He opened one eye and her pupil didn’t react to the light. He opened the other and he saw slight constriction. He checked her pulse and had a hard time even finding it. 

And that’s where he remained when the vertibird landed and two Scribes came for her. 

One hand holding hers, two fingers pressed against her neck. 

And he had been right here once before. 

Fingers pressed into his best friend’s neck wound as he bled out. He had been given spaks much too late to save his life. _Did Gavin get to Jess in time?_ The Scribes and Harren lifted her carefully onto a stretcher and strapped her in. Gavin stood back and watched. He couldn’t do anything more. He numbly watched them load her onto the aircraft. They made him stay behind. No room. He couldn’t do anything, anyway.

He stood and stared, remembering the last time he saw his friend, Torin. They had loaded him onto a bird and strapped an extended release to his arm. And then he died in flight. 

_Too late._

Gavin watched the bird lift off and stared after it. 

“You’re good…” He spoke after it. 

Then repeated quietly to himself. 

“You’re good...”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	23. Lost and Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He let out a tired sigh and made for the doorway. 
> 
> And then he was stopped by a slurred voice from somewhere in the darkness.
> 
> “Well, well… What do we have here?”
> 
> Danse paused and looked up at the dark roof of the building. He squinted for a moment then nearly dropped his helmet.
> 
> “What are you doing here?” He stared in disbelief.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** trigger warning - wounded soldiers**

  
  
  
  
  


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###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Thick black smoke.

 _It stung her lungs._

Loud ringing. LOUD RINGING. Nothing else. 

Fuzzy vision. 

She couldn’t lift her hands. _She had to get out._ Couldn’t move. SHE COULDN’T MOVE! 

Vision on the left side was gone. Black. The darkness crept in quickly. So quick. Choking smoke. She had to get out. Had to get out... 

MOVE! 

Why couldn’t she move?! The darkness grew. Little pinpricks of fuzzy colors. Flames. Darkness. She had to get out… 

She… 

Couldn’t move…  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - 

****

Lucci’s body jerked suddenly and she screamed. _Tried to scream._ Only a choked hoarse whisper tore through her raw throat. She tried to scream again then started to panic as she found she was being held down by something.

She clumsily tried to move her heavy hands to her face to take her helmet off and breathe. 

Her hands were held down. Someone laid an arm down lightly across her chest when she tried weakly to fight against the hands. 

_Get off! Let me go! Let me up! I have to get out! I HAVE TO GET OUT!_ Her voice wouldn’t come. 

Her body suddenly started to go limp. _NO!_ Her mind reeled for a second, then started to calm a little as she felt overwhelming dizziness take over. 

By degrees, Lucci started to relax into the… Bed? The world started to come into view. Fuzzy view. Something was off. The left side. Big black… Nothing. She blinked hard to clear her vision. _Blink. Blink. BLINK!_ It didn’t change. She awkwardly lifted one hand to her face to remove whatever was blocking her vision. Someone pulled her hand away from her face. 

_Blink. Blink._

Panic. 

...More overwhelming dizziness... Cade... 

The Knight Captain was standing over her, holding her hands down firmly. He was saying something. _Focus._

“Jessica. Do you know what happened? Do you know where you are?” His words were muffled and ghosted strangely through her addled mind.

 _Blink._ The darkness filling the left side remained. She turned her head a little and looked around. Jordyn was standing next to her. She could hear people. _Pain._ She could hear people groaning. Someone was crying. An I.V. ran from her arm and she blinked up at the fluid hanging there above her head. There were gurneys in rows. The airport. She was laying on a gurney in the airport. The main store room had been turned into a large make-shift medical facility. 

Her leg hurt. Her shoulder hurt. Right down to her hip. Chest hurt. Everything hurt in dull throbbing waves and little sharp pricks in places. She could smell urine. Vomit. Blood. Burned flesh. _Burning flesh… Smoke. Black smoke… It stung. It hurt her lungs._ A spike of adrenaline hit her as strange memories crashed through her mind in disjointed fuzzy images. 

Lucky opened her mouth to say something, but no sound came out. Only pain.

Cade patted her shoulder tenderly. “It’s okay, Jessica. You’re okay. You’re safe.” He pulled an instrument from his pocket and opened her mouth to peer inside. “Your throat was damaged from smoke and dust. You don’t have to talk.” 

When she weakly struggled to sit up, he pushed down on her shoulder once again, more firmly. “Shh. Try to relax. You’re safe.” He paused and stared down at her face. 

A look of concern washed over him as he leaned closer and opened her left eye wider to examine it. Cade pulled a small light from his pocket and flashed it at her, moved it left and right, then leaned closer. The concern on his face grew as he mumbled something too quiet to hear. 

“What is it?” Al leaned over a little to see what he was worrying over. When he didn’t reply right away, she spoke louder, “Cade... What is it?”

“To be expected.” He glanced up at the Knight. “Lucci has… Extensive head trauma.”

“How fucking extensive?!” Aleski spoke the words Lucky was trying to force out.

“I don’t know yet, Jordyn… You were right here when she woke up.” Cade snapped at her. He examined her right eye, then went back to the left. “Her helmet cracked in the impact. She’s damn lucky to be alive… That’s all I know.” 

_Helmet. Cracked. Something tore through her bird and hit Jon. Something._ She couldn’t remember what happened. 

Lucci flinched away from Cade’s prodding hands and tried to speak again. She swallowed hard, licked her cracked lips, and worked the words from her raw throat, “where's… Jon…?” The hoarse slurred words were nearly inaudible. 

Cade paused for the briefest moment before putting the light pen back into his pocket and standing straight. 

She croaked again, trying to speak up, “Jon…?”

Motioning with a cock of his chin, the Knight Captain spoke quietly to Aleski, “go get Maxson.”

Failing to hide the look of sorrow on her face, Al patted Lucky on the arm and slowly stepped away from the bed.

Cade watched her go then pulled a chair up and sat next to Lucci’s gurney. He took her hand in his and gave a little smile. “You saved the lives of seven soldiers. They would have all been killed if it weren’t for your heroic actions.” He leaned a little closer, “Gavin and Jordyn were two of those soldiers.” 

Tears started to well up in her eyes. She knew what was coming. She shook her head slowly and mouthed the name once more.

Cade took a breath and squeezed her hand. “Bailey didn’t make it. I’m sorry, Jessica.” 

No… _NO!_ She shook her head harder.

“Jonathan saved you. He was the one who pulled you out of the wreckage just before the aircraft exploded. He shielded you with his armor… That’s how they found you… Underneath him some feet from the crash buried in rubble from a collapsed building.” He scooted the chair as close as he could and ran a hand over her forehead and cheek tenderly, still holding her hand tightly in his other. 

“Jessica, I am so sorry.”

She let out a silent wail and soundless sobbing wracked her body.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - 

****

Maxson nearly ran to her side. When he had heard Jessica was awake, his heart practically leapt out of his throat.

Between a multitude of duties, Arthur had gone to her bedside several times while she lay unconscious. _Several times._ He would stand at her side and watch her laying there… Her small broken body. Maxson had made Lucci a top priority for Cade, protocol be damned this time around. She was a hero.

Cade had her intubated for a while. She had a tube down her throat for several hours before he had operated on her broken bones. Her leg had been busted in several places and Cade had to cut it open and place nine steel pins and rods inside. He had said he would do what he could to save her leg and only time would tell if it would even heal correctly and she could very well lose it in the end despite the surgery. 

Her clavicle had to be rebroken after a necessary round of stimpaks healed it wrong in the field, and then he had wired it back together. She now had a long five inch scar along the bone. Cade wouldn’t allow Maxson to watch the surgeries. It had been better that way, he wouldn’t have been able to handle it.

When he got to her gurney, she was lying still, eyes closed. 

“Cade? Is she...”

At the sound of Arthur’s voice, Lucky slowly opened her eyes and her head lolled to the side. She clumsily flopped a hand out toward him and he took it immediately.

Cade set a hand on her shoulder gently. “Sorry, Sir… She’s heavily sedated.” 

Kneeling down beside her, Maxson squeezed her hand in both of his. “Jessica…”

“Ss’up…” Her voice rasped in a quiet slur. 

Arthur ran a hand over the side of her face. _Relief._ Nearly delirious with it, he couldn’t hide his smile.

She tried to say something then let out a little sigh, closing her eyes again. 

“Lucci inhaled a lot of dust and smoke, her throat was damaged and I can’t give her any more stimpaks… But it should heal up quickly.” He turned to a small surgical tray beside her bed and picked up a clipboard. After flipping through a couple pages, Cade lowered his voice, “Tests say her blood gas levels are good now. She’s going to be okay…” He paused and glanced up at Maxson over the papers then slowly set them down. “Sir, I need to speak with you.”

Arthur stood up and reluctantly let go of her hand. He hesitated for a moment before following the Knight Captain to the back of the storage room. Whatever the man was going to say, Maxson was sure he didn’t want to hear it. 

Cade was silent for quite some time as he gathered his thoughts. He spoke quietly, “I’m not sure if she told you or not… But I can only assume she didn’t...” He took a breath and ran a hand over the back of his neck. “Jessica was pregnant.”

Maxson’s eyes widened and his mouth went dry. He stared stupidly in disbelief, trying to say something but nothing came out for a moment. Then he was suddenly hit with an avalanche of emotion, questions, thoughts… His head spun. “I didn’t… She didn’t… She didn’t tell me.” His stomach turned and tightened into a hard knot. “She didn’t tell me. How… I mean… _fuck!”_ He scrubbed his hands through his hair trying to find coherency. 

“She’s pregnant?!” _His?_ HIS! She was pregnant with his child. Everything made sense suddenly. Her behavior. Why didn’t she tell him? _Why didn’t she tell him?!_ How did he not realize this sooner?

Cade’s quiet voice broke Arthur’s tumult of thoughts, “she _\--was--_ pregnant.” He placed a hand on Maxson’s shoulder and leveled his gaze. “She… Lost the baby, Arthur. I’m sorry.” 

“What?!” He squeezed his eyes shut and ran his hands roughly over his face. “Why didn’t she tell me? Why didn’t she say something? Fuck, Cade! Why didn’t _you_ tell me?” He angrily pushed the Knight Captain’s hand off his shoulder and turned around, pressing his palms hard into his eyes. 

“She didn’t say anything because…” Cade sighed, “she wouldn’t have been cleared for flight.” His voice started to hint on anger, “I found out from blood tests just before the battle. I denied her flight. She… She somehow went anyway, against orders. She was supposed to talk to you about it… She said she was going to…” He trailed off. “I’m sorry, Arthur.”

Maxson tried to stand up straight, wavered, then leaned heavily against the wall with one hand. White hot anger welled up inside him. “She’s never going to fucking fly again.” How could she chose her aircraft over him like that? Over their relationship. Over their child… 

Cade stepped a little closer, “I don’t think... “ He rubbed his neck again, “I don’t think you should do that to her. She lied and… did what she did… Because being a pilot means the world to her. And… because she did it, she directly saved the lives of seven soldiers out there and indirectly saved several more.”

Maxson’s nails bit sharply into the wall as he closed his eyes and worked to calm his emotions before he got sick. 

“It might not matter, anyway…” Cade straightened up, “her injuries… She’ll never pass a physical. She’s blind in one eye… I’m uncertain if it’ll be permanent or not.”

Maxson suddenly rounded on Cade, grabbing him by the jacket in one tight fist. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you allow her to--”

“Arthur…” He put both hands on Maxson’s fist to try and get him to release his grip, which only tightened. “Arthur… I didn’t know until--”

“You knew a day in advance! You could have stopped her!” Maxson pushed him against the wall and stared into his eyes, “you knew she was carrying my child and you allowed her to--”

“Calm yourself, Arthur…” Cade worked to remain as composed as he could, but fear washed over his face under the Elder’s hurt unchained rage. 

A few soldiers had started to appear in the distance as he yelled at the doctor. 

Maxson knew it was misplaced anger, but blaming Cade allowed him to refrain from blaming Jessica. He didn’t want to be angry with her. He didn’t want to… But he was. She had lied all that time and been selfish. Selfish at the cost of their child’s life and nearly her own. Did she care that little about him? Did their relationship and future really mean that little to her? He loved her… He’d been a fool. 

But a fool who still loved her. He would never be able to trust her. He would never be able to look her in the eyes without thinking about… _This._

This. 

Maxson pulled Cade back and shoved him hard against the wall again then let him go as soldiers started to gather closer. They wanted to break up whatever was going on, but were conflicted about laying hands on the Elder. Cade held his hands up toward the soldiers to stay back as Arthur started to calm himself. As calm as he could be in the situation, at any rate.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - 

****

Gavin found himself at Listening Post Bravo. He’d laughed mirthlessly at that as he stumbled into the door and headed down to where Danse had once tried to make himself a home.

There was still whiskey down there. And a bed.

And nobody around for miles. 

He sat on the bed, bottle in hand, and stared at the wall opposite for a good long while. He was exhausted. Couldn’t sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he’d see things. People. Faces. Jessica’s broken body. Jonathan’s bloody face. Other soldiers. Different war. 

He started to get upset at being in the listening post, recalling the time he had found Danse inside, so he traded his half empty bottle for a full one and stumbled outside to sit on the roof. Better. 

Maybe. 

There was a green cloud over the middle of the CW. Right there above the C.I.T. _The crater._ He could see it in the distance through the clear black night sky. 

Gavin stared at it. 

_Not your fault._ Maxson was going to do it regardless. 

_Your fault._ You pressed the button. You could have stopped him. Should have stopped him. 

He _tried_ to stop him. Could have done better. Done more. 

He hated the Institute for the way they toyed with the people of the Commonwealth. Experimented on them without letting them know anything. Letting them live in fear… Causing that fear. They just did things without caring what the people thought or how they’d feel. 

And then there was Maxson. 

He had put a giant radioactive crater in the middle of the city without giving any warning to the populace. The dust and rads would kill people, no matter how far away they were from that blast. Gavin let him do it. 

_\--He--_ did it. He pressed the button. 

Arthur was his brother. Even if they disagreed and even if the man had lost his right mind for a while. Even though Gavin was angry with him and had to leave for some time, if only to keep from punching him in the goddamn face… Arthur was family. 

And the man was hurt. He cared for Danse just as much as Gavin did. 

And he cared for Jess just as much as Gavin did. 

She was okay. She was alive and they were together. There was nothing Gavin could do for her and he couldn’t stand to see her so hurt. Maxson would take care of her. She’d be okay. She was good. 

Mama Murphy said so. 

She said a lot of things. Things that Gavin was trying to grab ahold of and think about, but the alcohol kept those thoughts just out of reach. 

So he sat there on the roof in the dark, trying to wrestle down thoughts, memories, anger, fear… 

He took another drink to push everything farther away.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - 

****

Danse had taken a core from a fallen soldier, but that one was nearly spent like the two before it. He trudged over a hill and removed his helmet. He had to stop for the night. He knew he was going to have to; More than his cores had been exhausted. He was tired. Physically and mentally.

He had been trying his damndest to help wounded soldiers on the field as they waited for an evac. Working to help them while still trying to hide his identity. A few of those injured soldiers discovered who he was regardless. He had originally planned on helping out above ground and leaving. Then, after he decided to go inside, he changed his plans to leaving right after that. But he couldn’t leave wounded soldiers behind. They were his friends and family once…

He let out a tired sigh and made for the doorway. 

And then he was stopped by a slurred voice from somewhere in the darkness.

“Well, well… What do we have here?”

Danse paused and looked up at the dark roof of the building. He squinted for a moment then nearly dropped his helmet.

“What are you doing here?” He stared in disbelief.

“No.” Gavin stood drunkenly on the rooftop pointing a bottle down at him, “you don’t get to ask that.”

He looked down at the helmet in his hands for a moment then dropped it and stepped out of the armor. There wasn’t a whole hell of a lot he could say to the man. He now knew everything.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***preemptive trigger warning** \- there will be more topics of miscarriage in the chapters following. Nothing too graphic, but it will exist and i will tag it in notes.


	24. Comedown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was never meant to come out of that war. She shouldn’t be here now… Here dealing with all this bullshit. Losing a close friend. Being wounded to the point of uselessness. Killing a Maxson with the decisions she made. 
> 
> She gave a mirthless laugh at that. 
> 
>  
> 
> _She had killed a Maxson._  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - -

  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

“Gavin… Come down off the roof.” Danse stood with his hands spread arguing up at the man.

He stood on the edge above the doorway and ignored him, “you were there the whole fuckin time. An ya know what? I’m not even mad about that.”

Danse let out an exasperated sigh and tried again, “Gavin, please come down here. We can talk inside.”

“How c’n you go in there? How are you even fuckin standing here? Why the fuck are you here, Danse?”

He sighed again and opted to go to Gavin, rather than trying to talk him down. Judging by the man’s level of belligerence, he must be close to passing out. Dance hoped he could just get him off the rooftop and down into the bed without too much hassle. 

In all of a year and a half of being with the man, Danse had witnessed Gavin drinking to this excess two times. Neither time had been particularly pleasant.

But he had helped Danse through this when he was at his personal lowest and he would always be there for Gavin.

He climbed up onto the roof carefully and made his way to the center where he wouldn’t be near any edges. Danse was not fond of heights when he didn’t have protective power armor on. That seemed absurd; A Synth shouldn’t feel irrational fears.

Holding a hand out toward the man, Danse spoke carefully, “Gavin… Please don’t--”

“Fuck off.” He glared.

Danse took a deep breath and dropped his hand. This was about as close as he would be able to get to him until his anger subsided unless he was willing to take a few punches.

He spoke calmly, “I couldn’t stay away. I know it was dangerous, but this was something I have lived all my life for. I wanted so badly to fight alongside all my brothers and sisters… Fight at _your_ side.”

“Alongside _me_ … Or _Maxson?”_ He motioned angrily with the bottle in his hand in the direction of the Prydwen. “I get that, Danse. Good for you. I c’n get behind that… But didja have to stand in my fuckin way? Didja have to take _his_ side?” He narrowed his eyes and forced his words out, “did you have to lay hands on me?”

“Yes…” Danse tried to choose his words very carefully, “I’m sorry Gavin. I didn’t take his side because I was choosing him over you in any way…”

“Really?” He scoffed, “cause it sure as fuckin shit looks that way from where I’m standin.”

“There were a few moments in the Institute where I…” Danse hesitated, lowered his voice then restarted his thought, “I could have killed him. I _wanted_ to kill him. But then the more I thought about it, I couldn’t do it. I don’t know if it’s because of my identity or not, but I couldn’t do it.”

Gavin stared at him for a moment then rolled his eyes and shrugged with an exaggerated motion. “It’s ‘cause you have free will and you o’viously care for him as much as he cares for you. Proves it that you c’n let him turn the place into a crater like that. Standin’ in my fuckin’ way and all that shit. Institute wouldn’t have allowed that in your head if you were a mindless robot. It’s why Synths run away.”

Danse was taken aback for a moment. Gavin was correct. If all his actions were programmed in and followed some sort of protocol the Institute created, they never would have allowed him to do harm to the place. Synths ran from the Institute. They made the decision and they did it because they were afraid. _How were Synth copies of people created?_

“An’ I mean… You gotta have free will… Lookit this, you’re standing on a roof, even though you’re scared shitless of heights, talkin to a drunk asshole for no good reason.”

Gavin raised the bottle to his lips and Danse decided he had just about enough. He lunged forward and snatched the bottle out of his hand and dropped it, letting it shatter against the cement as he fought to restrain the man.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucci was moved from the airport to the Prydwen to sleep in her own bed. Problem was, she couldn’t sleep. On top of her leg aching constantly, every time she closed her eyes she’d see terrible things. Then her mind would race and then somehow stick on even worse things.

She couldn’t see out of her left eye. That was the most frightening thing that had ever happened to her. Cade had said it was because of a blow to the back of her head and that maybe it would come back. _Maybe._ Nothing was wrong with her eye, physically, so nothing could heal it. All those rounds of spaks did shit for it. And her leg was healing alright, other than she couldn’t feel her toes and half her foot, and everything else still hurt like a bitch from her shin to her hip. Cade said that might fade over time. _Might._

Lucky refused crutches. That had pissed her off beyond reason. Almost as much as the fucking eyepatch pissed her off. But not nearly as much as all the people talking to her or looking at her. They didn’t know what to say. They gave her pity pats on the shoulder, spoke some awkward shit, then tried really hard to avoid her outside of whispering behind her back and shaking their heads. 

Cade had given her pills to help her sleep. She refused to take those just like she refused to take anything for the pain. She fought with him and Jordyn about it. _Lancers don’t use drugs._ Can’t. Cade had stopped arguing with her about it when she got angry and threw a tray of food at him. _What the fuck did he know, anyway._

She clutched the railing and growled at the stupid fucking stairs. _Fuck stairs._ Who the fucking hell designed this fucking ship, anyway?! _Fuck._ Lucky drug her metal braced leg along, trying not to put weight on it for fear it would give out at the hip and she’d fall down the entire flight of shit ass stairs. 

It took her quite a long while to make it, but she eventually found herself standing in front of Gavin’s door. She tried not to fall against it as she pushed herself toward it and opened it in one clumsy motion, nearly collapsing into the room. Lucky finally gave in and fell against it as it slammed closed.

Then she reached up and locked it. 

Arthur wouldn’t let her in his room and she had nowhere to escape all those pitying glances from everyone. She didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want to be talked to. She didn’t want sympathy or commiseration or even Jordyn’s attempts at comforting. She just wanted to be left alone. Gavin had the right idea. His running away all the time suddenly made perfect sense. She wished she could run away. _Fly away._

Lucci stared at the bed across the room. It was five feet from her but may as well have been about a million klicks from where she sat against the door. She went limp there on the floor and leaned her head back. _Fuck it._

Her eyes closed and she immediately thought about Jon. 

Lucky had saved people… But he still died. It’s not like it was her fault or anything. Now that she could remember a little more, she knew he’d been fucked before she even hit the ground. 

_But he should have let her die._

She was never meant to come out of that war. She shouldn’t be here now… Here dealing with all this bullshit. Losing a close friend. Being wounded to the point of uselessness. Killing a Maxson with the decisions she made. 

She gave a mirthless laugh at that. 

_She had killed a Maxson._

The infighting started it, then she killed that baby when she didn’t tell Cade. He told her there was some danger of placental separation or some shit. Something she didn’t fully understand. He told her and she ignored it and she’d wounded Arthur deeply.

But she saved people. Her friends. _Not Jon._ It wasn’t enough.

She folded her arms across her belly and squeezed her eyes tight, letting tears fall.

_It just wasn’t enough._  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - 

****

Gavin rolled over in the bed and rubbed his eyes for a moment before cracking one open to look around. Where was he? He blinked away sleep fog and looked around. Oh, right. Listening Post.

He let out a quiet grumble as he worked his way to the edge of the bed and blindly reached around the floor for a bottle. Nothing. He grunted and grabbed the pillow to bury his head against the throbbing behind his eyes. He could hear Danse moving around somewhere nearby.

“What time is it?” He mumbled into the pillow. 

“Go back to sleep.” Danse quietly replied as he came around the corner and carefully sat on the edge of the bed near Gavin’s feet.

“I’m awake now…” He readjusted the pillow and moved a little to make room for the man. He peered up at him with one half-open eye. “What are you doing here?”

“We went over this--”

“No…” Gavin sighed, “I mean… You didn’t have to stay.”

He handed him some water and spoke in his usual matter-of-fact tone, “I needed to make sure you didn’t drown in your own vomit.” 

“Wow…” Gavin snorted, “attractive image.” He took the water and pushed himself to a sitting position. He took a few long swallows then glanced around the room. “My head is killing me… Got anything for it?” He smiled hopefully.

“I cleaned out all the alcohol.” Danse leveled his gaze at him.

“Of course you did.” Gavin sighed and finished off the water. All those times when he had taken whiskey from Danse and dumped it out were coming back to bite him in the ass. He remembered when he was the one handing Danse water and telling him to get some sleep. Funny. 

His eyes fell on a bruise marking the man’s face and Gavin suddenly took interest in the empty container in his hands. “Sorry.”

“I’ve had worse.” 

“If it makes you feel any better, I think I broke something…” Gavin held his hand up and stared at it. His knuckle was cut open and swollen and his hand ached. He had to have hit Danse pretty hard. Or a few times. He felt really bad about that. “If you want, you can take a swing at me. I understand.”

Danse shook his head, “I believe you’re suffering enough as it is.” He lowered his voice and turned away. “I’m sorry about Jessica. I know she meant the world to you. She was my friend, too.”

Gavin furrowed his brow and tried to remember things said during his drunken outburst. He couldn’t really recall what they had discussed.

“She’s not dead…” He was confused all over again. “You were with me when I found her and Jon…”

“No I wasn’t. I lost you when we were all teleported out to different locations.” He stared at Gavin. “She’s alive? How? Where did you find them?”

“Danse… You were there…” He tried to remember the Knight in the burned armor more clearly. It had to have been him. He would know his lover’s voice. The way he spoke. It was Danse.

“I have already admitted to being with you in the alley and inside the Institute, why would I deny anything else?”

Gavin blinked at him stupidly as he tried to work through things in his mind. He was right. He’d never known Danse to ever lie about anything. 

“She… Jon…” He took a deep breath, “Jon pulled her from the wreck and shielded her… He… He’s dead.” He swallowed a lump in his throat and clenched his teeth tightly to bite back the tears stinging his eyes. “She’s pretty fucked up, but she’s alive.”

Danse moved closer and set a hand on Gavin’s thigh. “I’m sorry. Jonathan was a great man.” He slowly shook his head and cussed under his breath. 

“If that wasn’t you there with me… Then who?” Gavin worked to change the subject to avoid breaking down and crying.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	25. Some Gave All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \-- Ramp Ceremony --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an incredibly short chapter, but i wanted to post it as a standalone in honor of Memorial Day. Never forget those who served and died for us.
> 
> "All gave some, some gave all."  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

Silence.

Heavy and thick, it washed over the entire airport like a cold fog. 

Every last soldier from the East Coast division stood motionless in that deafening silence. 

The late afternoon sun hung low on the horizon and started to turn everything a light yellow golden color. It shone off the Brotherhood flag and the Old American flag being carried by two armored soldiers as the group moved in formation toward the waiting aircrafts. 

They split into two rows along the old broken road and waited.

Kells stood at the front next to Maxson and his voice broke through the quiet air, “present, arms!”

The rows of soldiers held their rifles up in quick unison and stood as statues. 

Tears streaked their faces as they stood there, watching as their fallen brothers and sisters were carried between them and loaded onto the vertibirds. 

Four wooden caskets to each aircraft. Three vertibirds. They would be taking these brave men and women home to the Citadel to join the Steel Army. Laid to rest. Their sacrifices never forgotten as their names and deeds are entered into the Codex. 

Each soldier was carefully lifted and carried by eight people, then escorted down the tarmac by the Elder and another officer. Each casket. One by one. 

When they came to Paladin Bailey, Maxson paused in front of Lucci. She was adamant about being the one to escort him to the aircraft. She was torn up about not being able to fly him home and the Elder understood her heartache. She had been pulled out of Kidd’s quarters and made her way down to the airport with no help and she stood in front of Maxson now, defiant as ever. The woman’s spirit and heart were something to be truly admired. 

Kells handed her a pair of crutches, which Maxson knew she had been railing against, but she took them without a word and made her way to Bailey’s casket. She set her hand down on the wood for a moment and stared as tears ran down her cheeks. 

“I miss you already,” she whispered. “You were one hell of a soldier. One hell of a man.”

Lucci pulled a folded piece of paper from her pocket and stared down at it in her hand. “I’m sorry I can’t be the one to take you home to your family…” She unfolded the paper to look at it one last time. 

It was the picture his daughter had drawn for him. 

She blinked away tears and Maxson set his hand tenderly on her shoulder. She was hurt so deeply and Arthur had kicked her out of his room because he was upset. He shouldn’t have done that, but he needed time away from her. But Jessica needed a friend right now… Just as much as he did. 

He watched her fold the paper back up carefully and slide it under the top of Bailey’s coffin.

Bailey was lifted and the Elder took his place at the head while Lucci took her place at the back to escort her fallen friend. 

They walked between the rows of soldiers somberly and Bailey was carefully loaded onto the aircraft with his brothers and sisters. 

Jessica stood as tall as she was able as she watched and she whispered, “goodbye, my friend. See you on the other side.” 

The setting sun dipped against the horizon and turned everything a brilliant gold as the last of the fallen were set inside. All the soldiers turned to the three vertibirds just before they lifted off and they pressed their fists to their hearts and their final salute rang out through the airport,

“Ad Victoriam!”  
  


###  **\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**


	26. Usefulness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They didn’t have anything to bet with. Crewe had briefly pondered about betting with candy, but he almost felt bad about taking food from them. Even candy. And even if said ‘candy’ was actually just snack cakes. And even if it was also Brotherhood issued supplies. So, in lieu of things to bet with, they now just pushed an empty shot glass in if they wanted to stay and they were subsequently filled until they lost a hand or folded. 
> 
> Crewe was conducting his own experiment: _How amusing would it be to witness drunk scientists?_
> 
> Some of them had sticks lodged farther up their asses than Danse ever did.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Maxson hadn’t taken Lucky’s rank away. _Yet_. She was still technically a Lancer Sergeant. Many of the wounded remained on the Pryd until the birds returned from the Citadel to take them back and she knew she was supposed to be one of those who returned. But Kells and Arthur both told her that, so long as she remained useful, she could stay.

There were now four remaining Lancers on the Pryd. Counting herself. 

Doggo, Buzz, and Talon. 

Other than schooling Lancer Initiates, she didn’t know what to do to be useful in any way so Kells talked her into helping repair the busted up birds. She thought she would enjoy that alright, but it ended up breaking her heart and pissing her off. 

_Caroline was gone._

She was given that bird when she turned eighteen and graduated aviation. It was more than just an aircraft, she represented so much for Lucky. Caroline was freedom and happiness. A mark of great personal achievement. 

She would never get to sit in her seat and flick that switch… Listen to the sound of the bird coming to life around her. Caroline… Was gone.

_\--Caroline Katrina Johnson--_

Lucky had named her after the woman who stood in the bailey and spoke with her after her brother’s service. The woman who had such kind words to say about Joey that it lifted her heart and made her want to join the Brotherhood. Kat Johnson, whose name would have been Caroline Katrina Lucci, had the woman ever married her brother like they had planned. 

She had never told anyone why her bird was named Caroline. Jet jockeys always named their birds and most had a woman’s name. Some Lancers readily told all about the why of it, but some Lancers kept it to themselves for very personal reasons. 

Talon had named his Bethany, after his mother. Lucky always thought it was weird because how would it feel to have something named after your dear mother being shot to shit, broken, or wrecked? _Now she knew._

When she tried to help Talon with his bird, she grew frustrated because she couldn’t climb up on it or around it very easily and he had taken to just asking for her to hand over tools like a useless child. At one point, she plopped down in his seat and just stared at the instrument panel for a long while. That was about the time she opted to just leave and they caught her and took her back up to the Pryd before she even made it ten feet off the airfield. 

_She couldn’t even run away._

Lucci couldn’t stand to be around the birds, but she didn’t want to go back to the Citadel, either. Cade told her that she's in mourning and that time will heal that particular pain. She was mourning more than her dead brothers and sisters, she was mourning Caroline and the life it represented.

And, apparently, she was in denial. Somewhere teetering on the edge of that and anger. She told them all that her leg will heal just fine, she won’t lose it, and that she _\--will--_ be able to see again. _And she will fly again._

After she had tried to run away, Kells and Maxson decided to make her shadow the Lancer Captain on the flight command deck. She felt like she was being babysat. Or punished. He made her learn shit while she was there. Apparently, flying the Pryd was done so with a metric asston of numbers and complicated math. She forced herself to appear interested in the lessons and go above and beyond in her questions. If she was a button monkey on the f-com deck, she’d be useful in their eyes. 

Arthur finally let her back into his room, but they didn’t talk much. He hardly looked at her. Of course, he’d been endlessly busy with paperwork the past few days. He even made her do some of it. She had to do paperwork regarding the Lancer who was injured and had to go back to the Citadel. _Lancer Tate Rogers._ Skate, as they all once called him. The shot that went through Skate’s windshield pretty much destroyed his lung. She had to write about the incident and co-sign papers for his discharge. She was forced to make the decision to end his Brotherhood life. That was rough.

She didn’t know how Arthur was able to sign all those letters for the fallen. Write about all those injured people. Discharge soldiers and go into detail about all manner of events that took place. She supposed the alcohol he was drinking helped a bit. He’d taken to drinking bourbon. A lot of it. And he didn’t protest when she took a bottle for herself. 

“You should try and sleep.” He took a very short break from typing on his terminal to stand and stretch a bit.

“Naw, I’m good.” She sat on his bed with a bottle in one hand and a few papers across her lap. “You’re the one who needs sleep.”

He’d taken to using small amounts of stimpacks to fight off rampant fatigue since the battle instead of actually sleeping. Cade wouldn’t let _her_ do that, it was kinda bullshit that Arthur was allowed to. The man needed sleep. 

He sighed and glanced down at the heap of papers scattered on his table. “There are still soldiers who are unaccounted for.” He moved some papers around absently and glared at a few of them. “And these damn refugees.” 

Lucky shrugged, “told you to let Kells deal with them.”

“Kidd should be dealing with them.” His voice was angry, but incredibly tired. He had no fight in him. He turned to her and spread his hands, “where the hell is he?”

She blinked at him, “how the hell should I know?”

“He’s _your_ friend.” 

“He’s your friend, too.” She tried to keep her voice down, “he’ll turn up.”

“Is he?” The Elder bit off the topic before it turned into an argument. “I know he’ll turn up, but it sure would be helpful if he’d do so _now._ I will give him two more days before I send people after him.”

She shrugged again and took a drink of the bourbon. 

Shrugging hurt her shoulder. Lots of things hurt her shoulder. The spaks healed the collar bone just about as well as it would ever be and she was sure that pain was going to remain forever. The huge ass scar pulled and itched and also stung at the same time. She figured she ought to learn to deal with it. Fight it. _Fuck it._ She lifted the bottle with her right arm, despite the pain, and handed it toward Arthur.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - 

****

“I need to go to the Glowing Sea.” Gavin sighed at Danse.

“You have responsibilities on the Prydwen and in Nordhagen where the refugees were sent.” He pointed his rifle in the opposite direction Gavin was facing. “You cannot just disregard duty to run blindly through the Glowing Sea on a cryptic hunch some crazy lady told you.”

Gavin rolled his eyes and let out a pointed sigh, “she’s not crazy, Danse.” He finally turned around and motioned flippantly with a hand, “the refugees will be fine. I’m sure someone is on it.”

Danse leveled his gaze, “that someone is supposed to be _you._ That’s how command works, Gavin. Duty. Responsibility.”

“Mama Murphy said the Red Stag is in the Sea and that Jess will need to be recovered from the there.” He stared out over the wastes as if he could see it from where they stood. “And I think I’m starting to understand a few things…”

“If you believe her to be sane and that her words will actually come to pass, then you can go to the Sea when that happens and recover her.” He put a hand on Gavin’s shoulder to force his attention, “for now, you have important duties to carry out _here.”_ He paused and lowered his voice, “Maxson needs your help.”

“Maxson can eat my dick.” Gavin stubbornly crossed his arms tightly over his chest. “If you want him so bad, _you_ go help him.” He was still feeling bitter. 

Danse dropped his hand off the man’s shoulder and continued to look him in the eyes until Gavin relaxed and looked away.

He shook his head, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of that.”

“I know.” 

Gavin toed at a rock for a moment, “I’m not ready to go back to the Pryd… But I suppose I can make an appearance at Nordhagen.” He shrugged, “sort out the refugee situation.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - 

****

When Crewe arrived back at Nordhagen after the ramp ceremony, he wasn’t too broken up about finding out a that a few of the scientists had gone missing. He wasn’t even sure how many. They’d done a headcount prior, but now he didn’t give a shit. Of course, he hadn’t given any shits then, either. He wished the lot of them would turn up missing.

They had been partly responsible for the death of his best friend. 

Partly. 

It wasn’t too intelligent to get drunk around these people; They really did hate the Brotherhood. But Crewe drank himself into a light buzz the first night. And the second night. By the third night, he was cussing about Gavin and then about Kells who had left him there on babysitting duty because Gav had initially set it up this way. 

_BSD - Bullshit Duty._ Thanks, Gav.

Jordyn had to come back a couple times to drop off supplies, but she never had to stay. They didn’t have enough Knights to cover Nordhagen and also attend aftermath duties. Sometimes Cook had to babysit, but he was another who got to return to other duties on occasion. 

_Was he being punished for something?_ He did everything they asked of him. Mostly. He always balanced the line of good soldier and slacker. Over the years he had made it an artform. 

“Told you, a full house beats a flush.” Crewe tried to keep from rolling his eyes at the woman. “I can’t believe you people don’t play poker. The Institute sounds boring as shit.” He reached out and gathered the cards on the table.

She eyed her shot glass for a moment before awkwardly drinking it in three small swallows and making a face at the burning sensation. “It wasn’t always boring. There’s a lot of fascinating work and discoveries being made.”

“We can’t be distracted from our work with alcohol and frivolous games of chance.” A man sitting next to Crewe waved a hand at the whiskey bottle.

Crewe didn’t care to remember their names. He had taken to mentally calling them each by how he figured they would eventually die out in the CW. The man next to him was Headwound. The dark haired lady across from him was Gunshot, and he had affectionately named the kid at his other side Sepsis. 

He shuffled and started dealing another hand out. “Welp, you better get used to alcohol and frivolous games of chance because, out here, they will become very close friends if you enjoy sanity.”

They didn’t have anything to bet with. Crewe had briefly pondered about betting with candy, but he almost felt bad about taking food from them. Even candy. And even if said ‘candy’ was actually just snack cakes. And even if it was also Brotherhood issued supplies. So, in lieu of things to bet with, they now just pushed an empty shot glass in if they wanted to stay and they were subsequently filled until they lost a hand or folded. 

Crewe was conducting his own experiment: _How amusing would it be to witness drunk scientists?_

Some of them had sticks lodged farther up their asses than Danse ever did. 

Of course, they had just lost their home, their loved ones, and their entire way of life. They could all use a drink or two. Or ten. 

But Tristan didn’t pity them. Not by a long shot. They’d all lost loved ones on both sides and they were all suffering. The Brotherhood was giving them food and basic supplies which could hardly be spared. Though, the loss of soldiers meant less mouths to feed. Sad thought, that. 

After the next hand, Sepsis had to drink. Again. But Gunshot won the hand and she smiled about it. She was excited to win, even though it was sheer dumb luck on her part. She was hooked from that point forward. 

As they all started to get more inebriated, Headwound started speaking more freely.

“What do you people have against Synths, anyway? They’re the perfect way to restart humanity.” He knocked back another shot. “Immune to diseases and radiation, more hearty overall.”

Crewe shrugged, “got nothing against Synths, personally.” He raised an eyebrow at the man, “one of my very good friends was a Synth…” There was heated accusation in his eyes, though he spoke casually. “What we have a problem with is fallible humans trying to play God with no regard for the consequences.” He waved a hand flippantly and leaned back in his seat, “also, that whole kidnapping and replacing people thing you guys do… Not cool.”

Sepsis sat forward and pointed a finger at Crewe, “it’s ness’cery… Ness-iss-isssarily…” He was beyond speaking properly.

Tristan snorted at him with some amusement and put a hand on his shoulder to push him back in his seat, “okay, kid, don’t hurt yourself.” He looked back to Headwound, who could still articulate his thoughts. “It is not _necessary_ to kidnap people and replace them with Synths. That’s bullshit. You’re tearing apart families and making people live in fear. We aren’t lab rats. And what do you even do with the human counterpart to the replacement?”

Gunshot was poking at her face in drunken wonder at the numbness she felt as she spoke absently, “those ‘placements were key people. We needed them in order…” She paused and blinked at the table, which was no doubt spinning in her vision, “in order to understan' how things did stuff. Worked. How things… Worked. Up here.” 

His question remained unanswered and he figured he would just need to ask again later when these people could focus. 

“You know you had a Synth in our ranks, right?” Crewe narrowed his eyes at her but she was too far gone to read the warning on his face.

“Why?” She dropped her hand from prodding at her cheek and looked at him in confusion.

“What do you mean, _‘why’?”_ He shook his head at her, “you’re the ones who put him there, _you_ tell _me_ why.”

Headwound dealt cards around the table without needing to be corrected any longer. He spoke just as openly and absently as the woman had, “speriments were run on a need to know basis. Divisions kep a lotta work to themselves.”

“Secrets, then.” Crewe glanced at his cards and pushed his glass to the center of the table. “If you had to wager a guess, why did you put a Synth among our ranks?” There had to have been more to it than figuring out how the world worked in the CW. 

It was Sepsis, surprisingly, who answered, “M’dee Seven Nine… Seven Nine… M-seventy-ninety-seven--”

“His name was Danse.” Tristan glared.

“Danssse,” the kid slurred it out. “It’s really diff’cult to catch one’a you. Know that?”

Crewe was getting really angry, but he wrestled it down. “I can only imagine. Tell me how?”

“Cambinge… Bringe.”

“Cambridge Police Station?” Tristan tried to soften his words to coax more info from the kid.

“Bingo.” He made a sloppy finger gun, tipped the bottle over, and Crewe caught it before it fell.

“How?” He worked to keep the drunk kid on track.

He wrinkled his nose for a moment and tried really hard to focus what he was saying, “Arcjet. They caught your Danse near Arcjet. But it got all messied up. Messed up… When they were switching… It got messed up. They tried to catch him again when he came back. For I don’t know why he came back, but he did. There was some guy with him and they messied up the whole Arcjet. Put down about twenny units is what I heard.” The kid fell silent as he struggled with his thoughts for a while.

Crewe turned to Gunshot, “how was it messed up? How do you switch them?” He was suddenly made of questions but he didn’t want to overwhelm them or scare them away from answering him, so he dammed up the flood trying to run rampant.

She shrugged, “dunno, wasn’t there.” Gunshot folded her hand and reached for the shot glass in front of her and Crewe took it away. She watched him move it and continued, “brains are 'corded, scanned, an' copied over to a blank that’s them. Their everythin' is copied. 'Placements aren’t just Syn’s, they’re clones. They’re not even Syn’s. Not really. Sort of. But not. Yaknow?”

“Wow.” Tristan spoke dryly as he blinked at her. He couldn’t hold back any longer. Drunk scientists, he decided, were annoying. Not nearly as annoying as sober scientists, however. 

Sepsis suddenly fell to the side and Crewe caught him before he hit the ground. He eased him down right there under the table and thought about just leaving him to snore loudly on the floor, but he changed his mind. He let out a loud sigh and stood to pick the kid up and help him to a bed.

He would have more time to question these people. Maybe later when they’d make more sense. Sepsis and Gunshot seemed to like him alright. All three of them had built some sort of repertoire with Crewe. Tristan had always been great at making friends. _With anyone._ They’d talk to him tomorrow. These three would answer anything he wanted to know.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>    
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
> 
> [Earthbound Misfit](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7581232/chapters/17249443)
> 
>  
> 
> Kat spoke softly, “Your brother was a bright flame… And the flames that burn the brightest, burn the quickest.” She pulled something from her pocket and held it in her hand for a moment, rubbing a thumb over the metal. “He wanted you to have this.”
> 
> Jess reached out slowly and took the single holotag from Kat. She held it in both hands and blinked away tears as she stared. It used to glow, but it was burned and broken now. She could still read his name stamped into the little steel tag.
> 
> The woman put a thumb under the chain of her own tags and singled out the other burned holotag. She tapped a finger against it then kissed it softly.
> 
> “Joey will never be forgotten. He earned a place in the Codex, but more importantly, he lives in our hearts.” She tightened her fist around the tag and held it against her chest.  
> 


	27. Better Than Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They sat and Crewe immediately leaned back on two legs of his chair and propped his feet up on the table, “so, I heard a cool rumor the other day.”
> 
> “Do tell.” Gav picked up a nearly empty bottle of whiskey and took a drink. After all, nobody was around to take it away this time.
> 
> Crewe tilted his head to the side and watched the man’s reaction carefully as he spoke, “heard Danse is still alive.”  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucky stared at the door for a while trying to decide if she wanted to open it or just walk away. There wasn’t really anything in there for her. She’d stood on the edge and looked death in the eyes. She didn’t meet death with a laugh or a middle finger in the air like she always figured she would; Death beat the shit out of her and locked her away in her own broken body.

There wasn’t much to be afraid of any longer since she had no more secrets… And she’d lost Jon. It didn’t hurt as badly as she thought it would. It hurt like a bitch, of course, but not as bad as she thought. 

She mostly just felt numb. Everything was so surreal. 

Lucky had nothing more to be afraid of. This was the bottom. 

Her hand reached out to the door and knocked. 

“Come in.” The old woman’s raspy voice sounded almost cheery.

Jessy opened the door, not as timidly as she would have weeks ago, and stepped inside. 

Mama Murphy was sitting in her ridiculous red chair, smiling at her as she closed the door and sat down on the couch. She told herself outside that she wasn’t going to sit, but her leg was aching and her hip just didn’t want to cooperate any longer. Lucky rubbed the palms of her hands over her sweatpants and stared at the floor between them for a moment trying to think of what she wanted to say, exactly. 

“You look tired, kid.” The woman broke the silence.

Lucky snorted quietly, “fuckin exhausted.” It wasn’t just the lack of sleep, she was tired of struggling to wear her masks every day. Tired of the battle to remain hopeful and positive when she knew somewhere inside that she was never going to fly again. 

Was that why she was sitting here now? Seeking some sort of hope? She had nothing to lose… Even an answer she didn’t want was better than nothing at this point. 

“Can you…” Lucky paused and tried to think how to ask, “tell me something?” She wasn’t exactly sure how it worked, and she never really believed a lot of it in the first place. But, so far, the old lady hadn’t exactly been wrong.

She smiled at Jessy and didn’t really give her a real reply. Nothing she was looking for anyway. Lucky sighed to herself. Gavin told her it required chems. They all mentioned it at some point. She couldn’t quite get her hands on any chems, so she reached in her pocket and pulled out the next best thing.

“I have these…” 

The woman reached out and took the bottle of pills and eyed them carefully, then looked up through her lashes at Lucci. There were questions there which the old lady didn’t voice, but Lucky knew what she was thinking. _‘Don’t you need these painkillers? Shouldn’t you be taking these?’_ Probably the same questions everyone would be asking her. She refused to take them, but she always kept them nearby… Just incase she felt a moment of weakness. 

_Not yet._

As she watched the woman take a couple from the bottle and screw the cap back on, Lucky sat silently and thought about what Gavin had said about the clover. Sometimes people need something to believe in. Something to give them hope. 

_Anything was better than nothing._

She took the bottle back from Murphy and pocketed it. “Did you… Curse me?” She narrowed her eyes at the old lady then worked to relax her expression. Curses were silly. But…

She laughed a quiet ragged little chuckle, “if anything, you’ve been _blessed,_ kid.”

“I sure as fuck don’t feel blessed.” Lucky snorted. She motioned to her braced leg, “unless _‘blessed’_ feels a lot like agonizing pain and mental anguish.”

The woman set her water back on the table and got more comfortable in her chair. Lucky started to squirm a little in her seat. When that woman did her creepy thing, it was the stuff of nightmares. She was suddenly starting to rethink coming into her room. 

“You’ve got a long road ahead of you, kid,” the woman rasped quietly, “and it won’t always be full of pain.”

Lucky scoffed quietly under her breath. 

“A bird will dive to the earth before it unfurls its wings to fly.”

“Yeah…” Lucci nodded, “that’s how--”

“When the Phoenix has restored her own strength by some invigorating drink, she shall rise on gifted wings and carry both the seed of the Red Stag and heart of the White. She will create a new garden with these things. Wherever she passes she shall leave sulphurous footprints which will reek with a double flame.”

Lucky slowly closed her mouth and stared as the woman fell silent. She waited for her to continue, but she closed her eyes instead. 

“Murphy?” She nearly whispered. 

She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, trying to decide whether she should check her vitals and fetch someone or simply leave the room like she was never there. 

Then the old woman spoke again without opening her eyes all the way, “the red stag, wrestling with a hound, stands crowned in his ocean empire. The gleam of gold will blind the eyes of onlookers… Silver shining white in the depths of the sea… Men will become drunk with the wine which is offered to them and they will turn their backs on heaven and fix their eyes to the earth…”

As her voice grew more and more forced and hushed, Lucky found herself leaning close until the woman stopped talking altogether. That was all she was going to get. 

“What does that mean?” Lucci whispered. She knew the woman wouldn’t give her a straight answer. She wished Gavin were there to interpret what the crazy woman was saying. Lucky couldn’t figure any of it out at all. Except one thing. 

That crazy old lady said something about flight. 

That was all Lucky wanted.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucci shoved the papers off her lap and angrily pulled herself up to a standing position in front of Kells. “Gimme a break! This is more math than I’ve learned in my entire life. This is more math than anyone has probably ever learned in a hundred accumulated lives!”

The Lancer Captain crossed his arms and looked down his nose at her until she remembered herself and calmed down. 

She used her foot to scoot the scattered papers, compass, and rulers into an almost-pile and let out a small huff before looking back to the man’s face. 

“I’ve just always learned better by doing a thing rather than reading about it,” she explained quietly. 

Off to the side, button monkey Smith let out a quiet snort, “the Prydwen isn’t something you can just hop in the seat of and take out for a joyride.”

She wrinkled her nose at him, “thanks, Captain Obvious.”

Smith looked to Kells, “she clearly doesn’t want to be here. Lucci isn’t going to learn anything from this.”

Lucky glared. Above all else, she hated it when people overlooked her like she was a child and spoke as if she wasn’t standing right in fucking front of them. She also hated it when anyone said she could never do a thing or learn something. That right there just made her work ten times harder at it just to prove them all wrong. 

“First of all,” Lucci pushed herself away from the comms to stand up straight, “I’ve learned as much in two weeks as you’ve learned in a year.” She pointed a finger angrily at him, wishing Kells wasn’t standing there so she could yell. “I’ve learned the stupid math, the stupid terms, and all the stupid flight rules associated with moving this slow chunk of metal from point A to point B--”

“You already knew a lot of it from flying a vertibird.” Smith defended himself calmly. “I started out here. I know more about what it takes to move this _‘chunk of metal’_ than you ever will.” His eyes narrowed only a hint as he added, “this is not a vertibird, no matter how much you wish it were.”

Lucky awkwardly lunged at him and Kells easily caught her by the upper arm before she even made it five inches from where she had been standing. 

The Lancer Captain remained holding her in a tight disciplinary grip as he spoke, “Smith. Take thirty.”

“Yes, Sir.” He stepped away from his station and strode off the deck without another word.

Kells pushed Lucky into the recently vacated station and eyed her for a moment. 

She caught herself on the edge of the station and leaned against it to hide the fact that she really just wanted to sit back down. 

“Why am I being punished?” 

To her surprise, Kells let out a soft chuckle and smiled as he shook his head, “you recall the time, most recently, when you asked how much trouble you were in?”

She had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. “Yes…”

“I was thinking something along the lines of ‘two birds, one stone’ back then and, well, here you are.” 

She eyed him. So he had planned to have her shadow him since before the battle, rather than it being some recent thing he and Arthur conjured up to keep her busy. Seemed about right. Something Kells would do. Knowing that, however, wasn’t exactly helpful. 

“Math as a punishment seems well balanced.” She swept a hand out to the room, “you should make all the bad kids do this… Nobody would ever do anything wrong.”

“Negative.” Kells used a finger in a downward circular motion as an order for her to turn around and face the station. “This is only for the _special_ kids.”

She mumbled quietly, “yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir.” Facing away from him, she was free to roll her eyes, though he probably knew she did it. 

As he took his spot in the front, Lucci was suddenly wondering what the other _‘bird’_ he had referred to was. 

“So,” Kells clapped his hands together loudly, startling the other button monkey to attention, “who’s up for taking this thing out for a joyride?”

Lucci lifted her eyepatch and stared at him, then got irritated all over again and had to mentally berate herself for knowing that it wouldn’t help her get any better view of his amused face.

“Seriously?!” She blurted out the word button monkey Anderson was no doubt trying his hardest to suppress.

The Lancer Captain’s grin only widened, “sure, why not?” He pointed back to the comms for Lucky to turn back to it. “You have a year’s worth of knowledge, after all, I can’t see how anything could go wrong.”

Lucci swallowed hard, slowly lowered her eyepatch back down, and ran her hands over the buttons, dials, and guages lightly. She was about to crash the Pryd and kill them all.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

“Bout time you showed your damn ugly face.” Crewe folded his arms and glared at Gavin.

“Aww, you missed me!” Gav ignored the glare and hugged him tightly.

Crewe’s anger immediately melted and he held him for a moment before pushing away. 

“Yeah, I missed you…” He flashed a smirk. “But my aim is improving. I’ll account more for wind next time.”

They sat and Crewe immediately leaned back on two legs of his chair and propped his feet up on the table, “so, I heard a cool rumor the other day.”

“Do tell.” Gav picked up a nearly empty bottle of whiskey and took a drink. After all, nobody was around to take it away this time.

Crewe tilted his head to the side and watched the man’s reaction carefully as he spoke, “heard Danse is still alive.”

Gavin nearly dropped the bottle back onto the table. “That _is_ a cool rumor…” He tried to be nonchalant about it, but Gav was the world’s worst liar. “Who told you that?”

“Apparently, a couple people I.D.’d him on the battlefield after the fight.” He shrugged. 

A little smile crossed his lips and Gavin knew that he knew the truth of it. Tristan was anything but stupid. 

“So… How many people have heard this cool rumor of yours?” Gav carefully asked.

“Enough.” Tristan grinned, “do you know how many people can keep a secret? Three. If two of them are dead.” 

Gavin nodded. He tried to keep quiet. Tried. Failed. “What do you think about that?”

Crewe shrugged and dropped his chair down to take the bottle off the table for himself, “it’s a pretty damn cool _not_ -rumor.” He took a sip then pointed the bottle at Gav, “so where is he?” 

No use hiding it anymore. Not from Tristan, anyway. “He’s around.” 

“Around here?” He pointed a finger to the floor and raised an eyebrow.

“Around.” 

Crewe chuckled and handed the bottle back to Gav, “that’s where you’ve been hiding, then. In a bed somewhere. Around.”

Gavin smiled and rolled his eyes at that. He eyed the bottle in his hand and set it down without taking another drink. 

“Could you maybe not mention it to anyone?”

“What you do between the sheets is hardly a secret-- Oh, right… the Danse being alive thing. Right. Sure.”

“Ass.” Gavin smirked at his friend. 

“So, it’d be cool if you’d, you know, set up a real watch here that didn’t involve me.” Tristan looked to him expectantly. 

“Can’t handle it?” Gavin chided.

“Nope.” Crewe crossed his arms loosely, “these guys aren’t any fun. You know I had to teach them how to play poker? We’re working on king’s cup, but it’d be great if I could get some dominoes…” He looked thoughtful for a moment then leaned forward on the table, “did you know Danse is a somewhat failed experiment?” 

“What?” 

“Yup. So, apparently, they used to do this thing, or rather they still do it but not the same way, you know, because of Danse, where they copy someone’s brain, then later they take that and copy everything onto a blank mnemonic device in the clone Synth’s head that recreates their old memories.” He shrugged and shook it off, “Or some shit.” When Gavin blinked stupidly at him in response, he continued, “so they copied Danse’s brain while he was sedated, then thought it’d be a great idea to copy it over outside the Institute. Because I guess kidnapping unwilling soldiers is difficult. I don’t know. For being super geniuses, they sure can be stupid.”

Gavin had seen one of those memory devices before. _Kellogg._ It had his childhood memories and things that really stood out in the man’s life all neatly packed away in a tiny little chunk of lab-created brain matter. The difference being that Kellogg was a willing participant in the experiment and knew all about the things he had implanted in him. The Institute had changed some ways they did things since Kellogg, but it sounded pretty similar, as far as implanting memories went.

Gav ran his hands through his hair as he tried to catch any one of the million questions spinning in his head. “So… How is that failed?”

“Glad you asked.” Crewe shot him a finger gun and grinned, “when they were doing this copying thing, Danse, one of them, I have no idea which one because this is all confusing shit, came to and fucked their world up. They had to tuck tail and run only to come back later to find one of the Danses had gone M.I.A., which is, of course, a huge fucking problem. So later on, they came back to try and dispose of the only one they could pinpoint at the time, but failed miserably.”

Gavin stared. The unnamed Knight in the black armor… It _was_ Danse. 

“So, this cool not-rumor about your boyfriend… Which Danse do you suppose he is?”

“I… Don’t know. When did this take place?”

“From what I can gather, weeks before you ever even met him.” He thought about it for a moment, “about two years ago.”

“What else did you find out?”

“You know, getting just that much out of these people was tricky enough…” He made a face and snatched the bottle up to take a drink.

“Looks like leaving you here with them was a great idea, then.” Gavin smiled. 

“Fuck you. Send me back to the Pryd.” 

“But then you’d miss all your new friends and the cool bedtime stories they tell.” 

Tristan rolled his eyes, “I’ll be sure to send them little ‘wish you were _\--not--_ here’ letters.”

“How about if I stick around for a few days and set up a good rotation?” Gav wanted more info from the scientists and Crewe had already gained their trust somehow. Lord knows they’d never trust Gavin again. They’d probably not talk to him at all. At least not with any sort of nice words.

“Fine. But you can’t stick around. I forgot to mention…” Tristan lowered his voice, “Maxson sent out a message earlier today to the entire crew that you’re to be found and arrested for going AWOL… So there’s that.”

“Are you going to tell them you found me?”

“Fuck no.” He pushed the bottle toward Gav, “I never even saw you.” He smiled, “so set up a rotation. From elsewhere. You know… From around.” 

“If I’m under arrest, I can’t give any orders.”

“Maxson’s just pissed that you aren’t doing your job. You can do your job just fine from the outside. Shows good faith or some shit. Trust me, I’ve been around the block and I’m pretty good at skirting rules just enough to not get in serious trouble.” He paused for a moment. “So uh, I didn’t see you, and you didn’t see me, deal?”

“Deal.” Gavin finished off the one drink remaining in the bottle and set it down. 

“Send me something better than this shit whiskey, seeing as how you just drank the last of it.” Crewe knocked the empty bottle off the table with the back of his hand and stared at it as it spun on the floor. “And get me some dominoes… And some candy.”  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	28. Disconnected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can you tell me how I’m going to die?” Lucci asked quietly. 
> 
> Murphy laughed quietly as she closed her eyes, “already told you once, Phoenix.”
> 
> Lucky huffed, “being brought back from the brink of death doesn’t count.”
> 
> “Oh, no, kid… You were dead… Just as you will be again. And again…”  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

“Hey Jess… How are you?” Gavin’s voice was a little staticy over the radio.

She shrugged to herself, “I’m okay. How are you?”

“Oh, you know, enjoying the vacation. Wish you were here and all that.” 

She could hear the smile in his voice and she smiled at the radio in return. “I miss you…” 

“I miss you, too.” There was a short pause. “I set up a rotation with the Minutemen in Nordhagen. Crewe seems happy about it, but Maxson wasn’t thrilled.”

“Yeah… He doesn’t trust your boys.” She rolled her eyes. If Gavin trusted someone, that person was probably the most worthwhile human in the entire wasteland. 

Lucky had to persuade Arthur to give the Minutemen a chance… At first he wanted to wipe them out for fear of contention later on. That was ridiculous to Jess… She figured they would make great allies in the CW. They were a knowledgeable paramilitary group who knew the area and people well. Not to mention, they were being trained by Danse. It seemed stupid to kill or disband them. She talked him into letting them handle the refugees and, though Arthur was hesitant, he actually took her advice. Of course, the initial plan came from Gav, but she still felt good about being listened to for a change.

“ETA 72 hours…” Gavin’s voice brought her out of her thoughts. 

“Cool…” She sighed at the radio. She and Gav had reached a point in their relationship where they could enjoy hours of comfortable silence and speaking to him over a radio was awkward. Really, she just wanted to hug him forever. She was never comfortable talking about herself or her feelings… And with Gavin she never had to. 

She took a breath, put on a grin for nobody, and changed the subject, “I flew the Pryd.”

He laughed, “Yeah? That was you, huh?”

“Yup. Just like a vertibird.” She smirked. 

“That’s cool, Jess. I have no idea what complicated shit that takes.”

She wrinkled her nose, “all the math in the world.”

“Better you than me!”

Lucky snorted at the radio. He had no clue. 

There was another long silence before he spoke again, “hey, uh, I gotta go…”

“Yeah.” she sighed. “Tell D I said hey…” She let her smile fade. Nobody was around to see her... What was the point? Jessy wanted to go to them and run around the CW wild and free… But she was trapped on the Pryd. She envied Gavin. Then she felt a pang of anger toward him for not taking her with when he ran away. But it was ridiculous. Not his fault.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - -

****

Lucci sat on the floor at the foot of Arthur’s bed and stared down at the notebook in her hands. Her mind swirled, but stuck on nothing in particular as she stared. She had no more tears. Not for these things. No more anger. No more fear. What did she have, then? What was she left with?

Numbness. 

Pain. 

She pulled the pill bottle from her pocket and stared at it. 

Feeling anything was probably better than feeling nothing… Right? 

Jessy contemplated the bottle for several long moments before twisting the lid off and taking one out. Then she contemplated that little white pill for a while. If she could never fly again, what would it matter if she took the pill? It would make the pain subside. It would make the dark thoughts go away for a while. Maybe she’d be able to sleep for a bit without nightmares. 

The old lady had said she would fly again on borrowed wings… Did flying the Pryd count for that? Did she mean a Vertibird? Lucky didn’t want to believe that the Pryd counted. She wanted to believe that Murphy had meant she would fly a bird again. But did it matter what she wanted to believe? How did it work?

She let out a sigh, put the pill back in the bottle, and turned again to the picture in the notebook. The sketch of her sitting in her bird staring out over the ocean. She traced her fingertips over the picture and imagined sitting in Caroline once more… Flicking the switch to bring her to life. 

Lucky carefully tore the page out of the notebook and folded it twice, then stuck it in her shirt over her chest. She patted it then stood up, took three long swallows of rum, and walked out the door.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - -

****

She sat in Doggo’s bird, since it was now being docked in Lucky’s spot. It felt weird to be in there, so after a while she crawled out and sat on the edge of the dock next to the thing. Lucky put one leg out under the railing to swing off the ledge, then carefully put her braced leg under to let it swing free. Well, as much as it could swing.

Her foot was heavy and had a metal cage deal around it to keep her from hitting it on things since she could never tell when she did. The cage thing ran up the sides of her leg to a bendable knee part, then belted snugly to her thigh. When she swung her legs off the ledge, the knee part gave a faint creaking sound. 

“Quite the view.” The old lady’s voice startled Lucky slightly.

She turned her head and saw Mama Murphy standing out on the deck in her nightgown. 

“What are you doing out here?” Lucky turned and placed her chin back on the metal railing.

“It gets lonely in my room all day. I believe i’ve read all the books on this Prydwen.” She gave a quiet chuckle. “Not many people come to talk to me.”

“Cuz you’re weird.” The words left her mouth before she could stop them. 

“Sometimes I forget that folks ain't used to weird things like the Sight.” She gave a tired chuckle and made a very slow attempt to sit down next to the Lancer, leaning against the support rail. 

Lucky thought about standing and leaving her there, but she remained. “Why do you seem to have such an interest in me?”

“Oh, I like you. You're just what this Commonwealth needs. And I hope your heart stays true. 'Cause you're gonna walk a long, hard road. I saw it.” The woman rasped slowly.

“I’ve already gone on a long walk and I think you mean ‘hobble’....” Lucci gave a little smirk, “you know all about hobbling, don’t you?” Maybe if she made the old lady mad she’d go away and leave Lucky to her brooding. 

To her dismay, Murphy only situated herself into a more comfortable position and spoke, “what if I told you I used to pack a pair of arms thicker than both your fists put together? Ripped a Raider's head clean off once, I'll tell you. That’s how I got the name Madwoman Murphy” She chuckled. “Buffout doesn't do much for me now, except help the Sight do its thing.”

Lucky blinked at her for a moment then snorted in disbelief. “I doubt that’s how you came by that nickname... Are you just out here looking for more chems?”

“Let me tell you a story, kid. Once, there was beautiful young girl, with a special power. Used to get in all kinds of crazy adventures. She meets a handsome young boy, but he doesn't like her power. Thinks it makes her a slave to something evil. And so the power goes away, and it's not there when the girl and the boy need it most. Now the boy's gone, and the girl's old. But she has friends. And her power keeps them safe. That's all that matters.”

Lucky was silent for a moment then let out a sigh, “so yeah, you’re looking for some chems.”

“Are you looking for the Sight to help you with somethin’, kid?”

She shrugged, “only if you’re looking to overdose on poison and die.”

“I’ve lived a very long life, kid. Full of adventurers and friends. If I go, this is how I want it to be and i’d say I’ve lived a long wonderful life.”

Lucci regarded her for a long moment. There was something to be said about being able to choose how you get to die. Joey died just how he wanted. Lucky tried. She pulled the bottle from her pocket and handed it over with a small level of irritation.

As Murphy took nearly a handful of the things Lucky offered her some rum. It was all the liquid she had on her at the moment. 

She watched the old woman swallow the pills, take an extra sip of the alcohol, and try to get more comfortable. 

“Can you tell me how I’m going to die?” Lucci asked quietly. 

Murphy laughed quietly as she closed her eyes, “already told you once, Phoenix.”

Lucky huffed, “being brought back from the brink of death doesn’t count.”

“Oh, no, kid… You were dead… Just as you will be again. And again…” She trailed off and Lucky had to lean closer to hear her better. 

“You're wearing a mask. You're standing with... outcasts. The underdogs. The rebels in the sea.” She rasped. “You're looking for a man you once knew. He can help you, but he ain't gonna be the man you expect. He's somewhere... deep... and dark. Surrounded by folks with nothin' but cruel intentions. But there's... a memory... Something in the past that can help you.” There was a pause. “The man you're after. He's the one. He’s the stag and he wears all the pain like a crown of antlers.”

Another long pause. Lucky was starting to get used to them by now. She fidgeted with her shirt until the woman spoke more nonsense or she fell asleep.

Her voice grew nearly too quiet to hear and she labored through the words, “you're walking into a sea, but it's not water you're afraid of drownin' in. It's something... invisible... but... radiant...It burns everything in it, but... no... I can feel them. There's people. Calling out to something. Chanting. They can give you what you seek... but... they're so hard to read... Be careful around them, kid…”

Murphy grew quiet and slumped down against the railing. They sat together for some time as Lucky tried to figure out what she was talking about. After a while, she called the guarding Knight over to help take the old woman to her bed.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - -

****

“Sir,” Kells pressed a finger against the table to emphasize his words, “you should not belay the order to find Kidd and bring him in. You and I both know he’s with Danse right now.” He paused and looked Arthur in the eyes. “He’s harboring a Synth and blatantly disobeying several orders to--”

“I am fully aware, Lancer Captain.” Maxson turned another would be sigh into irritated words. 

Kells leaned back in the seat and the two of them stared at one another for a long moment until the Lancer Captain finally looked away with a quiet sigh.

Maxson folded his arms on the round table and forced himself to calm down and relax. “You know what it means to be a good leader. You know what it means to train good leaders.”

The Lancer Captain gave a nod. 

“I have never, myself, trained others, and especially not leaders. Recently, I have learned a great deal as I observe how you have been training Lucci.” Arthur continued. “Would you say she’s a good leader?”

“She is an amazing leader with great potential, this is the reason she was chosen.” Kells smiled as he agreed.

“And what, do you suppose, makes her a good leader?” 

“Lucci works harder than most. She’s brave, ambitious, and has heart and compassion. She knows all the regulations…” Kells gave pause, folded his hands together and took a breath, “and she knows when rules need to be broken. Lucci broke rules to be where she is and she broke rules for her brothers and sisters. She thinks her motives are all her own, but she cares about others and will fight for them with everything she has, even those she doesn’t particularly get along with. She cares about her brothers and sisters and knew when to break the rules and help them when it mattered. She put her own life at risk to save those she cares about. They, in turn, trust her with their own lives.” There was a look of absolute pride in his eyes as if he were speaking of his own child.

“Kidd is a natural leader, wouldn’t you agree?” Maxson arched an eyebrow.

The Lancer Captain gave a slow nod, “yes. He possesses all the traits of an exceptional leader. People trust him, indefinitely. He shows them love and understanding, he’s protective and would do just about anything for those he cares for.”

“Do you believe he cares for the Brotherhood and has its best interests in mind?”

“Yes, I do.” Kells stared down at his folded hands for a moment in silence.

“As do I.” Arthur agreed quietly.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - -

****

“Read the eye chart.” Maxson motioned across the room as he and Jessica waited for Cade to finish what he was doing at his terminal.

She shrugged and read it off, covered one eye then the other, then went above and beyond, as always, to read the fine print at the bottom detailing the manufacturer. 

Maxson smiled down at her as Cade approached with a clipboard and spoke absently, “she has it memorized.” He turned a paper over on the clipboard, wrote something, then held it out some feet from her and raised an expectant eyebrow. 

He lowered it as soon as she squinted to try and read what he had written.

“Not my fault I can’t read that drunken bloatfly penscratch.” She folded her arms, “you write like shit.”

“Jessica…” Maxson nearly sighed.

She took a breath then dropped her arms and redacted, “I am still not quite at one hundred percent, but the vision in my right eye has improved some. Honestly.” She grinned and was about to add something else, then thought better of it and shrunk back down.

Maxson was torn about her behavior. He knew she was about to add some cocky remark to her statement. He loved that she spoke her mind freely, but he also wished she would show more decorum. They would never receive her well back in the Capital the way she currently speaks and behaves. 

And he would still like to have her at his side. 

Trusting her again would take quite some time, but he still loved her and could see the value in having her as his partner. She turned out to be a great Lancer Sergeant and Kells had informed him that her lessons on the Flight Command deck had been fruitful. Maxson wanted to tell her exactly what their plans for her entailed, but he knew, in her current state of mind, that she’d balk at the very thought. Kells had trained her from day one; He knew exactly how to handle her… So the Elder went along with the plans as they were laid out before him. 

Though they had become very distant as of late in light of the war and the loss of their child, he was trying to repair the relationship. Arthur penciled in time to go with her to most of her checkups. 

The last one had been discouraging. 

Cade was disturbed by the way her leg was healing. She couldn’t feel her foot and her skin was starting to get sores that wouldn’t heal with packs any longer. She had been given so many stimpacks and medex shots that they were beginning to lose their effect. The idea of amputation upset her more than anything, so they continued to try and save the limb. But it wasn’t looking good and Jessica refused to even speak about amputation.

The Knight Captain looked over some notes, “how are you feeling… Mentally?” He asked quietly as he flipped through pages.

“Like shit,” she shrugged. “I miss Jon. And everyone else. Right about now we’d all be playing cards and getting drunk.”

Maxson frowned and set a hand on her shoulder, making an attempt to comfort her. Jessica’s entire world changed and all of her friends had been separated. She hadn’t seen them all together at one time for several weeks. He wished he could do something for her about that. Kidd was still AWOL, Crewe was in Nordhagen with the refugees, Aleski was out on clean-up patrols, and Bailey... 

Cade glanced up from the paper, “I know how you’re feeling, Lucci.” He motioned to the Elder, “how are _you_ feeling, Sir?”

He blinked at the doctor then shook it off, “as well as can be expected. I’ve been busy, but the amount of paperwork is starting to subside considerably. We’ve been planning out our next course of action and it’s going well.” He hated to admit he rather liked the round table on the Command Deck. It was refreshing to have people he could talk to openly and discuss concerns with. However, he still felt twinges of anger and irritation whenever he sat down and Kidd’s seat remained empty.

“I’m glad to hear it,” Cade nodded, “but that doesn’t tell me how you’re feeling on a more personal note.”

Arthur gave pause, then glanced down at Jessica, looking expectantly up at him. 

“I suppose...” He hesitated. He had no idea how to voice personal emotions. “It would be nice to have a break from the tedium and stress.” That was as close as he would be able to come to saying _‘I need a vacation or I’m going to lose my mind.’_

Cade regarded him for a moment then pointed his pen at Lucci, “when was the last time you two had been together?”

Jessica grinned, “like, sexually? Cuz--”

“No, like out on a date.” The Knight Captain cut her off.

“A date?” Maxson nearly snorted. He hated that word. It seemed like something he shouldn’t be occupying his time with when more pressing issues were always at hand. 

“Might I suggest,” Cade spoke carefully, “lifting the liberty ban and going out together for a few hours.”

Maxson was quiet for a moment as he thought about it. Finally he gave a very small nod, “I believe the soldiers could use some time off now that the threat of Synths has been brought down to a minimal level.” 

Cade pointed his pen at the Elder, “you could use a break.”

Jessica grinned up at him, “yeah… You’re a soldier, too, ya know.”

She winked and he had to stop himself from rolling his eyes.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - -

****

The first thing that irritated Lucky was the fact that she couldn’t fly her and Arthur to their destination. She wanted to go to her overpass, but didn’t mention it because it’d be awkward fucking on the overpass with some pilot babysitting them. Then, she wanted to go to the Combat Zone, but she didn’t voice that, either. Nor did she mention that Goodneighbor would be fun.

When she flew, she never asked where to go, she just took people wherever she wanted and never told them where they were going because sometimes people would start complaining or voicing ridiculous concerns. They had fun once they landed, so fuck ‘em. 

So, currently, she and Arthur were in the Taphouse in DC. 

More people recognized the Elder than she thought would and they seemed to be grateful. She and Arthur were congratulated and thanked about fifty times as they made their way to the bar and then about fifty more times inside. People bought them drinks. That part was really cool. 

Though, there were a few really angry people. One man spat at Lucci and she reeled to punch him, but Arthur pulled her back. 

“Jessica, every war has several sides. You can’t punch everyone who disagrees with your side.” He quietly told her as he led her to a table. 

“That cuntbucket spit at me!” She growled as she was gently urged down into a seat by her shoulders. 

She was a fucking war hero and that man had no clue what she’d gone through and the people who died for the Commonwealth. And he wasn’t the only one. Some people grumbled under their breath or left the bar when they arrived. How fucking dare they! Jon died for them and they were ungrateful assholes! 

Her brothers and sisters _died_ for them...

“They don’t have to fear the Institute anymore, why are they such dickwagons?” She crossed her arms and glared across the room to a man who had been glaring at her. 

“Some people supported the Institute and others…” Arthur took a breath and lowered his voice, “they aren’t pleased by the method.” He folded his arms across the table. “In hindsight, I may have gone a little overboard and I have some regret, but what's done cannot be undone.” 

She blinked at him and nodded. Lucky put a bottle of rum to her mouth to keep from speaking her mind. Blowing the Institute up was rather… Extreme. She saw many people outside wearing bandanas over their faces because dust still cluttered the air and coated everything. They couldn’t have been happy about that part. But the Brotherhood was doing all it could to help citizens in the aftermath. She realized it probably didn’t matter to some folks who lost their homes or loved ones in the wake of the explosion.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - -

****

The Elder smiled at Jessica as she emphatically regaled some war stories to the people who now occupied their table. He sat next to her, but moved his chair back from the table a little. It was getting crowded. He watched her as she stood up and told stories with her entire body. She was adorable. Drunk, but adorable. She loved telling stories of heroism, her own seemed to be a favorite topic.

He had always admired how animated she was when she spoke about something she was passionate about. As she spoke about getting shot at, he cringed a little inside. When she spoke about crashing her bird, he felt sick. Hearing her tell it in detail with tears in her eyes, the story was much more heart wrenching for him. 

He wished he could keep her safe. But she was a soldier, through and through. When she told her story, she was proud and excited. Even the bad parts. And now? She couldn’t be the soldier she wanted to be. He felt for her. 

A small part of him was glad for it. She couldn’t go out and do dangerous missions anymore. Then another part of him said this was a bad thing. This would break her. She _needed_ to be a soldier. It was all she knew and all she lived for. He suddenly started worrying about her mental health. 

She seemed fine. She smiled and laughed. She was doing well with her lessons and training Lancers. She really seemed to enjoy training the Lancer Initiates. She had told him, a while back ago when they first started seeing one another, that her biggest fear was feeling trapped. Did she feel trapped? Did that eye patch and leg brace trap her? She couldn’t fly. Arthur knew her greatest passion in all the world was flight. He didn’t fully understand her obsession, but he knew it was very real. 

Perhaps he could get her to focus on family. After losing their child, through a tirade of tears and drunken anger, she had mentioned to him that she wished it didn’t happen. Maybe she would be happy with a child? It would give new meaning to her life. He never wanted to tell her how much he really hoped she would get pregnant again. Arthur wanted children. Heirs. Carry the proud Maxson name. Would that help her through this tough time?  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - -

****

Lucci leaned heavily against him as he escorted her out of the bar, “I love your dumb face.” She slurred.

Arthur chuckled, “thank you. I think.”

“Yer welcome…” She looked up at him and smiled, “for real.” She paused mid stride and reached up to kiss him. 

He didn’t hesitate. He bent down and kissed her. He paused against her lips and spoke quietly, “I love your beautiful face.” 

She snorted a laugh and took him by the hand to lead him onward to the Dugout. 

When they entered the room, she started kissing him again. She stepped back and leaned against a chair in the corner to remove her leg brace and he knelt down to help her. Sometimes she hated being helped with shit like an invalid, but sometimes it was really sexy to see Arthur on one knee in front of her like that, so she ran her fingers through his hair as he worked instead of telling him to let her do it her damn self.

“Have you taken your six month shot?” He asked quietly as he pulled the metal brace off. 

Lucky rolled her eyes. He wasn’t very smooth in the bedroom. But she loved it anyway. He was somewhat of a dork, but she found it oddly attractive.

“I hate shots.” She mumbled as she gently urged him onto the bed and carefully straddled his hips. It had taken a bit of experimenting to find positions that didn’t hurt her leg too much. It always hurt, but after a few minutes, that pain was just an afterthought. 

“Is that a no?” he asked again between kissing.

Lucky chose to ignore his dumb question and pulled her eyepatch off as a cover for rolling her eyes at him again. She tossed it over her shoulder to land who the fuck knew where. She wished she’d lose the fucking thing sometimes.

She started pulling off his shirt and he helped. Clumsy. Drunken. It got done, regardless. Lucky ran her hands over his bare chest and started pressing her lips against his skin and scraping her teeth along his neck. 

“Jessica…” Arthur breathed heavily against her.

She took a breath and suppressed a sigh, “yes, dear?” She tried to check her tone but failed miserably. 

“Were you excited about being pregnant?” Arthur made an attempt at being tactful, but the rum from earlier did nothing to help. 

She pulled back for a moment and looked him over. “I wasn’t at first…” She slumped her shoulders as she realized he wanted to talk rather than fuck. “But I got more excited later. I guess. I felt it move… And I… I dunno.” 

“What would you think about being married with children?” Arthur’s drunken state left him… Less than diplomatic. 

“I don’t fucking know.” She started getting irritated. She just wanted to fuck and be close. Planning was not her strong suit and it irritated her that he always tried to get her to plan. He was always asking her shit. Always trying to get her to think ahead and just… Think. Jessy just wanted to have fun and be herself and be free… And completely avoid topics that upset her. 

She frowned. He was serious. The look on his face was almost heartbreaking. 

“Later on…” She started then thought for a moment. “I got a little excited.” She took a breath. “I was actually really upset that our baby… I mean... “ She didn’t know how to say it. “I was really upset. Am still upset.”

Lucky hesitated then lowered her voice to a near whisper, “I’m really sorry, Arthur. I wish it worked out different.”

“As do I.” He quietly agreed. He hugged her tightly for a moment then pulled back a little to look at her face. “ I never knew how you felt. You never speak of--”

“Cuz it hurts to talk about it. Obviously.” She glared at him to keep from crying. He was silent for too long and she felt a lump in her throat and the urgent need to fill the silence with words. Any words. 

“I killed our child with a stupid decision. I got hurt and I fucked up. I don’t wanna talk about it and I wish none of it happened.” Tears started to well up in her eyes. 

“You followed your heart, saved lives, and now you’re on a different path. You lived.” He wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb and followed it with a kiss. “We can try again.”

“On purpose this time…” She tried to joke to make herself laugh. It didn’t quite work. 

He smiled, “yes, on purpose this time.”

His smile made her grin a little. She loved to see him smile. Lucky glanced down and realized she had been fidgeting with her shirt and wrapping it around her fingers so tightly she ripped the hem and turned her fingers red. She let out a deep refreshing sigh, pulled her shirt off, then used it to wipe her face and threw it on the floor. 

“No,” Her grin got bigger, “I never did get the six-shot.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - -

****

“But you love cake.” Aleski scooted the snack cake toward Lucky. Again.

“I’m not hungry right now.” She scooted it back across the table. “I just had a snack like an hour ago.”

Al raised an eyebrow at her.

“Like two hours ago…” Lucky redacted. When Aleski continued to stare skeptically, she grabbed the snack cake from between them and unwrapped it. “Fine.” She shoved the entire thing in her mouth and spoke around it, “happy?”

“No, actually.” Aleski sat back in the chair and crossed her arms loosely over her chest. 

She was worried about her friend. When Jessy didn’t eat, it was because something was wrong. Jessy was always eating and never turned down a cake. Ever. Jordyn had seen this happen a couple times during the long years of their friendship. Once it was when her boyfriend had been killed a few years back. Jessy wasn’t eating because she was upset. Depressed. 

Of course she was. But she wouldn’t talk about it. Al was pretty good at figuring out what, exactly, was bothering her friend… Jessy would talk about anything in the world except _that thing._ She always changed the topic if Jordyn hit on it. Then she’d know that was the reason for her being so upset. 

This time, however, there were so many things Jessy refused to talk about. 

The loss of her baby. Jon. Her inability to fly. Feeling trapped. Her relationship with Maxson becoming distant and uncomfortable. Constant pain. 

Jessy must be so overwhelmed. Jordyn had been upset, herself, because she couldn’t help her. And she’d been sent away more often than not to clean up the CW and hunt down straggling Synths. She just wanted to be there for her friend and help her through whatever she was dealing with. But she couldn’t. 

She just wanted Jessy to smile again. For real. 

“How was your date?” Al asked to fill the silence.

Lucky shrugged and grinned, “was okay. People bought us drinks.”

Al smiled, “I know, cool right?” She left out the part about people yelling at her and trying to start fights with her entire squad because they’d been pissed. 

Out on patrols, she ran across the entire spectrum of people: Those who praised them and thanked them profusely, and those who threw rocks at them and cussed them out. Al had shown tremendous grace one time when a man jumped her and tried to stab her because he’d been angry. She didn’t tell Jessy about that stuff, it’d only upset her. They didn’t even tell the Elder about those particular times. 

“We’re trying to have another baby…” Jessy said quietly as she looked down at her hands. 

“Is that a good thing?” Jordyn asked carefully. Jessy didn’t seem particularly excited about it. 

She shrugged. “I think so?” 

After a moment of silence Al asked, “Do you want to?”

“I don’t know. I think so. I was kinda excited. Toward the end…” She trailed off, paused then sat up and smiled a little, “something to look forward to I guess, right? I got nothing better to do.” 

“I think it’d be great.” Al smiled. Genuine. “You’d be a great mommy.” 

“Ew.” Jessy wrinkled her nose, “that sounds weird. Don’t say that again.”

Al laughed, “mommy Jessy!”

Lucky snorted then giggled a little.

“And you know…” Al raised an eyebrow, “Jordyn happens to be an awesome name.”

Jessy smiled, “It’s actually my second most favorite name in the entire world.” 

“Look who’s back!” Crewe suddenly stepped up to the table and spread his arms wide. “You may all rejoice.” 

Lucky stood up and hugged him tightly for a very long moment. He held her close until she finally pulled away.

“Just so you know... I didn’t miss you at all. I hardly even noticed you were gone.” Jessy waved a hand at him and sat down. She couldn’t suppress her smile, however. 

Jordyn kissed him before he could say anything in response. She’d been able to see him a few times while he was in Nordhagen, but she missed him as though he’d been gone for ages. 

“Get a room.” Jessy wrinkled her nose at them.

“This is a room.” Crewe pulled Jordyn closer and kissed her neck.

“Ugh…” Lucky rolled her eyes, “breakroom isn’t a room.”

“Break…” Crewe widened his eyes at her and sounded it out emphatically, “ROOM.” 

“Shut up. What’d you bring me?” Jessy put a hand out.

“What the hell makes you think I brought you anything?” He snorted.

Jordyn pressed against him and grinned, “is that a bottle in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”

“Happy to see you.” He winked… Then held out a bottle and plopped it in Lucky’s outstretched hand without taking his eyes off Jordyn. “And a bottle.” 

Jessy eyed it for a moment, “wow… top shelf shit, huh? Those refugees treat you well?”

Crewe let out a sigh and plopped down in a seat. “No. They’re the worst, actually.” He pointed to the brandy she held, “that came from… a mutual M.I.A. asshole friend.” 

Lucky’s smile grew, “G gave you this? You saw him?” 

“Negative. I saw no such mutual M.I.A. asshole. Don’t even know who you’re talking about.” He took the bottle from her and opened it to take a drink.

“Is he in Nordhagen?” Jessy persisted.

“Who?” Tristan handed her the bottle. 

“I hate you.” She glared at him for a moment then took a drink.

“Good. I hate you, too.” he opened a pack of cards and started shuffling them, “so let’s play the angriest game of poker ever.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - -

****

They needed more people to play cards with, since Gavin was gone. And Bailey. So they’d grabbed a couple people who had been off duty at the time.

Buzz and Doggo. 

Lucci liked them alright, so it was good fun. 

People were always much more entertaining and fun to be around once they’d been drinking. 

“Are we allowed to drink right now?” Doggo eyed the bottle as it was passed to her.

Crewe smiled sweetly at her, “are you on duty?”

She looked to him and then the bottle, “well… No, but in about seven hours--”

“Then drink.” Lucky pointed at her. 

“Am I supposed to be drinking with an Officer?” Doggo persisted.

“For fuck’s sake!” Lucky started to get exasperated, “just shut up and take a fucking drink and pass the shit!”

Donegal suddenly took a drink of it as if she were afraid and handed it over to Aleski beside her. 

Lucky sighed, “that wasn’t… An order.” How was she supposed to handle this shit? Sometimes it was irritating being a higher rank than other people. Now she understood why Paladins and others didn’t hang out in the breakroom with Knights and Lancers very often. Unfortunate. She would have to break this weird apprehension somehow. Lucky decided she wouldn’t stop having fun with her lower ranking friends, no matter what. Just like Gavin when he became a Paladin. And Danse. Danse used to hang out with them sometimes. People should all be friends and get drunk and stupid together, regardless of rank. Lucky was going to make this a thing. Just because she was a Lancer Sergeant didn’t mean she was any better than anyone else. 

The more Doggo drank, the more she relaxed. Buzz helped a lot. He treated Lucky like he always had. Donegal even started swearing again after she was good and tipsy. 

“Bullfuck!” Doggo tossed her cards down as Lucky laughed. “Every time!”

Buzz leaned toward her and smiled, “actually, you been winnin’ way more than little miss Lucky-shit over there.”

Jessy shrugged, “maybe more often, but I still have more caps. I win when it matters.”

Crewe handed her the nearly empty bottle, “true enough… As in life.” 

“What’s that s’posed to mean?” Lucky took the bottle and eyed him. 

He raised an eyebrow at her and leaned back in his chair, “pretty sure you’re called ‘Lucky’ for a damn good reason.” 

She frowned at him and took a slow drink then set the bottle down on the table. “It’s cuz idiots couldn’t read my name right.”

Doggo cocked her head to the side, “that’s why you’re called Lucky?” She furrowed her brow, “but I’ve heard all sorts of shit about you and I always thought it was because… Cuz you were lucky as fuck.”

Aleski nodded, “she IS lucky as fuck.”

Lucci got angry for some reason she couldn’t quite figure out. But it happened quick as a light switch. She pointed to the patch over her eye, “does THIS look lucky to you?” 

Doggo nodded slowly, “yeah… You’re alive. Anyone else woulda been dead. I woulda been dead in your place.”

“Yeah you woulda.” Lucky glared at her. Then she took a breath and tried to relax. It wasn’t Donegal’s fault. “You would have. And that’s why I took your place.” 

They were silent for a moment as Doggo nodded to her. Lucky had probably saved her life by taking her place. They both knew it. 

Buzz broke the awkward silence, “as a hypothetical, what would you think if your sight could be fully restored, with the only drawback being that it would require a synthetic component being placed in your head?”

“Fuck yes.” Lucky didn’t even hesitate. 

Aleski raised an eyebrow at him, then to Jessy, “a synthetic component… a bit of Synth brain?”

Lucky shrugged, “it’s just a bit. I don’t fucking care so long as I could see again.”

Buzz nodded, “yeah. Just a little bit. And you could see again.”

Jessy motioned to him and looked at Al, “I see no problem.”

Doggo thought for a moment then spoke quietly, “how much of a Synth brain inside your head makes you a Synth and not a person, do you think?”

Lucky snorted, “over fifty percent. I’m sure the little tiny bit that makes people see wouldn’t matter.” 

Buzz smiled, “I agree.”

Aleski shrugged and started dealing another hand out around the table, “doesn’t matter. The Institute was fucked to shit.”

Crewe picked up his cards and glanced at them. He spoke quietly, “dunno. The scientists are still around… And they actually know how to do shit like that.” 

Lucky blinked stupidly at him, “what?”

“What?” He laid his cards down and blinked back at her. 

She narrowed her eyes at him and he put his hands up, “just saying. I talked a lot with those killjoys. But it’s not like they have their equipment and shit. They’re just super smart nerds with nothing to do cuz their toys are all broken.”

Donegal ran a finger along her lips in thought for a moment then asked Crewe, “is that how they made…” She leaned forward and whispered, “Danse?” 

“You mean put a bit of Synth shit in his brain?” He shook his head, “naw. Danse was a clone.” 

“Are there… More?” Doggo glanced around the breakroom as if it had anyone else in it other than the five of them at the table.

Crewe pushed his cards in and leaned his elbows on the table, “fuck if I know. The scientists don’t even know. They’re so fucking disorganized when it comes to what everyone else was doing it’s fucking ridiculous. I have no idea how they ever got anything done.” He rolled his eyes, “half of them hate one another, none of them trust each other, they have no one particular central goal, there is so much drama, lies, and bullshit going on between the lot of them…” Tristan snorted, “If they were organized under a good leader and had accompanying soldiers like our scribes do, they coulda probably took over the whole world.”

“Good thing we broke their toys…” Lucky tossed some caps to the middle of the table.

Doggo called her bet. “But they’re smart, they could build more machines if they wanted to. They built the ones they had, after all…”

“I know…” Crewe widened his eyes emphatically at Aleski, “that’s why I said we should kill them all!” 

She looked away from him and Buzz spoke up, “they could be useful.”

“They hate us.” Tristan crossed his arms. “Trust me on that one.”

Doggo looked a little worried, “think they’re going to get back together and come after us?”

Crewe nodded slowly in a condescending manner and spoke slowly, “yes.”

“They should meet with an unfortunate accident.” Lucky grinned at him and he smiled in agreement.

“You can’t kill the scientists.” Buzz folded his arms on the table and raised an eyebrow to Crewe.

He narrowed his eyes a little, “why not?”

Buzz shook his head, “because you can’t.”

“Pretty sure he can.” Lucky motioned to Tristan, “I’ve seen him kill people before. They die easy enough.” 

“You can’t… We aren’t allowed to fuck with the refugees…” Buzz persisted.

“First of all,” Crewe leaned toward him and pointed a finger, “never tell me what I can and cannot do.” He stared him down for a moment to cement that in, then he dropped his hand and rolled his eyes, “second, cool your balls. If I was going to kill them, they’d already be dead.” 

Aleski set a hand on Buzz’s shoulder to calm him down, “they’re just joking. Tristan would never do anything against orders like that.”

Crewe leaned his chair back on two legs and gave a sarcastic grin, “yeah. I’m a good little soldier boy.”

Lucky snorted a laugh, “that’s why the Institute didn’t clone _you_ or whatever. They wouldn’t be able to control you.”

“And there’d be a bunch of dick drawings all over their labs,“ Aleski nodded in agreement. 

Donegal giggled then thumbed toward Lucky, “they shoulda cloned her! That’d be their best bet.”

“Pfft…” Crewe waved a hand at them, “she’d kick their asses.”

Buzz shrugged, “maybe they’ve tried.” 

Crewe dropped his chair down and stared at him. 

“I mean, they could have… I imagine Lancers are hard to catch...” Buzz quieted down.

Doggo looked to Lucky for a moment, then to Buzz.

He pat her hand reassuringly. “I was just for instancing. Lucky ain’t a Synth, I guarantee.”

Aleski pulled the cards on the table slowly toward herself. “I don’t know why they would even try. Jessy is more difficult to handle than Tristan.”

Crewe continued to stare at Buzz until Aleski nudged him, “what’s your malfunction?”

He suddenly shook it off and picked up his cards. He eyed them then flashed a smile to Doggo across the table, “don’t worry your pretty little head about Synths or scientists. Worry about me winning this hand and taking all your caps.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - -

****

There was a neat little window of opportunity to sneak out of the Pryd onto the flight deck, if one needed to do such things. Lucky discovered it long ago and had it down pat. She discovered that, if she went out on the flight deck just before a watch change, whoever came on for the next watch wouldn’t even know she was out there. All she had to do was pretend she was going to the radio room for some reason then hide in there and wait for the change.

At night, nobody was in the radio room. Not usually. Sometimes she’d come across a couple people fucking in there, but she wouldn’t tell on them if they wouldn’t tell on her so it was fine.

And, thanks to overall soldier laziness, the releases for the birds had been rigged up to be overridden because it was annoying to have to go out at night just to drop a bird for someone to go to the airport or whatever. 

One of Lucky’s favorite quotes was _‘laziness breeds ingenuity’_. In the military, it seemed even more accurate than ever.

She had been hiding out in a bird as the watch changed. Buzz’s bird. As she waited, she went to disconnect his beacon. 

But it was already done.

Lucky narrowed her eyes at the thing. Buzz had been in Caroline before the battle mentioning that he was supposed to fix her beacon… And here he was with a disconnected tracker. That ass. 

But why?

She knew she shouldn’t really question his motives, since she often did the same damn thing… But… _Why?_  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	29. AWOLs & Inquiries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sepsis turned in his chair, smiled at the Lancer, then nodded to Crewe, “what’s your inquiry?”
> 
> “You know how some of you lot went M.I.A. the evening you were left all alone out here?” He asked carefully.
> 
> They all nodded. 
> 
> “Any of you see what happened? And why didn’t anyone say anything about it?”  
>   
> 
> 
> \-------

  
  
  
  
  


****

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****

Lucky leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes. She flicked the switch and smiled as the bird started to come to life around her. It was the most beautiful sound and the most wonderful feeling in the entire world.

Actually, a better feeling, better than sex, was when the bird dropped from the dock. 

She hit the override and nothing happened. 

Lucky frowned at it. Then she heard a voice over the radio.

“This is Control. What is your clearance, Delta Zero Three?”

Lucky groaned and turned to look at the tower. 

She stared right at KC Bonner.

And Bonner stared right back.

Bonner was quiet for a moment, probably from surprise, then spoke, “what are you doing in that aircraft Lucci?”

She snatched up the radio and glared, “what are you doing in that tower, Bonner?”

Now that she was technically a higher rank than the bitch, Lucky didn’t have to be pleasant anymore. 

Another figure stood up, adjusting clothing. Bonner was about to speak and Lucky heard her companion’s voice, “Lucci? But she’s--”

Bonner shoved her ‘friend’ over out of view, but Lucky caught it. 

The Knight Commander was in the control room fucking Aston. 

Lucky grinned and pressed a finger against the window of the bird to point, “are we at an impasse?”

“Looks that way.” Bonner didn’t sound pleased. Of course, she never sounded pleased. 

“Wanna make a deal?” 

“Hardly,” Bonner snorted. “What I’m doing is nothing compared to what you’re doing.”

That was very true. As Lucky hesitated on the radio, Aston appeared next to Bonner.

“What do you think you’re doing?” The Knight Commander asked once more. 

“--Probably going to Nordhagen to see Kidd--” Aston’s voice was heard in the background.

There was silence as Lucky watched the two of them talking to one another. 

While they spoke, Lucky clicked the radio button repeatedly just to annoy them with the beep as she thought about how to get out of her current fuck-up. She watched them speaking some more. Aston put a hand on Bonner and pointed to Lucci. 

Suddenly Bonner hissed over the radio, “...Or you could have an unfortunate accident.”

Lucky got angry. Not so much at the threat, just… Angry. “If you want me to have an unfortunate accident, then drop this fucking bird and let me go. Pretty good fucking chance you’ll never see me again.”

Then she got more angry and found the reason, “Aston… You fucking dickstain. I talked you through piloting a fucking bird after your Lancer got hit. I could have said fuck you and let you fucking crash that shit and be done with you. I didn’t. I never once fucked with you when I could have.” She glared, “I’ve been nothing but a fucking ray of goddamn sunshine and I’m not going to say a fucking word about what I saw here tonight, regardless of what that cuntbucket does. So drop this fucking bird and that’s a fucking order!”

There was a moment of pause, they spoke some more, then Aston reached over to drop the bird. Bonner tried to stop her, but only had half a heart in the action. 

Lucky slammed the radio down and grabbed the stick as she waited. “Fucking cunts…”

A sudden weight shifted the aircraft and a voice rang out, “remove your hands. Turn the aircraft off. Step out.”

Lucci only tightened her grip as she glanced over her shoulder at the armored Knight standing behind her. 

She grumbled under her breath, “what are you gunna do? Shoot me? Always wanted to die in a bird…”

“Remove your hands. Turn the aircraft off. Step out.” He repeated. “Now.”

“Gunna have to make me, Lemaire.” Her grip was so tight her knuckles turned white. 

She heard him sigh even inside his helmet as he moved forward and turned the bird off then set his weapon down to struggle with getting her to let go of the stick. 

There wasn’t too much a half broken tiny woman could do against a fully suited Knight, so he drug her out with very little problem. 

But she fought against every minute of it.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

“Jessica…” Maxson leaned his back heavily against his door and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I cannot allow--”

“I can fly! I’ve done it blindfolded! Let me do it. I’ll prove it!” She was in frantic tears and had been rambling ever since she was brought into his quarters by Lemaire. 

He tried to calm her down as best he knew how, wich wasn’t very well. “Where were you planning on going?”

“Away!” She nearly screamed it but her voice cracked and she collapsed on his bed. 

He sat down carefully beside her and rested a hand on her back. He lowered his voice, “Jessica, I’m concerned about you.”

She mumbled into his pillow, “I’m fine I just need to fly. Just once more.”

Something about the way she said _‘just once more’_ frightened him. “Were you planning to return?” 

The only reply he received were more racking sobs into the pillow. 

“Do you need to return to the Citadel?”

“No…” She nearly whined the word out. 

After a long pause of Maxson weighing options he finally spoke very carefully, “the only alternative I can propose at this time is that you be placed under temporary watch and forbidden from going outside the Prydwen.”

She rolled over to look at him. She narrowed her red rimmed eyes, “why? I won’t do it again. Don’t give me another fucking babysitter… I’m fine.” She wiped her eyes and worked to calm herself.

Arthur looked away from her to avoid changing his mind. His eyes fell on a half empty bottle of rum. He picked it up off the desk and eyed it. “You’ve been drinking a lot more than usual… I think--”

“So have you.” She jabbed a finger into his shoulder rather painfully. 

“I think it’s best we both cut back.” He tried to smile to show her he meant it in such a way that she wasn’t the only one at fault or who needed help right now. “We can do it together.”  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

“Hey Doggo…” Crewe stepped up to the side of the bunk and smiled sweetly down at her.

“Hey…” She rubbed her eyes and blinked, “Crewe?” 

He put a finger to his lips for her to quiet down then he sat on the bunk beside her. “We’re friends, right?”

She scooted over to make room and eyed him skeptically then nodded, “yeah…”

Tristan didn’t know Donegal very well, but he was a pretty good judge of character. She was straight laced and did everything by the book. She hadn’t been in the Brotherhood nearly as long as he had, however. Sweet girl. Easily frightened when it came to certain things. He almost felt bad.

Almost. 

“I need a Lancer.” He raised an expectant eyebrow at her.

“I’m not on…” She furrowed her brow at him then motioned, “go ask Buzz or Talon.”

“Talon isn’t here…” Crewe continued to smile as innocently as he could muster. “Besides, I like you better.”

She tilted her head a little and eyed him, “you do?”

“Uh huh.” 

“But Talon--”

“Isn’t here.” He restated carefully to keep his growing frustration in check. 

“Where do you need to go at this very second that can’t wait?” She gave a little sigh at being woken up.

“I have to check on the refugees…. Or something. Right this second. It can’t wait.” 

“I need to know what to write in the log book--”

“Absolutely nothing.” He put a hand on her shoulder to add some seriousness and a very small hint of a threat, “quick trip. Nordhagen and back. Thirty minutes.” He’d never have to do this shit if it were Jessy. She would never even question him. 

He watched her body language in the dimly lit barracks. She finally dropped her shoulders and relaxed and he patted her thigh and stood up, still smiling. 

He took a step back and thumbed over his shoulder, “meet you on deck in ten.” She opened her mouth to say something and he pressed a finger to his lips again for her to keep quiet.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

“Where are you going?” A voice from outside the vertibird made Crewe roll his eyes.

He turned and popped his head out the open door. “Crazy.” He looked down at KC Bonner. “You know where that is, right?”

She glared. 

Bitch. He looked over her head to the hatch at the top of the stairs where the night watch guard stood. Fucking other bitch. Knight Aston told on him. He wasn’t even doing anything wrong… Yet. He flipped Aston off. She didn’t move. She was actually a pretty good guard. Fuck her. 

Crewe chose to ignore the Knight Commander. Which, technically, he should never do. She was his commander, after all. Apparently, ever since Jessy tried to steal a vertibird, Bonner and Aston have been watching for her and keeping a close eye on the aircrafts. As if she’d try it the same way twice. They didn’t know her very well.

“You going to see Kidd?” She persisted. She’d been after Gavin and Danse for a while now.

Crewe closed his eyes and groaned then turned back to her. “I don’t know how to fly a vertibird. What the hell do you think I’m doing?”

“Check your tone, Knight.” She pointed angrily. She was quiet for a moment then glanced over her shoulder as the hatch opened and Doggo stepped out. “I think you’re waiting for a Lancer.” 

Crewe sighed to himself then grinned, “we’re meeting up to make out on the flight deck. You wanna watch?”

Bonner crossed her arms and stared at him, completely unconvinced. “Sure, I’ll watch.” 

“You would…” Crewe grumbled. 

Doggo stepped up to the side of the vertibird and frowned at the situation, waiting for Crewe to tell her what she should do. He ushered her in with a wave of his hand and Bonner stopped her.

“Where are you headed, Donegal?”

She hesitated a scant second before pointing off in the distance, “Nordhagen, Ma’am.” 

Crewe gave her a level stare then turned and flopped down in the copilot seat. 

The Knight Commander eyed him and spoke to Doggo loud enough for Crewe to hear, “why would you be going to Nordhagen?”

“I don’t know, Ma’am. I’m just a Lancer, nobody tells me anything.”

“Crewe!” Bonner barked at him. She really wanted to know. 

“I heard there was a raging scientist party down there. Wanted to go check it out.” He peered up over the top of the chair at her, offered his sweetest smile, and added, “Ma’am.” 

“Get the fuck out of that aircraft.” Bonner pointed sternly down at her feet, “I’m writing you up.”

Doggo patted her pockets then pulled out a pristinely folded white paper. She carefully unfolded it then held it out to the Knight Commander.

“Teagan’s orders, Ma’am.” Donegal let her snatch the paper away and waited patiently while she read it.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

“What?” Doggo glanced sideways at Crewe as they flew. “Stop staring at me like that.”

“Teagan’s orders?” He wrinkled his nose at her, “I told you not to--”

“You told me not to write anything in the log book. But you can’t just hop in a bird and take off without some sort of clearance.” She shrugged, “you’re just a Knight.”

“Just a Knight?” He feigned indignation, “I will have you know, young lady, I am not _\--just--_ a Knight. I am _\--THE--_ Knight.” He propped his feet up on the dash and leaned back comfortably. “And you’re a sneaky little shit.”

Doggo giggled lightly and shook her head, “not sneaky, just really smart.”

“Oh, and super fucking modest, too.” 

She smiled at him, “you’d know all about modesty.”

Crewe blinked at her then laughed and pointed, “I like you.”

He was out of the bird just as it touched the ground. 

When he was with the scientists, there wasn't a lot he could give two shits about, so he didn’t think to ask them something very important which maybe he should have. 

He found Headwound, Sepsis, and Gunshot sitting at a table playing dominoes. Cute. He smiled at them, then wiped the smile off his face when he realized it was an actual genuine smile. Gross. 

Crewe stepped up between Gunshot and Sepsis and placed his hands on the backs of their chairs, “look at you three! Up at all hours playing useless games… And what’s this,” he picked up a cookie from a pile on the table, “are you… wagering pogie bait? And… drinking?” He pretended to wipe a tear from his eye, “they grow up so fast.”

Gunshot stood from her chair and hugged him. He suspected she had developed quite a crush on him during their time together. He played it. He always played everything and everyone. She was cute though. 

“Are you here to guard again?” She asked with a smile as she pulled away from him.

“Nope.” He knuckled Sepsis’ head and grinned, “just visiting my favorite scientists in the whole Wasteland.”

Crewe glanced around, “speaking of which… Where’s Cook?”

Headwound thumbed over his shoulder, “he goes to bed around ten or so.”

“I see… Where are the… The other guys?” Crewe continued to look around.

“The Minutemen?” Gunshot looked around with him, “I dunno, they walk around. There’s three of them, usually.”

Oh… Wow. They patrolled… Like how the Brotherhood Knights were _‘supposed’_ to do. They must actually care. Good for them.

“I have a question for the three of you…” Crewe began just as Doggo appeared. She must have thought it was safe to leave her aircraft behind. Dammit.

Doggo smiled and gave a small wave as she stepped up close to him. 

Sepsis turned in his chair, smiled at the Lancer, then nodded to Crewe, “what’s your inquiry?”

“You know how some of you lot went M.I.A. the evening you were left all alone out here?” He asked carefully.

They all nodded. 

“Any of you see what happened? And why didn’t anyone say anything about it?” He looked at Gunshot specifically, she usually answered anything and everything he wanted to know. 

She shrugged, “Knights took them. Why would we question that?”

Doggo spoke up, “you mean during the ramp ceremony?” When Crewe nodded to confirm it she shook her head at the scientists, “there were no Knights. We were all accounted for, aside from Kidd. We all go to ramp ceremonies.”

Sepsis cocked his head, “what’s a ramp ceremony?”

Crewe felt a flash of anger hit him hard regarding the question and he spoke over Doggo’s reply, “how many Knights were there?”

Headwound rested an arm over the back of his chair as he thought about it, “two, maybe three. I think I saw three.”

“Who was taken?” Crewe had found out later that only four scientists had gone missing. He didn’t care who they were.

When Gunshot started saying names he stopped her, “no, what did they do in the Institute? Their departments.”

She paused and restarted, “Bioscience and two engineers.”

“Fuck me.” Crewe mumbled as he pushed away from them. He took a moment then turned back to her, “why didn’t they take more?”

Sepsis spoke up, “something about fitting in the… Aircraft thing… Starts with a V... Bird. Vectorbird?”

Doggo raised her eyebrows, “vertibird?”

He snapped his fingers and grinned, “yeah, that. They couldn’t fit any more in the vertibird that was supposed to pick them up later.”

Crewe stared at Sepsis for a moment. He knew there was something odd about how Buzz said Lancers are hard to catch… Sepsis had said the same thing about soldiers, in general. “Shot in the dark here…” He took a breath, “any idea where they went?”

The scientists all looked to one another and shrugged. 

“they didn’t say a whole lot,” Headwound thumbed over his shoulder again, “the black one just kept saying they were in a hurry and the other two weren’t very nice about finding specific people…”

“The _‘black one’_?” Doggo questioned.

“Yeah,” he nodded, “the one in the black armor. I think he’s the head guy. A, what do you call them… Captain?”

“Paladin.” Crewe mumbled.

Doggo persisted, “all the Paladins were accounted for at the--”

Crewe grabbed her by the upper arm and moved away from the table, “well this visit has been real fun, I’ll visit more often and all that… We gotta go now.”

“Oh...Kay…” Doggo looked confused but allowed Crewe to usher her away. “Nice meeting you all,” she said over her shoulder as she was nudged back to the bird.

As they climbed in, Crewe put a hand on her shoulder to state the seriousness of his words, as if he needed to, “do you know where Spectacle Island is?”  
  
  
  
  


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****


	30. The Last Straw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I knew you were a little rat and would lead us right to the nest.” Bonner pointed her rifle at Crewe. “You three come with us, do not resist or we’ll be forced to open fire.”  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **** TRIGGER WARNING -** discussions of infertility and miscarriage in the first scene of the chapter and intense depression in the second scene.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


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****

Cade stood leaning back against his desk with a smile on his face. _A smile he forced._

He motioned to the Elder with his head, “how was your time out together?”

Lucky shrugged, but grinned, as Maxson smiled down at her. 

He nodded to the doctor, “it went well. It was nice to get out.”

One of a doctor’s most difficult duties was giving people bad news. Telling them that they have a malignant cancer, holding their hands as he told them loved ones didn’t make it, sending them back to the Capitol because they had been wounded too badly for duty… It never got any easier to give bad news. 

“May I ask,” Cade spoke very carefully, “what is it that you two most love and admire about one another?” 

Maxson seemed taken aback by the question but responded with a great level of assuredness as though he had given it much thought, “Jessica is my opposite and she has taught me many things about relationships not only of the romantic nature, but with my soldiers. She understands people on a level that I lack. I believe she is a wonderful partner because of this. She has such passion and heart.” His smile grew, “she isn’t afraid to voice opinions or concerns, she’s intelligent and very clever.”

Lucci glanced down at her feet to avoid blushing. 

Cade smiled, genuine this time, and motioned to her, “and you?”

She shrugged again then looked up at the Elder, “even though I hate it… He’s made me a better soldier. A better person. He makes me think. Arthur has always had faith in me and my abilities and has given me like a million chances even when I mess up sometimes. He’s the smartest man I’ve ever met…” She trailed off and glanced down again. 

There was a silence in the room for a few seconds. 

“Have the two of you discussed marriage?” Cade couldn’t find any way to say it less bluntly. 

The Elder gave a nod and Lucky looked away for a moment then smiled and nodded. 

“And children?” The doctor clenched his teeth as the words left his mouth. He wished he wouldn’t have said that; It was a terrible segway. 

They looked at one another briefly then Lucci nodded along as Maxson spoke, “we’re trying again.”

Another silence threatened to disrupt the flow of the conversation and Cade spoke through it, “would the two of you still find love and joy in one another’s lives without children?” The psychiatrist in him was a very logical beast. 

Lucky spoke immediately, “of course! Kids don’t make people love each other more… They aren’t glue.” She furrowed her brow in such a way that it was nearly a question as she glanced at Maxson to see his response.

He nodded slowly and looked at the doctor with a little apprehension as to what he may be getting at.

Cade took both of their replies as a bad sign. He had sent them out on a date to let them see their love without any future expectations. Do they truly love one another now in this moment, or were they just daydreaming a future together? Cade suspected the Elder was daydreaming and Lucci was completely oblivious to the future. It was the Elder’s duty to think about the future, however. He needed his wife to be a specific type of person and a Maxson needed an heir; It made sense for him to be daydreaming and planning.

_Now for the news._

Cade took a breath, looked down at the floor for a moment to gather his thoughts, then looked at Maxson, “it is…” Another breath to steel himself, “very unlikely that Jessica will be able to bear a child.”

Maxson’s face went slack and Lucci stared at the doctor in confusion and disbelief.

She touched a hand to her stomach and spoke quietly, “what do you mean? Why?”

The Elder put an arm loosely around her shoulders and sounded as though he were trying to hold back anger, “how unlikely?”

Cade shook his head, “I’m unsure, but her uterus was damaged when…” He swallowed and failed to finish the sentence. Cade remembered how angry Maxson had been when he had been informed of the loss of his child; He would be doubly angry if the doctor told him that it was because of the nature of her miscarriage and things Cade had to do because of it.

It didn’t help matters that Cade had withheld this information until now… He had known from the first day. He wanted them to find one another again and have some happiness. Perhaps love beyond children. Was it futile? Did the Elder need children enough to end their relationship because of this news? 

Lucci started to chew her lip as she stared blankly at nothing. She was fighting off tears. Maxson tightened his arm around her and pulled her to his chest. He kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes tightly.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Jessica hugged her knees tightly to her chest, despite the pain doing so caused, and buried her face in her arms as she let the water from the shower run over her hair. There had been other times she found herself right here just like this… Letting the water run cold as it washed away her tears and hid the sound of her sobbing.

 _She had tried so hard._

She had fought and struggled and just when she thought she saw some light at the end of the tunnel, a fucking avalanche caved it in on her. 

She was too exhausted now to try and claw her way out of it this time. 

Too tired to put her ‘happy’ mask on and pretend to be fine. 

Arthur was going to leave her for sure. _Why wouldn’t he?_ She couldn’t have his children. He assured her that he wouldn’t give up on the relationship and that he still wanted to be with her, but she didn’t believe it. Maybe he did right now, but would he still feel the same in six months? A year? Five years? The Brotherhood back in the Capital would never allow a Maxson to marry someone who couldn’t have a kid, no matter what he wanted.

So here she was, a useless barren stupid little dumbfuck who had caused all this trouble by thinking she could ever even have a relationship to begin with. She wished he would have gotten angry at what Cade said and broken it off with her right then. Woulda been easier than dragging this bullshit on to the inevitable end. 

She sat for a while longer then finally drug herself up and out of the shower. She sat down naked on a small bench and grabbed her underwear, then just held them loosely for a few minutes before moving slowly to put them on. 

Something fell out of her pocket when she picked her pants up and rolled to rest next to her foot. She picked it up and turned it over in her hands for a moment, then unscrewed the cap, took two pills out and popped them in her mouth without even thinking about it. She had a moment right after she swallowed where she thought about throwing them back up, but then she took one more out and swallowed it instead. _Why did she do that?_

Why the fuck not.

It didn’t matter anymore. Maybe the pills would make her brain stop for a while so she could rest or feel better or… Something. Anything. 

There was a quiet knock at the door and a voice from the other side, “about done in there?”

“Dressing.” She sighed to herself and picked her shirt up off the floor. It was her guarding Knight. They weren’t as persistent as they had been when she was in trouble, but they did keep tabs on her and check on her often. And, of course, she wasn’t allowed out on any outside decks whatsoever and absolutely everyone knew it. Her cage just kept getting smaller and smaller. It was nearly suffocating. 

After she stood and finished dressing and putting her leg brace back on, Lucky straightened her shirt, cleared her throat, and made an attempt to stand up straight before leaving the bathroom. 

She tried to force a smile at the Knight outside the door, but she couldn’t even manage that much. “All done.” 

“Oh good. For a moment I thought you had gotten lost in there and I was about to send an extraction team.” Jensen joked. 

“Shower’s pretty tough to navigate.” She did manage a smirk. 

Jensen snorted a little laugh, “right.” She motioned toward the mess, “you wanna go get some chow?” 

“Naw, not hungry right now but maybe later.” 

The Knight shrugged, “suit yourself. I’ll be sure some cakes are saved for you.” 

Lucky nodded, “thanks. Gotta hide that shit from Crewe.” She paused for a moment, “where the fuck is he anyway?” She could maybe use a distraction. Crewe was always amusing, maybe he could make her laugh.

“Dunno.” Jensen shrugged, “haven’t seen him all day, he could be at the Airport working on munitions.”

“TC? Doing his job? Nonsense.” Jessy snorted. She was starting to feel funny. Like buzzed without being buzzed. Light headed. It was kinda pleasant.

“Well, at any rate, I’ll see you later. I’m gunna go eat.” Jensen waved a hand as she turned to walk away to the mess. 

“Yup.” Lucky nodded and turned to go the opposite direction. She nearly tripped over her own foot. She paused and almost laughed. _Why had she waited this long to take these pills?_ It was like drinking without having to drink. 

As she continued on walking to nowhere in particular, the feeling intensified until she was almost tripping down the catwalk and stairs. She needed to find some place to sit. 

Lucky awkwardly made her way to the very highest catwalk. Patrols didn’t go up there as much as they did other places. There was nothing up there other than the forecastle. So she sat down in the middle of a catwalk there and leaned against the railing as the Pryd spun around her in a dream like manner.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

“Stay here.” Crewe pointed sternly at Doggo and locked eyes with her silently as though she were an unruly child.

She nodded slowly, “okay… But why are we here?”

He didn’t give an answer as he continued to stare at her to cement in his words. She needed to stay the hell in the aircraft this time. Tristan wasn’t supposed to tell anyone about Danse… But he needed a Lancer and she was the only one he felt he could remotely trust for whatever reason. Other than Talon. Damn he wished Talon had been available at the start of his stupid little misadventure. 

_Could he trust Talon?_ Crewe never fully trusted anyone to begin with, but this was a whole new level for him. His brothers and sisters whom he had grown up with and lived with for so many years suddenly couldn’t be trusted. People he laughed with, goofed off with, fought beside, cried with… Shared victories, heartaches, losses, pain…

He turned from Doggo and hopped out of the aircraft and started trudging across the field over to the small house in the distance. 

Say one thing about Tristan, say he’s ridiculously perceptive about others and Buzz, _Lancer Daniels,_ had made the mistake of saying shit that put Crewe off. _Was he the Lancer who had aided the Black Knight in taking those scientists?_ As far as he knew, all vertibirds were accounted for so it had to have been dropped from the Pryd and piloted by someone… _How many of his brothers and sisters where compromised?_

Gavin had told him all about the Black Knight. And now he had learned that this _‘other Danse’_ had Knights and a Lancer on his side… Not to mention those scientists he took. When all that shit happened with Danse being a Synth, it tore the East Coast Brotherhood in half. Danse had always had supporters who would follow him into Hell without question. Shit, Crewe was probably one of them, depending on his mood that day. Danse had saved his ass on more than one occasion over the years and he respected the hell out of that man.

Crewe put his hands in the air as he got closer to the house, though he was pretty sure Gavin saw him from the scope of a rifle long before he even made it this far. 

He didn’t even have to knock on the door. 

Gavin swung it open and stared at him for a moment, not saying a word. 

“I missed you?” Tristan shrugged and offered a smile, answering his unspoken question of why the hell he’s here. 

Gavin stepped back to let him in and Crewe entered then paused and stared.

“Danse?” He hadn’t seen the man since the Synth bullshit. _Why the fuck did he look like Maxson?_

He was standing back inside the living area wearing standard military fatigue pants and a white t shirt… sporting a full on replica haircut as the Elder’s and a short scruffy growth of hair on his face. 

“Crewe.” He said carefully and eyed Gavin as if to ask a few questions about, again, why the fuck Tristan was standing here right now.

“How did you get here?” Gavin finally spoke as he motioned in the direction where the vertibird had landed. 

“Doggo.” 

“How many people know about me?” Danse sounded more than a little irritated. He took a step toward Crewe and pointed to him, “no one is to know where I am, Knight!” 

Tristan put his hands up, “yeah… I know Sir, but--” He mentally cussed at the slip, “sorry…” The way Danse spoke and stood were quite a bit threatening. He had never ever wanted to be on Danse’s bad side. Crewe had said jokingly in the past that he felt bad for that man’s enemies… He was always glad he wasn’t one of them.

“Why are you here?” Danse’s voice was overwhelmingly stern as he emphasized every word.

“I think Daniels is a Synth… Or something…” Crewe usually held on pretty tight to his composure in any situation… Except for when Danse was pissed the fuck off. He took a breath to collect himself as Gavin and Danse looked at one another then back to him.  
  


****

\- - - - - - - - - -

****

Gavin rubbed his temples for a moment as he worked to process what Tristan had told them. He finally dropped his hands on the table and leveled his gaze at Crewe across from him. He didn’t even know what to say anymore.

“How many soldiers have been compromised?” Danse asked. Again. 

“I don’t know. I just know Daniels is… Weird. He might not even be a Synth he could just be…” Crewe trailed off and shook his head, “I don’t know. The scientists said they saw the Black Knight with two other Knights, but Donegal was correct when she said everyone was accounted for at the ramp ceremony… So those ones are either cloned soldiers like Dan--” He closed his mouth and eyed Danse then carefully redacted, “like the Black Knight… Or just some other people he picked up from somewhere.”

Gav snorted a laugh at a memory he had of some stupid nightmare months ago.

“This is not a laughing matter.” Danse frowned at him.

“No… Just thinking.” They looked expectantly at him so he spread his hands over the table and shrugged, “had a dream once where Danse was leading Gunners in a coup.” 

“Also not funny.” Crewe leaned back from the table and eyed Danse carefully. 

Gavin agreed, “no, it isn’t. But it’s possible.”

Danse nearly huffed as he crossed his arms, “I would never associate myself with Gunners.” 

Gav folded his arms on the table and sighed, “you don’t know that. It’s tough to say what you’d do until you’re in the situation. When I first came out of the vault…” He paused then glanced down at the table, “I was scared and alone and the first signs of life I came across were some roaming raiders.” He looked up at Danse, “I mentioned this to you before, but really, I clung to them because military lifestyle is all I know and they were close enough to being military for me. I needed the life and the family they could potentially become.” 

Crewe nodded silently in complete understanding and sympathy. They all knew that feeling. 

Gavin continued, “and Gunners are much more military than raiders, who’s to say that Danse, _\--you--,_ left out on your own and found by Gunners, wouldn’t cling?” 

They were silent in thought for a while until Crewe spoke quietly, “you think that’s what happened?” He looked up at Gavin.

“I don’t know…”

“I think you know Danse better than anyone.” 

Gav nodded, “I think he needs military. I think he needs to lead men. It’s who he is. It’s why he took over training the Minutemen.” He glanced over to Danse who remained quiet. He couldn’t disagree. “I also think he was hurt by Maxson and being banished enough to want to stage a coup like Mama Murphy predicted, though I’m not sure how _that_ Danse would even know about all of that.”

“Daniels.” Crewe reminded them. “And maybe not just Daniels. Maybe he has more spies among us… Gav, you need to come back to the Pryd. I need more people I can trust.” 

Gavin nodded in agreement. He did have to go back, Jess could be in danger. Maxson needed to know. This had to be dealt with. He would not allow the Brotherhood, his family and his home, to be destroyed. 

Crewe thought for a moment then pointed at Danse, “could you make a list of people you know who would probably support you if you had broken off from Maxson?”

He nodded curtly, “good thinking, soldier-- Crewe.” He sighed, “Tristan.” 

Crewe gave a little half smile, “that’s weird. You can call me Crewe.”

“I’m trying to be more civilian.” Danse didn’t seem excited about that. He never did like the idea.

“Why?” Crewe cocked his head, “don’t fight who you are. You can’t win that battle.”

Suddenly the front door opened and the three men all jumped up from the table and drew their weapons. 

Doggo stood in the doorway and put her hands up, “hold your fire!” 

Crewe and Gavin lowered their weapons, but Danse didn’t. 

Tristan pointed angrily at her, “I told you to stay in the fucking aircraft! Why the hell--”

A suited soldier stepped up behind her holding a rifle and pushed Doggo out of the way… Then three more stepped up behind the first.

“I knew you were a little rat and would lead us right to the nest.” Bonner pointed her rifle at Crewe. “You three come with us, do not resist or we’ll be forced to open fire.”  
  


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**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>    
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - 
> 
> i was stuck on the first part of this chapter for a while and would like to thank Aaron_The_8th_Demon and Frenziedgem1 for helping me through a dillema and some writer's block i was having.
> 
> *the devistating angst Lucky is going through right now has a purpose, just stay with me here and it will become clear. 'A' will lead to 'B' and go on to 'C'... i'm not torturing her just to be mean. XD


	31. Selfless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He blinked at her. “Has nobody ever warned you to stay away from me?”
> 
> She snorted quietly, “yeah, actually. I’ve been told you’re nothing but trouble.”
> 
> “And you still came with me.”
> 
> “I didn’t think you’d put a gun to my head and kidnap me.” She glared...  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


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“I’m a defector!” Doggo nearly yelled once more as she shoved Crewe backward. She really just wanted to punch him in the throat for what he’d done. “You made me a traitor!” She balled a fist and hit him in the chest.

He allowed her to shove and hit him until she wore herself out and got over it. 

“Ya done?” He spread his hands to allow her to beat on him more if she felt like it.

“No!” She crossed her arms tightly over her chest, “but I hurt my hand on your stupid body.”

He snorted and shook his head, “you’re not a traitor. You aren’t a defector. I am. You aren’t.” 

“Oh really? Because I’m standing here with your dumbfuck ass right now instead of--”

“Yes, really. Calm down.” He put his hands up to try and soothe her. 

Doggo didn’t want to be soothed. She wanted to be pissed off at him because she was terrified and if she didn’t yell and hit someone she’d surely ball up on the floor and cry her eyes out.

“And you put a fucking gun to my head! I almost pissed myself!” She started to get worked up again. 

After the soldiers had entered the little house, Crewe immediately grabbed her and put his pistol against her head, dragging her backward as Danse darted down the hall and Kidd stepped forward to get in the way of the Knights in the doorway. It happened so fast that she had no time to react or think of what to do. She really did almost piss herself as he held her tight and drug her out the back door to her bird.

Breathe. Calm down. Everything would be okay, wouldn’t it? This day had been utterly surreal from the moment he woke her up at zero stupid thirty to drag her out to Nordhagen.

Danse entered the room and spoke quietly, “Crewe took you as a hostage and forced you, at gunpoint, to fly us out of there, which puts all blame solely on him and not on you.” He glared at Crewe, “you should not have done that. Your punishment will be much more severe because of your actions.”

“Hey, I panicked.” He shrugged. 

“In all my years knowing you, I have never once witnessed you panic.” Danse raised an eyebrow at him. 

“First time for everything, right?” Crewe smiled. 

Danse continued to scowl at him.

“Look,” Crewe took a breath, “if I didn’t do something to get you out of there, Gavin would’ve. I need Gavin on the Pryd, not exiled indefinitely.”

“He’s no better off than us!” Doggo flopped down on the old couch and a puff of dust wafted up around her. 

Danse nodded in agreement, “he’s been arrested.”

Crewe shrugged, “so? He’s on the Pryd. Mission accomplished. Maxson will let him out after a day or two… He’ll be able to talk to him.”

“What weird fantasy world do you live in?” Doggo glared. “He’s a traitor.”

“Can you people just fucking trust me here?” He spread his arms and stared at her. “I know how people work. I’ve been playing games around here since I was fourteen.”

“Yes, you have.” Danse concurred. 

Most of the fight had worn out of Doggo and she slouched further down on the couch. “So what now?”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucci stirred and rolled to one side, mumbled incoherent words, then gasped in a panic as her arm hit against cold metal.

“Can’t get out!” She yelled as she sat up and pushed against the metal next to her. It didn’t budge and she clawed at it trying to open it. Move it out of her way. _Escape._

It was a door. 

_A door._

A hatch on the Pryd.

She was breathing hard and sweating as her hand slid down the metal. The loud voices which had invaded her dreams and urged her into a nightmare persisted. She blinked. Where was she? Jessy pushed herself into a better sitting position away from the door and she glanced around with her one good eye, blinking the real world back into focus. 

There was empty space around her. She was up high. _Catwalk._ She grabbed the latch of the forecastle hatch in one hand and pulled herself to grip the railing of the catwalk. She’d fallen asleep on the topmost walk. 

She snorted a laugh at herself then paused. There was a commotion below her somewhere. The voices which had woke her were excited soldiers. She started making her way down to see what was going on. Slowly. Always so fucking slowly. Her leg was hurting again with a vengeance and she paused in the middle of the stairs to press her thumb into her hip at the top of her thigh and rub the soreness. It never helped. It seemed to be the bone that hurt the most.

The pills had dulled the pain a bit. Mostly made her not really care about it so much.

She took the bottle from her pocket and pulled two out. She stared at the tiny pills there between her thumb and forefinger for a moment. She didn’t need to take them. She could bear the pain. Lucci slowly put them to her lips, took a breath, then put them in her mouth and swallowed. 

She was supposed to be taking them anyway. 

Fuck it. 

Jessy just wanted to feel that dreamy sleepy bliss from before. Maybe she’d fall asleep again. She hoped so. Nothing hurt when she was asleep. Not even thoughts. 

She finally made it down to mid-level and most of the commotion had died down and everyone was back to what they’d been doing. 

“What happened?” She reached out and touched Jensen on the arm as she was walking past with another Knight. 

She looked somewhat amused, “Bonner’s team caught Kidd.”

Lucky blinked, “what? Is he okay?” 

She motioned downward, “just brought him in. Seemed fine to me.”

“Was anyone with him?” Jessy asked carefully.

“Nope. But Aston said Crewe and… Get this… _Danse_ were with him!” The two Knights laughed quietly at that.

Swenson shook his head, “I heard rumors of him being alive, but I didn’t believe it.”

“Why was Crewe with him?” 

“Who knows.” Jensen shrugged, “but Aston said he kidnapped Donegal.”

Lucky’s jaw nearly dropped. “Oh… Kay… This story is getting a little out of hand…” 

Swenson snorted, “Aston said Crewe kidnapped a soldier at gunpoint and I believe it. He’s never been mentally stable.”

“You don’t even know him!” Lucky’s anger flared. She narrowed her eyes at the Knight and silently dared him to say one more bad thing about her friend.

He shrugged, “it’s just what I heard.”

Lucci tried to somewhat change the subject off of TC. It was confusing her trying to figure out why he’d ever put a gun to his sister’s head and take her hostage for any reason.

“Who was the Lancer?” She’d get better Info out of her own soldiers.

“Buzz. He’s about to be debriefed with the others.” Jensen thumbed over her shoulder toward the Command Deck.

Jessy nodded acknowledgment and turned away from them. She should be there for that debriefing since it involved a Lancer. This should be the most interesting debriefing ever if these rumors from Aston were true. 

_What was TC thinking?!_  
  


****

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****

“Sorry I drug you into this shit.” Crewe said quietly as he sat down next to Doggo on the porch steps.

She shrugged and continued to pull apart a long strand of yellow grass in her hands. 

Doggo eventually sighed and glanced over at him, “you could have just told me, you know. Then we might not have been followed to the island.”

“Yeah well, I didn’t know how tracking beacons in aircrafts worked, apparently. Live and learn.” He shrugged and smiled. She didn’t smile back. He rested his arms on his thighs and looked out over the grass to the vertibird sitting nearby on a broken patch of road. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to get in trouble. The less you know about shit, then the less of an accomplice you are.”

“Maybe I should have been more persistent in questioning your motives. I could have told you no.” She plucked another strand of grass and started to pull it apart. “Part of me knew you were up to something nefarious and I went along with it anyway. I guess I was kind of excited to be included.” Doggo looked at him for a moment then looked away and spoke quietly, “I don’t have a lot of friends here and I really enjoyed playing cards with you the other night.”

He blinked at her. “Has nobody ever warned you to stay away from me?”

She snorted quietly, “yeah, actually. I’ve been told you’re nothing but trouble.”

“And you still came with me.”

“I didn’t think you’d put a gun to my head and kidnap me.” She glared, but then it melted into a little laugh. 

He smiled, “exciting day for you, huh?”

“Yeah…” She tossed the bits of grass down and wiped her hands on her pants then turned to him. “I was top of all my classes, you know. I studied really hard to be a Scribe for a while, then switched over to aviation halfway through. I thought it would be more exciting.”

“Anything is more exciting than being a Scribe.” 

“This is definitely more exciting than Scribe work. The point I’m getting at is that all I did was study and follow rules and regs all the time. I didn’t make friends or drink and play cards or do anything to break the rules. And now here I am in the very middle of a crazy Brotherhood scandal which could lead to a civil war among us.” She shrugged, “so I guess thanks for kidnapping me.”

“You’re welcome, been a blast.” They smiled at one another for a moment until Crewe got the uncomfortable feeling that she may have a crush on him. He cleared his throat and looked back to the aircraft. “But I think it’s about time you made your escape and got back to the Pryd.” 

“No way. You could use a Lancer right now.” She rubbed her arms as if cold and huddled into herself, “besides, the Pryd is full of Synths and spies and I don’t know who to trust. People could start up a mutiny any moment. At least here I can trust you and I know Danse is a Synth so I don’t even have to wonder about it. Even though it’s really weird… He’s so human-like. He doesn’t seem like a dangerous monster to me.”

Crewe shrugged, “he might not be a Synth, we don’t know which Danse is which. And it may just be Daniels, don’t overreact to the situation.” He put a hand on her arm, “but you need to go back. The more people on our side who know what’s going on that we have on the Pryd, the better. You know about Daniels so you can keep an eye on him. You can bring Aleski out to me...” He clenched his jaw. He might not ever be able to see her again without the help of a sneaky Lancer. Hopefully Jordyn could forgive him for what he had to do. He was banking on Gavin clearing his name so he could return to the Pryd without being fed a bullet for what he’d done. 

_It had to be done. No other way._

She stared and he thought she was going to argue but instead she nodded slowly, “okay. I can do that.”

He leaned over and hugged her tightly. “Tell Jordyn how to get ahold of me.” He pulled back and grinned, “and stay away from troublemakers from now on.”  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - 

****

“What in the fucking shit did you do you dumbass?!” Aleski was pissed.

“I’m going to kill him.” She growled into the dark empty coms room as she clenched the radio and glared. 

“What are they saying about me?” Crewe’s voice over the radio was quiet.

Jordyn took a breath to calm down and reply without yelling, “that you took Donegal hostage, stole a vertibird, and allowed Danse to escape. Somehow Danse is alive and now you’re out there harboring a Synth…” She had to pause and close her eyes to remain calm. It didn’t work. “Did you lose your fucking mind?!”

He spoke again after a short pause, “well, at least I took a lot of the heat off Gav, huh? How is he?”

“He’s in the brig, how the fuck do you think he is?” She hissed. He had been brought in by Bonner and her Knights who were acting triumphant as though they had just captured the Wasteland’s most wanted and dangerous criminal. 

There was another short pause. “Has he spoke with Maxson yet?”

“No. Maxson’s pretty pissed off, I think he’s taking some time to cool down before he talks to him.” 

Crewe changed his tone to something more serious, “I need you to write some names down and get them to Gavin.”

“Why?”

“Doggo can explain, I can’t talk freely over the radio.” 

Whatever this was about must be really serious. What would cause Tristan to go rogue the way he did? He had never done anything without a good reason, he was the thinking and planning type. She got a scrap of paper and he started listing names. 

Her name was among them. As was Gavin’s and Tristan’s. And then there was Jessy’s name and he told her to put a question mark after it.

“Why is my name on this list? What is this?” She stared at the bit of paper in her hand, going over the names that didn’t seem to have any connection she could find.

“It’s a list of all the most awesome people in the Brotherhood.” he chuckled. 

“Would you just give me a straight fucking answer?” 

“I can’t right now.” He paused. “I’m sorry… I love you. I gotta go.” 

“Tristan! Don’t go...” Jordyn swallowed the lump in her throat. He didn’t reply so she spoke quietly into the radio, “I love you, too. Please come back…” 

The only reply was silence.  
  


****

###  \- - - - - - - - - 

****

Gavin laid on the mattress with his eyes closed. Here he was, again, in the little suffocating cage.

Maxson had been allowing him to set up the Minutemen with the refugees so it did seem like what Crewe had said was correct… Maxson just wanted him to do his job. And he’d been doing it. Mostly. 

But people still came and arrested him.

He snorted quietly as he remembered what Mama Murphy had said in her vision back at Sanctuary:

_“The White Hawk will hardly get to his nest, because the revenge against his treason will overtake him… People in iron coats... They will come and take vengeance for wickedness...”_

He was going to go back and they came for him anyway. Funny.

He supposed it would have ended up the same way no matter how he found himself back on the Pryd. 

Gavin opened his eyes and looked up at the ceiling of the cage. It felt much too close. Too small. The dim lighting in the brig reminded him of the dim lighting of… 

_It’s not the same. Not the same place._

It’s open. Just another room on the Pryd…

He remembered the cell in the Chinese camp. The one dim lightbulb. The blanket and bucket and pillow…

He closed his eyes tight. 

_Not the same._

Nobody was going to pull him out and beat him. Nobody was going to kill his friends. Nobody was going to come kill him. 

_Right?_

He tried to remember everything Mama Murphy had been saying. Had she mentioned him beyond that point? No. She never did say anything else about the White Hawk after that point. He wasn’t so sure about when he’d die. Days? Weeks? Hopefully years. Many years. 

Gavin had always had the worst sense of self-preservation. He never thought about his own mortality much. Until now. 

_Just another room on the Pryd._

_Maxson isn’t going to execute you._

He worked to calm his heart rate but was having some trouble. He wished he could just fall asleep until someone came for him. 

He wondered where Crewe and Danse had ended up. 

_Crewe had saved Danse._

Gavin smiled a little. He had saved Danse… But in doing so, especially the way that he did it, he had forfeited his life in the Brotherhood. In the blink of an eye, Tristan had made a decision that changed his entire life forever… And he did it to save Danse. 

Could Gavin do that? He couldn’t even think about it over the course of a hundred years and make a decision and Crewe had done it in seconds. Had Tristan even thought it out? 

He moved a hand and it hit the wall beside him. He jerked it back up onto the mattress. 

_Wide open. Not a cage. Just another room._

“Where you really with Danse?” The soldier guarding him spoke quietly. 

They weren’t supposed to speak with prisoners or make themselves known, but apparently the gossip was just too juicy to ignore.

Gavin didn’t open his eyes. “Yeah.” It wasn’t a secret anymore and Gav was beyond grateful for the opportunity to talk with someone. The worst thing in the world about being a prisoner was the forced solitude and loneliness.

The soldier fell silent and Gavin spoke to urge the man to keep him company, “I could never kill Danse. Could you have done it?”

After a moment the soldier spoke up again, “no. I don’t believe he’s a Synth and even if he was… Danse was my friend and brother.” 

Gav tried to figure out who the guard in the armor was. He sounded familiar like someone he was used to hearing. 

“If he is a Synth, I don’t think it matters. He’s still a living person and he’s still the Danse everyone has always known.” Gavin felt a little angry as he remembered how the Institute treated Synths. 

The Brotherhood treated them like things, but they had never been around them and it was important to dehumanize the enemy. He remembered how they had dehumanized the Chinese in the War and those were definately people. 

It was much easier to kill someone when you view them as sub-human and beneath you.

Even though the Chinese had held him prisoner and beat and tortured him, Gavin ended up sympathizing with his enemies back in the War and here he was sympathizing with his enemies, yet again.

“They bleed.” The guard said somewhat distantly. “They feel pain. I’ve killed and wounded them. I saw fear in their eyes.”

Gavin took a deep breath and opened his eyes. What the man said started conjuring up terrible images. 

“They don’t want to die just like you don’t want to die.” Gav sat up and wrapped his arms loosely around his drawn up knees. 

“You know what’s really stupid?” Gav changed the subject for fear he might have a breakdown, “the people living in the Institute were working on some of the same things Neriah has been working on.”

The guard didn’t reply, but Gavin could tell he was listening and interested so he continued, “they were trying to figure out how to feed people and fight radiation sickness, make medications to treat diseases and radiation, find ways to better heal bad wounds, and propagate the species.”

“Propagate the species?” The guard asked with a little disgust. “Like crossbreeding Synths with humans?”

“Well, no. I don’t think that was a goal… Maybe it would have been, I’m not sure. But Synths are immune to radiation and so many things. Imagine if we worked with those scientists on that stuff instead of killing them.” Again, Gavin was angry at Shaun’s unwillingness to bend on how he wanted to save the world. He wanted everything done his own way and found no room for compromise or collaboration. 

The Institute was just as blind as the Brotherhood. 

The guard didn’t reply for a while and Gavin didn’t know what else to say to him to keep him talking. 

The door at the end of the room opened and the person on the other side cussed, “fucking stairs!”

Gavin jumped to his feet and grabbed the bars on the cage as she limped toward him.

“Jess!” 

“Asshole.” She growled at him as she made her way to his cell. 

She was angry, but he saw a smile. He reached through the bars and they gave each other a long awkward hug with the metal between them.

The guard allowed it then nudged her away, “do not touch the prisoner.”

Lucky wrinkled her nose at him, “seriously? What do you think I’m gunna do… Slip some lockpicks or a weapon or something into his pocket?” 

The guard said no more. 

She rolled her eyes and looked at Gavin, “I totally slipped something in your pocket.” She glared at the guard, but he ignored her. 

“Jess...” Gavin pressed his head against the bars and looked her over. He hadn’t seen her since the battle. She’d told him about her injuries, but seeing her there with the eyepatch and leg brace made it all real. His heart ached for her and he wasn’t sure what to say. 

“You should just move your quarters down here.” She pointed at his mattress, “you’re in here often enough.”

“I really should. It’s nice and quiet. Kinda homey.” He glanced over his shoulder to the small space, “if home means living in a hole you can’t get out of.”

She nodded, “I live in a hole I’m stuck in, too… But I’ll find a way out.”

They fell silent for a moment. Jess looked down at her feet and spoke quietly, “I really missed you. I’ve felt really alone.”

“I’m here now.” He reached out and they hugged again. “I won’t leave you again.”

Again, the guard allowed them to hold each other for a while before he nudged her away. “Do not touch the prisoner, I’m not going to tell you again, Lucci.”

“Screw off, Harren.” She glared angrily at the guard.

 _SP Harren._ That’s who it was. No wonder. That man had always been really close with Danse. It was also Harren who had helped him and the Black Knight save Jess after the battle. But he had seemed surprised that Danse was alive. Or maybe he was just surprised that Gavin was with him. 

He tried really hard to remember exactly how he had worded things in the discussion they just had. _‘Danse --was-- my friend and brother.’_ Harren didn’t know Danse was alive before now. He wasn’t working with the Black Knight. Or maybe he was just really good at watching what he said. 

Lucky looked over to the door and sighed, “I can’t stay long. Arthur hates it when people talk to prisoners before he does.” She smirked, “and when I say he hates it, I mean it’s not really allowed.” She pointed at the cage door, “so I guess I’ll see you when you get out.”

She didn’t make to leave. She looked thoughtful, glanced at the guard beside her, then lowered her voice, “tell me one thing… TC had a good reason for doing the things he did… Right?” 

“Yeah.” Gavin nodded, “what he did was selfless and he did it for the sake of the entire Brotherhood. I’m proud to call him brother and I’m going to make sure he’s welcome back to us.”

Jess nodded, “I hope you can… I can’t lose one more important thing to me. I just can’t.”  
  


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	32. Earthbound Misfit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jordyn walked past the rows of bunks and paused at Jessy’s bed. She stared at it for a moment and suddenly felt sick. 
> 
> “Where’s Jessy?” 
> 
> She looked around the deck at the few people and asked again, louder, “Where's Jessica?” 
> 
> The others shrugged and went back to whatever they had been doing and Jordyn trotted off the deck to find her friend. She stopped a few people and asked until Jensen finally answered her...  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***** TRIGGER WARNING!! \- The last part of this chapter deals heavily with suicide in detail. please heed the tag. **   
>    
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


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### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

She shouldn’t even ask. She knew what he’d probably say and he wasn’t wrong to say it… But this was her very good friend and it was just like he’d been killed. Would she ever see him again? TC was the first person she made friends with when she joined the Brotherhood. He taught her how to be confidant. How to fight. How to laugh. He was so important to her and now he was gone. Just like Jon...

Lucky chewed her lip as she watched Arthur writing at his table. He was writing about Tristan. 

As he paused to sit back in his chair and re-read the report to himself, Lucky finally asked quietly, “can he come back?”

Arthur looked over to her then away and shook his head, “I’m sorry Jessica.”

“He didn’t hurt Doggo… He wouldn’t ever hurt anyone. He had a good reason for it.” She tried to keep her voice soft and not start rambling in desperation… Or start crying.

“He did _not_ have a good reason. What he had was a poor excuse.” Maxson gave her a level stare. “He would have done well to be brought back to the Prydwen with Kidd.”

Lucky couldn’t really argue with that. But she did anyway, “he saved Danse.”

The muscles in Maxson’s jaw visibly tightened as he clenched his teeth and anger flashed in his eyes. 

She stared at him without looking away, daring him to say what was on his mind. She was antagonizing him and she knew it, but she couldn't really stop herself from opening her mouth. Fighting with Arthur was better than crying about TC.

Instead of talking about Danse, he took a breath and looked back to his report. “I cannot continue to make exceptions for insubordination.” He lowered his voice, “I made a mistake when I permitted Danse to live and I have allowed Kidd to slide as much as I’m going to from this point forward.”

Again, she couldn’t argue. Arthur was correct in all of his decisions. She hated that. Lucky grabbed the pillow and hugged it to herself as she sat on the bed against the corner and watched him continue writing. 

After a while, he took the papers from his table and set them neatly inside a folder then stood up to stretch and sat on the bed to take his boots off. 

Lucky watched him for a moment then glanced over at her leg brace sitting on top of his footlocker. 

“What if the scientists in Nordhagen could fix my leg and my vision?” She asked quietly. 

Maxson paused for a second and turned his head to look over his shoulder at her. He didn’t say anything, just looked confused. 

“I hear they have that know-how.” She shrugged and gave a hopeful little half smile. 

“At what cost?”

She frowned. “What do you mean _‘at what cost’_? There is no cost.”

He turned to her, “how do you propose they repair what current medical abilities are incapable of?”

Lucky shrugged, “I don’t know. But if there’s a chance they can… I want to.”

“Your vision is impaired because of head trauma, Jessica…”

“I know that.” She flashed a glare. 

“You would allow these Institute scientists, the very people who experimented on civilians and created Synths, to do things to your brain?” He snorted and shook his head at the very idea. 

“If it makes me see again… Yes.” She shrugged and rolled her eyes. “It’s just one little bit of brain… Not even a thought part.”

He stared at her as though she were speaking a different language. Maybe she was. 

“I will not allow Institute scientists to alter your brain in any way.”

Lucky made a face, “it’s _\--my--_ brain, Arthur.”

“They cannot be trusted.” 

“They could fix all sorts of things…” She raised an eyebrow at him, “they could fix my uterus.”

That gave him pause for a moment. 

Her hopeful smile returned, “think of the things they could do if we let them… They could have fixed Skate’s lung and he’d still be here with us. They could probably keep a lot of soldiers with us instead of losing limbs and being sent home to live forever on a farm somewhere or whatever.” 

That last bit had been from her own deepest fears. She had come from a farm and the very last thing she ever wanted to do was go back to that. Without the military she had no life and she knew most of her brothers and sisters felt the same.

He spread his hands and raised his voice a little, “and they would do this by, what, replacing body parts with Synth parts?” 

Lucky remembered what Doggo had said. She shrugged, “one or two body parts don’t make you a Synth.”

“Having Synth components in your brain does.” He pointed sternly at her. 

He must have been thinking about Danse. She started wondering about that. Sometimes ground troops would come back with these components they had found in people’s heads. Lucky supposed it made the task of killing civilians a lot easier when you dug that bit out of their splattered brains and told yourself it wasn’t human. That’s what would be found if Danse was killed. Is it the same thing they’d put in her head to make her see? That wouldn’t make her a Synth. She’d still be her.

“It’d still be my brain.”

“You have no idea how it works, Jessica.”

She frowned at him again, “neither do you.”

“I do know that science would never stop there. These people would push it farther until they were building super soldiers out of parts and we would have another FEV on our hands in no time. They have no restraint and they don’t care about the repercussions of what they do.”

“Nothing would have ever been invented if it weren’t for science doing things!” Lucky started to get really frustrated. “Neriah made a new Rad-X by experimenting and poking around inside living things. I don’t know about you, but I find Rad-X to be pretty fucking useful like being able to walk and see. What makes her work any different?”

“Jessica, we are not going to argue about this. You need to accept what has happened to you and adapt to it or go back to the Citadel.” 

She hugged the pillow tightly and glared at him for a moment. She didn’t want to accept what happened to her. But, more so, she didn’t want to go back to the Citadel.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - -

****

“Ah fuck!” Crewe jerked his hand back and immediately put the cut finger in his mouth then threw his knife at the wall.

Danse pulled the weapon from the wood and handed it back to him. “Let me look at that.”

He pulled his finger from his mouth and squeezed some blood out of the cut. “I’m fine, dad. Jeez.” When Danse persisted, Crewe held his finger out to him, “just a cut. Not even an important finger like this one…” He turned his hand around and flipped Danse off then went back to work on what he was doing.

“Show some decorum, soldier.” Danse grumbled as he turned back to watching out the window. 

“Fuck decorum,” Crewe snorted, “I’m not a soldier.” He stared at the wire in his hand, then the combat knife in his other. “... Not anymore...”

Danse looked over his shoulder at the man sitting on the floor then sighed and stared out the window once again. “I’m sorry, Tristan.”

“Don’t be. It is what it is.” He stood up with his project and smiled, “besides, now you get to hang out with me. You’re welcome.”

“Wonderful.” Danse turned to him, “I’ve always wanted the opportunity.”

Crewe narrowed his eyes, “wait… Was that a joke?” He laughed, “shit, you’re doing great at this civilian life… Let me get some paper and I’ll take notes.”

Danse smiled faintly then followed him over to the doorway. “Why are you still with me?”

Tristan knelt down and started wrapping the stripped wire ends to a metal piece of grate laying in the doorway. “Turns out I got nothing better to do and nowhere to be.” He glanced up at Danse, “also turns out you’re going to be really useful here soon. I’d bet good money.”

He furrowed his brow at Crewe.

“You know that saying, _‘know your enemy’_?” Tristan said as he stood up. “If our enemy is Danse… Who’d know him better than anyone?” He flashed a smile then pointed at the metal on the floor, “you should probably avoid stepping on that… Unless you wanna test it out for me.”

He frowned down at the trap. “You’re here to keep me safe… Because I’m an asset?” 

Crewe shrugged, “well that and you’re also my brother. Always will be.”

“I’m unsure of how to feel about the situation.”

“You and me both.” Tristan sighed as he made his way to the bed. “I call top bunk.”

“That’s not a bunk…” Danse made a face at the twin bed in the corner.

Crewe flopped down in it and laughed, “okay, I take back what I said about the civilian life. Maybe _you_ need to be taking notes.”  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - -

****

“Sentinel.” Maxson spoke loudly to wake him.

Gavin opened his eyes, blinked a couple times, then slowly sat up. “Sentinel?” He asked carefully. 

“That is the title I gave to you, is it not?”

He suppressed relieved laughter and stood. “Yes, Sir.” 

Maxson gave a curt nod, “nice of you to decide to join us, once again.” He raised an eyebrow and the look on his face clearly read that this was a very grave warning. 

“Yes, Sir. Nice to be back.” He smiled then wiped it off his face and tried to look more serious. “I apologize for my leave of absence.” Gavin really wanted to point out the fact that, if he was still a Sentinel, then he should have been allowed the LOA without explanation, but he kept his mouth shut. The real problem was being with Danse. 

The Elder cocked his chin, “Donegal claims you have some intel regarding our most current situation.”

“What did she say?” 

Maxson remained silent. Of course he wasn’t going to tell him what she said.

What should he tell Maxson? The piece of paper in his pocket that Jess had slipped him had some names on it, but he didn’t want to tell the Elder all those names, especially since his own was on that list along with all of his closest friends… Maxson was known for overreacting. He’d probably have them all killed ‘just in case’. 

“There are two Danses out there…” He started. “One of them is a Synth and the other isn’t but we don’t know which is which.” He knew Maxson was probably thinking _‘kill them both, problem solved’._

“I believe the other one is who Mama Murphy has been prophesizing about and I think he’s out in the Glowing Sea somewhere.” Gavin stepped closer and lowered his voice, “and I think he’s amassing an army…”

The Elder quietly contemplated the words for a very long moment. 

The silence urged Gavin to continue, “Crewe chose to stay with him in order to keep him alive. He could be useful…” He tilted his head in question. Maxson seemed to really like using those who were deemed ‘assets’ for his purposes. When the Elder narrowed his eyes slightly but remained silent, Gav added, “Tristan is acting on your behalf and for the good of the Brotherhood, he just didn’t have a lot of time to think it through in the circumstances… Bonner and her Knights would have killed Danse.”

“At least someone around here follows orders.” Maxson glared.

“Hey, it’s a good thing I’ve kept tabs on Danse all this time. And a good thing he’s still alive.” Gavin tried not to raise his voice. “If anyone would have killed him, there still would be the immediate problem of that other one running around with an army and we wouldn’t have the edge of insight into his thoughts and M.O..” 

“Your actions have been of a personal nature. Do not attempt to tell me otherwise.” 

Gavin paused. “Yeah… I won’t lie. But I’m also correct about everything I just said.” 

They stared at one another for a moment until Maxson broke the silence, “I cannot allow Danse back on airport grounds.” He pointed downward, “or Crewe.” 

“I think…” Gavin tried to choose his words carefully, “in light of the current situation… It may be a good idea. Or at least set them up in a safehouse. Perhaps Nordhagen.” Having Tristan closer to the airport would be one step in getting him back into the fold. 

The Elder didn’t reply and his expression was difficult to read. 

_Maybe he should tell Maxson about the people…_

“I think it would help with the East Coast split that’s been going on to work with Danse and have him around by your orders, even if he isn’t officially one of us.” He took a breath and spoke quietly, “there are some people here who are suspected to support Danse to a fault and would probably defect from your side in the event of a civil war… Especially now that everyone knows he’s alive.” Gav really needed to learn that trick the Elder did where he used silence and an ice cold gaze to get people to say things.

“Give me names.” 

_And there it was._

Gavin put his hands on the metal bars and tried to work around not lying. He was terrible at it. “You could bring everyone here back together… And you can bring Crewe back if you just make it your orders to have him guard the asset. Crewe is a good Knight and a very useful member of the Brotherhood. Would be a shame to lose him.” 

“Names.” Maxson narrowed his eyes.

Gavin knew that anyone he named would be executed. He couldn’t tell Maxson. Not yet. “You already know, Sir. You’ve seen the infighting and who was on each side of it.” 

After some time of contemplation, he reached out and unlocked the cage door, swung it open and motioned for Gavin to leave. “I will consider your words. For now, we have some plans to lay out.”  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - -

****

Gavin sat at the round table on the command deck beside Maxson as the others made their way in. He looked over at Bailey’s seat and frowned. The table had been Jon’s idea and he only got to sit at it once before he died. He belonged at the table. He deserved to be a Paladin. He died and was honored as a Paladin…

He tore his eyes from Bailey’s empty seat and moved to look at the chair on the opposite side of Maxson. “Where’s Jess?”

The Elder spoke quietly, “she’s not feeling well. I will give her a full recap tonight.”

Gavin furrowed his brow, “she should be here. I can go fetch her--”

“I am allowing her bedrest.” Maxson turned away to start the meeting. He was done talking about it.

Maybe she hadn’t been sleeping very well. That was understandable. Mostly Gavin really missed her and he had only gotten the chance to see her briefly down in the brig. He wanted her there just to be able to see her face and hear her voice. He wanted to hug her and hear her laugh again. 

Gav sighed and folded his arms on the table as Maxson started off the meeting telling the others everything Gavin had said in the brig. Gav also told the table about the scientists being taken and finding that other Danse in the field after the battle. The people at the table questioned and tried to speculate why he had been there, but nobody had a clue. 

The meeting was long and boring, as most meetings usually were, and nothing was said about Crewe… Until near the end. 

“I believe it is a good idea to use Knight Crewe to guard the asset.” Maxson stated as he looked to Gavin and nodded. “The two of them will be set up in Nordhagen with the refugees and we will maintain eyes on them both. The added watch over the refugees will also safeguard against any more of the scientists being taken.” 

Gavin smiled. Maxson had referred to Tristan as a Knight.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - -

****

Jessy had waited until Arthur left the room to head the meeting before pushing herself up in the bed. She looked around the room then stared at the wall opposite her for a while.

He wasn’t going to let Crewe come back. TC may as well be dead to her. He would never allow her to try and get her injuries fixed if it meant using Institute technology to do it. She couldn’t live like this. Broken, in constant pain, and without her friends. She couldn’t have a baby. She couldn’t fly. Hell, she could hardly walk properly. 

Useless to the Brotherhood. Useless to Maxson. Useless to even herself. 

She just wanted to sleep. 

Just sleep. Painless sleep. 

She reached into her pocket and pulled out the pill bottle. If she took the rest of the pills all at once… She could find the sleep she wanted. She unscrewed the cap and peered inside. There were only four left. 

Jess looked around the room again. There was no more alcohol in Arthur’s quarters. She sighed and dumped the bottle in her mouth and swallowed the remaining pills then stood up and set the empty bottle on Arthur’s desk. 

She slowly made her way to the barracks and over to her bunk. Jessy took her most important items from her footlocker and sat down on the edge of the bed with them. 

Her helmet.

Her teddy bear.

Joey’s holotag.

She set the teddy bear next to her and stared down at the helmet. Her finger traced along the crack that ran right through the middle of the clover Gavin and TC had painted. 

_\--Not very lucky, was she?--_

Jess set the helmet in the center of her pillow and picked the bear up. She hugged it for a moment then unwound Joey’s holotag chain and put it around her own neck once again. The bear’s stitched smile grinned up at her and she sighed then set the bear on her pillow leaning against the helmet. 

She stood up and stared at her things there on the bunk for a while before straightening the wrinkles on the blanket and making her way upstairs. 

The pills she had taken started to fog her brain a little and Jessy reveled in the dreamy feeling as her hand sort of floated out to open the forecastle hatch. It was like not being in her own body. She was just floating around watching herself do these things. 

She didn’t even remember making her way up there or walking out to the end of the forecastle and climbing the railing. 

Jessy hooked her foot in the railing as she faced herself outward from the deck. Her hands numbly worked the straps on her leg brace over her thigh and she let that foot swing free. 

She watched as the brace slipped off and fell down into the water below. 

Far below. 

Her eyepatch followed. 

The wind picked up and a warm breeze caressed her face. Jess took her hair out of the ponytail and let the wind run through her hair. She closed her eyes and turned her face into the wind, smiling as she remembered standing on the edge of the broken overpass with Joey.

She spread her arms and imagined flying away.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - -**

Jordyn walked past the rows of bunks and paused at Jessy’s bed. She stared at it for a moment and suddenly felt sick.

“Where’s Jessy?” 

She looked around the deck at the few people and asked again, louder, “Where's Jessica?” 

The others shrugged and went back to whatever they had been doing and Jordyn trotted off the deck to find her friend. She stopped a few people and asked until Jensen finally answered her. 

“She’s around. You check Maxson’s quarters?” 

“Yeah, she’s not in there.” Jordyn started to get frustrated and scared for some reason.

Jensen shrugged, “Sometimes she likes to hang out on the top walk.”

Of course. She should have known her friend better… Always look outside and up high. Jessy was probably just up top. She tried to tell herself that over and over again as she made her way to the top walk, but it didn’t ease the strange anxiety in her gut. 

_Something was wrong._

The catwalk was empty and dark. 

Jordyn stood there for a moment and looked around then her eyes fixed on the forecastle hatch and she stared. 

“She wouldn’t be out there…” She spoke quietly to nobody. But Jordyn _did_ know her friend. All too well. 

Her hand paused on the handle. _Jessy is probably just sitting out there to be outside._

_Up high._

_Just like always._

She opened the hatch slowly and her eyes ran along the metal to the very end of the walkway.

“Jessy! No!”

Jordyn ran forward as Jessica stood on the railing, spread her arms, then let herself fall from the forecastle.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>    
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 
> 
>   
>   
>  that was heavy. here's a fic about Lucky's backstory to make up for it. [Earthbound Misfit](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7581232/chapters/17249443) (also, the story this chapter has been titled after)
> 
> Crewe is in Earthbound Misfit... it shows how they first met and why he's so important to her. teenage Crewe was just as cool as he is now. XD  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - - - - - 
> 
> “Sure. I’ll help you.” He cut her off. “But you’re going to have to figure out a time and place for that shit. I’m not going to do it in here.” He raised an eyebrow at her, “and you’re going to have to pay me for my time.”
> 
> Lucci blinked up at him stupidly. “I don’t have any caps…”
> 
> Crewe shrugged, “I’ll take candy.”
> 
> “I don’t have candy.”
> 
> “Doesn’t exactly sound like my problem.” When she frowned at him he shrugged again, “or learn on your own. I’m sure you’ll get it eventually.”


	33. What Shapes Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you think this is wise?” Danse questioned. Again.
> 
> Crewe sighed as he peered around the corner of a large building, “well, I don’t think it’s _\--UN--_ wise.”
> 
> Danse glowered at him, “just because something isn’t a bad idea, doesn’t make it a good idea.”
> 
> Tristan blinked at him for a moment. “Do you ever listen to yourself speak?”
> 
> “Do _you?”_
> 
> “Got me there,” he snorted.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

She gasped for air as her head broke the surface of the water again and Jessica grabbed ahold of the metal next to her tightly.

Waves splashed against her face. 

_Freezing water._

She coughed and tried to gasp again. 

Air. _Need air._

More coughing. 

Her hands were too weak to hold onto the metal. She tried to get a better grip, but the cold numbing her bones and the coughing fit made it difficult. 

“It’s okay Jessy… I got you… I got you…” Jordyn was cradling her in metal arms as she trudged out of the water. “I got you…” She repeated as she made her way to the beach where other people in power armor were standing. 

Others came out of the water right after Aleski. 

Jordyn set her down carefully, laying her in the sand at Cade’s feet.

He stuck her in the thigh with something, then looked her over as he used one hand to rummage a medkit for some other things.

“Cade…” Jess coughed out, “Cade I’m sorry… I wasn’t... “

“It’s okay, Jessica.” He reached down and gave her a awkward hug. “It’s okay…” 

She looked around at all the people. Some were still in their suits, but some had stepped out. They must have all suited up to jump down… 

Lucky suddenly started crying uncontrollably when Gavin knelt down beside her opposite the doctor and Arthur followed suit right after. 

“I’m sorry…” She coughed a couple more times as she tried to desperately control the sobbing. 

_The second her feet had left the railing… Lucky regretted letting go._

She didn’t want to die, but she felt like there was no other way out. She heard Jordyn call out behind her and she had regretted everything. 

When Lucky hit the water, she struggled to keep from drowning. Struggled to stay alive. It wasn’t just her body reacting… _She wanted to live._  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - 

****

Gavin had pushed a gurney over next to hers and was sitting as close to her as he could without actually being on her. He would have held her in his lap, if Cade would have allowed it... But Jess couldn’t be moved.

She’d busted three vertebrae and damaged some organs when she hit the water. There was some internal bleeding and Cade was trying to keep her immobile while the healing meds took effect. He had her on a steady drip of a couple different things, which she didn’t seem too thrilled about, but she’d definitely be dead without it.

“All this time you spent bitching about being so tiny… And it’s probably what saved your life.” He smiled at her. 

Jess gave a little shrug, “naw… I’m just a lucky fuck is all.” She smirked at him.

“That ain’t no lie.” Gav pointed to her eyepatch, “Cade said something about your eye?”

She nodded and smiled, “yeah… I can see… Sort of. I mean… More than just black. Kinda colors and everything’s really fuzzy.” Jess flipped the patch up and squinted at him. “Promising, I guess. He thinks maybe something was pressing up against… Something. I’m not sure. He’s not even sure. Turns out doing a high altitude swan dive into the ocean fixes eyesight. He told me not to get my hopes up too much though because it’s been like this so long.” She put the patch back down and sighed. 

“That’s good news.” 

Jess shrugged again and they were silent for a few moments. She looked down at her hands in her lap and mumbled, “I’m really sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry, Jess…”

“Can’t help it. Everyone was so worried. Half the fucking ship suited up and jumped off the Pryd to find me…”

“Well yeah… We care about you.” 

“Didn’t mean to freak everyone out.” She wiped her eye with the palm of her hand and sniffled. 

Gavin put an arm around her shoulders and gave her a gentle hug. “You can’t carry all the weight of the world on your back and expect not to break.” 

“But I don’t want to burden people with shit. Everyone has their own things to worry about and the crap I’ve got going on is pretty trivial.”

“No it isn’t.” His tone grew stern, “Jess… Your problems are not trivial. You can’t compare what you have going on with what other people have going on.” 

“I don’t know… TC is probably going to be banished forever and there’s, you know, that other thing going on… That seems more important than me bitching because I got hurt in a war where lots of people were hurt or killed. People lost friends and lovers and shit and here I am, still alive and ungrateful about it.”

“First of all, your feelings are valid. You have every right to be upset and you are not out of place to ask for help when you need it. We will always be here for you, even if all you need to do is bitch about shit.” He paused then smiled, “second… TC is still a Knight and I’m pretty sure Maxson will let him come back.”

She looked up at him and blinked a few times. “Really? But Arthur said… How?”

“He’s been stationed in Nordhagen guarding Danse.”  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - 

****

“Do you think this is wise?” Danse questioned. Again.

Crewe sighed as he peered around the corner of a large building, “well, I don’t think it’s _\--UN--_ wise.”

Danse glowered at him, “just because something isn’t a bad idea, doesn’t make it a good idea.”

Tristan blinked at him for a moment. “Do you ever listen to yourself speak?”

“Do _you?”_

“Got me there,” he snorted. 

Crewe turned back to the building. Gavin had informed him that Maxson was going to let them stay in Nordhagen, but that just didn’t seem like a bright fucking idea. TC had a better idea. A good idea? Maybe not so much… But he figured it couldn’t hurt. He decided to take Danse to a nearby place instead of staying where everyone would know where they were. 

Easy City Downs.

Close enough to Nordhagen where they could show up just to say they were there, but not in the refugee camp where people like Bonner or double crossing asshole Lancers could come raise hell about Danse. He had been instructed to keep Danse safe… And that meant from _everyone._ Crewe felt like he wasn’t exactly disobeying orders. Not technically. 

The racetrack had been cleared out by the Brotherhood months before the Institute battle, but that didn’t mean new wasteland scum hadn’t taken up residence. 

So far, they found no signs of life as they swept the town. That bothered Tristan. ECD was a great place to live and wastelanders were nothing if not opportunists. 

The two of them crept in through a side window and carefully did a sweep of the main building. 

Immediately, they were greeted with traps. 

Crewe disabled two of them on their way further in. Then another on the stairs. As Danse got to the top of the staircase, Tristan put a hand out to stop him. 

TC stood and stared down at the floor in a doorway. 

There was a metal grate laying on the wood. 

The thing about the electrified metal grate trap… It was meant to keep out power armor. That was why he’d done it in the place he and Danse were at before. A metal suit couldn’t avoid stepping on it and as soon as they did the electricity was enough to fuck with the helmet’s HUD. It was meant to disable suits, but not really kill anyone. 

He frowned at it. There weren’t very many people who knew this trap and even fewer who’d want to disable a suited up badass instead of kill them outright with something else. 

Tristan had thought he was the one who invented this thing. How disappointing that someone else knew it.

Crewe took a large step over it and swept the room. 

Clear.

The room was mostly empty aside from some remnants of food, a couch and a small bed. Nice place to stay. Windows overlooked the racetrack and had a great vantage point. 

He looked back to the grate and the makeshift battery hiding behind the door frame. Best to leave it there… One less trap he’d have to build himself. 

They swept through the rest of the building and stopped on the roof. 

“How long you suppose that’s been there?” Crewe used his rifle to motion to an empty PA stand under a canopy. 

Danse reached out to the table next to it and picked something up. “I’m uncertain… But I believe this is where the Black Knight has been staying.” He turned around and held up an empty can of paint with black around the edges.

Tristan blinked at it. Well, now the traps made sense. It was very unsettling to know the Black Knight had been holding up so close to the Pryd for who knows how long. 

He started poking around the workstation. It was clean and there weren’t any tools. He ran a finger along the surface. There was barely any dirt or signs of being left alone through many storms. 

“He’s been gone a little while. This is probably where they were when they picked up the refugees.”

Danse looked out over the racetrack. “I would assume he was here before the battle, as well. Gavin spotted him on the battlefield and…” He sighed and glanced down at the paintcan in his hands, “if I were him it’s what I would have done.”

TC chewed his lip then stepped closer to the man. “You’re not him.” He never was very good at comforting others. “I was joking--”

“No, you were correct when you said that I have a unique insight into his mind.”

“Yeah… You have insight, but you aren’t him. He’s been out there for so long… He’s turned into someone different.” Crewe motioned toward Nordhagen, “he’s kidnapping Institute refugees, for fuck’s sake. You’d never do that.”

Danse nodded and set the can back down and they made their way back to the empty room in silence. TC knew the man was thinking about shit, but he really didn’t know what to say to Danse in the situation. Must be fucking weird to have another ‘you’ out there somewhere wreaking havoc. 

After some time, Danse spoke quietly, “what makes you loyal to the Brotherhood?”

Tristan blinked at him then shrugged, “I don’t know. I joined to get away from my life, not because I have burning hot patriotism coursing through my veins or anything… But then I made friends.” He thought about it. “I guess my friends make me loyal. Maxson was just a kid when I joined up, I’m not exactly loyal to him no matter if he’s the Elder or not, I’m just… Here for my friends and the experience.”

“If you could take all your friends and leave, would you?”

“I don’t fucking know. Why would I do that?”

Danse spoke carefully, “when you thought you’d been banished a few days ago, you took it rather lightly.”

“Yeah… That’s how I cope when I’m freaking the fuck out.” He glared.

“If you were banished, and you could somehow have your friends--”

“No, dammit.” Tristan pointed angrily, “we are not having this strange ass philosophical discussion. I can’t possibly know the answers to shit like that.” He motioned angrily toward the airport, “you want to wax poetic, you do that shit with your boyfriend, not me. I’m not that guy.” 

Danse stared at him for a moment then nodded silently. 

Crewe almost felt bad for what he said. Almost. The man obviously needed someone to talk to and work shit out, but TC was definitely not ‘that guy’. 

Tristan softened the sharp edge from his voice and shrugged, “we can talk about other shit… Just not… That.” 

“I’m not very good at… Small talk.” 

“No shit.” Tristan snorted as he used the toe of his boot to poke at an empty can. “What do you and Gavin talk about? Or is it that you guys don’t really talk when you’re together?” He glanced up and smirked. 

“We talk.” Danse made a face… Then paused as he thought about it. “Often.”

“Post coitus talk doesn’t count.”

Danse gave an audible sigh and turned around. 

Crewe wondered if he made him blush or if he just irritated him. Either thing was fun. He moved around the room and toed some more trash then looked out the window to the ground below. A few more discarded food cans and wrappers lay below.

“There were at least four different people staying here…” Tristan picked up a can, turned it over, then tossed it out the window. 

Danse looked to the one bed then around the floor and nodded, “They must have had sleeping bags or stayed on the floor.”

“Just like real soldiers, eh?” Crewe gave a little sardonic laugh. They _\--were--_ real soldiers. Gunners in the very least. And they had that other Danse leading them. Perfect. He wondered how many more there were. The Black Knight seemed pretty bold… He must have quite a few people on his team. He _did_ have about two years to build an army, after all...

“I call top bunk.” Danse said as he sat on the bed and grinned. 

Tristan laughed, “wow. You learn quick.” He looked out the window and shrugged, “fine. I’ll take first watch.” 

Not even a week and Danse was picking up on Tristan’s shit… He wondered if BK acted like a Gunner. Now _that_ was a terrifying thought.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - 

****

Maxson entered the room with Kells at his side.

Lucky gave them both a tired smile, then it faded away. The two of them in one place was never anything good. 

Arthur carefully sat down on the gurney beside her and set a hand on her thigh. 

Definitely not good. Lucky tried to push herself up more than the inclined bed would allow, but she failed miserably. She smiled wearily at him, then Kells. 

“S’up?” She tried to force some sort of good attitude.

“Jessica,” Arthur started, “we think it may be best if you return to the Capital for a while.”

Lucky’s smile vanished and she stared at him. “Why? I’m good.”

Kells moved closer to her, “the care they can offer you there is better than what we have available here.”

“I don’t need special care… I’m fine.” She protested. 

Maxson squeezed her thigh, “it’s only temporary. You are welcome to come back to the Prydwen once you have recovered… Mentally.” 

She scowled at him. “I’m fine… Now.” 

The Lancer Captain spoke quietly, “you are not fine. You have injuries you need to heal from and your mental state--”

“My mental state is fine!” She did manage to push herself up this time as she glared. “I’m good. Really I am. Ready to get back to work lining out initiates and learn math and crap…” She shook her head, “why would you do this to me?”

“It’s temporary,” Arthur reiterated, “you aren’t being discharged.”

“If I’m not being discharged, there’s no reason to be forced back to the Capital! Let me stay. I’ll talk to Cade every day…” She started pleading out of desperation. 

“Jessica…” Arthur squeezed her thigh again to get her to calm down, “I’m worried and I want the best care for you. I understand how you feel, however--”

“Do you?” She tried to glare but her eyes grew wet and she couldn’t muster an angry look. “If you know how I feel then you wouldn’t make me go… My friends are here. You’re here. I know I’ve been a handful lately, but I’ll stop… I’ll be better. I’m better…” 

Maxson closed his eyes for a moment then looked to Kells. He was apparently having a hard time with this. How could he send her away? Didn’t he love her and want her with him? Was it because she couldn’t have a baby? Was this the start of a break up?

“Please don’t make me leave.” Her chest hurt as she tried to swallow down tears. 

Lucky felt like this was some sort of step towards discharge. Something like part one to a break up. Not just with Arthur, but the Brotherhood as a whole. It might start with ‘temporary’ but end with _‘well, since you’re already in the Capital, just stay there’._ After that would come the discharge and then it would be back to the farm for her to live out the rest of her life picking vegetables until she died in the field one day among the tatos. 

“Jessica…” Maxson started, then paused for a moment, “we’re not giving up on you. I need you... We need you.”

“Doesn’t sound like it!” 

Kells took a deep breath and straightened himself up, “the reason you’ve been shadowing me, is because I’ve been charged with training my eventual replacement.” He leveled his gaze at her to let it sink in.

She stared. “Your replacement?” 

“Eventual.” He reiterated.

“Me?” She blinked. 

Arthur smiled at her, “yes. You.” 

“Why?” She couldn’t even fathom this crazy idea. And she didn’t want to. She didn’t like it. 

“Those in the Capital have decided that we need to train another Lancer Captain in our division. This is not unwise.” He paused and thought something over for a moment before continuing, “I also informed them of our relationship months ago.”

“Oh…” Lucky nodded, “I see. You can’t be with a Lancer or even a Lancer Sergeant… Or a useless injured soldier…” She narrowed her eyes a little. Then she dropped her shoulders and let out a sigh. It actually made a lot of sense. But that didn’t mean she liked it one bit. She briefly wondered if her promotion to Lancer Sergeant was simply to inch her closer to the position. Didn’t really matter, though. She also wondered exactly who thought up the idea or if it was a collaboration. The Elder marrying a war hero Lancer Captain sounded much better than marrying an alcoholic Lancer girl suffering depression… _It really did sound better._

“I understand that you’re upset, Lucci…” Kells spoke quietly, “but you’re a good soldier beyond selfishness and I know--”

“Yep.” She cut him off. “I’m not happy about any of this… But I’ll do it.” She took a breath then flashed him a smirk, “and I’ll be the best Lancer Captain you’ve ever seen.”

Kells smiled, “I do not doubt that.”

Arthur leaned forward and hugged her. She tried to stay angry and upset, but she eventually melted into the embrace. 

“So then,” his expression grew stern as he pulled back from her, “Lancer Daniels will be taking you back to the Capital tomorrow morning. You will continue your studies while you recover. You are not to speak a word of this to anyone.” He let a tiny smile touch his eyes, “then you will return to us.”

“I understand.” She smiled, “I’ll do my best.” She wasn’t happy, but she would always do her best. 

“We know you will.” Kells moved closer and set a hand on her shoulder.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	34. Released

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Where’s Jess?” Gavin caught Cade as the man was entering the medbay.
> 
> “Released.”
> 
> Gavin swept a hand out to the empty medbay, “clearly. Where is she?”
> 
> “I don’t know where she is. She was released early this morning by Maxson’s order. I personally thought she could have stayed one more day, but--”  
>   
>   
>   
> 

  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Gavin pushed a little medical tray next to Lucky’s bed, then moved a chair opposite it. She smiled at him as he pulled cards out of a pack and started shuffling. Aleski and Doggo brought in two more chairs and crowded around the little tray next to Gav.

Al handed over three snack cakes and a cherry cola. “It’s not alcohol… But I found your favorite.” She pointed as Lucky took the things.

“Thank you.” Jessy opened a cake and smiled at Gavin, “thank you all. For everything.”

They fell silent as Gav dealt cards around for the three of them and Aleski let out a little sigh.

Doggo spoke quietly, “sorry Crewe can’t be here. I know you all used to play cards together every week.” 

Lucky looked down at her cake for a moment and nodded, “cards are kinda weird without him…” She wanted to add _‘and Jon’_ but she didn’t need to. They were already thinking it, she knew. She smiled, “s’ok though. We have you now.” 

Aleski nodded then spoke quietly, “sorry my boyfriend put a gun to your head.”

Doggo chuckled, “that was the most exciting day of my life, don’t be sorry.” She shrugged, “he’s a good man.”

“Yeah he is.” Al looked down at the cards in her hand and smiled. 

Lucky nodded, “you know he was my first friend in the Brotherhood… I was a mess back then, but he helped me through a lot of shit.”

Doggo raised her eyebrows at that. “You’ve been here since you were ten... You’ve been friends for more than half your life.“

“Yeah… I guess we have.” she smiled. “Weird.”

Gavin tilted his head and looked Jessy up and down for a moment, “what were you like as a kid?” 

She snorted, “you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

Aleski folded her cards and slid them to the middle of the little tray and sat back in her chair. “She was a shy little scared mouse who didn’t cuss or drink or anything. You wouldn’t believe she’s even the same person.”

Gav and Doggo both stared at Lucky.

She laughed, “told you I was a mess.” She motioned to the door with a cake, “Kells beat that shit out of me riki tik. It’s amazing what time in the Brotherhood can do to a person.” She popped the remainder of her cake in her mouth and spoke around it, “why, what were you like as a kid?”

“Me?” Gavin looked up at the ceiling for a moment in thought. “I don’t know… Definitely not like I am now. When I first joined the Army I was pretty standoffish, bitter, and fought a lot with everyone. I was kind of an awkward teen. And I couldn’t read…” 

Aleski shrugged, “most people can’t read or write when they join here, but they make us go to school and learn.”

Lucky rolled her eyes, “lots of school. I knew how to read so that shit was really boring for me.”

“Did the Army make you go to school, too?” Doggo asked.

Gav laughed, “no. They didn’t care if we knew anything other than how to point a gun the right way.” He paused and pulled his holotags from under his shirt, then singled out the old prewar dogtag on the chain. He stared at it and lowered his voice, “when I became a Sergeant, I had to learn how to read… Sebastian taught me.” He dropped the tags against his chest and smiled faintly, “he taught me a lot of things. Taught me to be a sniper.”

Lucky pointed, “he was your boyfriend, wasn’t he?”

“Yeah…” He nodded.

“That’s sweet.” Doggo smiled, “him teaching you to read and stuff.”

“It was. But we weren’t allowed to be together back then. It wasn’t like it is now. That kills me. He couldn’t even tell his own family that he liked men, so he couldn’t talk about me in letters home.” He stared at the table for a long moment.

Aleski put a hand on his shoulder, “I’m sorry. That must have been really hard.”

He nodded. After a moment he looked up and asked quietly, “do any of you believe in reincarnation?”

“Like when you die and come back to life as another person?” Doggo asked. 

Lucky shrugged and Jordyn furrowed her brow, ”I don’t _not_ believe in it. Who’s to say what happens when we die.”

Gavin cleared his throat and adjusted himself in the seat, “my ma did. She told me that I would meet him again one day in a very long time.” He looked at Jessy, “and she was never wrong.”

“Your mom was like Mama Murphy…” Lucky said quietly.

He nodded. 

Al tilted her head, “do you think Danse is Sebastian’s incarnation?”

Gavin smiled in response. 

“So his soul is in Danse’s body? Is that how it works?” Doggo ran a finger along her lip in thought.

“Sort of.” Gav shrugged. “There are some pretty weird coincidences. Danse is a lot like Seb. Even though they have completely different eye colors and look different, sometimes I see Sebastian when I look at Danse or when he says certain things.” He pointed at Aleski, “in fact… I see my old friends in you guys constantly. And we used to play a lot of cards.” 

Aleski looked down at herself then to Lucky, “that’s weird.”

“Who am I?” Jessy grinned like it was a game.

Gavin didn’t even hesitate, “Ana.” 

“Your sister?” Jess chewed her lip. 

He nodded as the two of them stared at one another for a long moment.

Lucky suddenly looked away and took a drink of soda as a distraction. She didn’t believe in reincarnation at all… But she had to admit that Gavin was very much like Joey… Even though he was technically born before her brother. Nobody else ever called her Jess. Nobody other than Gavin… And her brother. It was a little mind-boggling to think about.

Gavin motioned to Jordyn and broke the silence, “Tristan is definitely Torin. He even looks kinda like him.”

Al snorted, “so he drew dicks on everything, too?” 

“You know…” Gav smiled, “I bet if he could have gotten away with it without getting shot he probably would have.”

“Who’s Jordyn?” Lucky tilted her head a little. This game was getting weird, but it was interesting. 

He shrugged, “Aedan… Torin’s brother. Those two were inseparable and made quite the team. She’s even said things to me that he had said word for word.” 

Doggo had been silently thinking as they spoke. She leaned forward and lowered her voice, “if Danse is a Synth… But you still see your old boyfriend in him… Do you think Synths have souls?”

Lucky stared at her. “Okay, this shit just got real deep.”

“Sorry…” Doggo slumped her shoulders, “it’s just stuff I think about and it’s too important not to wonder…” She glanced up at them and added quietly, “I think.”

Gavin rubbed a hand over the back of his neck as he thought about it. “I don’t know… But that’s a good question.”

“How can they have a soul?” Aleski furrowed her brow at Doggo, “if they were created in a lab… How could they?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know. Crewe said Danse was made different than some of the other ones… Maybe that’s why?”

“Maybe he’s not the Synth…” Gav made a face as he thought hard about it. “Or maybe… Synths have souls. What makes a soul?”

They looked around at one another and Aleski picked at a thread on her pants. “Your brain. It’s who you are. The culmination of self right there…” 

Doggo frowned, “but how can you be reincarnated, then recreated in a lab… And still have all that?” Her eyes widened, “oh… That makes sense. They remade his brain…” She put a hand to her mouth lightly, “Synths have souls!” 

They stared quietly at each other until Lucky tossed a cake at Doggo. 

“Kay, this is really unsettling… Let’s play cards now.”

Doggo caught the cake, looked down at it for a moment, then smiled, gave a shrug, and opened it.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucky wished she could have told everyone she was leaving… But then they’d just start asking her why and then she’d have to make up some sort of lie. She didn’t want to lie anymore. The night before where everyone had come to the medbay to play cards was good enough. That’s how it would have gone if she told them, anyway… But there’d be tears and hugging and goodbyes. She didn’t want that. She was terrible at goodbyes.

Besides, she wouldn’t be gone long. Just a little furlough. Easy. She’d be back in no time. 

“All set?” Buzz smiled back at her from the pilot’s seat as she made sure her things were secured then slowly limped her way to the co-pilot spot. 

“Yup.” She stared out the window at the hatch to the Pryd, then she glanced over at her bags. All set…

As the bird was lowered and the rotors kicked on, Jessy closed her eyes and smiled to herself. She imagined that it was her flying it. 

“How ya feeling?” He smiled over to her, trying to make small talk, apparently.

She shrugged, “I can’t tell what hurts more, my leg, hip, shoulder or back.” She smiled at him, “but at least I can walk. Sort of.”

“It’ll get better.” 

“Yeah… Hopefully.” She sighed. She was pretty sure it would always hurt. Just have to get used to it.

They flew in silence for quite some time, leaving Lucky alone with her thoughts as she watched the earth pass by below them.

Jessy glanced over at Buzz for a moment then turned her head away again. She was mad at him for being with Bonner the day they brought Gavin in… But that was silly, Buzz was just following orders. 

“How come you couldn’t catch Crewe and Danse?” She finally asked him.

He continued to look straight ahead, “what do you mean?”

“They took Doggo’s bird… You had yours… Didn’t you all follow right after them?”

He shrugged, “sorta. They got a head start because Kidd was… Difficult.” He laughed quietly and shook his head, “which I guess was probably his plan.”

She eyed him, “but you guys found them following Doggo’s beacon… Why didn’t you just do that?”

“Crewe disabled it, I assume. We couldn’t find ‘em.”

That was what he said in the debriefing, also. Probably true. It made sense anyway. 

“How much of a headstart did they get?”

“Why the third degree?” Buzz looked at her, “I was already debriefed. I said everything.”

“Cuz I think you didn’t _want_ to catch them.”

He was quiet for a moment. “Why do you think that?”

“You’re a better jet jockey than Doggo. You coulda caught them if you wanted to.”

“Ain’t they your friends? Would you have liked it if I had caught 'em? Bonner wanted to kill Danse. She probably would have killed Crewe, too.”

Lucky stared at him. “So… You _did_ let them go.”

He nodded. “Danse is my mentor. I have a hell of a lot of respect for that man and I think his exile is bullshit.”

“His exile…” She said quietly.

Buzz looked over at her and tried to correct himself, “when Maxson ordered him executed--”

“No…” She pointed at him, “you said exile. You knew he was exiled and not killed. How’d you know that?”

“I was the one who took Maxson to the Listening Post, remember?” He shrugged, “he told me.”

“No he didn’t. He would never.” 

Buzz sighed, “okay, I may have followed him and eavesdropped a bit when he confronted them.”

She was quiet as she thought about it. She couldn’t really say anything… After all, she did the same thing. Lucky looked around his bird and her eyes fell to his tracking beacon behind his seat. The light was on. It was operational. 

She pointed to it, “how come you disable your beacon sometimes?”

“I don’t.” He gave her a questioning look.

“I was in your bird… It was disabled.”

After a long moment of silence he shrugged, “sometimes I like to go places I shouldn’t be.” He raised an eyebrow at her, “not like you’ve never done it.”

“Where do you go?” 

“Where do _you_ go?” He turned it on her.

She narrowed her eyes at him. The places she went were for her own wellbeing. Well, that and a lot of the time she took Gavin to see Danse…

“Were you visiting with Danse?” 

Buzz looked straight ahead and gave a nod. “You going to tell on me or something?”

Lucky thought for a moment… She didn’t remember Danse ever mentioning talking to anyone other than her and Gavin. In fact, he had always been upset that they were the only two people from the Brotherhood who knew he was alive and where he was. He had specifically stated that on more than one occasion.

She was suddenly very uncomfortable. 

She couldn’t figure out why, but something was off. Maybe because he was either lying about visiting with Danse… Or he was actually seeing the Black Knight. Buzz was acting strange, whatever the case was. 

Lucky stared out the front window at the massive expanse of green sky ahead of them.

“Are you going to fly through that shit?” She pointed.

“Yeah… It’s the shortest route.” He thumbed over his shoulder, “it’ll be fine I brought suits.” He smiled, “you should probably start getting into it.”

There was no reason to fly through the Glowing Sea to get to the Capitol. It could very easily be circumvented to the south. 

“I have to piss.” Lucky never thought she’d ever want to get the hell out of a bird before.

“Can you hold it until we’re out?” 

“Are you fucking serious?” She motioned angrily out the window, “the Sea is huge.”

He hesitated briefly then pointed, “okay, we’ll land up ahead. You can piss and we can suit up. Cool?”

No… Not cool. 

“Yeah.” 

She thought about giving him a direct order to fly a different route. She could. But she was pretty sure he wouldn’t and she didn’t want to have that conformation that he was doing something very wrong. Would he get combative with her if she called him out? Maybe she was overthinking shit and overreacting. 

She really wanted to believe that.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

“Where’s Jess?” Gavin caught Cade as the man was entering the medbay.

“Released.”

Gavin swept a hand out to the empty medbay, “clearly. Where is she?”

“I don’t know where she is. She was released early this morning by Maxson’s order. I personally thought she could have stayed one more day, but--”

“Why?” 

Cade gave him a level stare. “I don’t know. Don’t get angry at me about it.”

“I’m not mad.” He crossed his arms. “Just looking for my friend who tried to kill herself and is now unaccounted for… So forgive me if I worry when she’s M.I.A..”

“Kidd. It wasn’t my fault.”

Gavin dropped his arms and sighed, “I know that. I’m just worried.”

Cade was silent for a moment then gave a nod, “as am I. Maxson released her, perhaps you could ask him.”

He nodded and immediately left the medbay to find Maxson. Maybe he just wanted her in his room so they could sleep together. There was no way they’d let her go unsupervised any time soon.

The Elder’s door was open. 

Gav popped his head in and glanced around. 

“Do you need something, Sentinel?” Maxson glanced up from paperwork on his desk.

“Where’s Jess?” He stepped into the room, still looking around as if she could possibly be hiding somewhere. 

Maxson set his pen down and leaned back in his seat. “Close the door.”

Gavin narrowed his eyes a little as he closed it. He hated it when the Elder told him to close the door… Everything he ever had to say after that point was never good.

Maxson motioned to a seat and waited for Gavin to take it before he spoke carefully, “she’s gone back to the Capital for a while.”

He blinked stupidly at the Elder. “She didn’t say anything…”

“Good. She wasn’t supposed to.” 

“Why? For how long?”

Maxson folded his hands on the table over his papers. “I think you know why.”

“Pretend I don’t.” Gavin tried really hard not to glare.

“They’ll take good care of her there.”

“We can take good care of her here.” He pressed a finger against the table. “I can’t watch her if she’s not here.”

Maxson shook his head, “it’s not your job to watch over her 24-7. You have other matters to attend to.”

“I want to go with her.” He crossed his arms tightly over his chest and mentally wedged himself into childish stubbornness. 

“Kidd…” He tilted his head down and gave him a parental look. 

Gavin turned his head away to try and avoid it. “When did she leave? I want to go with her.”

Maxson sighed, “Kidd, you and I both know how impractical that is. We need you here.”

He was quiet for a long moment then finally dropped his arms. “Fine. Who’s with her? Tell me you at least sent Aleski.”

“I didn't want anyone to know she was leaving. There would have been… A fuss.” The Elder tightened his hands together. “Trust me when I tell you that this is for the best. I didn’t want her to leave either. She’s going to study for a promotion while she’s being cared for. She should be fit for duty in about three months.”

Gavin’s shoulders dropped. Three months was forever. Well, not really, but he was sure it was going to feel like forever.

“She went with Lancer Daniels this morning and they should be arriving at the Citadel at about--”

“Buzz?” Gavin sat up in his seat.

“Yes. Buzz.” Maxson nodded.

“Just the two of them?” He leaned forward and stared.

“Yes…” The Elder furrowed his brow, “Daniels is fully capable--”

“Where are they? Right now?” 

Maxson stared at Gav for a long moment then spoke carefully, “they should be just leaving Massachusetts by this time.”

“Can we get a LOC on the aircraft?” He stood up from his seat impatiently.

“You are not going to go with her, Kidd. We just discussed this.”

Gavin stared down at Maxson for a moment, then scrubbed his hands through his hair and sighed. He pulled the folded scrap of paper from his pocket that had all the names on it.

“There’s something we need to talk about.” He tossed the paper on the table in front of the Elder and watched as he unfolded it.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucky stared at the suit in her hands, then over her shoulder at the bird in the distance. She probably should put the damn thing on. Her eyes scanned the countryside. Bushes, trees, a whole shitload of nothing.

“Stupid leg.” She glared down at herself. She couldn’t run. 

If Buzz wanted her on that bird, he could probably get her in it without too much hassle. She’d make him work for it, though. Hopefully break his nose if he tried. Maybe she could knock his ass out and radio someone. _Was she actually being kidnapped?_ Seemed pretty absurd. First of all, why would anyone kidnap her, and second… It was just so stupid to think of. She was overreacting. Had to be. 

She heard his voice in the distance, “you get lost?”

“It’s difficult to fucking squat with a busted body. Gimme a minute.” She yelled back at him as she started unfolding the stupid suit. 

“It’s cool. We ain’t in a hurry.” He called back.

She put the thing on and steeled herself. If he tried anything, she felt like she could take him. She was prepared for it. Lucky started going over scenarios in her mind and how she would deal with them if they happened. If he tried to put a gun to her. If he tried to fight her. If she managed to disable him in flight and take control of the bird. The plans started to give her some comfort.

When she got back to the bird, however, she felt a little wave of fear wash over her. When she was little, her teachers went over kidnapping tactics with kids. They said never go into the place your kidnapper is trying to get you into. But she wanted him in the bird, she was sure. He’d be distracted. She could take him. If all else failed, she’d crash the fucking thing. She’d done it before… Not a big deal. 

And then the thought of the bird crashing made her completely panic. 

“You okay?” Buzz stood inside waiting for her. 

Lucky just stared wide eyed at the bird as images suddenly hit her out of nowhere for no real reason. _Impact. Flames. Smoke._ She could smell it and feel the heat. 

_It’s just the suit. The suit is hot and stifling. It’s just the suit…_

“Lucky?” He squatted down and held a hand out to her. “C’mon.”

She tried to blink away the images and thoughts. “I just… Need a minute…” _Was she afraid to get in the aircraft?!_ This was crazy. 

Buzz sat down on the edge of the open door frame and waited patiently. “What’s up?”

“I just need a minute…” She repeated. She worked to try and go over her kidnapping plans again. She’d lost them. 

“Lucky…”

“I’m fine!” She snapped at him. “Why the fuck are you trying to go through the fucking Sea?” 

_Get angry._

He furrowed his brow, “I told you, it’s the shortest--”

“No it fucking isn’t! I’m not an idiot.” She pointed southeast, “you will redirect your fucking course, Lancer.”

Buzz blinked at her in silence for a moment then nodded, “okay… You got it, ma’am.” He stood and motioned inside, “hop in, we’ll go around. Cool?”

She hesitated then finally climbed slowly inside. 

He wasn’t going to go around, she knew it.

She knew it the second she looked at his beacon and saw that it had been disabled. 

“What the fuck, Buzz?!” She pointed down at it.

He ignored her completely as he climbed in the pilot’s seat and turned the rotors on.

“Nope.” Lucky turned to hop out of the bird and she nearly ran right into a suit of power armor outside the doorway.

“Sit.” The man said sternly as he motioned with his rifle and climbed inside.

Lucky was so shocked that she immediately plopped down on the bench in the back. 

Then another person in PA crowded in behind the first. 

They were armed and didn’t look very friendly. 

And just like that, all her plans and anger went right out the window and all she was left with was fear.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you haven't read it...[ White Hawk](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8872537/chapters/20342059) is Gavin's backstory about him and Sebastian and his other friends that he's talking about here with the others. ^_^  
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - 
> 
>   
> “Ma always told me I’d follow my hart.” He chuckled and shook his head.
> 
> “Your ma sounds cool. Mine doesn’t care if my heart tells me to love someone, so long as she gets babies.”
> 
> “Mm…” Gavin nodded, “she is cool… But she didn’t mean heart like the bloody organ in my chest… Hart… Like a male deer.”
> 
> Seb laughed and Gav narrowed his eyes a little in warning.
> 
> “No… Sorry…” Sebastian turned himself completely to face him. He laughed again quietly, “just… My last name.” He pointed, “Your ma’s a smart lady.”
> 
> Gavin stared stupidly for a moment then started laughing.
> 
> Yeah… She was a smart lady, indeed.


	35. Factory Reset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Arthur?” Sure she was dizzy and more than a little disoriented, but… _It couldn’t be._ His face looked strange. She rubbed her palms against her eyes and blinked up at the man stupidly. “... Danse??”  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - -

  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

“She’s in the Sea.” Gavin repeated at the Elder.

He ignored him this time and pointed at a tracker as he spoke to Kells, “what’s the last known LOC?”

Gav crowded in between Maxson and the Lancer Captain as they traced the beacon. 

“Here…” Kells pointed then scribbled some numbers down on a notebook. 

“I told you!” Gavin was getting frustrated that they wouldn’t listen to him. Mama Murphy had said that the Phoenix would need to be retrieved from the Sea. For Gav, this was as plain as day. 

Maxson must have been just as frustrated… For different reasons. 

He rounded on Gavin, “Why didn’t you bring this information to me sooner?”

“Because you aren’t exactly reasonable sometimes.” He glared. 

“Reasonable?” The Elder glared right back.

“Yes! You tried to make me kill Danse!” Gav started to get really upset and it was becoming difficult to control emotions. “Tell me you don’t want to straight out have these people murdered.”

“You’re the one who’s being unreasonable, Kidd.” Maxson stood up straight to square up against Gavin. “Do you have any idea--”

“Can we focus on the task at hand…” Kells nudged the two of them apart and stepped between. He eyed Maxson for a moment, then Gavin. “We can beat the shit out of each other later. Right now, there’s more important matters to attend to.”

Maxson gave a curt nod and Gavin crossed his arms tightly over his chest and looked away.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Gav stood next to Doggo in Nordhagen trying to gather people he trusted to go find Jess and it was much too slow of a process for his liking.

“We have to go get her.” He was growing impatient. 

Crewe spread his hands, “yeah, no shit. But the Sea is huge. Where do we start?”

Gavin ran a hand through his hair in frustration, “I guess where the aircraft was last located. I don’t fucking know.” He took a breath to calm himself and repeated quietly, “i don’t know.”

“We could split up.” Danse spoke quietly.

Crewe and Gavin both blinked at him.

“You can’t come with us…” Gavin said carefully. 

Danse furrowed his brow at them, “the more people we have searching, the better our odds of finding Lucci in a timely manner.” 

Gavin repeated quietly, “you can’t come with…”

“That’s actually good thinking.” Crewe spoke over him. 

Gunshot was standing nearby and overheard their conversation. She moved closer and nodded, “it’s a good idea. As a Synth, he’ll be immune to radiation. He could be helpful in the Sea.” 

Crewe motioned to her, “see? Helpful.”

She smiled brightly at him and added, “Synths are useful for many reasons.”

Gavin didn’t really like the idea of Danse being likened to some object used for ‘purposes’, but they had a point. 

Danse eyed Gavin and waited for him to make some sort of decision. Gav hated that. He didn’t want to make decisions that could very well mean life or death. He had a problem with that in the War, and he definitely still had a problem with it now. 

“I suppose…” Gavin started and paused. “It’s a good idea. But what’ll happen when we find the guy?” He really didn’t want to start thinking about Danse facing off against himself. Too late for that, however. He was really thinking about it now. And the more he thought about it, the more he wondered what HE would do in the instance where he came across the Black Knight. It was Danse. Could he do what needed to be done? 

Honestly, he didn’t even really know that guy… But it was Danse. Wasn’t it?

Danse spoke quietly to Crewe, “it has been stated that I may not be a Synth…”

“Wouldn’t you know?” He eyed him. 

Gunshot spoke up, “He would have no idea.” 

They all looked at her so she continued, “he wouldn’t know. That’s part of the infiltrator program. I know that much. They think they are the person they become to infiltrate. They have no clue. Better that way. Makes for better infiltration.”

“Will you stop saying ‘infiltration’...” Crewe sighed. 

“Well… That’s what it is.” Sepsis chimed in from the side. 

“Nobody asked you.” Crewe wrinkled his nose at the young man. 

Sepsis shrugged it off, “you know there’s an easy way to tell if he’s actually the Synth or not…”

They all stared at him. 

He looked at Gavin, “you could do a factory reset.”

“Nope.” Gav threw his hands up. “Not going to happen.”

“What’s a factory reset?” Doggo asked quietly. 

Sepsis grinned, happy to be acknowledged, “it blanks a Synth’s brain and sets them up to be reset for another purpose or like they were before but without whatever bugged them out. Like doing a reset on your computers.” 

“No.” Gav reiterated. 

He was ignored as Headwound spoke up, “If you do a factory reset and this Danse resets, you know he’s the Synth. But if he doesn’t, you could try it with that other guy and see if he resets.”

Danse contemplated it for a moment then gave a curt nod, “That is a good idea.”

“NO!” Gavin said louder. “Are you fucking stupid?” He was having a difficult time with all of this. “I did a factory reset on a Synth once and he turned into a vegetable.” 

Crewe eyed Gav for a moment then turned to Sepsis, “can it be undone?”

“No.” He shrugged, “it permanently erases their programming and sets them up to be reprogrammed. Once you do it… It’s permanent.”

Gavin stared at Crewe expectantly. 

“Okay, so maybe a plan B. And only for BK.” Crewe nodded slowly as he took in Gav’s warning look. “How does it work?”

Sepsis shrugged, “you just speak a phrase that he needs to hear. But I don’t keep track of that stuff, it wasn’t my department.”

“Of course it wasn’t.” Crewe rolled his eyes.  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - -**

They found someone who dealt with Synth retention and Gavin didn’t trust her at all.

She spoke curtly, “this unit is an M7 unit. I don’t know his reset code, exactly… Because someone blew up my files…” She glared at Gavin, “but I could compile several codes which may work.”

Gav crossed his arms and gave a small huff, but he didn’t argue with the woman. It was not his idea to blow that shit up… But he was the one who pressed the button, so it was, technically, his fault. He was still trying to come to terms with all of that.

“Great.” Crewe sighed, “let’s have them.” He handed her a notebook off a shelf. 

She started to write and spoke casually, “The reset code may not even work. The unit’s chip was damaged and we have no idea to what extent. We couldn’t track him or gain useful data off it, so the partition may have also been damaged.” 

Gavin sighed audibly. 

The woman narrowed her eyes at him and handed over the notebook, “this is your fault. Don’t get huffy with me about it.”

Crewe shrugged, “it is what it is. But now there’s bigger shit going on, so don’t be a cunt.”

She glared at him. “You deserve whatever happens to you.”

“Excuse you?” Crewe leaned down on the table to be eye level with her. 

“Don’t think you’re all holier than thou. We were trying our best to save humanity and you invaded our home, murdered our people, then act like you’re completely righteous in doing so. You’re nothing more than thugs imposing your will on the entire populous. You never even asked anyone if they thought it’d be a good idea. You just slaughtered people and--”

“So did you!” Gavin snapped at her. “You experimented on people without their knowledge or permission, made them paranoid and fearful, had them turn on their own family and friends, and you gave no shits how it effected people’s lives.”

“It was for the greater good!” She snapped back.

They were all silent for a few long seconds and Doggo spoke quietly, “we’re all just trying our best. We all have the same goal in mind… Why can’t we just get along?”

Gunshot nodded in agreement, “I just want to help humanity.”

Crewe straightened up and put an arm around her. “Right. Help humanity. The Brotherhood is the only hope now that…” He glanced at her, “other institutions have been disabled…” 

She looked at him then down at her feet and nodded solemnly. 

They were quiet once more as Gav looked over the notebook. “There’s a lot of codes on here…”

The woman shrugged and rolled her eyes, “speak them quickly. All together. It doesn’t matter if you talk over yourselves, so long as he hears the right one.”

Danse reached out to take the notebook and Gavin pulled it away from him.

“He can’t speak the phrase himself.” The woman motioned flippantly toward Danse. “He won’t be able to hear himself speak it.”

Danse furrowed his brow at her so she added, “your computer can’t simply factory reset itself, now can it?”

“He’s not just a fucking computer.” Gavin glared at her.

“Yes he is.” She glared right back.

Doggo looked at Danse, “I don’t think he is…” She smiled faintly, “he’s really human.”

Danse stared at her, but didn’t smile. “It’s all programmed, Donegal.”

“No…” She shook her head, “I’ve known you for a while. It’s like… All of a human’s memories and actions are just a program. You're no different. I think.” She grew quiet and started chewing on her lip as she eyed everyone else for their response on the topic. 

Crewe shrugged and Gavin nodded. 

Gunshot spoke up, “she’s right. Mostly. All our actions are programmed into our brains.”

Sepsis nodded in agreement, “all chemical responses to stimuli.”

Gavin smiled faintly as he remembered what Bailey had said about what love is… And what they all had discussed about Synths having souls. They were all correct. 

He suddenly looked over to Gunshot and Sepsis, “how would you like to come aboard the Pryd and help out with research?”

Headwound spoke for them, “that sounds like something that would help us all.”

“Okay… You, too…” Crewe grinned. When Gav looked over at him, he shrugged, “what? I like these three.”

Gavin snorted, “okay whatever. The three of you.” If Crewe trusted someone, even a little, then Gav would trust them, also... That man was known for not trusting anyone.

The woman glared at all of them, “you cannot be serious.”

Gunshot looked over to her, “Why?”

“They murdered all of our friends and family! You can’t trust them!”

Gunshot looked at Crewe and he grinned at the woman, “unlike you… We don’t keep secrets from each other.”

“Many secrets…” Gav said under his breath.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucky immediately felt the ill effects of the Glowing Sea as she entered into the scorched yellow-green sky. By the time she landed and was unceremoniously pulled from the bird, her stomach was cramping and a lump of bile made a permanent home at the top of her throat. They’d flown deep into the center. Somewhere.

She had tried to keep track of coordinates in her head, but as soon as she started getting sick she found it rather difficult to concentrate on anything… Especially directions. 

They took the hood off her suit and she immediately dropped to her hands and knees and threw up. Several times. Once the contents of her stomach were completely empty she started dry heaving. Then she was jerked to her feet to walk forward. Hobble forward, anyway. They weren’t happy with how slowly she moved and she nearly fell a few times as she was shoved from behind to move faster. 

Several shacks and large connected buildings lined the banks of a large colorful pond. Oranges, reds, greens and yellows tinged the water and lined the sand. It might have been pretty under different circumstances. _And had it not been completely fatal to stand near._ The place looked like a settlement… But much larger, by far. 

_How could anyone live out here?_ She eyed the buildings and what were obviously homes. 

People were milling about and several started poking their heads out to see the Vertibird. The sounds of victorious cheering filled the air around her. The majority of the people seemed to be Gunners, and they were always happy to capture a bird. Several others, however, didn’t appear to be Gunners at all. Lucky had no idea what to make of them. They dressed in a similar fashion; Brown or green robes, bits of metal strapped to them haphazardly. Not civilians, not military. 

As she was shoved past a few Gunners, Lucky eyed them. _What the fuck were Gunners doing out in the Sea?_ She looked to one of her _‘escorts’._ Was he a Gunner, too? Seemed like it. He was a complete asshole. 

The thing that she should have immediately noticed only hit her long after she was hauled inside a large open building and dropped to her knees to vomit once more… _None of these people were sick._ A bucket was kicked in front of her face just in time and she clutched the edges desperately. 

Large boots stepped up in front of the Lancer and she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand as her eyes followed the legs and body up to a familiar face. Or, sort of familiar in the strangest way.

“Arthur?” Sure she was dizzy and more than a little disoriented, but… _It couldn’t be._ His face looked strange. She rubbed her palms against her eyes and blinked up at the man stupidly. “... Danse??” 

It was most certainly Danse… Looking as much like Elder Maxson as possible. Same haircut. Beard grown out long. Black BoS jumpsuit under a very similar looking battle coat. Somehow, he even had the distinct jagged scar along the side of his face. But those brown eyes were definitely Danse’s.

He reached down, grabbed her tightly by the upper arm and hauled her to her feet. “It’s _Daxson,_ Lancer Lucci.”

She barked out ragged hysterical laughter. _This was seriously happening right now._ Her brain couldn’t even process the information. She suddenly wretched as she choked on her laughing fit. 

Daxson shoved her away, but not fast enough to avoid her vomiting up bile onto one of his boots. “Someone get her a fucking R.A.!”

He most definitely did not _talk_ like Danse.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****


	36. As Was I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He nodded sympathetically. “What were you afraid of?”
> 
> Lucky stared at the I.V. and gathered her thoughts. “I don’t know. Being discharged, I guess. Not being in the Brotherhood.”
> 
> “As was I.” 
> 
> She looked up at him and they silently regarded one another for nearly a full minute.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - - -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***trigger warning... sort of... - the very beginning of this has a little bit of sexual assault in it. just a little. heads up, i suppose.**

  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Another wave of body wracking nausea crashed through her as she lay in a tight trembling ball in the corner. Lucky’s desperate moan turned into a growl as she clenched her teeth and fought down rising bile.

_No more vomiting… Please… No more…_

Her muscles were cramping tightly and every bone in her body ached. She could have sworn she could feel every hair on her head at that point… And they were all on fire. 

A shadow fell over her and its owner’s deep voice sounded distant and muffled, “well, well… Ain’t you just pitifuckingful.” He squatted down next to the Lancer and grinned, holding a pack of RadAway just out of her reach. “Got somethin’ for ya… But you’re gunna have to get the fuck up and ask nice.” 

Lucky didn’t move for several long seconds. She took slow deep breaths and steeled herself against the pain movement would cause. Sliding an arm slowly away from the tight grip over her abdomen, she rolled slightly then paused. 

“You don’t seem to want it that bad…” Her tormentor pulled the pack away and stood up. 

“No…” Lucky groaned as she fought to push herself up further. The rad sickness on it’s own was bad enough, but her recently broken bones felt as though they’d snapped all over again. Who knew, perhaps they had. 

As she pushed herself onto her hands and knees, her arm collapsed out from under her weight as her collar bone reminded her, with great sharp pain, that it was still very much damaged. She didn’t fall. Instead, Lucky pushed herself up onto her knees with her other arm. 

_Get the fuck up, soldier!_

She wobbled to one side and planted her foot down on the wooden floorboards, then slammed into the wall as she jerked herself upright with all the remaining strength she had. It was clumsy, but she was, mostly, standing. 

_In your fucking face, asshole!_

Her hand trembled as she reached out for the pack. 

The man chuckled and pulled it back out of her reach once more. “I said you gotta ask nice.”

_Of course._

Lucky worked to speak between ragged shaky breaths, “I’m going… To die… Ass…”

“Sounds like your problem.” He leaned his face close, “so you better put that pretty mouth to good use and start askin’ quick and in a hurry.” 

_Get pissed._

The Lancer half fell and half lunged her forehead at his face. The man didn’t get out of the way in time as her movement took him by surprise and she clipped him right in the nose. _That was satisfying._

Her tormentor dropped the pack and caught her arm as he grabbed his, now bleeding, nose with his other hand. “Oh, you bitch!” _He was laughing._

His large hand wrapped around Lucky’s throat and slammed her back against the wall. He pulled his bloody hand back, glanced at it, then put his face close once again. Blood poured freely down over his mouth and turned his sneer into a menacing bloody mess. 

“Like it rough?” He pressed up against the Lancer and kissed her. The coppery taste of his blood filled her mouth as he shoved his tongue down her throat and cut her lip against his teeth. 

Lucky couldn’t fight against it, she had mustered her remaining strength and now she was left completely exhausted. How many rads had she taken? How much longer would she live? All she could do against the intrusion of his bloody tongue was let out a small whimper and push weakly against his chest.

“Henderson! Enough!” Daxson stood at the bottom of the stairs with his arms crossed. 

Her tormentor quickly pulled away and she immediately slumped back onto the ground in a heap. 

He pointed sternly at the man, “this is your one and only warning.” He glared in silence for a few seconds before growling, “get the fuck out of my sight.”

The man quickly tucked tail and slunk up the stairs past Daxson.

He stood at the bottom of the stairs for a moment and watched Lucky fumbling with the R.A. pack. “I apologize for Henderson’s behavior,” he said quietly, “Gunners are--”

“Assholes,” she said weakly as she popped the pack and immediately started feeling better. 

Daxson smiled and nodded, “yes. Assholes.”

Lucky had about a billion questions, but the thing she thought to ask first as she sat against the wall feeling like utter shit, was, “why isn’t he sick? Why aren’t _any_ of these people sick?”

He hesitated for a moment then held a hand out to her, “I have something that could help you, but I’m going to need your consent first.”  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Doggo nearly pouted, “I can do it.” They didn’t believe her. Well, most of them didn’t anyway.

“Sure you can.” Crewe grinned.

She couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or not. 

“I’m a good pilot. Let me prove it.” She touched his arm then looked at Kidd. “I can fly through the Sea.” She said again.

They were quiet for a moment then Gavin nodded, “okay. I believe you. But we’ll still need at least one more… And Talon is probably our best bet.”

Crewe shrugged, “not like we have a lot to choose from right now… Talon is maybe the second best pilot around.”

They fell silent again as they all thought about Lucky. 

Danse spoke up, “can you trust Lancer Tiernan?”

Crewe thought about it, “probably. Jessy trusts him. They’re pretty close.” He smiled at Kidd, “Talon was sort of her aviation mentor.”

Gavin scratched the back of his neck, “where does he stand with Danse? His name wasn’t included...”

“I dunno. Midground?” Crewe shrugged then they all looked to Danse.

“I believe he’s loyal to the Brotherhood.” Danse said, then paused. “He’s also been a friend to me. I am uncertain.”

Crewe pointed, “I think he’s loyal to Jessy.”

Doggo ran a finger over her lip in thought, “where does Lucky stand?”

They looked at her, then one another. Danse was the one who said what was on their minds, “very good question.”

Crewe snorted, “Brotherhood. All the way. I think she bleeds steel.”

“She’s been different lately though,” Doggo pointed out. Her voice grew quiet, “since the battle and losing people… She’s been different. I don’t know her really well, but even I can see that.”

Kidd nodded in agreement, “if it weren’t for Jordyn, me, Maxson and you…” He motioned to Crewe and trailed off. “She doesn’t have a lot of actual friends.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Crewe shrugged again, “she’s all American Brotherhood. Trust me.”

Danse suddenly turned to him, “where do _you_ stand, Knight?”

“Me?” Crewe looked around at everyone, “I stand right here.” He grinned, but they all continued to look at him silently. His grin faded, “I’m here aren’t I? You can trust me.”

Kidd put a hand on his shoulder, “I know we can trust you… But that doesn’t say anything about where you stand.”

Crewe narrowed his eyes at Gavin, “I stand exactly where you stand.”

The look on his face said he wasn’t going to talk about the subject anymore without a fight, so they dropped it. Doggo was slightly concerned. Kidd was known for running off on his own and being loyal to himself and his friends before anyone else… Even the Brotherhood. 

That’s where Crewe stood.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

“A blood transfusion?” Lucky stared at him.

“Yes.” Daxson gave a curt nod.

She eyed the machine. “How’s that help? Is that why they’re not sick?”

He leaned against a counter in the med-bay and folded his arms loosely over his chest, “some of them just don’t get sick. They’ve built up an immunity over the centuries.” He glanced at the door, “there were people living out here long before we arrived. The rads don’t affect them.” He narrowed his eyes, “some people just aren’t affected.”

“Like you?” Lucky asked carefully. He didn’t answer so she asked more directly, “are you a Synth?”

Daxson looked her in the eyes, “does it matter?”

“Maybe?” 

“No. It doesn’t matter.” he said levelly. “Do you want the transfusion or not?”

She went back to staring at the machine. “I don’t know. Where’s the blood come from? Those weird guys in the robes?”

He shrugged, “mostly.” 

“Mostly?” She eyed him suspiciously.

“Yes. Mostly.” 

The two of them stared at each other in silence for a moment so he dropped his arms and added, “it’s synthetic blood made from the Children of Atom.”

“It’s Synth blood?”

Daxson gave an exasperated sigh, “mostly.”

“How did you make it?” 

“Lucci, in all your years knowing me, have I ever been a fucking scientist? Just take the goddamn transfusion and stop being a pain.” 

She crossed her arms and glared at him, “to be fair, in all my years knowing you your name was Danse and you never said the word ‘fuck’ or hung out with Gunner assholes… So forgive my utter fucking confusion right now.”

He sighed again and moved closer to her. She tightened her arms across her chest and bristled as he put an arm around her shoulders. “Lucci… I apologize. I understand this is strange for you.”

“Underfuckingstatement.” She glared up at him.

He gave a sympathetic smile and nodded. “I’ll tell you all about it while you get the transfusion.”

“How about you tell me all about it then let me go home?”

Daxson shook his head slowly, “you’re staying here, so I highly suggest you get the--”

“You can’t keep me here.” She pulled away from him. “Gavin will burn down the entire fucking Wasteland to find me.”

He smiled faintly, “great. I’ve heard a lot about him and I’m just dying to meet the man properly.”

“You’ll be sorry.” She glared. 

“Will I?” He cocked his head to the side and his smile grew. 

Lucky eyed him, “... Yes…” The grin on his face was more than a little disquieting. 

“Wouldn’t it be neat if he were on my side?” 

_“Neat?”_ Lucky slowly dropped her arms. “He wouldn’t. He’d put a bullet in your brain before--”

_“Please._ He couldn’t kill Danse and he can’t kill me.” Daxson scoffed.

“Pretty sure he can,” she said quietly. She wasn’t so sure any more.

He leaned down so his face was more level with hers and he spoke quietly, “could _you?”_

Lucky blinked stupidly for a moment then made to take a step back from him and he tapped her roughly on the shoulder. She fell back onto a gurney and remained there. 

No. She couldn’t kill him. Even if he was weird and not exactly himself… He was still Danse. And he looked so much like Arthur...  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - - - -**

“You can’t keep me here.” Lucky said again as she poked at one of the two I.V.’s in her arms.

He pulled a chair up, waved away the doctor, then sat down. 

“I was alone for a while…” He ignored her annoyance, “can you imagine being out in the Wasteland all alone after living in the Brotherhood most of your life?”

She shook her head, “not really…” There was no way she could even begin to imagine. She had spent every single day since she was ten years old surrounded by people. She slept with them, ate with them, laughed, fought, and cried with them. There was never a moment where she was ever truly alone. The thought was a little frightening. 

“I tried to kill myself,” his eyes trailed to the side for a moment, “a few times.” Daxson was quiet as that sunk in. 

“Me too…” She spoke before she could really stop herself. She didn’t want to say it, but it was sort of comforting to talk with someone, just for a moment of admission, who understood personally. 

He nodded sympathetically. “What were you afraid of?”

Lucky stared at the I.V. and gathered her thoughts. “I don’t know. Being discharged, I guess. Not being in the Brotherhood.”

“As was I.” 

She looked up at him and they silently regarded one another for nearly a full minute. 

“Gunners found me.” His eyes went to the door and back, “they were out on patrol and, at the time they had found me, I didn’t really care about myself or my safety. Part of me hoped they’d kill me because I was too much of a coward to do it myself.” He gave a sardonic little smile, “so I picked a fight.”

She snorted, “how’d that go for you?”

Daxson spread his hands, “well, here I am, so you can guess.” 

“You’re definitely not someone I’d ever wanna fight with.” She smiled. She couldn’t help it. Danse had always been someone she was proud of and admired. She was starting to forget, every so often, that this was not the Danse she knew. 

“As it would turn out, Gunners value moxy and that sort of behavior… So I was brought to their overpass.” His smile faded away as he continued, “I was so lonely and craving military by that point, I eagerly joined up.” His eyes went to the door again, “then moved very quickly through their ranks.”

“Of course you did.” Lucky was smiling proudly again. She worked to wipe the stupid grin off her face. He was talking about being a Gunner, it wasn’t exactly something to be proud of. 

“When I said I had tried to kill myself…” Daxson leveled his gaze at her to get her to understand, “I meant that I made attempts to kill… Danse… As well as my own self.” He let that sink in for a moment before continuing, “I had awoke at an inconvenient time for the Institute. I saw them and I immediately attacked. Then… I saw… Myself. Still sedated.” He looked down at his hands and fell silent for a few seconds as he gathered his thoughts, “I could have killed him then went on with my life like nothing had happened. But with a grave secret to keep. I had a decision to make. I tried to kill him, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it… So I ran.” Daxson adjusted himself in the seat and nodded in thought, “I ran and allowed Danse to continue his life in the Brotherhood with no knowledge of what happened. It’s what I would have wanted…” He snorted a little laugh, “and I know myself pretty well.”

He stopped talking so she changed the subject a little, “I am literally made of questions right now…”

He nodded, “I’m sure you are. Go ahead.”

“I don’t even know where to fucking begin…” 

He sat quietly and allowed her to try and grab at one of the billion questions circling through her mind. 

She just said the first thing she thought of, “why do you look like Arthur?” She had been wanting to ask Danse that same question, but G never let her. Apparently it was a touchy subject… But she couldn’t give two shits if she upset Daxson.

He snorted a little laugh, “you like that?”

“No, actually. It’s fucking weird. How do you even have that scar?” She pointed at his face.

He shrugged, “I wasn’t thinking clearly when I did that.”

“You did it to yourself? No shit you weren’t thinking clearly!” She wondered if Danse would have gone that far if Gav wasn’t around.

He was silent for a moment then adjusted himself in the seat and spoke, “Gunners love vertibirds.” He completely changed the subject. 

“Uh huh… Who wouldn’t.” She eyed him. Why wouldn’t they ever answer her about the Maxson resemblance thing?

“Are you wondering about Lancer Daniels?”

“Yes. That fucking cuntbucket. Where the shit is he, anyway? I need to throat punch that asshat…” She glared at the door. 

Daxson snorted a laugh and shook his head at her. “I was on patrol… With the Gunners… And we came across an aircraft landed on a building. We took the guarding Knight and Daniels. The Gunners were happy to obtain an aircraft.”

“Of fucking course they were.”

She was about to ask who the Knight was and he completely derailed her entire train of thought, “I had been hoping it was you.”

“Me?” She stared, “what the fuck?”

“I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for a while.” He grinned in that strange unsettling way again.

“Why?” 

“You know why.” He raised an eyebrow at her and continued to grin. 

Lucky blinked at him. “Um… No?”

“Lucci…” He leveled his gaze at her, “you’re the best Lancer in the Brotherhood. And you’re a friend.”

“I don’t think I even know you anymore,” she spoke quietly as she poked at the I.V. in her arm.

He nodded. “I’ve changed a lot over the years, but I have still retained my morals and values. I’m still… Me. I’ve had to adapt to fit in with the Gunners and… Other people… But I’m still the man you once knew.”

She eyed him then shrugged, “I kinda like the swearing thing.”

He chuckled, “thought you might.”

Lucky took a breath, looked over to the door, then around the room, “so… you caught me. Now what? I’m not on your _‘side’_ if that’s what you’re hoping. I’m going to get the fuck out of here and go home ASAP.”

Daxson grinned again, “I think you’ll change your mind.”

“Pretty sure I won’t. Thought you knew me better than that?” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Besides… Jokes on you, I’m fucking useless. I can’t fly.” She motioned to her eyepatch with a great deal of irritation.

“I can fix that.” He pointed at her, then stood up and made to leave.

“Wait… What?” She held a hand out toward him, but he ignored her and walked out the door.  
  


****

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****


	37. It Is What It Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daxson crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes, “do you really want to start a fight right now?”
> 
> “I sure as shit am not happy about any of this, so why should you be?” She _did_ want to fight. Fighting was easier than being confused and scared.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

“Let’s go for a walk.” Daxson smiled at Lucky and held an arm out for her to take.

She eyed him for a moment then reluctantly took his arm. They looked like a couple enjoying some garden or other fucking sights. 

He took her outside and around the pond. She stared at it. She didn’t feel sick. She hadn’t for a solid 24 now. The transfusion had been amazing. Lucky still felt a little off, but not sick and throwing up like she _‘should’_ have been about now. She thought about how great it would be to have everyone in the Brotherhood do the transfusion. They could weather rad storms and instances where rads were a problem. However… Maxson would never condone Synth blood replacing human blood… Yet another thing she’d probably have to keep secret...

They stood on a platform and Daxson spoke casually, “apparently, Vault-Tec was going to build a vault here…” The dirt covered platform started moving and Lucky realized it was an elevator. As they went down, he continued, “when I got here, this vault was abandoned. The place was nothing more than a large open cavern with an elevator.” He smiled at her, “big enough to fit an aircraft on.”

She blinked at him. Since their arrival in the CW, the Brotherhood had lost four vertibirds. They had remained unaccounted for and it was always assumed that Gunners took them. She suddenly realized that it may have been Danse who had commandeered those aircraft. 

Crazy thought. 

“Did you know there’s a clause in the Codex that states the acting Elder can be challenged for his position?” Daxson was still speaking casually. 

“Um… Yeah… I guess. I’ve heard of it. Nobody does that though.” She shrugged then eyed him. 

He grinned at her as the elevator stopped and the door opened. 

“What the fuck?” She stared at the ‘vault’. 

It was, indeed, an open cavern. People were milling about and there were five vertibirds just fucking sitting there. Most were being worked on. That was currently as many as the East Coast Brotherhood had. But the ECB had Initiates piloting them sometimes. Until they received reinforcements or the pilots who took the fallen back to the Capitol came back… _Who piloted these ones?_

“Why the fuck are you showing me this?” She stared up at him. “You know I’m just gunna tell Arthur.”

Daxson grinned at her, but said nothing. He led her through the cavern, in between the birds, then finally spoke, _“Arthur…_ I heard you have a relationship with the Elder?”

She frowned at him then shrugged, “yeah…” 

“How’s that going?”

“Why do you care?” Lucky glared for a moment then continued to look around the vault and take in as much info as she could. 

“You asked about my appearance.”

She blinked up at him, “yeah… It’s fucking weird.”

“Do you know what hurts more than being left all alone out in the Wasteland?” He stopped walking and turned to her. “Having the man you had given your entire life to just turn away and order your execution like you don’t even matter. I loved and cared for that man.”

Lucky nodded slowly, “I didn’t agree with him on that…”

“Many people disagreed.” He nodded then continued walking. 

“Yeah… It sort of started a little civil war in the ECB…”

“So I hear.” 

She eyed him, “you’re awfully well informed… How many people do you have with you?”

He ignored her question, “I have been advised on the matter. Do you know what my advisor said?”

She furrowed her brow, “who the fuck is your _‘advisor’?”_

Daxson ignored her again, “he said I should take back those who are mine.”

“Who is your advisor?” She asked again.

Again, she was ignored, “I agree with him.” He motioned to the vast space, “all my friends. All my family. My people… Take them and take everything from Maxson just as he has taken from me.”

“Danse--”

“Daxson.” He corrected. 

“Okay, that’s weird, too…” She stopped walking and narrowed her eyes at him.

“New life. New name.”

“Yeah… But…” She spread her hands, “you’re not Maxson…”

“I will be.” He shrugged, “in a manner of speaking.”

She stared. Suddenly the whole _'Maxson resemblance'_ thing made sense. He was working to take everything from Arthur... Including his identity. Danse had started doing the same thing... Did he have the same ideas in his head before Gavin worked him through it?

“Like I said, I wasn’t thinking clearly. But I am now.”

“No, you aren’t. You’re thinking fucking crazy.” She glared.

“Am I?” He glared right back. “That man is unreasonable and stubborn. My eyes have been opened because the things I’ve been through. First-hand field knowledge. Tell me you don’t appreciate that blood transfusion right now.”

She looked down at herself, “it is convenient…”

“Tell me you don’t want to be 100% again. _Better_ than 100%.”

Her eyes dropped to the ground between them and she nodded, “I do…”

“Damn right you do.” He worked to compose himself. “I don’t know if I’m a Synth. But it doesn’t matter, I’m an outcast, just as Danse is. Arthur doesn’t even care if I’m a Synth or not. So I made the most of it. This tech is useful…” He trailed off and took a deep breath then turned away from her. “Synthetic blood… Body parts… The Brotherhood could heal wounded soldiers. This is tech we should possess, not destroy.”

“I said that same thing…” He suddenly started to make sense and she almost hated herself for agreeing with him. 

Daxson eyed her for a moment then lowered his voice, _“critically_ wounded soldiers. And make them better than they were. You lost friends…”

Lucky nodded slowly as she thought about Jon. 

“They can fix that, too.”

“Bring people back from the dead?” She wrinkled her nose at him. It was crazy.

He gave a slow nod. 

“In the battle,” he spoke quietly, “I witnessed your aircraft go down…” He paused. “I was hoping to find your body, but Kidd found you first.”

She stared at him. “I’m… Not comfortable with that. At all.” 

“It wouldn’t have mattered, you’d have been dead.”

“No… It matters. You do not have my permission to fuck with my dead body.” She poked a finger against his chest for emphasis. 

“Dead people can’t give permission.”

“Danse--”

“Daxson.”

“No. _Danse._ Stop being a fucking lunatic for a minute.” She glared. “I’m telling you right now, you don’t have permission to fuck with my body. Dead or alive.”

They stared at one another for a moment then he gave a curt nod, “noted.”

She continued to stare at him skeptically. 

Daxson put his hands up and grinned, “I give you my word. I will not fuck with your body without consent.” He cocked his head, “so, do I have your consent to fix your…” He looked her up and down then motioned to her entire body, “problems?”

Lucky looked down at her leg for a moment then shrugged, “how?”

“Glad you asked…” He put an arm around her shoulders and turned her around to leave the vault.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucci eyed the food that was set down in front of her by a young man. She eyed him, too. He was one of the weird ‘Children of Atom’ people in the brown robes.

He took a step back from the table, looking it over to make sure he hadn’t forgotten to bring anything. “Is that all?” He smiled at Daxson.

“This is wonderful, thank you, Curtis.” He gave a nod.

Lucky pulled her bowl closer to herself and spoke quietly to the guy, “thank you…” 

“Absolutely, sister. You need anything else just ask.” Curtis smiled even bigger. A genuine smile. 

“I’m not your sister.” Jessy mumbled as she picked up a spoon to poke at the food.

Daxson’s eyes fixed on her face as he spoke to Curtis, “you may leave us now.”

The young man gave a shrug and strolled out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

Lucci glanced up from her bowl, “since when do you have _servants?_ Danse would do shit for himself…” She looked to the door of his quarters, “and he wouldn’t take meals in his room. Danse eats with his men… In fact--”

He hit his fist against the table and she flinched, immediately shutting her mouth… Then her look of shock turned into a glare.

“I am _not_ Danse…” He took a breath to calm himself and lowered his voice, “not anymore…” He took another steady breath, “I usually eat with them. However, in light of an honored guest,” he motioned to her, “who requires a level of special care around this place… We are eating here tonight.”

She rolled her eyes, “I don’t need special care… And aren’t I a prisoner? If I’m a guest… Can I leave?”

Daxson crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes, “do you really want to start a fight right now?”

“I sure as shit am not happy about any of this, so why should you be?” She _did_ want to fight. Fighting was easier than being confused and scared. 

She glared harder at him, but he didn’t give her any ammunition to work with. Daxson just sat there with his arms crossed and a stern look on his face. That was most definitely a Danse look… And when Danse gave soldiers that look, they shut the fuck up and fell in line.

Though she fought to maintain it, her glare melted away and finally she sighed and dropped her shoulders.

“Are you finished, then?” He raised an eyebrow. 

“No. But I’m going to put a pin in it for now because I have a lot of questions.” She scooped up some food and gave it a tentative sniff, “like… Is this safe for me to be eating?”

“It should be.” He dropped his arms and picked up his spoon.

“ _Should_ be?”

“Eat and find out.” He pointed his spoon at her then took a bite of his own food.

The other people must eat the food and they seem to be doing fine. But that didn’t really guarantee anything for her. She took a small bite. It was actually pretty tasty. Then she realized she was really hungry. 

She took another bite, “did other people here have the blood transfusion done? Do they get sick from food?” 

“I don’t know how well it works for everyone or all the side effects.” He gave a small shrug.

Lucci paused mid-bite and stared at him, “side effects?”

“Yes.” He took another bite and she continued to stare at him so he added quietly, “there are a few.”

“What are they? Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” She dropped her spoon in the bowl and leaned on the table as if she were about to get up, but she remained seated. _Where would she even storm off to?_

“You didn’t ask.” 

“Are you fucking serious?!” This time she did stand. “I was about to fucking keel over at the time, you flaming dickwagon!” She worked really hard not to jump over the table at him or throw food.

“Sit down.” He pointed at her.

“Fucking make me!” She came very close to flipping the table over.

Again, he sat quietly and didn’t fuel her fire. 

She didn’t sit, but she managed to calm down a little. “What side effects?”

“Well, one that has been noted in a few people is a... Change in personality.” He smiled faintly, “what’s done is done and now it is what it is. Sit down. Please.”

She furrowed her brow at him and sunk slowly into her seat as she echoed, “it is what it is…” That’s something TC said. All the time. He had said it ever since he was a kid, and still says it now, often, as an adult. 

Daxson gave a curt nod and relaxed as she did. “Just because some people have side effects, does not mean you will. In fact, I am fairly certain you won’t have any.” He picked his spoon up once more and pointed it at her, “that being said, you may want to question the cost of anything offered to you.” He grinned, “which is why we’re here now… To discuss fixing your problems.”

Lucky continued to stare at him. 

He raised an eyebrow, “well? I thought you had a lot of questions?”

“I do… And everything you say just makes a shit ton more questions pop up…” She picked her spoon up again, looked into the bowl, then set the spoon down. She wasn’t hungry anymore. 

“Who was the Knight you took with Buzz?” She asked quietly. 

“Don’t you want to talk about your wounds?” He furrowed his brow at her.

“I want to talk about this. Who was the Knight?”

He fell silent for a long moment. 

“You said I could ask you anything…” She raised an eyebrow at him.

“That doesn’t mean I’ll give you an answer.” 

Lucci took a deep breath and crossed her arms loosely over her chest. “Was it TC?” Her eyes narrowed dangerously. 

He smiled faintly and glanced down at the table. “No. The Knight we took with Lancer Daniels wasn’t Crewe.” He spread his hands and smiled at her, “does that put your mind at ease?”

“Not really.” She shrugged, “sort of. In a way… I don’t know.” She wanted to keep asking him who it was or trying to guess, but he was obviously not going to tell her. 

“How many Brotherhood soldiers are working with you?” 

“Enough.”

She let out a pointed sigh. 

He snorted, “what? You said yourself, you’re just going to tell Arthur… So why would I give you intel that’s on a need to know basis? I’m not telling you shit until I know you’re with me.”

 _“Unless.”_ She grumbled.

“Unless… I know you’re with me.” He nodded. 

Lucky eyed him, “do you do this with everyone you have from the Brotherhood?”

Daxson hesitated. “When it’s possible.” He glanced down at the table and lowered his voice, “I don’t like making people do things against their will. That’s not the way to build trust and loyalty.” He took a breath and shook his head, “I’ve made a couple mistakes with some people and I shouldn’t have done…” He trailed off and continued to stare at the table. 

“Done what?” She asked quietly. 

He shook his head and looked back up at her, “it doesn’t matter now. It is--”

“What it is.” She finished for him. She figured she’d try to ask again, “who is your advisor?”

He smiled faintly at her in reply. 

Lucky groaned at him, “you’re such an ass.”

“Tell me about your injuries.” He completely changed his tone and the topic.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

She told him everything that happened to her. _Everything._ At first, she just gave him the technical details about her injuries, but then she found herself talking more about everything else as she forgot who she was speaking to.

Some parts were kind of exciting to talk about… But then those bits of conversation returned quickly to the bad parts. 

The losses they suffered. 

Jon. 

Her child. 

Caroline.

Her own body and ability. 

The terrible nightmares she now has almost every night. Sometimes while she’s awake. Around that time, she had been pacing the room, then sat down on his bed and huddled herself into the corner with her arms wrapped around her knees. 

He sat down beside her and put a comforting arm around her shoulders as he listened silently. Allowed her to just pour everything out that she’d been holding onto and fighting to ignore. She knew he could relate. The man had nightmares all the time. He’d lost many friends. His best friend, Cutler. Every one of his brothers and sisters and his own life as he chose to become an outcast and allow Danse to live out his life in the Brotherhood. 

She mumbled into her folded arms, “how do you do this? How do you live like you once were after going through all this?”

“I don’t.” He waited until she glanced up at him to continue, “you can never go back to who you were after events like these. The person you once were is dead and gone, this is who you are now… Just as this is who I have become.”

“I don’t want to be someone else… I liked who I was.” 

“Too bad. She’s dead. Mourn her and move on.” He spoke curtly, then sighed when his response upset her. “Remember who you used to be? Before the Brotherhood?”

She shrugged, “I was a mess.”

“You changed. Then you made the most of your new life. When I first met you… You were different back then from who you were two years ago. It appears you have done very well for yourself in these past two years. You’re a war hero just like you always said you’d be one day. You have a relationship with the Elder. You became a Lancer Sergeant and started shadowing Kells.” He smiled.

She blinked at him. She didn’t mean to let the part about shadowing Kells slip, but she had been in a fit of emotional rambling at the time. 

“You’ve grown up a lot.” He hugged her tight, “I’m proud of you, Lucci.”

She stared at him. “Proud of me?”

He nodded, “yes. You’ve come into your own. You used to have this one narrow sighted goal of becoming who your brother was, but it seems as though you have started to find yourself. I’ve always known you would do great things once you unlaced his boots.”

She smiled a little, “thank you, Danse… That means a lot coming from you.”

He hugged her again… And didn’t correct her for calling him Danse.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Gavin handed the bottle to Aleski who was sitting sideways on Crewe’s lap on the sofa beside him. They hadn’t lost one inch of physical contact since she was brought down to Nordhagen.

It was a beautiful thing to see the two of them together again.

She drank, then Crewe took a drink and passed it over to Doggo. 

“I’m… Um… On duty? I think?” She eyed everyone around cautiously. 

They all chuckled and Talon pointed to the bottle in her hands, “we got a minute. You can have a drink.” 

Doggo wrinkled her nose at him, “no wonder Lucky is how she is…”

Talon snorted, “I didn’t teach her half the shit she knows. Truth be told, Lucky actually taught _me_ quite a few things… She is… Highly unorthodox in her methods. You’d do well to pay attention to her.”

Doggo looked down at the bottle and nodded, “if she comes back.” She sighed and took a long swallow of the vodka before handing it to Talon. 

“You mean, _when_ she comes back.” Gavin corrected.

Doggo nodded as they all agreed. “Do you think she’s okay?”

Tristan shrugged, “she’s probably fine. Or giving them all hell right about now.”

The group of them let out quiet nervous laughter at that.

“What makes you think…” Doggo started then trailed off. Every time she started wondering out loud about some topic, it always seemed to be something upsetting or deeply profound.

Crewe thumbed toward Danse sitting on the other side of Gav, “as far as we know, she’s with the _'Red Stag'_.”

They all looked at Danse and the man shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “That is an unsettling thought…” He said quietly. 

“Why?” Crewe peered around Gavin, “you’d never hurt her. No matter who BK has become… He’d never hurt her.” He narrowed his eyes for a second… “Unless he’s fucking suicidal and looking to have me kill him in the worst way possible.”

Gavin patted the man's knee, “calm down, tiger. You’d have to take a number.”

Crewe snorted, “it’d be number one. Besides, are you even capable? I sure as fuck am.” He flashed a grin to Danse, “no offense… But I wouldn’t hesitate--”

“Tristan.” Aleski stared at him and he shut his mouth and relaxed back against the couch once more. “I know you love her… We all do.”

Danse regarded Gav for a moment then spoke quietly, “he has a point.”

Gavin narrowed his eyes at him, then to everyone in the room. 

“We have no idea what he’s like,” Danse continued carefully, “but we do know that he’s… Me… And you couldn’t kill me.”

“For Jess… I think I could.” His glare melted away and he stared blankly at the coffee table. 

Gavin knew that if he ever lost Jess it would be just like losing his sister all over again. It would rip apart every half-healed wound he had and he might actually lose his right mind. When he lost Ana, he joined a fucking war just to be able to kill as many people as he could. _What would he do if he lost Jess?_

Crewe put a hand on his thigh to bring him back to his senses. He smiled, “calm down, tiger. She’ll be fine.”

Aleski spoke quietly, “I want to come with you.”

Tristan shook his head, “you need to stay with Maxson… There’s nobody else.”

“He wants to come, too.” She added.

“That leaves the Pryd vulnerable, and we all know it.” Talon said quietly. 

Gavin nodded, looked to them all in turn, then smiled at Jordyn, “don’t worry. I’ll bring Jess back… And I’ll keep TC safe.” 

He grinned at Tristan and the man gave a snort of amusement, “yeah okay. If you’re the one keeping everyone safe, who keeps _you_ safe?”

He gave a sardonic smile and shook his head slowly. This was a hard lesson he had learned in the War… And words that had come straight from Torin’s mouth, once upon a time.

 _“We…_ We will bring her back.” Gavin spoke with conviction. 

“I know you will.” Jordyn smiled then looked down as her smile slowly faltered then faded away. She nodded to herself and repeated quietly, “I know you will.”  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to take a moment to point out the fact that Lucky put her own problems and self aside for a moment and focused a little more on the Brotherhood when she set aside talking about how to fix her own injuries in light of questioning Daxson about the other Knight and how many people he has working with him... I'm also very proud of her ^_^


	38. Sympathizing With the Enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jordyn eyed the old woman and waited for her to say more… But she didn’t. She sat in the chair with her eyes closed like she was asleep. 
> 
> “Mama Murphy?” Al spoke softly. Then again louder. 
> 
> “Sorry, kid…” The old woman spoke quietly, “that one took a lot out of me.” She gave a weak smile, “I’m tired now…” 
> 
> Aleski nodded and glanced down to her paper. That hadn’t been helpful at all. Or… Maybe it was. Mama Murphy just quoted something from the Legend nearly verbatim… Jordyn maybe wasn’t as crazy as she thought she was.  
>   
> 
> 
> \- - - - - - - 

  
  
  
  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Jordyn had been looking over all the notes from Mama Murphy. She really had nothing better to do with her time, so she had been working on trying to figure out who the possible traitors in the Brotherhood were.

She’d always been great at solving particular puzzles. As long as said puzzles involved something she’d studied. Aleski had probably read every book in existence. Only a slight exaggeration. She loved books. Any and all books. She read everything. She had always loved school work, learning, and reading. 

Tristan was more ‘street smart’ and she was book smart. They made a great team. Between the two of them, if they ever communicated, no little detail could ever go unnoticed. But that was if they communicated. It took a great deal of patience and time to ease anything from Tristan. But she loved him dearly… Even with his flaws, lack of trust, and hang-ups. 

She found herself thinking about him, which was nothing new, as she pored through the notes. 

And then her subconscious picked up on a detail. 

She paused and stared blankly at the papers in her hands as she recalled a conversation she had with Gavin once about his name. 

_‘your name is Gavin and you had a goddamn horse named Gringolet! … Your name is a variant of the name Gawain, you dumb fuck. How don’t you know that...? … You’re literally Knight Gawain!’_

She snorted a little laugh to herself as she recalled the entire conversation. Then her amusement faded as she remembered the rest about Sir Tristan. 

Jordyn was very well versed in Arthurian Legend. It was her absolute favorite thing in the world. She’d read every book she found about King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table. 

She glanced up at the ceiling as she thought about the round table now sitting in the Command Deck. Arthur Maxson, who took the throne at age sixteen just like the fabled King Arthur. Sir Gawain and Sir Tristan. Guinevere… Lancelot and the Black Knight. Sir Kay - Kells. Mama Murphy and Merlin’s prophecies. The Prydwen. 

She snorted a little laugh to herself. The Prydwen was the name of King Arthur’s ship. She had always thought it was a funny coincidence, or something amusing that Arthur had done to keep with the whole theme he seemed to have going… But the truth was… Maxson didn’t create the Knight ranks and the name of the ship had been suggested to him. It had all been laid out long before he was an Elder.

Strange coincidences. 

Aleski had always thought it was really cool. She loved romance novels and legends. King Arthur was always her favorite. And her favorite characters within the legend had always been Sir Gawain and Sir Tristan. 

She looked back down at the papers in her hands. 

She didn’t believe that this could actually be a thing happening right now… But she also didn’t _\--not--_ believe it. It was insane, but there were far too many coincidences to ignore. She _\--knew--_ Arthurian Legend. Down to the dot. And she knew a lot about name etymology. She once tried to trace her origins and discovered a great interest in lineage and names. That’s how she knew Gavin’s name was a variant of Gawain… 

And that Jessy’s middle name is also a variant of the name Guinevere…

Too many coincidences. 

She chuckled. Then her chuckle turned into laughter. Loud laughter. 

This was crazy!  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Lucky was given a room. Her own room. She stood in the doorway eying it. Nice. Simple. But someone had to have been pushed out of it to make space for her. Whatever. She didn’t want to care about any of these people. Sympathizing with and humanizing the enemy was detrimental to being able to kill them. That was something taught to every soldier from all walks of life.

Daxson had informed her he had eyes on her and she wasn’t allowed to try and leave. Well, no shit. That was a given. He called her a guest, but she really was a prisoner. She couldn’t really run away even if she wanted to. Lucky formulated a few plans in her head that involved stealing one of those birds from the vault, but in reality, she probably wouldn’t get very far. 

She decided to make the most of her situation. Daxson mostly gave her free run of the place… She was going to try and take in all the intel she could. Security, head-count, layout… Everything. 

“Hey… Girl…” A voice brought Lucky out of her contemplation of the room.

She turned her head and eyed the man standing in the hallway. He didn’t have brown robes. He didn’t wear a Gunner outfit. He was wearing leathers… Like a raider. 

_What the fuck was a raider doing with this group?_ She really couldn’t even be surprised anymore. Still fucking confused, but not surprised. At this point, a fucking deathclaw in a uniform could walk around the corner next and she wouldn’t even bat an eyelash.

Lucky took a breath and turned to face him. She stood as tall as she could and put a hand on her hip.

He moved closer, “you new?”

She tried not to roll her eyes, “have you seen me here before?” When he narrowed his eyes a little she waved a hand at him, “well then yeah, I’m new.” She glanced back to the room for an instant then back to the man, “don’t worry. I won’t be staying long.” Lucky smiled at him. She tried to make it more friendly and non-threatening, but it still came out as a smirk. She couldn’t help it. Most of her give-a-damn had been broken earlier by Daxson.

He stepped even closer until he was nearly leaning over her and she had to move back to get out from under him. 

“Who do you belong to?” He questioned as he looked her up and down.

“What?” She wrinkled her nose at him and put her hands up in case he got physical. “I don’t fucking belong to anyone.”

He smiled. It was a very unsettling smile. “Oh yeah?” 

Lucky blinked at him, “yeah…”

He continued to crowd her and she felt the wall behind her. She was about to punch him in the throat, but a voice down the hall distracted him.

“Hey, shitstick… She belongs to Daxson. Step off.”

He turned his head to the woman down the hall then back to Lucky, “that so?”

She tightened her fists and glared at him, “sure. Why the fuck not.” Seemed like something she should roll with for the moment. 

He took a step back, looked her up and down once more, then took another step and turned away, waving a hand at her in a flippant dismissive manner. 

Jessy glared after him as the woman approached. 

“Raiders are animals.” She pointed after the man, “treat them like it.”

She looked the young woman over. She was definitely a Gunner. She had the telltale blood type mark on her face many of them had and she was dressed in fatigue pants and a white tank top with a pistol strapped to her thigh.

The woman smiled, “name’s Molotov. People just call me Molly.” 

Lucky continued to contemplate the woman - Molly. 

“I don’t bite.” She grinned, “unless you want me to?” 

Jessy rolled her eyes and turned away from her.

“Aw, c’mon. Seriously?” She persisted. “Not even gunna say thanks?”

“Thanks. I guess…” Lucky shrugged emphatically. She had no idea how this crazy fucking place worked. She didn’t want to talk to any of these people… She just wanted to go home.

She went into her room… And the woman followed right behind.

“You’re a pilot?” Molly smiled.

“Yup.” She sighed. She wasn’t really a Lancer anymore. Sort of. But what’s a Lancer without the ability to fly? Just a meaningless rank. Daxson told her that he would get back to her on the whole ‘fixing her problems’ deal, but she was starting to question everything since his admission of the transfusion side effects. So, for now, ‘Lancer’ was meaningless. 

“Dax said you’re gunna train us…” 

Lucky turned to her and glared, “scuse you?” 

Molly stood up straight and grinned smugly, “I’m a pretty damn good pilot… But Dax said you’d teach us better.”

“I don’t fucking think so,” she snorted. 

She cocked her head and blinked at Lucky for a moment. Then she snorted and waved a hand, “that’s fine. I already know how to fly. Dax said you’re the best, but I doubt you’d be able to teach me anything new.”

The hair trigger on Lucky’s ego had just been pulled. 

“I _am_ the best.” She squared up to the woman and crossed her arms. Molly was a few inches taller than her, but Jessy’s presence was much larger than her small frame and it forced the woman to move back a half step. 

“You’d have to be.” Molly nodded. 

Lucky narrowed her eyes a little, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

She looked her up and down then motioned to her face, “you know. You’re… You know. So fucking small! And you have one eye! That eyepatch is really cool, by the way. Kinda sexy.” She winked and it threw Jessy off the tirade she was about to go on.

“The fucking eyepatch is NOT cool.” Lucky grumbled. “I can’t fucking fly a bird with one eye.”

“Why not?” 

“Depth perception…” She began then trailed off. “Actually… I can fly a bird blindfolded. I’ve done it.” 

“Cool,” Molly grinned, “I gotta see that.” She looked Jessy up and down again, “so then why can’t you?”

“Because.” She rolled her eyes. 

“Because?” The woman persisted.

“I’m not allowed to.” Lucky looked off to the side and glared at nothing in particular. She gave a little sardonic laugh, “I tried to steal a bird once… Got in trouble.”

Molly perked up, “I stole two birds.” She smiled triumphantly.

Jessy leveled her gaze at the woman and balled her fists up… Then relaxed and sighed, “normally, I’d kick your ass for that… But I’ve had a long fucking day, so remind me to kill you later.” 

She laughed, “okay. Fine. Hypocrite.” 

“My situation with trying to steal a bird was not the same thing as… You.” Lucky crossed her arms tightly over her chest. 

“Whatever.” Molly shrugged. “Do you play cards?” 

Lucky blinked at the sudden change of subject, “what?”

“Card games… Do you play cards? You know, like spades or poker or--”

“I know what you meant… Why did you ask?” 

“I’m late.” She chuckled. “Was on my way to the commons when I got waylaid by some raider asshole trying to claim this hot chick in the hall… I had to step in, you understand.” 

Jessy wrinkled her nose, then snorted a laugh. She had no idea what the fuck to make of this spastic woman. 

“So?” Molly thumbed over her shoulder to the door, “you in?”

She was about to tell her to piss off… But… Jessy loved cards. Also, it could be a great opportunity to ask some more questions that may actually get answered. 

As they walked down the hall, Lucky peered into every open door. Most of the people in the rooms, if there were any in there, were the Children of Atom… But one room had three raiders playing dominoes in it. 

“Why are there raiders out here?” Lucky asked quietly as they passed that room.

Molly shrugged, “told you they’re animals… They can make really good pets if you train them right.” She snorted, “some of them are even housebroken, but every once in a while they’ll still try to hump your leg.”

Jessy chuckled quietly at that then shook it off. “Why are they here though?” She wasn’t sure how to word the question. “Why does Daxson have pet raiders?”

She waved a hand dismissively, “they aren’t Dax’s… Not really. His friend owns them.”

“His friend?” Lucky eyed her. 

“Yeah.” Molly smiled at her, “don’t worry though, he doesn’t come out here.”

“Where is he?”

“Up North with the rest of the dogs.” She chuckled again, “we call it the Kennels.”

Lucky nodded to herself and repeated the term.

“Yeah, be glad you’re here and not there. I mean, it can get pretty boring around here, but at least it’s not the utter fucking shitstorm out in that place. I can deal with the rad storms, scorpions, deathclaws... But not three hundred rabid raiders.”

“Three hundred?” Her eyes widened a little.

Molly shrugged, “give or take. Fuckers breed like rabbits. Every time I go out there it seems like there’s twenty more.”

“Where are the Kennels?” Lucky asked carefully.

“Told you. Up North.” She opened a door for Jessy and shook her head, “doesn’t matter though… You do _not_ want to ever go there.”

“Noted…” Lucky nodded to herself as she entered the room. 

It was full of Gunners. 

Well, the room was small so ‘full of’ meant more like seven of them were crowding the space. Three of them were sitting at a table and Molly set a hand on the small of Lucky’s back to usher her to the card game already in progress. 

She smiled brightly to the group and motioned to Jessy, “cool if she joins us?”  
  


**\- - - - - - - - - - -**

Immediately, they handed her a bottle. Lucky snorted at it as she turned it over in her hands and they smiled at her expectantly. Gunners weren’t really that different from other soldiers… They were just more lax in their rules… And worked as mercenaries. And were also assholes. They were like the Brotherhood, if the Brotherhood had shit leadership.

Lucky definitely didn’t want to get drunk around these people. She didn’t trust any of them as far as she could throw them… Which was to say… Not at all. She put the bottle to her lips and tilted her head back, swallowed the spit in her mouth, then passed the whiskey to the man beside her. 

“How long have you guys been out here?” She asked conversationally.

The man sitting next to her, Kroe, shrugged as he took a swig of the whiskey and passed it, “few months.”

Lucky forced a smile, “how long have you been with Daxson?”

Kroe snorted a laugh, “long time.” He nodded to himself, “he’s a good man. I’d follow him into Hell.”

The others at the table agreed. 

Jessy regarded them quietly for a moment. Soldiers in the Brotherhood said those exact same words about Arthur and Danse. 

She called their bet, with caps she borrowed from Molly, and pointed to another man across from her, “why don’t the rads out here make you sick?”

Kozlov arched an eyebrow, “you know why.” 

“Pretend I don’t?” Lucky tried really hard to play coy. She was never very good at it.

They all laughed. 

One thing about soldiers that Lucky knew well is that they don’t deal in a lot of bullshittery and games. Be blunt. 

“What are the side effects?” She leveled her gaze at Kozlov then looked to each of them in turn.

He tossed his cards into the center of the table and took up the bottle as it was passed to him, “couple people went crazy. Or died. Don’t worry about it though.”

Her eyebrows shot up, “don’t fucking worry about it?!” 

Kozlov gave a nod, “yeah. It’s fine. Those people were weak. You have to have the propensity for crazy before you go crazy. We didn’t know that before, but we do now. Sure if Dax let you do it, then you’ll be fine.” He flashed a grin, “trust me, I’m a medic.”

They all laughed again and Lucky let out a nervous laugh of her own. 

A long time running joke in the Brotherhood, that seemed to be the same with Gunners, was that field medics were definitely not doctors. 

As Lucky worked to have regular conversation and be friendly while also trying to figure out how to ask the big questions she wanted, the soldiers started asking _her_ things. Then it turned into real actual banter and conversation. 

Molly handed her the bottle again and asked, “how long you been in?” 

She shrugged, “joined when I was ten. I was the youngest kid in receiving…” She gave a proud little smile at that. She’d accomplished quite a bit in her time. 

“I was eight,” Molly smirked. 

Lucky eyed her, “ten is the min age kids can join the Brotherhood. Sure if it was allowed I would have sooner.” She narrowed her eyes a little at the woman and took a drink of the whiskey. Then remembered quickly that she hadn’t meant to actually drink any of it. Oh well. One drink can’t hurt.

Kroe took the bottle, “I was fourteen. Gunners don’t have any age requirement, it’s just if you can hold a rifle and not fall on your ass.”

Everyone laughed and nodded. 

On the other side of the table, Jett pointed at him, “and if you can handle the recruitment shit.”

“Yeah,” Kroe agreed, “helps if you live through the first parts.”

Lucky furrowed her brow at him, “literally?”

Everyone at the table nodded affirmative. She remembered that Daxson said they value moxy and that he became a Gunner by picking a fight with them. It must be rough. She wondered if she could pass their stupid recruitment. Maybe not when she was younger, but now? Yeah. She could do anything she put her mind to. 

“What’s it like?” Jessy asked.

Kozlov shrugged as he took the whiskey up, “you live underneath the overpass and fight for everything.”

Molly nodded, “if you wanna eat, you gotta fight for food. You want to sleep? Fight for a spot. You aren’t given anything, you gotta earn it. You gotta earn respect from the topside Gunners. You do something noteworthy, they’ll notice you.”

Lucky stared down at the table as she remembered the speech Kells had given all the new recruits on receiving day. She would never, ever, forget it. 

_‘People don’t appreciate things in life. They want everything given to them. We will help you to be appreciative of everything you have and --earn-- it. Don’t just let it be given to you. It takes hard work. It takes dedication. Never quit. If you want it, go get it.’_

She nodded and spoke quietly, “I can appreciate that…” 

She started to realize why Daxson took to the Gunners. They were very much like the Brotherhood… Just more hardened. He must have been so lonely and desperate. Lucky wondered if she would have done the same thing in his situation… If she didn’t end up killing herself. She probably would have. Easily. 

When the bottle was passed to her again, she took another drink. A small drink. She couldn’t help herself. Sitting with these people brought her mind back home. Sitting with soldiers playing cards and joking about things. Kroe was kind of cool. She hated herself for thinking that… But he was. The man reminded her of Bailey. And Molly… Even though she was a total spaz and kept flirting with her unabashedly, was funny and friendly. Jett was a little standoffish, but also friendly, overall. Kozlov. That man was… A lot like Teagan. She snorted at herself when she realized that. 

Gunners weren’t so different from Brotherhood soldiers…  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - 

****

Aleski needed to talk with Mama Murphy.

The woman was an enigma. She was definitely a Psyker. Al had never known a Psyker before, but she’d learned all about them. Another thing she didn’t exactly _\--not--_ believe. 

She was very open-minded when it came to such things. Psykers, reincarnation, prophecies. 

Jordyn knocked on her door and was beckoned inside. 

“Mama Murphy?” 

“Hey, kid.” The old woman gave a big friendly smile. 

Al smiled in return and took a seat on the sofa beside the woman’s chair. “I wanted to talk with you about these… Visions?” 

The old woman chuckled in response, “you need the Sight to tell you something?”

“Well… Maybe?” She wasn’t sure how to respond. “I was curious about the things you’ve said in the past…” 

Aleski held up the papers, “you’ve mentioned a lot of things that sound surprisingly like…” This was ridiculous, “Arthurian Legends?”

The woman chuckled in response, “I don’t interpret… I just speak what the visions tell me.”

“Okay…” Al said carefully, “but there are a lot of coincidences here…” She lowered the papers into her lap and eyed the woman, “you sound an awful lot like Merlin…”

Mama Murphy let out a laugh, “I don’t control the Sight, kid.”

“Maybe so… But I can’t ignore this.” Al looked down at the papers. “I’m trying to figure out who the traitors to the Brotherhood are… And if your Sight reflects Arthurian Legend… I think…” She hesitated, “I think it would be beneficial to know who Mordred is… He’s the one who mortally wounds Arthur in all the legends…” She eyed the old woman, “can you tell me that?”

Mama Murphy regarded Al for a moment then gave a slow shrug and said again, “I’m not sure, kid. I don’t control the Sight.” 

Jordyn thought about that for a while. She looked down at the papers, “I guess anything is better than nothing.”

“Do you really believe this relates to your Legend?” Murphy smiled. 

“I don’t know. It’s just… So many weird coincidences… I have no idea where to even begin with figuring out… Some things. I’ll take anything at this point.” 

They regarded one another for a long moment and Mama Murphy gave a nod, “bring me some chems and I can help…”

Aleski glanced around the room as if there may be someone watching, and she sighed as she handed over some pills that she had received with Maxson’s permission for this very purpose. “I have these. I can’t get actual chems right now… But…” She smiled hopefully. 

The old woman took the pills, eyed them for a moment, then swallowed them down with a drink of water without any further hesitation. 

Aleski watched her carefully, “you always have to take chems for your visions?” It seemed a little… Unhealthy.

Mama Murphy just smiled in response as she turned the pill bottle over in her hands. 

“I’ve lived a long time, kid,” she finally spoke, “I’ve met many interesting people… And creatures.” She gave a very slow tired nod to herself. “I’ve learned a lot. Lived a lot.” Her smile was faint as she stared at nothing. “I think the person you should be more wary of, in this Legend, is Morgana... The two are the same.”

Aleski’s eyebrows shot up, “so I’m not alone in thinking this is all just… Fucking nuts?”

The old woman gave a slow shrug, “who’s to say... Read what you will from the Sight, kid.”

Al sighed. That wasn’t really helpful. She still felt a little crazy. “How am I supposed to figure out who Morgana is?” She already had an inkling. Names. There were so many coincidences with people’s names that it was bordering on insanity. And Arthur’s round table and the people who sat there. Even the name she had given to her own armor - Nimue - was something from the Legends. Jordyn had no idea how to piece it all together. 

“As the ages pass,” Mama Murphy brought Al out of her thoughts as she started speaking at nothing, “foes will join in friendship. A nation will rise, like a strong oak amid the forest trees…” She spoke in a strange drawn out manner as she stared right through Jordyn. 

“What?” Aleski spoke quietly, then sat up straight and cocked her head to listen. This must be the Sight. It was a little eerie. More than a little. 

“The tree which, growing slowly, ceases not to grow, but fastens firmly as it aims aloft… And spreads its branches far on every side... “ Her voice started to get quiet and strained, “a shelter to the strangers of all lands… While the White Stag sleeps…” Her voice started to sound forced, then trailed off and the old woman closed her eyes. 

Aleski blinked herself out of the stupor she was in and wrote it all down. Then she stared at the paper. This vision didn’t sound like the other ones. Not really. It was different somehow. And she knew this one. It was something Merlin told Sir Bedivere after King Arthur was mortally wounded and brought to Avalon. 

Jordyn eyed the old woman and waited for her to say more… But she didn’t. She sat in the chair with her eyes closed like she was asleep. 

“Mama Murphy?” Al spoke softly. Then again louder. 

“Sorry, kid…” The old woman spoke quietly, “that one took a lot out of me.” She gave a weak smile, “I’m tired now…” 

Aleski nodded and glanced down to her paper. That hadn’t been helpful at all. Or… Maybe it was. Mama Murphy just quoted something from the Legend nearly verbatim… Jordyn maybe wasn’t as crazy as she thought she was. 

She needed to figure out who Mordred and Morgana were.  
  


****

### \- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of headcanon involving Gunners (and Raiders) and some of the HC i have is explored in the fic [Degrees of Fahrenheit.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6405583/chapters/14664010) it's a backstory about Fahrenheit and Hancock, but it has a good portion in it dealing with Gunners and Fahrenheit's time spent living with them under and on their overpass. It's a rough story, but if you're here for BnS, then i'm sure you won't mind. 
> 
> also, the little bits about what Kells said to Lucky on receiving day came from [Earthbound Misfit ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7581232/chapters/17249443) \- Lucky's backstory.
> 
> the conversation Aleski had with Gavin about his name comes from [High Speed, Low Drag.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14326212/chapters/33058668) you wanna see Gavin and Tristan together? this is it. it's very much NSFW and takes place right after Gavin joined the BoS. yeah, he and Crewe had a fling. it's dirty. XD

**Author's Note:**

>  
> 
> **\-- Feel free to follow me on Tumblr![raiven-raine](http://raiven-raine.tumblr.com/) \-- **  
> 


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